On Dickwolves
By MarkWahlberg 4 Comments
On Wednesday, the Fine Gentlemen over at Penny Arcade put forth the following comic strip as part of their ongoing, tri-weekly efforts to entertain the masses:
While the humor is, as always, not limited to one specific line, there is only one that really grabs the attention above the rest: The part concerning the nightly raping of slaves at the hands of beasts known as ‘dickwolves’. The Dickwolves themselves are not shown, so we are left only to imagine the appearance of such a beast. This mystery allows our imaginations to run wild with fear, for if we do not know what a Dickwolf looks like, how can we hope to defend ourselves against it? For now, we will assume that they resemble Taylor Lautner, but with a Penis nose. Not that it is necessary to this article, but because it is fun.
Anyhoo, you are probably either laughing at the thought of mass rape by Dickwolves, or you are, made at the very least, uncomfortable by the thought (Or you are like me, a third party, wondering if dickwolves are either too powerful for the hero to consider getting a little extra xp from killing them, or if they provide too little to be worth it).Apparently, enough people vocalized their discomfort with the abuse that poor man suffered, to the extent that the following comic was released today:
So what can we learn from this? That Dickwolves are, in fact, Taylor Lautners with not only penis noses, but also penis hands and penis feet? That walking, or handling objects, is most likely extremely uncomfortable for these creatures, and that their only release from the unending torment of walking on their dicks is the raping of unwilling bystanders? Or is there another lesson to be found here? I think there is.
The Penny Arcaders, in their article accompanying the above comic, sounded somewhat surprised at the negative reaction. Where did they go wrong? These are, after all, the men who invented the Fruit Fucker, Raper extraordinaire of unsuspecting fruit. How can the Fruit Fucker succeed where Dickwolves cannot? The answer is simple: Rape (and for that matter, torture, murder, and other weekend activities) can only be funny – to some – if only mentioned in the abstract, or perpetrated against that which is not actually alive. George Carlin, I believe, once famously attempted at making a rape joke, and was met with boos of derision. Granted, the idea of a ‘Dickwolf’, chiseled abs and all, is so hilarious that the raping done by one is almost passable in terms of tastefulness. Still, the expression on the face of the slave is so pitiable, and the fate he is condemned to so horrifying, that the humor in leaving him to said fate is, unfortunately, significantly negated. If the Dickwolves had only threatened to rape the slaves – had they been boogie monsters, the threat of which used to deter the slaves from escaping – or had theytheir rape attempts proved unsuccessful, then the joke would have been more palatable. To wit: "We would sleep, but for the unending cries of the Dickwolves, howling dreadfully as they rape other fell creatures of the night." The rape remains, but the pity does not, for evil done upon evil is a natural thing.Still, rape is a touchy subject for many, and in a world such as ours, in which the dead bodies of our foes are teabagged as their spirits pass into Oblivion, the line between what is acceptable and what is not becomes rather blurry. So long as rape remains in the realm of the imaginary, whether at the hands of Dickwolves or armored space marines, then we need not fear. It is only when rape is not taken seriously, especially by men, that real problems arise. Rape is, for many women (and, let’s face it, men) a frighteningly real thing, and we need to recognize that. Once that is done, we can make up all the Penis monsters we desire.