On being stood up

 So, I got stood up tonight. I was supposed to meet up with a girl I have been talking to recently. Our first date/hang out went really well I thought. We walked around the downtown of the city we live in, talked the whole time, and just had fun. The second date, we went out for dinner, then to 3D mini putting, and though it was cut short, we said we would see each other soon.  
Alas, this is not what happened. The second date was 3 weeks ago, and for the past three weeks, we have been texting back and forth, trying to find a day to hang out. Apparently there hasn't been a day she has been free. We were supposed to hang out yesterday, but then she got ask to stay late for work, and said she would call me later. She called me later, though I ended up being at a bar with friends, and was pretty drunk by the time she called the conversation went well, and we made plans to hang out the next night, she would call me when she was free and we would meet up.  
Now today is tonight, and I have received no word of what is happening. I tired calling her and there was no answer. So yah, I am not quite sure of what to do at the moment. I am currently still just waiting, and will probably call again soon, so I haven't quite been stood up yet, but things arn't looking good. This girl also happens to be quite hard to read. I can't tell if she is interested in me, or if she is just being really friendly. I have signals that might lean either way, just to make it more confusing.  
So, giant bomb, any advice? Any of you guys been in a similar boat with being stood up? How should I react, other than punch her in the face of course? Thanks to whoever read all of that.    


What more could we want?

 My friend posted on my facebook wall today saying, "What more could we want?!?!?!?!". I believe she was making a comment on our societies excesses and how they are absurd, and this got me thinking, while I do agree with that idea that our society wants too much, and that we already have enough, I still have wants and future goals. I still want to meet new people and have relationships with said people, I still want to keep my current relationships with friends, I want to explore and travel all over the world, I want to work in a job where I feel I can make a difference in peoples lives, and I want to read and hear new ideas from people to learn all that I can. I honestly can't say I really want too many material things. Sure, a TV or car would be nice, and maybe if I had disposable income I would want them, but I don't have that right now and I don't think about those things when I think about what I want in my future. I think the media places a lot of focus on our material wants, and we then forget about our non-material wants from time to time.   
What are non-material goals do you guys have? How about material goals? Do you think the our consumer society expects us to want to much material things? Do you think that replacing non-material wants with material wants is a problem? Any other comments or further ideas?


Up, down and all around.

A lot can change in the course of a day. Waiting patiently, I received a disappointing call. Now, in the face of disappointment, one must accept the hand fate has dealt you. It is how you accept this fate, and this is sometimes a hard thing to do, that shows who you really are. At first the disappointment was crushing, but as time passed I realized how little the immediate now doesn't matter. I have so much time to come, why be disappointed now? Everything comes in time, and I can't force anything.


Spiraling down.

All of this was doomed from the beginning. Nothing good could have come from this. Yet I pushed on, ever curious to what she was saying, having never had someone talk to me like this before. It went too far, and I fell into something I don't want to be. That person, though I can't keep him suppressed, I must be in control. This is not who I am. This is not who I want to be. Holding yourself to a higher standard is damning and difficult, but must be done in order to achieve the goals I strive for in life. I must be principled and dedicated in my action in order to avoid spiraling down into the depths of this other person. Maybe I will be perfect one day, but until then I will strive for it despite the challenges. 


On getting motivated

I have never been a motivated person. I lack what some might call ambition. Though this does not mean I have no dreams, for I have many of those. I have dreamed of being many things, of doing great things, of being the best I can be. These dreams are large, ambitious, the very thing I lack. I have though long and hard over what I should do. And there lies the problem.  I am all thought and no action.  
I need to start something. Do something. This is another problem. What is it I want to do? I have no idea and thus I am stuck in this paradox. This plan seems to vague....


Searching for love on the Internet.

For the past two years I have had a hard time meeting people. I am a shy person by nature and have a hard time striking up a conversation, especially when I am in a group of people. This is especially true for females. Over the past 2 years I haven't too many potential people who I would date, and this is because I have high standards or anything like that. I can literally count the number of people worth dating on one hand, and only one of those people have had any interest in me. Though we shall just say that last person didn't work out too well. This situation has been caused by my lack of a dynamic social group of friends, and my fault of being anti-social in many ways. So really I brought this loneliness on myself.  
Recently, I was on craigslist looking for jobs, and  there I saw the relationship tab. I laughed, "these desperate fools must need to get out more, who really looks for relationships on the internet." After thinking this I realized, this could be me. So I looked through a couple of the ones around my age, and sent out a quick e-mail about my self to the ones I was interested in. A couple a days passed. I guess they weren't so desperate because I didn't get any e-mails back. I should have stopped there probably, but I didn't. I ended up sending an another one just to try one more time. This time I got a e-mail back.  
I wasn't impressed, the e-mailer's language told me she didn't seem to enthused about the whole thing. I ended up not replying back. I told myself that this was a terrible idea, which it was of course. Who in the right mind looks for a serious relationship on the internet. It is basically a crap shoot. The chances of meeting anyone with any chemistry is quite low.  
I had given up on this whole meeting people on the internet, or so I thought I did. I was on craigslist again the other day looking for jobs, unsuccessfully, and I thought why not just look and see if there is anyone interesting there.  
Turns out there was. I e-mailed her, telling her vaguely about myself, and too my surprise I actually get an e-mail from what seems like a person who is some what interested. I have gone from skeptical to completely enthralled in the oddness of the situation. I quickly send her a e-mail back asking a few more questions. She replies again and starting to seem like a more fleshed out person. I reply to this of course and am waiting for her reply.  
But all of this is still bugging me, am I really searching for someone on the internet, is this not destined for failure? I have hope, but I don't know anything really about this person, is it right to get my hopes up? Could there not be five other more interesting guys trying to get her attention as well. Do I really have a chance? How do I really come off? There are a lot of questions running though my head. So I will keep track of how this crazy thing goes here. And maybe I will look back in laughter in a couple of months. Who knows?