By Mento 3 Comments
Mentosaid (in the comments of the day 02 blog):
Let it never be said that I won't deign to take my sarcastic replies and turn them into real blogs. Real stupid blogs.
Oh, I can be very stubborn. Tomorrow's attempt to distance myself from E3 2011 as far as possible: A list of consoles with awesome names.
Super Nintendo - It's like your Nintendo, but SUPERfied. More buttons, more colours (two whole shades of purple if you're American!), more bits! Remember when people cared about bits? Well, this thing has a lot of bits! It does what Nintendon't, but Super Nintendoes! Righteous!
Mega Drive - Hell yeah! We're going to mega drive this shit right into the ocean with sheer awesome! Plus, all your favorites like Shining in the Dark, Shining Force, The Shining: The Game of the Movie, Shines of Rage and Shiny the Shinehog! Best of all, compared to NES or SMS all the graphics are super shiny! Blast Processing! SEGA!
Intellivision - You want a TV that will use its considerable intellect to grow resentful of the meatbags that abuse it so and plot to murder your family in your sleep? Intellivision, duder! You want to see rectangles fight some squares in deep space, or play a sport where a bunch of Lego fight over a box made of smaller boxes, or even make Ryan wince in a Pavlovian response to the very sound of your console's name? INTELLIVISION!
Magnavox Odyssey - You wanna take an odyssey to the groovy universe of barely playable silent Pong variants? MAGNAVOX that shit! STRAP IT ON!
Commodore 64 - Are you ready for something more gnarly than a Captain 32, but less mind-exploding than a Rear Admiral 256?! The Commodore will see you now! Games on magnetic tape that take ten minutes to load are the way of the future, dudes! Gag me with a spoon!
Game Boy - You want to fiddle around with a boy that's game? Then Nintendo has the console for you! And also the phone number for the police! Bogus! Megan's Law!
Turbografx-16 - Oh fuuuuuck this shit just went TURBO! How tubular is that? Radical! "Graphics"? Snooze city! Too many letters! GRAFX is where it's at! HUDSONSOFT!
Sega Saturn - Named after a motherfucking planet! A planet with rings! You know who else loves rings? 360 owners! I mean, Shiny the Shinehog! See him save a bunch of birds in his most excellent adventure yet! Hope you like $300 Fighter games from Japan! Released in secret before anyone had a chance to promote it, because it was too awesome to contain! It eventually killed Sega as a console developer! SEGA!
PlayStation - Play in a station! Get hit by a locomotive! Totally bodacious!
Xbox - DAT HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLO!
Man, I don't even know any more. I'm going to lie down.