Man, how excited am I to jump back into Neutopia? For those who didn't join us on the ludicrous 300+ screenshot journey last time, Neutopia is a quite blatant Legend of Zelda clone intended to give the TG-16 its own version of the green-clad adventure series. Neutopia II seems to be more of the same, though hopefully with a few improvements and, perish the thought, a bit more of its own personality to differentiate it a little from its clear inspiration and its many other imitators.
This one will be a little longer than most of these Octurbos, but we certainly won't be revisiting the madness that was the Neutopia TurboMento-12. I don't think I have it in me to screencap hundreds of NPCs stating the obvious again.
Never Bet Against Me Being Stupid, Part 2: A New Neutopia
Welcome to Neutopia II! Welcome to more swords sticking into things!I'm super enthused about jumping back into this series again so soon!So we immediately begin with this boss fight between a bearded Jazeta, the hero of the first game, and some giant octopus. And of course, I'm instantly killed because the game only gave me half a heart to contend with. Hey, I wonder if this was meant to happen?I can't tell if she's screaming from the nightmare or calling my name. Maybe a dumb idea to call him that.As Mom recounts the entire first game's plot to us, I have to wonder if this is still Princess Aurora. If so, where's our castle? Why did she decide to move to some cave in the countryside where we have to sleep in shifts because we only have one bed?Or he's fish food. The intro didn't quite make that clear.Oh hey, this thing's back. As with the first game, it tells us where we need to go so we don't end up wasting our time exploring. Because exploring a wide world full of secrets wouldn't be fun.Neutopia still hasn't got around to building any houses, so welcome to our crappy cave village. Some real Quest for Fire shit around here.Well, so long immersion.Since there's no longer a fourth wall, Nooooo just holds everything up so we can see it. Thanks dude, we get it, they're bombs. Looks like I'll be blowing up every wall "just in case" again.Yo, I don't have any cash. (This isn't bad value, as it turns out, because most enemies drop currency in 10, 50 and 100 gold amounts).What a question. If only Wal-Mart greeted shoppers like this.Ah yes, Grampa Murdock. "Howlin' Mad" we used to call him, but that was mostly because of the senility.Neutopia II still persists with a password system. These places also act as respawn points in case you die, so it's worth getting the password even if you don't intend to quit for the day.Oh hey, these transparent slime guys are back. And I can move and fight in eight directions now!The knock-off Moblins are back too, it seems. I didn't screencap any NPCs around here, because all they do is explain the game's mechanics, occasionally two or three times. Yep, this is the sequel to Neutopia all right. I have to wonder if this game came with a manual at all.Pushing random rocks to reveal houses is still a thing.Well that answers a plot thread that's been dangling from the first game. I assume these people are getting air somehow?Well, after walking around a bit I finally spot the first labyrinth. Just one eentsy tiny problem though.Well, that's an unsettling sight. Given what roses are meant to symbolize, this just became some kind of Freudian nightmare.As subtle as a rock. Ten rocks, in fact.At least they improved their localization budget for this one.So yeah, a labyrinth. Still Zelda dungeons. Don't believe me?This Crystal Ball reveals the whole dungeon map to me. Yuuup.Now that I have the map, all I need is the boss key. The game hasn't changed a damn thing.These zombie enemies dig themselves out of the floor. It's pretty cool, or would be if there weren't Zelda enemies that did the same thing.Not the boss key, just the "Key".The guys chained up in the dungeons are back too. Has anything changed? Besides my haircut?Wait, did I just ask a dungeon boss monster if he'd seen my father? I'm the weirdest kid.The game evidently felt it had to get the requisite centipede boss out of the way with early. I can respect that. Blow through the classics and leave the weird ones for later. I can hope, at least.Of course, it wiped me out because I didn't find this armor first. As with the first game, each dungeon has a piece of armor or a weapon to find that'll make the boss way easier. I clearly should've done my due diligence and dropped bombs next to every wall. I remember these cat ghosts! These are things I remember!All right, I'm back with my dumb bright blue armor you segmented son of a Steelix!By hitting you whenever you popped out of the ground is how. You're not exactly Sun Tzu.Honestly? The Mechaworm? Is this one of those games with a whole lost advanced civilization angle? (I suspect it's that the localization team saw a shiny grey worm and just assumed it was a robot. Fuck a bunch of thematic consistency.)That sounds like something I want to hold in my hands.Uh... Team Rocket's blasting off again?Nope, I was just being teleported back outside the dungeon. Convenient. Completely random, but convenient.
I think that ought to suffice, then. Guess what? Neutopia II seems to be pretty much identical to the first one. I'm hoping the game is saving a few new tricks up its sleeve for later, but at the moment I can only predict another giant screenshot thread with much of the same content as the old one, give or take a ridiculous set of armor and a few new bosses. It does set up an interesting Tales of Destiny II angle with its "former game's hero in peril" opener, but then that plot point has been a JRPG staple since Dragon Quest III.
I dunno, I'm not super enthused to go through all of this again. It's not a bad game, because anything that resembles the Legend of Zelda this closely can't be, but I'm not going to put everyone through that horror again by LPing it. Next.
