Characters Better Suited For Tycho's Chair in "Poker Night at the Inventory"

Regardless of your opinions of Penny Arcade, Tycho just isn't a good fit: He's the only character who isn't actually a video game character (besides that brief stint in those Rain Slick games, which was mostly just a physical resemblance IIRC); He's the only character that swears copiously, requiring a higher age limit and an added option to bleep his statements; And, (like the Heavy admittedly) he seems like a ringer to gain fans from a heavily-established outside fan-base.
 
These aren't just alternates for the sake of alternates. I'll clarify why they're a better fit, but overall they need: An existing voice actor, an existing 3D polygon model and the capacity for quirky and amusing dialogue (for both comments when playing and conversations with the others). So Gordon Freeman, for example, would fail two of those requirements with his mute nature.
 
Very much a "closing the gate after the horse has bolted" list, but it's fun to dream.

List items

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  1. Guybrush Threepwood

  You know, from that franchise that Telltale Games also has the license for. I guess they already brought in that fat concierge guy from Monkey Island, so Guybrush is out. Besides, he'd probably suck at cards. Or be awesome? Hard to tell with Guybrush.

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  2. Doc Brown

  You know, from that franchise that Telltale Games also etc. etc. Wouldn't help to have some early promotional stuff for it either, and it's not like Christopher Lloyd isn't loitering around another part of Telltale Games Studios. "Hey Chris, you mind doing a few more lines as the Doc? Telling a rabbit, a wrestleman and a psychotic Russian that they have terrible poker faces?" "Sure, I guess."

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  3. Marty McFly

  See above. Plenty of "that's heavy, Heavy" material to work with.

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  4. Gromit

  I know I said no mutes, but Gromit's face is expressive enough for that not to be an issue. I think. While you eventually hear every line of dialogue, that furrowed brow never gets old.

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  5. Jeff Goldblum

  As Dr Ian Malcolm, from Telltales' upcoming Jurassic Park series, naturally. Dr Malcolm was basically Jeff Goldblum how I imagine him to be in real life, if there happened to be a lot of dinosaurs around. They'd break the bank hiring his voice for god knows how many lines of poker dialogue, but it'd all be worth it.

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  6. Sunglasses

  About as close as I can get to "Detective Horatio Crane" with what Giant Bomb's wiki can provide me. Yep, Telltale has a license to make CSI games too, and what better use for it than shade-off, shade-on one-liners about full houses and three of a kinds from TV's weirdest quip machine. Besides, it would give Max someone to talk to about unorthodox law enforcement.

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  7. Nelson Tethers

  No doubt a highly-accomplished poker player, gaming the other players as he idly chews on gum he picked off the underside of the table (seriously, play Puzzle Agent and watch him do that, it's disgusting). Plus, there's actually a special deck unlocked in the game that references the larger world of Graham Annable's art and characters. There's still that issue of turning him 3D though.

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  8. Alyx Vance

  Mostly as the token chick AND token Half-Life character, but she'd be a good addition regardless. Plus it'd be completely bizarre to see a normal-shaped human sitting next to everyone else. Only problem would be that Strong Bad would hit on her relentlessly.

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  9. GLaDOS

  So the logistics of getting GLaDOS to sit around a table without a thousand extra cameras seeing what everyone else's cards would be a little tricky. But hey, there's nothing like a vaguely-threatening-but-entirely-serene AI voice to make everyone think twice about how valuable their poker hands really are.

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  10. Razputin

  So okay, in a perfect universe Telltale and Double Fine would be best buds and Raz (or Eddie Riggs from Brutal Legend, I'm not fussy, but getting the non-Jack Black voice seems like a safer bet) would show up in TT's poker game and try to convince everyone he's not using his psychic abilities to cheat. Psychonauts have a code of honor after all. Fine, fine, I just wanted ten people for this list and ran out of ideas after plumbing both Telltale and Valve's libraries. I admit it. You happy?