Biff Tannen Presents The Moosies Retro: Nominations!

I know you all must be in so much suspense to see what the nominees are for these illustrious awards, but first, a message from my sponsors: "For all your gambling needs, Biff Tannen's Pleasure Paradise is the place for you! It's Biff-tastic!"

Mr. Tannen wanted me to include a video advertisement, but I told him that was too much, and not a part of the agreement, so I did not do that, due to excessive advertisements. But let's ignore my selling out to Biff for funding my awards, here are the nominations for the First Annual Moosies Video Game Awards Retro! Don't forget that these awards are exclusively for games that were not released in 2012, but were games that I played this year.

Einstein (The Dog) Award for Best Use of Facial Hair.

As we all know, facial hair is a vital part of everyday life for many people across the world, especially those gifted with beards (like myself). As such, this award goes to the game that makes the best use of this most important of human hair formations.

  • Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 - Captain Price's majestic special forces facial hair.
  • Gears of War 3 - Dom's weather worn and greying grief beard.
  • Renegade Ops - General Bryant's commanding mustache.
  • The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings - Various ridiculous Dwarven beards, and kingly non-Dwarven beards.

Buford Tannen Award for Best Protagonist.

Many award "shows" have awards for new characters, but usually not for those who have made appearances before. But sticking with just awarding new characters isn't good enough for The Moosies, so this award exists! Or it exists in the regular Moosies, I condensed the separate new/returning protagonists into one award for this because there weren't enough new ones (by which I mean Mr. Tannen only paid for one protagonist award).

  • Augustus "The Cole Train" Cole - Gears of War 3
  • Bayonetta - Bayonetta
  • Captain "Mustache" Price - Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3
  • Captain "Shpace Mahreen!" Titus - Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine
  • Geralt "Whitey" of Rivia - The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings
  • Rico "Scorpion" Rodriguez - Just Cause 2
  • "The Boss" - Saints Row: The Third

Doc Brown Award for Best Supporting Character.

If there's an award for the best protagonist (ie, playable character), then there should be one for the side characters that also deserve attention.

  • Angel De La Muerte - Saints Row: The Third
  • Burt "F***ing" Reynolds - Saints Row: The Third
  • Nikola "Mr. Science" Tesla - Dark Void
  • Oleg "Brains and Brawn" Kirrlov - Saints Row: The Third
  • Rucks "The Stranger" - Bastion

Thomas F. Wilson Award for Best Voice Actor.

A well written and interesting character can be all but ruined if the voice acting is lousy, and a great voice actor can turn a one bit role into a masterpiece. Mr. Tannen is a big supporter of voice actors, especially given the prolific voice acting career of his parallel universe self, Thomas F. Wilson.

  • Doug Cockle - Geralt of Rivia - The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings
  • Lester Speight - The Cole Train - Gears of War 3
  • Logan Cunningham - Rucks - Bastion
  • Mark Strong - Captain Titus - Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine
  • Nolan North - Multiple roles
  • Robin Atkin Downes - British "The Boss" - Saints Row: The Third

Cyber Ronald Reagan Award for Best Overall Voice Acting.

This is like the last award, but for the whole cast of a game, rather than one actor. Also, what I define as "good" or "entertaining" may not be the same as what someone else does. I do love me some bad voice acting (as does Mr. Tannen).

  • Bastion
  • Gears of War 3
  • Just Cause 2
  • Saints Row: The Third
  • The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings

"Let's have Tom Wilson play all the Tannens" Award for Best "Celebrity" Cast.

Sometimes hiring people known for doing acting other than voice acting can have some less than desirable results, but this award is for the game that had "celebrities" in the cast, and did it well. Also, I put "celebrity" in quotes for a reason.

  • Gears of War 3 - Ice T, Claudia Black, Lester Speight, Dwight Schultz.
  • Saints Row: The Third - Hulk Hogan, Burt Reynolds.
  • Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine - Mark Strong

Mr. Fusion Award for Funniest Game.

For anyone other than Mr. Tannen, humor can be pretty tough to get right, and this award goes to the game that gets it the most right.

  • Bayonetta
  • Just Cause 2
  • Saints Row: The Third
  • The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings

Parallel Universe 1985 Biff Award for Best Bosses.

I was informed by Mr. Tannen that I had to specify that this award refers to meek, car washing Biff as the parallel universe one, because the rich casino owning one is the true Biff. Again, those are his words. Also, boss battles in video games.

  • Bastion
  • Bayonetta
  • Just Cause 2
  • Saints Row: The Third

Jaws 19 Award for Most Ridiculous Game.

Ridiculousness is something that I have always supported fully and completely, ever since I was a young lad. And video games are the perfect place for ridiculous things to occur, and this award goes to the most ridiculous of games. And trust me, these are some pretty ridiculous games here.

  • Bayonetta
  • Just Cause 2
  • Renegade Ops
  • Saints Row: The Third
  • The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask
  • Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine

"A Fistful of Dollars" Award for Best Shooter.

If there's one thing that Mr. Tannen and I agree on, it's that western movies are rad. What does that have to do with this award? Well, shooting happens in most westerns (the good ones, at least). And uh...video games.

  • Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3
  • Crysis
  • Gears of War 3
  • Singularity
  • Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine

Rocky 5000 Award for Best Melee Combat.

As good as entertaining as fictionalized video game shooting can be, there's nothing quite like a good old fashioned fist fight. Or sword fight. Or any other type of melee combat, for that matter. And as you may have guessed, this award goes to the game that has the best melee combat.

  • Bastion
  • Bayonetta
  • Saints Row: The Third
  • The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings

Delorean Award for Best Artistic Design.

Mr. Tannen might not be an art expert, but neither am I. Still, I am going to judge the quality of the art in these games, and pick the one that I think is the best.

  • Bastion
  • Bayonetta
  • Outland
  • Saints Row: The Third
  • Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine
  • The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask
  • The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings

Time Paradox Award for Best Story.

Mr. Tannen has informed me that I am running low on nomination money, so I need to make this quick. Also, remember what I define as "good" is probably not the same as what someone else does.

  • Bayonetta
  • Saints Row: The Third
  • The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings

Dick Cheney Award for Best Game that Refuses to Die.

This is the sole award that goes to games that I have beaten prior to 2012. I was going to put it in the regular Moosies, but then I decided not to a few minutes ago. These are all games that I replayed this year (or continued to play from the end of last year).

  • Batman: Arkham Asylum
  • Batman: Arkham City
  • Call of Duty: Black Ops
  • Darksiders
  • Hexic HD
  • Mass Effect 2
  • Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots
  • The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

Old Western ZZ Top Award for Best Music.

Music; yay!

  • Bastion
  • The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask
  • The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings

Hoverboard Award for Best Weapon.

Video games often have a lot of violence in them (which Mr. Tannen approves of), and a good weapon can make all the difference between lousy violence, and spectacular violence. These can be both new weapons, or returning weapons from previous games.

  • Bayonetta's Ice Skates (that use Ice Magic) - Bayonetta
  • Chain Sword - Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine
  • The Lancer - Gears of War 3
  • The Apocafists - Saints Row: The Third
  • Time Manipulation Device - Singularity

The "I wish Back to the Future Part II showed future video games so I could have a decent reference for this award" Award for Best Downloadable Only Game.

  • Bastion
  • Lara Croft and the Guardian of Light
  • Outland
  • Renegade Ops

Biff Tannen Presents The Moosies "Retro" Game of the Year 2012.

And Mr. Tannen is very proud to be presenting this illustrious award. Or that's what his accountant said when he gave me the check. Either way, this is THE award. All of the other awards are like stinking piles of rotten garbage compared to this one! Okay, that might be a bit of a stretch, but you know what I mean. Probably.

  • Bastion
  • Bayonetta
  • Gears of War 3
  • Just Cause 2
  • Saints Row: The Third
  • The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings

And that's it for the nominations. Tune in on Friday for the winners, assuming the world hasn't ended (and I doubt it will). Nothing else to say, but here's Nolan North:

9 Comments
10 Comments
Posted by MooseyMcMan

I know you all must be in so much suspense to see what the nominees are for these illustrious awards, but first, a message from my sponsors: "For all your gambling needs, Biff Tannen's Pleasure Paradise is the place for you! It's Biff-tastic!"

Mr. Tannen wanted me to include a video advertisement, but I told him that was too much, and not a part of the agreement, so I did not do that, due to excessive advertisements. But let's ignore my selling out to Biff for funding my awards, here are the nominations for the First Annual Moosies Video Game Awards Retro! Don't forget that these awards are exclusively for games that were not released in 2012, but were games that I played this year.

Einstein (The Dog) Award for Best Use of Facial Hair.

As we all know, facial hair is a vital part of everyday life for many people across the world, especially those gifted with beards (like myself). As such, this award goes to the game that makes the best use of this most important of human hair formations.

  • Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 - Captain Price's majestic special forces facial hair.
  • Gears of War 3 - Dom's weather worn and greying grief beard.
  • Renegade Ops - General Bryant's commanding mustache.
  • The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings - Various ridiculous Dwarven beards, and kingly non-Dwarven beards.

Buford Tannen Award for Best Protagonist.

Many award "shows" have awards for new characters, but usually not for those who have made appearances before. But sticking with just awarding new characters isn't good enough for The Moosies, so this award exists! Or it exists in the regular Moosies, I condensed the separate new/returning protagonists into one award for this because there weren't enough new ones (by which I mean Mr. Tannen only paid for one protagonist award).

  • Augustus "The Cole Train" Cole - Gears of War 3
  • Bayonetta - Bayonetta
  • Captain "Mustache" Price - Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3
  • Captain "Shpace Mahreen!" Titus - Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine
  • Geralt "Whitey" of Rivia - The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings
  • Rico "Scorpion" Rodriguez - Just Cause 2
  • "The Boss" - Saints Row: The Third

Doc Brown Award for Best Supporting Character.

If there's an award for the best protagonist (ie, playable character), then there should be one for the side characters that also deserve attention.

  • Angel De La Muerte - Saints Row: The Third
  • Burt "F***ing" Reynolds - Saints Row: The Third
  • Nikola "Mr. Science" Tesla - Dark Void
  • Oleg "Brains and Brawn" Kirrlov - Saints Row: The Third
  • Rucks "The Stranger" - Bastion

Thomas F. Wilson Award for Best Voice Actor.

A well written and interesting character can be all but ruined if the voice acting is lousy, and a great voice actor can turn a one bit role into a masterpiece. Mr. Tannen is a big supporter of voice actors, especially given the prolific voice acting career of his parallel universe self, Thomas F. Wilson.

  • Doug Cockle - Geralt of Rivia - The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings
  • Lester Speight - The Cole Train - Gears of War 3
  • Logan Cunningham - Rucks - Bastion
  • Mark Strong - Captain Titus - Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine
  • Nolan North - Multiple roles
  • Robin Atkin Downes - British "The Boss" - Saints Row: The Third

Cyber Ronald Reagan Award for Best Overall Voice Acting.

This is like the last award, but for the whole cast of a game, rather than one actor. Also, what I define as "good" or "entertaining" may not be the same as what someone else does. I do love me some bad voice acting (as does Mr. Tannen).

  • Bastion
  • Gears of War 3
  • Just Cause 2
  • Saints Row: The Third
  • The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings

"Let's have Tom Wilson play all the Tannens" Award for Best "Celebrity" Cast.

Sometimes hiring people known for doing acting other than voice acting can have some less than desirable results, but this award is for the game that had "celebrities" in the cast, and did it well. Also, I put "celebrity" in quotes for a reason.

  • Gears of War 3 - Ice T, Claudia Black, Lester Speight, Dwight Schultz.
  • Saints Row: The Third - Hulk Hogan, Burt Reynolds.
  • Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine - Mark Strong

Mr. Fusion Award for Funniest Game.

For anyone other than Mr. Tannen, humor can be pretty tough to get right, and this award goes to the game that gets it the most right.

  • Bayonetta
  • Just Cause 2
  • Saints Row: The Third
  • The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings

Parallel Universe 1985 Biff Award for Best Bosses.

I was informed by Mr. Tannen that I had to specify that this award refers to meek, car washing Biff as the parallel universe one, because the rich casino owning one is the true Biff. Again, those are his words. Also, boss battles in video games.

  • Bastion
  • Bayonetta
  • Just Cause 2
  • Saints Row: The Third

Jaws 19 Award for Most Ridiculous Game.

Ridiculousness is something that I have always supported fully and completely, ever since I was a young lad. And video games are the perfect place for ridiculous things to occur, and this award goes to the most ridiculous of games. And trust me, these are some pretty ridiculous games here.

  • Bayonetta
  • Just Cause 2
  • Renegade Ops
  • Saints Row: The Third
  • The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask
  • Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine

"A Fistful of Dollars" Award for Best Shooter.

If there's one thing that Mr. Tannen and I agree on, it's that western movies are rad. What does that have to do with this award? Well, shooting happens in most westerns (the good ones, at least). And uh...video games.

  • Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3
  • Crysis
  • Gears of War 3
  • Singularity
  • Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine

Rocky 5000 Award for Best Melee Combat.

As good as entertaining as fictionalized video game shooting can be, there's nothing quite like a good old fashioned fist fight. Or sword fight. Or any other type of melee combat, for that matter. And as you may have guessed, this award goes to the game that has the best melee combat.

  • Bastion
  • Bayonetta
  • Saints Row: The Third
  • The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings

Delorean Award for Best Artistic Design.

Mr. Tannen might not be an art expert, but neither am I. Still, I am going to judge the quality of the art in these games, and pick the one that I think is the best.

  • Bastion
  • Bayonetta
  • Outland
  • Saints Row: The Third
  • Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine
  • The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask
  • The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings

Time Paradox Award for Best Story.

Mr. Tannen has informed me that I am running low on nomination money, so I need to make this quick. Also, remember what I define as "good" is probably not the same as what someone else does.

  • Bayonetta
  • Saints Row: The Third
  • The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings

Dick Cheney Award for Best Game that Refuses to Die.

This is the sole award that goes to games that I have beaten prior to 2012. I was going to put it in the regular Moosies, but then I decided not to a few minutes ago. These are all games that I replayed this year (or continued to play from the end of last year).

  • Batman: Arkham Asylum
  • Batman: Arkham City
  • Call of Duty: Black Ops
  • Darksiders
  • Hexic HD
  • Mass Effect 2
  • Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots
  • The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

Old Western ZZ Top Award for Best Music.

Music; yay!

  • Bastion
  • The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask
  • The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings

Hoverboard Award for Best Weapon.

Video games often have a lot of violence in them (which Mr. Tannen approves of), and a good weapon can make all the difference between lousy violence, and spectacular violence. These can be both new weapons, or returning weapons from previous games.

  • Bayonetta's Ice Skates (that use Ice Magic) - Bayonetta
  • Chain Sword - Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine
  • The Lancer - Gears of War 3
  • The Apocafists - Saints Row: The Third
  • Time Manipulation Device - Singularity

The "I wish Back to the Future Part II showed future video games so I could have a decent reference for this award" Award for Best Downloadable Only Game.

  • Bastion
  • Lara Croft and the Guardian of Light
  • Outland
  • Renegade Ops

Biff Tannen Presents The Moosies "Retro" Game of the Year 2012.

And Mr. Tannen is very proud to be presenting this illustrious award. Or that's what his accountant said when he gave me the check. Either way, this is THE award. All of the other awards are like stinking piles of rotten garbage compared to this one! Okay, that might be a bit of a stretch, but you know what I mean. Probably.

  • Bastion
  • Bayonetta
  • Gears of War 3
  • Just Cause 2
  • Saints Row: The Third
  • The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings

And that's it for the nominations. Tune in on Friday for the winners, assuming the world hasn't ended (and I doubt it will). Nothing else to say, but here's Nolan North:

Moderator
Posted by mordukai

Awesome list. Where's the 88 Miles Per Hour Racer of the Year?

Edited by MarkWahlberg

And the award for best theme for GOTY awards goes to...

Posted by Sparky_Buzzsaw

Loving this theme. I give it two electronic sliding bats up!

Moderator
Posted by Little_Socrates

...so Majora's Mask isn't up for Best Retro? :sadface

Posted by MooseyMcMan

@mordukai: I didn't play any racing games! Also, that reference is a little TOO obvious. Just a little though.

@Little_Socrates: Only good games get nominated for that!

Moderator
Posted by Little_Socrates

@MooseyMcMan: Now I'm crying.

Posted by MooseyMcMan

@Little_Socrates: You should be if you think Majora's Mask is good!

Nah, I'm just kidding. Though I honestly didn't really care for much of the game.

Moderator
Posted by mordukai

@MooseyMcMan: Still a good reference.

Posted by MooseyMcMan

Oh, I should probably say that the Dick Cheney award doesn't have a Back to the Future reference in it because I did literally add it to the Retro awards while I was writing this blog, and I didn't even think to change the name. That is an existing name from last year's Moosies as well.

Moderator