By MythDarK 1 Comments
This is what I've got so far:
A mental trip twelve years back in time.
I think the biggest impact was when a good friend of mine one day, as if from nowhere , said he no longer wanted to hang out with me . He thought it was tedious to have to spend time with someone who for years has been subjected to bullying by older students at the school . And when it was also time for us to be upgraded to high school was it apparently even more relevant to actually get the relationship we had on a wider distance, even if we were studying in the same class those next four years.
After this event, I can now see a slow but sure fall in my social skills. I had more difficult to dare to make contact with new acquaintances , even though we seemed to have much in common. Daring to trust new people suddenly became much more difficult . Something I had not experienced before, at all. I used to be a very open person who cared about everyone in his presence, who always gave the new people more chances to make their first impression.
It affected not only relations with new friends, but also how to handle strong emotions such as love.
Daring to show that I liked another girl a lot had not been a huge problem before. Sure, I was not always straightforward, but I dared to always give subtle clues that I was really interested in that person.
But it also went down, in a much higher rate than you might think.
What really made the most painful about the love in my early teens was when a girl I was interested in for a longer period of time found out that I was in love with her. She began to also give me subtle signals back.
One day she began to send little notes in class, and put finely written letters in my locker.
I answered of course her messages, in the belief that everything that was written staid between her and me.
As you may have already figured out by now is that she shared the details with others. Too many other people. In the end, everybody knew what was going on, and what had been written by her was more or less just a very entertaining game with my emotions at stake. Nevertheless, she was rather kind to me afterwards, but her way of humiliating me in front of large parts of my classmates took a hard beat on my heart, and even more so on my mind.
When it was time to start high school, my social skills hade fallen so close to the bottom I've ever been. I was very difficult to deal with , and it was clear how people didn't really know how they should behave around me. Nevertheless, I was given a lot of new opportunities from some individuals who seemed to have some interst in getting to know me better. It took over a year, almost two years before I felt reasonably comfortable with my newfound friends.
I'm still amazed at how these amazing people even could deal with me, how they actually held out for me to improve myself.
Just the fact that when I almost dropped out of school during the last semester, they I asked me to at least participate in the exam events.
I'm still after all these years very greatful to all of those of stood up for me back then. Without them my life could have ended or at least been a lot worse than it is as of today.