The Ideal Metal Gear Online(We're gonna need a bigger blog Edition)

It's 6:27 AM on a Thursday. Not far off from Christmas and I just got done fighting a bunch of dragons in Dragon Age: Inquisition. I'm trying out the Knight Enchanter class on the hard difficulty and wow, that class truly is overpowered. At some points you don't even need a party. With a self sustaining energy barrier and the ability to deal radical amounts of damage, it's clear why this is the new "meta" for solo Nightmare runs.

I'm sitting here and I'm not even listening to the game audio. I've got my headphones hooked up to my PC and I'm listening to someone who sounds scarily like myself talk about Samurai shit from 500 years ago for reasons I don't know. And while it's entertaining, I'm not even really listening to that either. I'm deep in thought, thinking about my time with Metal Gear Online across the years and multiple games. Subsistence, and my short amount of exposure to that since I bought the game just a few short months before the servers were shut down. Guns of the Patriots, of which I put an embarrassing amount of time into. Portable Ops+ with its attempt to replicate the first MGO but being just different enough for me to not care for it(And also that control scheme sure was nightmarish). Then there's Peace Walker with a decent idea but no execution due to the sheer amount of insanely over-powered weapons making it a joke to play. Sniper-shotguns whaaaaat.

I'm thinking. I'm reminiscing. I'm reliving my past memories of Metal Gear Online. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. I'm watching this video, until I remember I've actually seen this video multiple times before.

The distant sounds of soldiers screaming, the intensity of headshots pinging, the codec calls of "Go! Go! Go!", the random lag? They do not know. The nostalgic days of stealth combat action, all the times you really wanted a ration. It's the season of giving(And awkward Metal Gear Online inspired Christmas carols, apparently) and here I am waxing poetic about a dead multiplayer game from 2008... but, what do we say to the angel of death? Not. Today. Motherfucker. (That quote may not be entirely accurate). Anyway. The guys at Kojima Productions L.A. are in charge of the new Metal Gear Online (The link may not work as you must go through an age-gate) that will be included with Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain. From what I said about the game in my last post, it looks great for what little we've seen so far. But that's not enough, because they want feedback. I decided, being the MGO vet that I am, that I should help out with that.

The Ideal Metal Gear Online

The idea I have is that this MGO should be the continuation of themes and concepts from previous MGO's while improving on them with the new open-world design and mechanical advancements that they have at their disposal thanks to the awesome FOX Engine. The worry is how deep it will end up going. If you look at previous Metal Gear Online games, the options they give players did nothing but add to the depth that the gameplay allowed. You could hang, crawl, shimmy across ledges, fall-grab ledges in a pinch, hide in garbage cans, even go as far as to play dead.

You could grab them, slit their throats, disarm them in several complex ways, choke them out, punch and kick them, or pull out your knife and straight up stab at them. Barrels and boxes and the ability to both roll people over and even "charge" them with the box abilities added in from DLC's furthered the options any player could take advantage of.

You could call MGO a shooter, and you'd be right. But there was so much more there. The ideologies of MGS blurred the lines of typical shooter mechanics, such as "shoot him, stab him, kill kill kill". For example, as I mentioned in my last blog, putting enemies to sleep rewards more points than killing them. CQC-fighting them, choking them out, shooting them with tranq-darts. It went deeper than just "kill that guy and he respawns". You could be cruel to your enemies by knocking them out, stripping them of their weapons and grenades and then leave them alive. They still pose a threat what with their knife and CQC abilities.

That's just one example of the depth you could and would find so very often in Metal Gear Online. I may repeat myself a lot here, but really I say the big secret to MGO, and the reason so many people liked it is because of the options you were given. No two players would play the same. Each employed their own usage of tactics that would rely on skill, ability and luck. That is the core of Metal Gear Online. The soul. Remove that and it's gone.

So when I watch the trailer for this new Metal Gear Online, I see things and I begin to worry. Regenerating health for example. Then I think, man, it's 2014, almost 2015, are we still on the kick that regenerating health somehow degrades a game? Or makes it more "dumbed down?" I don't know. After all, you had a health bar in MGO and could only regenerate health by going into a box and staying idle. It was sometimes impractical as there was a battle raging and there you are, sitting, not contributing. But again, it was an option. That frantic moment as you hide in your box and an enemy soldier walks by, and you think "Did he see me? Does he know?" and the panic sets in. Your health isn't regenerated just yet, do you leave your box and try to brute-force it? Do you wait and see if your ruse has succeeded?

It was all afforded by the fact that you had a health bar, and not regenerating health. And so I wonder if that is just one experience lost to an innovative new addition to the game. I mean, the box does remain as a staple of the Metal Gear Solid series, so could it be that I'm just over thinking it? I must warn you that I am one of those stereotypical people that hate change. I can't stand it. My biggest fear is that MGO is almost perfect. That maybe it gets everything right but some minute and miniscule feature that I just don't like. But that's a topic for later. Going further, Konami released a press release for Metal Gear Online that just happens to mention that the game will feature a "class system". The quote in full:

KONAMI used the online event to debut the first glimpse of METAL GEAR ONLINE, which will go live alongside THE PHANTOM PAIN’s launch. METAL GEAR ONLINE represents the third iteration of the popular multiplayer game, newly redesigned with the familiar gameplay and aesthetic styling of its companion single-player campaign METAL GEAR SOLID V: THE PHANTOM PAIN. With a focus on Tactical Team Operations, the game features a ‘class system’ that more uniquely defines the strengths and abilities of player characters on the battle field. Key characters from the series including Venom Snake and Ocelot will also make appearances in the anticipated multiplayer feature. To view the trailer, please visit: www.konami.jp/mgsv

Regenerating health could very well be me just being weird like a caveman is afraid of fire, I'm not sure, but the "class system" is something that concerns me greatly. Allow me to take a moment of self-awareness here. It's hard for me to not come off as whiny or aggressive sometimes, especially when I'm so invested and passionate about not just MGS as a whole, but MGO on an entirely different level as well. So I'm not exactly trying to "attack" these new ideas or design bases, I'm just... I don't know, thinking out loud. Which is really what this blog is about. Speaking of that, back on topic!

The beautiful thing about MGO was that it doesn't need classes. By it's very nature it is an open game for you to come in at any direction for any purpose, rhyme or reason and do what you want. Now, MGO2(The one featured in MGS4) did feature a skill system that allowed you to choose among a list of many skills and then level them up. They were skills like "Runner" which increased how fast you ran(And boy did you run slow in that game), "Assault Rifles" that decreased recoil, increased reload speed and reduced spread on all assault rifles as you leveled up. Then you had skills like CQC that could dramatically increase how fast you could knock someone out. "Knife" level 3 allowed you to slit throats, provided you had the "CQC" level 1 perk equipped.

I mean sure, there was "CQC EX" that got introduced and gave players Solid Snake level CQC, which allowed them to counter any CQC attempt from behind(Or was it from the front? I can't remember) and it also allowed them to instantly knock players out. It was intense and hard to combat, so much so that players would openly kick people for using it. But as for classes, man, I just don't know about that. I have never played MGO and then decided "Boy we could really use some assault right now!". Or "A stealth device could come in handy!" I mean, sure, it could come in handy, but the beauty(Why am I saying beauty over and over again? Yeah I have no idea myself) was that anyone could fill that role at any given time. Anyone could be stealth or assault or whatever they wanted and/or needed to be.

I would often rely on subterfuge and sneaky tactics to get behind enemies, but I did carry an M4 so I was able to mow them down when the opportunity presented itself. But then I would mix it up and go for CQC's, to knock players out for extended periods of time so we could focus on capturing objectives or holding zones, since killing them would just allow them to respawn. How does that work now? That's the question. Will different classes have access to different weapon sets, or even abilities? In this screen shot, you can see a multitude of different headgear among the soldiers. Is this just aesthetic to look super cool(Which it totally does by the way) or will it actually have a function on the battlefield?

Still Sneaky Snake and the Funky Monkeys. Still fresh. Still Dre. Still.

The thing that gets me the most is the inclusion of stealth camo for multiplayer. Early in the trailer, you could see a soldier going invisible and then choking out another soldier. The logical reaction would be "But wouldn't this just be spammed until it's the only thing used?" much like "Ghost" in Call of Duty Black Ops II, a perk that made you hidden to the various methods of displaying you on enemy radar's. After all, stealth camo was only available in specific modes in the other MGO's, most notably in Team Sneaking(Which was arguably the best multiplayer mode in existence).

My fear is that I'll be playing and maybe I'm killed by someone using stealth camo and so I react with "Well then I'll wear stealth camo!" and the circle of stealth camo goes on and on. Much like in The Last of Us, when someone brings out the all-mighty Bow, which incites everyone to pull out their own Bow class on the logic of "It's so overpowered that by not using a bow of my own I'm at a grave disadvantage!" I just hope they make sure these things are useful but not overpowered.

I am interested in the freedom of movement that MGSV allows will carry over to MGO, with players being able to climb into more advantageous positions and navigate the battlefield more accurately than ever before. Say what you will about the older MGO games, but you weren't really able to climb freely. You were bound pretty harshly to climb only waist high boxes and ladders. That restriction has been removed and it takes one step to opening up the gameplay into interesting directions. That's one thing I'm totally in favor of. Freedom of movement is always great.

It's really exciting to think about the situations we can expect with the idea that anyone could be hanging around anywhere(Within reason, of course). One thing that's on my mind are how will vehicles come into play? In the trailer we can see a truck but the question is: Can someone just jump right on in and start driving? What can we expect from that? It's not known if you can shoot out of vehicles in MGO or even The Phantom Pain, but you couldn't in Ground Zeroes. Perhaps your companions can shoot from the back or even the passenger seats to provide cover? Interesting questions and I'm very excited to learn more. Also, who doesn't love running people over? It's hilarious! "Stealth action this!" as you ram Snake with a jeep. Haha, yeah, take it Snake.

Bulletpoints! (Bang bang!)

So I've made this huge blog, like I always do, and I rambled, and I'm subconscious of my writing so I'm always afraid that I wasn't able to proficiently discuss what I intended, but let's finish this up with what I think Metal Gear Online can do without.

  • Awkward invincibility frames after getting shot. In MGO's of old, when you get shot, you actually enter a momentary i-frame stasis that allows other bullets to pass through you. It was never explained why this happened, but it was certainly the bane of my existence during certain exchanges where I'm shooting through someone, not quite managing to pull off the headshot that I need to save my life. Just look in the video I provided above, it features someone getting shot and some bullets just pass right through. Not cool.
  • LAG. Seriously. MGO was peer-to-peer which means you could play with some downright janky people. People could also use this to their advantage and lag-switch. It was not cool and not handled with enough care to actually make any progress. I would very much enjoy some actual servers to ensure lag-switching and other terrible instances of getting shot by ghosts because on their screen they are standing right in front of you, but on yours they are way off in the distance. Also not cool.
  • Box popping. It was the worst. Box popping, for those who aren't into the MGO mythos, is when someone rapidly equips and unequips a cardboard box while also aiming and shooting their gun. When you equip and unequip a box, you enter a series of i-frames that allows you to basically avoid all damage and continue dishing it out yourself. It didn't make much sense and it got really annoying as people were able to, in most cases, walk right through firefights without taking a hit. Because not only are they making themselves a smaller target by entering the box, they gain temporary invincibility. Some would argue it is a legit strategy, I would argue it was one of MGO's many flaws.
  • No more weird point reward system locking off customization options. When MGO rolled out the rewards store, everyone was filled with the purest of hype. It allowed us to finally customize our soldiers and make them truly our own. The problem was the only way to get points was to spend forever in auto-matching or join weekly tournaments in which you were set up against other teams for the ultimate reward: Reward points. It was a fantastic idea that was executed on well enough, but the problem was the lack of reward points given. With the prices of items going as high as 50,000 reward points, getting 25 points for winning a match just doesn't cut it. Sure, it's good to have goals, but there are better ways to go about it. And judging from the trailer, this new Metal Gear Online will feature a lot of character customization.(Awesome customization too). Let's just hope they are reasonable to obtain with many options(Colors, camos).
  • No region locking. Seriously. I have friends from all over the world that I never got to play MGO with because the servers were region locked. The communities were fragmented from the very beginning because of this and it was a severe letdown. It's 2014, let's do away with region locked servers and let us play with all of our friends. That's the way of the future.

Okay, well those bulletpoints look fucked up. God damnit if I can't do anything right. Well, anyway, I should say that while Kojima Productions are the new kids on the block, I have the utmost faith that no matter what they do, they will reinvigorate Metal Gear Online with new ideas and design philosophies. I mean, just look at these guys.

They got shit under lock and key.

Hi. I'm N7. I like to write blogs from time to time and I've even got my own blog here at www.wordsthatkill.com

You might ask yourselves "Why do you not post some blogs on Giant Bomb" and that's because I still find the whole "linking to my own blog at the end of my blogs" kind of scummy, even if I'm not doing it for underhanded reasons, so I figure I'm not going to spam the joint with referrals to my blog, and only do so when I feel it's a big and nice enough blog to post here. That's right, I spoil you guys.

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Going Rogue - Assassin's Creed Rogue tries to stray from the usual path and ends up getting lost along the way

In this blog I will be talking about spoilers, but I will try to shine away from the gory details as much as possible. That said, you have been warned!

Ah, Assassin's Creed. How I love thee, let me count the ways. Many already know the history of the series so I don't need to tread any well-worn territory, but what I will do is explain to you my love for Assassin's Creed: Rogue, and then I will explain why I hate Assassin's Creed: Rogue.

Let's begin at the beginning, shall we? The announcement trailer.

Holy. Fuck. Right guys!? We're playing as a TEMPLAR!?!? IN ASSASSIN'S CREED!?!?!? Yep. I was right there. On the proverbial ten yard line. Pumping my fists, yelling at my computer screen, waking my neighbors. For once, I was that guy. Yeah, that's right pal, I get excited by pointless video game trailers, come at me bro.

Ubisoft had done it, they had actually made a game where we play as a Templar. In a world of color, all we're able to see for the first time, is gray. Because we have the power now, we have the resources, we are the Templar's, and we will not stop until the world is under control, until they feel our wrath and remember that we, and all our brethren, are better. Right? Wrong.

The game, a prequel to Assassin's Creed III, but sequel to Assassin's Creed IV(and also mentioned as the game that links them all together) starts off and you are Shay Patrick Cormac, an Assassin.

If looks could kill, he'd be an Assassin! Oh wait...

You are palling around with your buddy Liam O'Brien who, with a name like that, may or may not be a voice actor. In the opening mission you rescue some prisoners and then steal a ship named The Morrigan and encounter a cast of characters. You then go to the Davenport Homestead which people who played Assassin's Creed 3 should be familiar with. Once you arrive, you see two old faces in the form of Adewale, your first-mate partner-in-crime black-best-friend from Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag, and also Achilles Davenport, the mentor and trainer of Connor Kenway in Assassin's Creed III. Adewale in his old age reminds me a lot of Big Boss, in that he's a seasoned veteran killer with no regards for giving a shit. It was great to see him, I was very excited to see what he would be up to after so many years since the end of Black Flag. And as for Achilles, well anyone who played AC3 knew that he had a family at one point so I was excited to see them as well. Basically, as a fan of the previous games, I expected this game to pray off of the history of these characters and do something with the knowledge I already have. Fanservice, in a way. But Ubisoft shows their hand all too soon and you get nothing.

The Man himself! Adewale! Hmmm, wait a second...

Something doesn't seem quite right here...

Oh no... oh nooo....

2SPOOKY FOR ME!!!!! Or maybe he played Assassin's Creed: Rogue.

Ubisoft had mentioned in the past that when Rogue begins you are an Assassin, but after some devastating event not far into the game, you switch allegiances and become a Templar. Problem: You spend a little under half of the game as an Assassin. Another problem: You only interact with terrible characters that aren't and will never manage to flesh themselves out enough for us to actually care about. I wanted to go pal around with my old buddy Ade and hear stories of his life after Edward Kenway retired. I wanted to see Achilles and his young son Connor(He would later rename Rahtonhakaton "Connor" because he had no idea how to pronounce his native name name) having a day out on the Homestead. I wanted to love these characters and become attached to them all over again before turning into this big bad monster who wants nothing but to kill them. And I didn't get that, but for more reasons than you might think.

  1. Adewale fucks off at the beginning of the game and doesn't even show up until somewhere near the end-ish of the game.
  2. Achilles loses his family not too long into the game but you are only told this in passing while piloting your ship and absolutely nothing comes out of this.
  3. Shay is not a bad person.

I may have raised plenty of eyebrows with that last point. "Not a bad person? But he's a fucking Templar! This is what we have been waiting for! Goddamnit!" Yes, goddamnit indeed. The plot in the beginning is that there's a book - a manuscript that can locate "First Civilization" temples hidden around the world. The Assassin's are using this to try and find an Apple Of Eden, which is a long tenured "piece of Eden" in Assassin's Creed lore. The problem is, these fucking Assassin's don't know what an Apple of Eden looks like, so they go to these temples and pick up the object - which is actually a device used to hold together tectonic plates - and then remove them, causing catastrophic damage to pretty much everything in sight. I mean fucking fire and brimstone, man, death and carnage everywhere. 2012, the movie. The thing is, Shay has no idea about this. Why Achilles or any other character doesn't mention this to him I don't fucking know. You use Benjamin Franklin's help to find one of these temples somewhere in Lisbon. Long story short, shit goes bad.

Guest starring: Benjamin Franklin, because fuck you we've still got his model on file

The city commits sudoku and Shay is really sad about this. So he goes back to the Assassin's and very calmly explains his issues with them in a warm and open environment. Oh, wait, no... that, that doesn't happen at all. He flips the fuck out and yells at everyone and it's really, really dramatic. No doubt. He is told on the spot that they won't stop using this manuscript to find pieces of eden and that he should probably go fuck off. He doesn't like this answer so he breaks into the Davenport Homestead mansion and steals the manuscript. This, in my opinion, is where the game begins to go downhill. One: The characters may be terrible and generic(Teehee, I'm the sexy girl assassin I flirt with everyone (: / I am the stoic native American Assassin, I am a rock, I am an island. A rock feels no pain, and an island never cries / I am the french Assassin so I'm a fucking cunt all the time and no one likes me), they are generally nice people. They seem to be passionate and compassionate about what they do and I could imagine they would help you if you needed help. Problem: They do a total 180 on their own characters and become really toxic and fucked up.

As you make your escape from the mansion with the manuscript, they taunt you and berate you and INSTANTLY accuse you of some great betrayal. There is maybe a minute or two gone by and already you are the greatest evil in the room. It makes no sense, even for "dramatic purposes". I mean, I get that they wanted to turn on your Assassin friends, but... it's your Assassin friends that turn on you. Shortly after this, you fall into the ocean and get rescued by Templar's. The thing is: These Templar's are super nice and cheery and friendly and good. They are GOOD. GUYS. This is, in my opinion, where it was locked firmly into a downhill position that it could never turn upright from.

Some AC games backstory: The Templar's are the bad guys. Assassin's? Good guys. There have been bad Assassin's and good Templar's, but at the end of the day, that's the alinement we have in our universe. Templar's bad, Assassin's good. It started with Assassin's Creed III, it was the first installment of the series to actually feature deep and textured characters. For the first time in the series, villains were no longer cookie cutter cartoon villains who only want to do *insert evil thing here* and only live for *insert other evil thing here*. No, this was the game of villains who truly believe in themselves and their order, and want to do right. It just so happens that they were wrong, but that's all a part of the journey! And it was the same with Black Flag, this time even breaking from the mold more-so by having a main character that was, by all intents and purposes, a cunt. It wasn't until later in the game that he realized being a cunt cost him all of his friends so he stopped being a cunt and it was one of the most emotional journeys I have seen in a video game. With Rogue, we went into another direction. We went into: Friends of Shay are great people, heart and soul, whereas people indifferent to him are TOTAL EVIL AND BAAAAAD!!! BAAAAD!!! It got to the point sometime in the game where you are talking to your first-mate Gist and they were talking about how they just want to help their common man, and that all they live for is to better the lives of people and free them from evil and it's like, dude, come the fuck on, YOU ARE A TEMPLAR. I'VE PLAYED THIS FUCKING GAME'S SEQUEL, I KNOW THAT YOU ARE ALL CUNTS. Truly, I feel like this game was written for people who have never experienced the Assassin/Templar conflict before, because it was subverting the most basic of expectations.

Try as you might, Adewale, you will never be able to run from Say Patrick Cormac's lack of personality!!

In doing so it created, in my opinion, one of the most boring stories I've seen and definitely the number one most terrible Assassin's Creed narrative.

Throughout the series Templar were always the evil mastermind, up to no good with plans of world domination in play somewhere. Instead, after becoming a Templar yourself, the rest of the game is about you and your Templar cronies playing second fiddle to the Assassin's. You are constantly catching up to them, you are constantly running after them, you are constantly chasing after. Point being: They are always ahead and you are always behind.

The bigger issue is the fact that this game was supposed to link together the "Kenway Saga" of Assassin's Creed 3 and 4 and even link us into Unity. It was supposed to close out the previous games and send us on our way forward, but the way that it does that is so half-assed. There was nothing about seeing Achilles in his prime(Which, you really don't see Achilles much at all, truthfully), nor Adewale in his old battle hardened years that truly stood out. It wasn't fun. I know Adewale deserved better, hell, they all did. They all deserved a fighting chance at having "character", but if Rogue has anything to say, at all, it's "Rogue has nothing to say". Now how's that for meta commentary.

That's not even taking into account the fact that you really don't even fight Assassin's. In the other games, they have things like Templar forts and hideouts and all that, so when you get in there busting faces, you fight REAL. LIVE. TEMPLARS. In Rogue? You fight "gangs". You go to "gang hideouts" and fight them in their "settlements" and it's so lame. I wanted to fight Assassin's! I'm a fucking Templar and I'm fighting the gangs of New York? What? Give me my shiv and let me uh uh uh a fucking Assassin Knight or whatever they call themselves, not some stupid fucking lame ass shitty looking generic goddamn "gang leader". It's all just so lazy.

And that's just the narrative!

If you would have me what I thought of Rogue yesterday, I would have told you it's fucking incredible. Not up to snuff compared to Black Flag but close enough that I could love it tenderly. Today? I've beaten the game, I've unlocked a bunch of unlockables and I've spent a lot of time doing stuff. See, that's the thing about Assassin's Creed: The world is so big, yet there is nothing to do. Oh, wait a second, that's not entirely true anymore!

Rogue claims to offer up a dramatic change from the series Asassin-centric origins. It was supposed to be you, playing a Templar, doing Templar shit. What actually ends up happening is you play an Assassin doing Assassin's Creed shit while you wear Templar logos and plot world domination. But it does try, it surely does.

It's a good thing he looks so cool because as a character he fucking sucks

One interesting change is the near-constant threat of Assassin stalkers in the area. They hide in the environment in places such as bushes, hay, on benches, on rooftops, hiding against walls and basically in any sort of way you could hide. If you hear a spooky whispering sound effect that means there is a stalker nearby and if you go into eagle vision, you get a locator ring that fills up in proximity to your would-be assassin.

You might imagine it would get boring after a while, but truthfully I thought it was fun all the way through. It's a decent change up in the tried-and-true nothing is happening anywhere any time oh god kill me that Assassin's Creed is known for. You need to keep your wits about you as you explore the city of New York as an Assassin could jump out and severely injure you at a moments notice. Leaping out of their hiding spot, the game goes into slight slow-mo and you have an opportunity to counter their attack just as you would any other enemy in the game. Once you do so you can kill the Assassin and move on about your day. The best thing about this mechanic is that the Assassin's aren't entirely stupid. They will wait for you to engage combat with other people before making their move and injuring you and that makes it a little more exciting knowing that I am not truly safe. You get to learn what it's like being an Assassin target, first hand.

It doesn't stop there. Out on the open seas of naval gameplay you also have some Assassin worries in the form of Bounty Hunters. Bounty Hunters made an appearance in Black Flag where they would come after you in some sort of GTA-Like wanted system where the more you kill and plunder, the more they want to kill you. It's not exactly the same this time, however, as these "bounty hunter assassin's" have the ability to board you this time around.

Once they board you, they use their own form of swivel guns and start gunning down your crew. My first boarding was almost a very tense situation as I had a bunch of Assassin's all around me attacking me and my crew while subsequently gunning us down from their ship. It was a nice change from Black Flag's bounty hunters and it added to every naval exchanged, where I knew that if I don't sink this ship now, he will probably board me and fuck my shit up.

Unfortunately, while this mechanic is a well appreciated change of pace, it doesn't happen very often at all. As they are "bounty hunters" you have to become "wanted" before they will appear. It seems to take a lot to get wanted in this case because I spent hours and hours plundering and pillaging ships in the arctic without seeing a single bounty hunter ship. Not only that, but your wanted level will reset sometimes for no clear reason, resulting in you losing all of your wanted progress that you have built up, further lessening the amount of bounty hunting ships you will see.

When it comes to the traditional Assassin's Creed gameplay, I think the game falls apart. One, the combat seems really disjointed now and two, the free-running navigational stuff is the least reliable it's been in years. I had trouble attacking enemies because I was in "combat mode" but the enemy wasn't, so I had to wait for him to ready up before we could fight. That happened a lot. Often times I would have issues where Shay wouldn't fight. I would press a button to hit enemies and nothing would happen. It felt really sluggish and unresponsive. While I had issues with the combat from Black Flag, it was absolutely responsive. What they had to do to get that to happen boggles my mind.

When it comes to the navigation, Shay falls all the time. He's constantly failing to grab some ledge as I hurdle to my demise, or running up the side of a tree and then dropping instead of reaching up and grabbing the ledge. I have experienced first-hand just how terrible the free-running can be in Assassin's Creed past, but with Black Flag I thought it was incredibly refined. I was jumping where I wanted to 90% of the time. With Rogue, I don't have that certainty. In fact, I am certain that I won't be able to climb correctly or jump correctly to or even jump off of things correctly. It got really annoying really quickly.

Now, I talk a lot about things I don't like, so let me take a change and talk about things I do like.

  • The game opens up a lot earlier than other Assassin's Creed games, probably because it's so short, but it was a welcome change. I felt like I was able to get right into the open world and side mission activities as soon as I became a Templar somewhere around Sequence 3. To put it in perspective, before I had beaten the game, I had beaten all legendary ship battles, found all viking sword pieces and finished all of the Assassination Interception missions.
  • The side missions. With the new missions they have introduced a new side mission that is quite clever. It's the exact opposite of the usual "assassination missions", in which you intercept a carrier pigeon and then protect someone who has been targeted for assassination by using eagle vision to scan hidden Assassin's and then kill them. It was really fun and exciting when coupled with the fact that Assassin's are so deadly.

Speaking of Legendary Ship Battles, I actually like what they did here. In Black Flag, Legendary Ship Battles were you going toe-to-toe with a massively over-powered enemy ship. It was really challenging and it pushes you to the limits of your piloting abilities. In Rogue, they are almost like missions. Almost. You enter the area and there is one gigantic and overpowered ship, surrounded by other ships that you must destroy or else it's going to be even more difficult. The interesting thing is, though, you have allies of your own. Your own little NPC buddies float around and help you out. Except they don't. Often times all they did was get in my way and I'd end up killing them by accident. The Big Bad legendary ship doesn't even shoot at them, so they aren't used for a distraction.

I liked that they fleshed the idea out and actually got something meaningful out of it. It's a shame that they didn't do that for many other facets of the game because I really wanted to enjoy Rogue. I truly wanted to enjoy being a badass badguy who killed Assassin's and didn't give a shit. In the end, I didn't get that. I got "Almost Black Flag 2 but not really". A contrived cast of characters that we are supposed to care about because they "were Shay's most trusted friends" when you see exactly no information that would make them friends nor would they care about each other. In the end, it's just a bunch of people just happening to die who are Assassin's from Shay's hand, who just happens to be a Templar. I truly didn't feel the Assassin/Templar conflict in this game and whatever the fuck story I did get felt like someone with no understanding of the series, or basic human emotions, wrote it.

If this was a review, which I'm not sure if it is, I would rate the game. And since I'm rating the game, I'd probably give it a whopping:

2 JOAKIMS OUT OF 5!

Ultimately, even though I did not care for Rogue, I don't think it's terrible. I just think they did enough wrong that I can't really enjoy myself. I don't like the characters, I don't like the gameplay, I don't really even care about the "modern day story" anymore. If Ubisoft can get it right next time and get us back to the days of Edward Kenway and Connor. Back when characters had character and I cared about the shit they did. With Rogue, I really did find myself just not caring. I wanted to see Adewale fuck shit up with his cool giant ship. I wanted to see Achilles beating the fuck out of some Templar's in his prime. And most of all, I wanted Shay to be a badass Templar who erred on the grayer side of morality. I did not get this from Rogue. All I got was disappointment.

Oh well. There's always next year...

I post stuff from time to time on my blog, if you are interested, give it a look. Don't worry, I'm not selling some scummy product and I don't even have ads on my blog.

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Long Way Down - Thoughts on The Evil Within

Forward: I don't talk much about the story or plot, so there are very few spoilers found within.

Now here's a blog post I'm extremely excited to write about. As you might be able to tell, detectives, I'll be talking about The Evil Within, a game developed by Tango Gameworks and published by Bethesda.

For those who aren't aware of what The Evil Within is, it is a pseudo-survival horror game in lieu of The Last of Us. A pseudo-survival horror game created by the father of Resident Evil, Shinji Mikami.

Some of you may not be aware of who he is, and that's okay. OH WAIT NO IT'S NOT. He's the mastermind behind Resident Evil and Resident Evil 4. Of God Hand and Vanquish. And that's just his directorial roles. He's been the producer and executive producer on numerous titles. He's an industry veteran and also a badass motherfucker.

Don't believe me? Take a look.

Exclusive behind the scenes photo of The Evil Within development

Well if that doesn't put it in perspective then I don't know what will. Mikami gets what Mikami wants.

Mikami formed Tango Gameworks on March 1st, 2010 with a staff of 13. After some time their staff increased to 65 and they were soon bought out by ZeniMax Media, parent company of Bethesda Softworks. Two years later, in 2012, they had finally announced their newest(And so far only game), The Evil Within. And with a segue like that, let's move onto the game!

When The Evil Within was announced so long ago, I wasn't really interested. I consider the "horror" game market to be saturated with games that I just do not enjoy playing. The outlier is Dead Space, which I enjoyed the gameplay enough of to want to continue playing, but ended up being such a pussy that I was too scared to continue. That changed with Dead Space 2, but then that game, while incredibly fun, was extremely predictable with the enemies. It was a really beautiful game which featured one of the best lighting engines I've seen in years. The way the light just bounced off of things, the way the darkness flowed, the way shadows looked. I love that game. But again, not scary. Then Dead Space 3 decided "Hey guys, know how everyone loves that this game is about DEAD. SPACE. What if we went onto a planet like a fucking idiot and then ruined what little interest people do have in this game?" and somehow that shit got approved. Dead Space 3 was a necromorph of its former self and had nothing to really offer except a shitty checkpoint system often forcing you to retread 20 or more minutes of ground just to get back to where you were. It was brutal and unforgiving, but not for the reasons you would expect out of a "horror" game. After a point, the only horror was realizing, shit, this game STILL isn't over!

Given, I haven't really played many horror games. I usually play them, become disinterested in the actual gameplay and quit more often than I find a game that I enjoy and want to continue being scared through. I have for instance played every numbered Resident Evil game(And the all time best game ever made Resident Evil Revelations), but the same thing happens every time: I play for some time, get the piss scared out of me and quit and then move onto the next Resident Evil game. I was never fond of the tank controls and when I try to come back to them now, I just find them outdated and unplayable. I've made my peace that I missed the boat on the classic Resident Evil games. I've dealt with that internal struggle and accepted it. But of course that's not counting Resident Evil 4 Because everything changed with Resident Evil 4...

NO! NOT THAT RESIDENT EVIL 4!

THIS! This Resident Evil 4. You know, the real one... shudder...

Resident Evil 4 was the first RE game I actually completed. But it's beyond that I completed it, I fell in love with the gameplay. Ammo is hard to find, enemies can outnumber and surround you forcing you to play smart. It was mainstream appeal at first sight. I couldn't get enough of it. Playing smart, outrunning the chainsaw fuckers and upgrading your weapons. It was awesome. Not to mention you get to fight a thing called El Gigante.

I hear they call him El Gigante because "Holy fucking shit look at the size of that fucking thing fuck" was too long to fit on his birth certificate.

I remember my favorite, and usually everyone else's favorite Resident Evil 4 moment is when you have the opportunity to barricade doors and windows and defend yourself against waves and waves of hostile fuckers who want to cut you with all kinds of rusty shit. Either near the beginning of the game or with Luiz later on. There was something magical about it. Hearing the loud crash of a window, making it abundantly clear that the enemies are putting ladders to the windows. It was pure panic and how fun that was.

I imagine I'm preaching to the choir here about how great Resident Evil 4 was, but it's true, I love that game. So when The Evil Within was announced, and all I heard was "FROM THE CREATOR OF RESIDENT EVIL 4" all I could think of was... Nope. Not interested. I've heard that pitch before. It's asinine. You're playing off of the fame of something he did 10 years ago to get interest in something he's making today. Sure, Shinji Mikami is still a fairly big name, but he's made some bad stuff in the past too. In fact, I was more interested in Alien: Isolation than I was The Evil Within. So imagine my reaction when I ended up strongly disliking Alien: Isolation and ending up loving The Evil Within.

No blog is complete without custom banners of some sort! Even weird hipstery pop-art banners!

The first thing right off the bat for me was the mystery. The appeal of not having everything crammed down your throat immediately like you see so many times in video games today. It let a simmer come to a boil, and then simmer back down again. Constantly pushing and pulling on your headstrings, your intrinsic curiosity to learn more. STEM? Ruvik? Krimson City!? I am so. fucking. in.

The game begins with you in control of Detective Sebastian Castellanos who's being driven to a just called-in case that's developing at Beacon Mental Hospital. A bunch of units were called in but haven't called back out, so you and your crew, Detective Joseph Oda and Rookie Detective Julie Kidman are on the move to find out exactly why that is.

Your cast of characters.

The game moves pretty fast in the beginning. You go from securing the hospital and searching for any survivors of this apparent massacre and woosh, you then wake up hanging from a rope surrounded by hanging corpses that have, to put it simply, seen better days.

Turns out, this is a stealth game! Just my cup of tea.

The gameplay really has more in common with The Last of Us than it does Resident Evil. The general idea is to maybe avoid combat as much as possible so you can conserve ammo, you know what I'm talking about. I'm not doing a preview here, you've all played The Last of Us.

See, the best part of the game is the options that it presents you with and the opportunities to exploit those options to interesting outcomes.

One of these options are in the form of "matches" that you can light and toss onto enemies to set them on fire and permanently kill them. Sometimes so simple can break up the monotony of endless running or endlessly fighting. Not to mention you can use these to converse ammo, as lighting an enemy on fire with any other enemies near him will cause them to all go up in flames. The best part is, pretty much every enemy aside from bosses or mini-bosses are critically weak to fire. The challenge, however, is maintaining a steady supply of matches. They aren't infinite, and you can run out if you let your inner firebug out and burn some motherfuckers. And let me tell you, it's never not fun.

Spread throughout most environments are traps. Like beartraps, tripwires, motion-detectors with bombs in them some sort of proximity alarm thing that alerts all enemies to action even though you pretty much only see it once and it doesn't truly make much sense. Anyway.

The beauty of the game is exploiting these options, and using these traps and throwable objects like bottles(Which is very reminiscent of TLOU) you could lead enemies into traps to kill or injure them, giving you the edge in the fight. You must always be mindful of your surroundings if you are expected to survive The Evil Within.

You can also disarm traps, if you don't trust yourself enough around them and when you do, you get spare parts which can be used to craft arrowheads for your "Agony Crossbow", which is just as fucking rad as it sounds.

It's kind of hard to see here just how much ass-kicking this thing can do, but take my word for it.

You've got all kinds of options with this thing. You can craft explosive bolts, harpoon bolts, freeze bolts for when your patience wears thin and you want to end a fucker. Shock bolts can stun enemies, and flash bolts can blind them.

When you level up your Harpoon Bolts to level 5, they become FLAMING harpoon bolts, and you remember earlier, how I sad these fuckers are super weak to fire? Yep. It turns every fight into a good old fashioned Krimson City BBQ. And you KNOW just how awesome those old fashioned Krimson City BBQ's got! With the Agony Crossbow, anything is possible!

As with upgrading the Agony Crossbow, you can upgrade your other weapons and even some base stats like maximum health and stamina. I went with melee because I'm an IDIOT and thought it would change something, but the only thing it's good for is stunning enemies for a few seconds so you can shoot them in the head with a gun because seriously, who brings their fists to a hatchet-sickle-torch-chainsaw fight?

The one thing that really bugs me about the game are the forced combat sequences, and boy are there quite a bit of them. You walk around feeling high and mighty because you've got 40 bullets in your revolver and 20 in your shotgun and then suddenly you've got to fend off a large number of enemies because someone needs to open a gate or something stupid and then all of the sudden you hear a distantly familiar click followed by "OUT OF AMMO?!?!11" by your character who shares your complete disbelief in what you are both experiencing. That's usually when shit hits the fan and you have to remember real quick just how useful those matches can be. Those fucking things can save your ass in more ways than a gun. Never leave home without them!

Another thing, and one that I love but others seem to hate: The letterboxing. The game is presented in some sort of letterboxed widescreen and it really, in my opinion, adds to the bleak and weary atmosphere. But some people just aren't having it.

Come on guys, really? LOOK AT THE EMOTION CONVEYED BY LETTERBOXING! You just can't get that in any old game. Learn to appreciate art.ART.

Some people go so far as to say it somehow impedes your playing, that it gets in the way of things you might be able to see but can't because of those giant black bars, which just seems crazy to me. I've beaten the game twice and there was not one single point in the game in which I was stuck because I didn't see something above or below me - in fact, I noticed I had been looking upwards and downwards more often because of the black bars. I wanted to make sure there was nothing creeping about. Because of this, I felt a lot more aware and ultimately I got more out of my experience with the letterboxing than some crazy people that would prefer to play without it with the help of mods. That's just crazy. Crazy. Okay, enough of that.

Speaking of voice acting, I gotta say it's not really doing anything for me in this game. I don't think it's bad, I just don't see any redeeming qualities. For some pretty decent names in the cast, I expected more than just "bland".

They tried really hard to get Ryan Gosling, but they had to settle for his mirror-match clone instead

Personally I liked Jackie Earle Haley's performance as Ruvik, but most of the time you only hear him through flashbacks and audio logs, so it doesn't really carry much when you eventually do meet him face to face.

More on that later, speaking of the cast, I was really surprised by a few special cameos in the game. First up, we've got this guy making a special appearance from RE4:

You know, I wasn't expecting much from his role as "Crazy torch guy who sets you on fire", but this kid blew me away!

This guy. Shinji Mikami must really love this dude's design because he's gone from SomewhereinthemiddleofSpain to wherever the fuck Krimson City is and he's STILL got it. Whatever it is, he's got it.

And the most surprising guest appearance of all time has got to be...

DIABEETUS!!! DIABEETUS!!!

Wilford Brimley!! I've been a fan of this guy since I saw The Thing and let me tell you, he really knocks it out of the park as Uncle "Itchy Tasty" Jimenez. I mean really, who could have seen this coming? Way to go Tango Gameworks and especially to the man in charge, Shinji Mikami.

Now, earlier I mentioned the voice cast laying it on a little thin, and it's because of that that these characters don't really have much character. With the collectible notes and documents you find throughout the game, you get an idea these characters should maybe act a certain way, but they come off as very calm and collected, even when it seems like reality is warping right in their very faces. They just collect themselves and move on. It's strange. Very strange.

But there is one character in particular that stands out. A character that stands out in a huge way. Her name... Nurse Tatiana.

Just go ahead and pretend this is an Obama "HOPE" poster.

That's right fellas. The best companion in video game history. I hear your silent judgements. I know what you are thinking. "Best companion? Ha! That goes to Garrus! Morrigan! Fawkes! Boone! Lydia! etc etc". Well to that I have to say: GET. THE FUCK. OUT.

Nurse Tatiana has been employed at the hospital for years and with all of the things she's seen, she is EMOTIONALLY DEAD. She has nothing left to give. She sits there, yells at Sebastian Castellanos for moaning in his sleep and pestering the other patients, and she doesn't give a single fuck while she does it. The way she sits on her stool so authoritatively, filing her nails, occasionally releasing a sign so devoid of life or emotion you have to wonder if she even has a soul. But chapter after chapter, Tatiana is there for you. Reminding you to spend your green gel, or telling you how much of a worry-wort you are. She may not have a soul left, or any emotion to use to relate to you or your mission, but she's there every day you wake up. She may not give a shit, but you know she cares! And I thank her.

The boss battles in the game are also something I really enjoyed. One boss in particular seemed to reek of creative genius from the devs because of how it is introduced. You are walking along, looking for stuff, and all of the sudden you see a small chest. Oh boy! Chests! Video games! Hurray! You open the chest and you get a key that you can use to unlock doors back in the save room and gain items or green gel that will help you in your journey. The collectables are really great in that aspect. There are a ton of them to find but they actually help you out in the long run and make it fun to find them and use them to get stuff.

So you get the key from the chest and think, great, I hope there are more of them! Then later on, about a half hour or maybe longer from this point you reach an area that is LITTERED with chests. I practically jumped for joy when I saw all of them. "So many keys!!" I thought. But they wouldn't open. I thought it was a glitch in the game and actually got mad with it! So I said whatever and progressed, and it was only then that I realized what was happening... because the chests were actually a part of the area boss! All of the sudden these chests that I wanted to open desperately were forming into a huge axe wielding psychofucker wanting to kill me. It was excellent and left a lasting impression. I certainly never felt safe opening anything after that.

It's the little things that can have such an impact in this game, and again, I was more than ready to judge this game before I got my hands on it, but the second I did - something... clicked. It was almost instant. I fell in love with the game. The story, the vagueness and mystique that kept me asking more and more... And sure, the story ends without any real explanation of what the fuck happened, but there's enough evidence in the documents and through what the game doesn't tell you - but rather shows you - that you can use to form a pretty good idea of what actually happened. Either way, let's not get caught up in the purposefully left open story. That's for another time.

The atmosphere really is incredible, truthfully. Creepy and tense, with dangers hiding around every corner.

This isn't really a "professional" review, in the sense that I was never raised by writer parents and never went to writing school and learned how to write professionally. I don't know the rules of the grammatical road, but I've got my hand on the wheel, foot on the pedal, and I'm driving inside the lines. I wanted to talk about The Evil Within - because I truly enjoyed it. The things I didn't enjoy as much really didn't bother me like it did other people. Trust me, I'm not even trying to go soft on the game. I just really enjoyed this. Aside from Resident Evil Revelations, there just hasn't been any other game that I have connected to so entirely. The Evil Within has lasting appeal... jank, yes, lots of jank, but lasting appeal. I hope everyone goes out and buys this game and loves it as much as I do. Shinji Mikami is a fantastic director and I hope this does well for his studio and we can expect more The Evil Within for years and years.

I write blogs whenever I have something I'd like to talk about. I don't want to spam up the joint so I don't post some of them to Giant Bomb(Which is so far just one I didn't post here), and I don't know if this would be considered "self promotion" or anything, but if you'd like to check out my personal blog, it's right here. It's a pretty shitty blog but sometimes you just get a hankering to write something, you know?

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Resident Evil: Conflicted

Resident Evil. What left could be said of this roller coaster-of-emotions of a franchise? A series that laid roots in survival horror and then dropped it to capitalize on the dudebro shooterman genre that keeps the heart of modern video games pumping.

Whether that is a legitimate decision is ultimately left up to the individual, but to me, the issue lies not within the direction Resident Evil is facing, but rather, the capability of the publisher and developer to make, well, good games.

And that's my issue with Resident Evil today. They are poor action games that feel like they are trying to convince themselves that they are still somehow survival horror. How can you forget the marketing campaign of Resident Evil 5? "Fear you can't forget". There was so much conviction within the campaign. "You are going to be terrified. You are going to scream for mercy, but there won't be any." etc, etc. They painted the picture that, hey, this game is gonna be scary. Then of course it came out and you'll probably end up playing co-op with a friend, talking over cutscenes and laughing about other stupid shit, like I did. It's hard to be afraid of anything in that environment. Taking a game in which you are alone and outnumbered by hoards of enemies and then, uh, giving you an equally equipped partner takes out any tension. Suddenly jump scares aren't scary. Suddenly being outnumbered means nothing. The fear has been removed.

With Resident Evil 5 however, I felt conflicted. I wanted a survival horror game, but what I got was more attuned to action and glory. Whereas I wanted to walk down corridors, fearful for what may lurk around the corner. I did not get that. I got, instead, "action game".

Surely I'm being unfair in some regard? Well no, it's a criticism. I liked Resident Evil 5. I put way too much time into it, in fact. I S ranked the whole game on every difficulty and then I S ranked Mercenaries. I leveled up all weapons, I collected every jewel, every BSAA emblem. I unlocked every figure and file. If there was something to do, something to obtain in Resident Evil 5, I did and obtained it. Which is the reason I feel my criticism isn't just mindless internet hate vitriol acid garbage spew; I played the game, I enjoyed the game, I saw the potential for Resident Evil. I also saw the downfall of Resident Evil.

The potential of RE5 was abundant, it was easy to control, it was simple enough to get into, it didn't require too much thought. You shoot people, or sometimes things, or sometimes people-things with your guns. You can slash them with your knife too, if you like. And then sometimes you can punch them, and punch them well. You had a very simple weapon upgrading system and even a simple store system so you can buy things like First-Aid spray, weapons, or even special items that increase your resistance to melee or bullet damage.

If Resident Evil was to be an action game from here on out, then they've got the ground work laid out. The gameplay is solid and the prospect of expanding on that and enhancing it is very exciting. The things they could do to improve the flow of gameplay is really exciting to think about! Where could it go? What could they do? The possibilities are endless.

Damn girl, you shit with that hat? Wait no, that's not the line. Ah who cares.

My conflicted feelings for Resident Evil didn't end there, however. With the release of Lost In Nightmares, a DLC expansion for RE5, set years beforehand with Chris Redfield and Jill Valentine exploring an old mansion while looking for answers. I remember being almost caught off guard by the expansion. Here I was, playing "Capcom presents: Shootermans" and all of the sudden I got... Resident Evil? Gothic locals, scary atmospheres, neat little puzzles. Not only that, but I actually found it pretty scary at some points. It told me everything I needed to know: Capcom is returning Resident Evil to its roots. They have listened to the fanbase's distaste in action and want to return to the classic survival horror, but with the new gameplay additions that the action game can provide. It was incredible. A little short, or, okay, a lot short. Lost In Nightmares was not very long at all, but it was filled with the essence, the spirit of Resident Evil. It felt like Capcom was reminding people that, hey, we've still got it. And I couldn't have been more excited to see where they were going.

But then I got there. Its name? Resident Evil 6. A mess. A downright mess. To put it bluntly, this game was bad. It just didn't make sense, and when you look at the narrative of the game, it pretty much destroyed any semblance of a return to form.

Worst album cover ever.

With Resident Evil 4, we went from zombies to B.O.W's, or, Bio Organic Weapons. Resident Evil 6 turned this concept up to 11 and basically destroyed a whole country with an outbreak of every goddamn virus in the entire series. Suddenly you've got your classic zombies, then you've got your Ganado and Majini types of people-exploding-into-tentacle-porn. Then of course comes in the monsters. Giant creatures, heavily mutated people, fish, turtles or whatever hunters are.

It took it to a new level. Suddenly Chris and Leon and... Sherry Berkin are involved with the biggest threat to humanity, and even the world. It threw caution to the wind and said "Fuck survival horror, give me that turret and turn up some Dragonforce!!!"

And I'm not even talking about the (mostly) stupid story. I'm not even talking about the completely moronically idiotic and completely mishandled opportunity to have Leon S. Kennedy and Chris Redfield team up only for there to be absolutely none of that. I'm talking about the gameplay. The very core of this video game.

I bet you thought this would be cooler than it ended up being

It settled for QTE's in the stead of actually developing an interesting cutscene we could watch or even a gameplay segment we could go through on our own. If it was interesting, it was a QTE. The Resident Evil series is filled with QTE's, you might be saying. One, you're right, but two, you've got no idea. You've got no idea at all.

The most notably mindfuckingly terrible QTE comes from Leon's campaign, near the end. You have to climb a rope. Any other game would allow you to do this by moving the left stick. Resident Evil 6 wants you to alternate between R1 and L1. But it's not as simple as hitting one button and hitting the other in secession. You have to hit one, wait a second, hit the other. It's not a matter of hitting the buttons as fast as you can and then moving up, it's you having to find this weird rhythm of waiting for the game to allow you to move. But if you wait too long, you'll fall some distance and have to climb back up until you get to the top. Just take a look:

In my experience, personally, I have never wanted to kill a video game before in my life. Until that moment. I guess you could say... I was at the end of my rope? Huh? Huh? Yeah.

Resident Evil 6 was emulating Call of Duty, Uncharted, Battlefield. Big budget action games about shooting people and saving America and not giving a fuck one way or the other. Resident Evil 6 was doing this while laughing at you, the fan at home, for wanting survival horror. To want fear. The only fear here is the game itself, and the idea of playing it... the fear you can't forget.

SURVIVAL. HORROR.

Now I want to be absolutely clear here. I want to make my point as loud as possible: I'm not hating on RE6 because of this false sense of loyalty to the older games, or this idea that I'm a special snowflake for wanting a return to survival horror. If I have failed to make that point, I apologize, because that's not my intent. My full on, girthy hatedick for RE6 comes from the fact that it said "I want to be an action game" but could not dedicate itself to being even competent enough to actually pull it off well. Hey, I LOVE action games! I'm no special snowflake, I enjoy the shit out of running people over in GTA or ripping dudes heads off in God Of War. I'm no stranger to action games, you know the rules and so do I. But there is a time and a place for action games, both good and not so good. One of the best, off the top of my head, is Spec Ops: The Line. Most of its critical acclaim isn't the gameplay, it's the narrative. The gameplay is actually quite average, not bad per se, but not worth writing home about. It's not about being the best, it's about being good enough to have your own identity.

Resident Evil 6 has no identity. It's almost a meta commentary on video games itself. It tries to appeal to everyone by featuring a campaign almost exclusively dealing with zombies and featuring Leon S. Kennedy, and then it shifts gears in Chris Redfield's campaign by being a straight-up third-person shooter. You get in shoot-outs with monsters and have all kinds of tanks shooting around you with jets flying overhead dropping bombs.

On paper, it sounds nucking futs. And also incredibly fun. The idea of these B.O.W's practically leveling up and going to war is a very cool idea. But then you put the controller in your hand and you play this stiff, poorly thought out action game. It does not feel like Resident Evil. It, quite frankly, is not Resident Evil. It had no identity, it was everything and yet it was nothing at the same time.

You had an action game! You had the mechanics! Years ago! YEARS AGO! You were the chosen one, RE6! You were supposed to bring balance to the force(of survival horror and TPS action!). It was just not meant to be, I suppose, because aside from selling well, even Capcom has said that Resident Evil 6 "felt bloated"

"There was some great positives out of that, but it was a mixed bag, as we saw from the review scores. We have got to take that on-board, we can't ignore that, and we have to take that onto the next game when we make the next Resident Evil.

He added: “With Resident Evil 6 specifically, we probably put too much content in there, there were comments from consumers that said it felt bloated. The Leon missions went down very well, and because we did Resident Evil Revelations on 3DS, there was a cry out for us to focus our attention on survival horror, rather than be too many things to all people. You’ll find where we go next will likely be more targeted at our core fanbase.

"A lot is said about the saturation of this zombie, post-apocalyptic survival horror. But it is still alive and well. The Last of Us shows a good direction of what the consumers want. Tomb Raider as well, we spoke to R&D and they looked at that and they enjoyed that experience. I think that proves there is still a strong market for that sort of content."

ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTE.

And with that, I segway nicely into the original point of this blog: Resident Evil: Blood Diamond. No wait, it's Resident Evil: Brotherhood. No, damnit. Resident Evil: Reckoning. Fuck, that's not it either. Resident Evil: Begins. Hold on, I'll get it. Resident Evil: Black Flag. Well I just have no idea anymore. No, wait a second! It's Resident Evil: Revelations! Yeah that's it! Resident Evil: Revelations!

With all of the "Woe is me, I was disappointed by Capcom again" out of the way, I can finally talk about what I came here to talk about.

I recently went through Revelations and what I expected what another RE6. Another dudebro "WAR IS HELL" blood sweat and tears God Bless America RED WHITE AND BLUE action game. Instead, I found an honest attempt to answer the question that fans have been asking for quite a while now: S-survival... h-horror? To which the answer was a resounding: SURE FUCK IT WHY NOT.

The game begins and you take the role of Jill Valentine, now a BSAA operative and on the search for Chris Redfield and his partner Jessica "Sexual Chocolate" Sherawat. Jill has a partner of her own, the ruggedly handsome Parker Luciani, who can appropriately be identified as the love child of Chris Redfield and Barry Burton.

The happy couple in question.

The gameplay takes a step back from the chaos of Resident Evil 6 and plays more like a modified Resident Evil 5. This time you can move and shoot, move and use your knife, and even charge up your physical attacks for maximum damage. The upgrading system has been replaced by finding parts for your guns that allow you to alter its stats(Like increasing damage and reload time, clip size and the like) and even change how it functions. For example you can turn your semi-auto pistol into a burst-fire pistol by adding the "Burst" attachment to your gun. Or a really interesting addition: The "Charge shot" attachment for your shotgun, that allows you to hold down the fire button and charge your shots to increase the damage that it will do.

By setting itself up on the Queen Zenobia, a massive cruise-liner in the middle of the ocean, the setting is almost automatically creepy. You're in the middle of nowhere, a thousand miles from home, you are looking for lost friends and there are monsters everywhere. It really sets the tone for creep factor. I wouldn't call the game "scary", by any degree. It can be at certain points. For instance, there are jump scares peppered in there somewhere. I'd say it's a very creepy game though. And I appreciate it. None of RE5 or what I remember of RE6 was very scary at all. Most times in RE5 it was outside in the bright sun. But when it comes to Revelations, you can depend on it for being creepy.

Mmmmmm. Atmosphere.

Immediately you will notice the personality of this game. It came out some months before Resident Evil 6 but managed to compartmentalize the charm into almost every aspect. The weapon upgrading system, the massive ship you explore as the game goes on, and even the characters. Parker Luciani won me over the first time he offered to buy me lunch. Lucky for me, the offers didn't stop there. Jessica Sherawat(Chris's partner) and her sweet, sweat covered ass is an interesting prospect in and of itself, with the constant innuendo and flirting with Chris that you never see much with characters like Jill and Sheva. It's usually straight-shooting with those two. But here we get some off-beat chemistry going on to really spice-up the status quo. Now, it's not revolutionary(Revelationary?), but it's an interesting change when seeing the over the top relationships in 6 and the almost-stale, zero-to-no personality from anyone in 5. Sheva was fine, I liked her, but she didn't bring much to the table. She didn't have the sass I was looking for. It felt like she was playing second fiddle to Chris at every avenue, and not truly bringing any "game" of her own. But love them or hate them, the characters in Revelations certainly got something to them.

Speaking of characters, Revelations is the first in the Resident Evil franchise to feature not one, not two, but three guest stars to its ranks. That's right. Making his video game debut: Conan O'Brien!

I assure you, this isn't edited. He really is that ugly.

But not just Conan O'Brien! We've also got Beavis and Butthead, or Captain and Tennille, [insert other witty duo references here]! You know shit's getting real when these guys show up, because the music gets all funky and hippity hoppity. They don't do much for a majority of the game, and one of them is even implied to stalk Jessica Sherawat and her sweet ass

They are about as incapable as they look.

Anyway. The story goes in and out of flashbacks of this super city constructed on the ocean called Terragrigia and how terrorists attacked it a year prior to Revelations' start date. You play as Parker when he worked for the FBC with Jessica. Then Conan O'Brien makes an appearance as an FBC rookie who gets wounded and helped out by Parker. It's all very emotional, you see.

Easily one of the best parts of the game is when Jill and Chris finally team up, after so long of being apart, we finally get to see the two partners back in action together and it's a really incredible feeling. Two of the biggest and best characters are kicking ass side by side, after all of these years. I really loved that. They work well together and as much as I love Parker, Jill and Chris will always be the perfect couple. Like Albert Wesker and a bad haircut.

TRIUMPHANT. AS. FUCK.

The second best part of the game is actually before that. Chris and his partner Jessica finally track down the whereabouts of Jill and Parker and rush off to save them. They find the ship they are on and race right down to the bilge, fighting through hoards of monsters to save their friends and comrades. They get to the door and open it, only to find it's empty. The camera then pans over to the wall to find that Chris and Jessica are on the Queen Semiramis, the sister ship of the Queen Zenobia. The sudden realization that they were on a completely different ship, after having the player believe they were just seconds from seeing their friends reunited, was an incredible moment. The execution was perfect. It set up the moment and knocked it out of the park.

I'm buying you lunch.

The story gets all weird and Resident Evil-y as it goes on and there's some conspiracy or another. The ending also has so many plot holes it might as well be a sinking ship. Though I didn't let that get me down. I feel like they kept the typical "This is all just absolutely stupid" bullshit stuff to a bare minimum. I felt like it put more emphasis on the characters and their interactions than really anything else.

I also really liked the environments. I feel like they are varied enough that during longer segments when you are walking all over the ship, your surroundings are changing often enough that it never feels too "samey". You go from classical Gothic ballrooms to a dirty and rusted bilge, to sleek and sexy science labs with computers everywhere. Each area has its own personality and I thoroughly enjoy walking around the ship and seeing them all.

The enemies were also pretty decent. You fight some pretty crazy looking monsters as it goes on. They call most of them "ooze zombies", but it felt more like wet organic socks than "zombies". I give them props for at least trying to make them different, god knows they could have easily made them traditional zombies, but you have to wonder if that would have been better. Perhaps the traditional looking zombies would have been more effective with these weird mutations growing off of them, looking just familiar enough to be comfortable fighting them, but with some added parts like those long "mouth tube" things they have. Then again, you probably couldn't get something like this with a traditional zombie:

They are crazy fat zombies who go "party harty" mode with their chainsaw arm. They like to fuck shit up. They are usually pretty fun to fight.

Party on Wayne.

But when it comes to enemies, I have to say, Revelations has the two best designs for enemies I've ever seen in a Resident Evil game. One belongs to a terrible boss fight, and the other to a pretty fun boss fight.

They are:

Malacoda. A giant whale infected with the T-Abyss Virus and expanding to massive size and fucking shit up on the Queen Zenobia. I like that, earlier in the game, you can read a document pondering the circumstances of a whale getting infected with the virus, and then near the end of the game getting to see it for yourself. It was pretty unexpected but a fantastic looking boss. I hope to see something equally as crazy in the later games. Maybe that boulder from RE5 gets infected and vows revenge? 2spooky!!!

Move over MGSV, with your stupid flame whales. REvelations is bringing the pain.

Ultimate Abyss. No, not the wrestler unfortunately. That would have been pretty sick. This guy is a mix between the Nemesis and "ooze" zombies. He is quite frankly one of the coolest motherfuckers in these games. Just look at him, he's gonna fucking kill your whole generation or something sinister!

Looks like someone has a... splitting headache? Man my pun game is off point today isn't it?

Seriously though, look at this shit!

I felt like the game is heading in the right direction and really hope these "RE: Revelations 2" rumors are legitimate as I would really enjoy seeing more adventures with this type of structure in mind. Great new characters, a return to a survival horror setting(With some neat twists!) and a great weapon customization system. You can't really ask for a better return to form than Revelations. Well, actually, you can. Revelations isn't the best game ever made, and it's certainly not the best Resident Evil game out there. But it certainly struck a cord with me, and seeing what that shitshow Resident Evil 6 was all about, I'd take Revelations out to lunch any day of the week.

Without being melodramatic, I truly am surprised to enjoy a new Resident Evil game. I thought they had gone the way of the dodo bird. The more I want to like Resident Evil, the more I am turned away by the stiff controls and terrible action sequences where they game thinks it's something else. Really, I'd just be happy for Capcom to find a solid ground for Resident Evil to thrive. Is it going to go back to survival horror? Is it going to stay an action game? With as long as it takes them to make these games, you'd figure they'd have it all planned out by now. But with the rumors of Revelations 2, and the possibility of a sequel to 6, I am both excited and anxious to see where the series could be heading. But wherever that may be, I hope Capcom can do it right.

Man, Jill sure is a QT.

Oh and fuck Raid mode. Like seriously.

7 Comments

BEST GAMES OF 2013: CAPS EDITION 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO REDUX(Now with added dubstep!)

VIDEO GAMES. Boy aren't they great? Know what's even better? LISTS OF THE BEST VIDEO GAMES.

Hi, I'm N7. Thanks for joining me. I'm here for just that; lists and video games.

Before we begin, let's take a minute to remember the shittiest year of them all: 2013. It had some pretty great games, some pretty not-so-great games, but most of all, it was filled with heartbreak and disappointment. It seemed like just when 2013 couldn't get any worse, it, like dinosaurs(Apparently), found a way. Let's take a moment of silence to remember 2013 the only way it should be remembered: A giant pile of shit topped with more shit.

Now that that is out of the way, let's get to it.

5

Believe me, I am just as surprised. I was all but ready to hate this game since it was announced. A watered down Splinter Cell experience set to appeal to an even broader scope of people, least of all Splinter Cell fans? And no more Michael Ironside? Certainly a tough sell, for voice actors and me alike.

I was immediately taken aback by the flow of gameplay. The controls were so tight and responsive and Sam moved quick and confidently. It definitely gave new meaning to stealth action, but as I quickly realized, that is not a bad thing by any means.

I found myself lost in moving quickly through the battlefield, taking no prisoners and being too quick to take names along with them. By itself, the gameplay was rewarding. It asked nothing of you but gave everything in return. You could take your time and assess the situation, creeping around like a ghost, or strike quick and silently like the panther. It was so simple, but so enjoyable. I more often than not ended up replaying missions over and over again just because I was having too much fun trying new tactics.

The animations for Sam were a nice surprise as well. You can feel like a badass no matter what your play style may be; stealthy and lethal, lethal and loud, or just plain stealthy. Every slash of the knife, every fist thrown was tight in and of itself a treat to watch.

Because of this, I felt less intimidation from enemies than you probably should in a stealth game. I had no fear, bobbing and waving in and out of cover, taking down enemies one by one before their friends had any idea that I was there. And just like that, I was gone to the next area.

The one downside to the game happened to actually be the new voice actor who, for all intents and purposes, was certainly stacked against the odds. He seemed to do fine for most of the game, but had a lot of moments where you can see he was imitating Michael Ironside and it felt flat, like he was constrained and wasn't able to be his own Sam Fisher, and instead tried to be someone else's.

Regardless of this, Splinter Cell: Blacklist was easily one of the best games I have played this year.

4

This one shouldn't have been a surprise, but somehow that's what it ended up. After hearing all of the troubles Volition faced with their publisher going under, it was so refreshing to see Saints Row IV emerge from the rubble with as much personality as it did, even though most of the time it felt like it was relying on its predecessor just a little too much.

But that's no match for the sheer joy I found in both the gameplay and the story. The President of the United States of America, formerly a corporate titan, formerly a 2-bit gangster, is attacked by aliens and put into a simulation where he must rescue his allies and wage a Matrix war against his captors, to save his people, to save his world.

It's a concept as ridiculous as it is fun. The only thing I could think of most of my time in Virtual Steelport is how much they managed to recapture the feelings I felt from Spider-Man 2, in my opinion, one of the best open world games to date. In Saints Row IV you have powers, but not just that, you are powerful. The reality of the situation is, aside from how great it was to see Robocop's weapon as a submachine gun, or Deckard's pistol as a pistol, most of the time I spent fighting enemies were Superspeed meleeing them to see all of the incredible and overtly cool grapple moves which, by the way, did not fail to disappoint.

And let's not forget the soundtrack, which was pretty damn good too. But not only was it good, it was available outside of cars, but let's face it, no one drove in this game. Why drive when you have Superspeed? Let's not ask dumb questions, shall we?

3

If Assassin's Creed III was Sammy Hagar, that would make Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag David Lee Roth. Better.

Assassin's Creed III took the scene by bringing much needed updates to the series. You can now climb trees. You can now climb rocks. You can also beat the ever loving shit out of people. But also boats, and it turned out people liked boats a lot. So much so Ubisoft did the only thing that made sense, make a game about pirates.

The game starts off and you're Edward Kenway, a young privateer out on the seas with two goals in mind: Get money and fuck the police while you're doing it.

It was a refreshing change, since the prior games were either about legendary Assassin's or people struggling to understand the consequences of the Assassin/Templar conflict. Not this time, you're a pirate, you plunder and kill your way to the top, and no one can stop you or your ship, the Jackdaw.

Although the game starts off wonky, with Edward already doing what you would figure trained Assassin's would do(Climb viewpoints, accept Assassination contracts, stick to being stealthy), he does not belong to the order. It wouldn't be accurate to call him an assassin trained by pirates, since by the time you step into his life he's already a well trained fighter and ship captain.

But that's not what this game is truly about. It's about sailing the amazing(And huge) West Indies and finding ships to plunder. You can do all sorts of other things, like explore islands, collect sea shanties, which are little songs that you crew sings while sailing, even Assassinate whales.

The characters are quite dynamic and go through quite a few phases in their life, changing it up from the traditional characters that barely change(Like Claudia, Ezio's sister, who remained a teenager for roughly 40 years). These characters are dynamic, and evolve over the course of the game.

The game does have its faults though, like the lackluster combat system that seemed to ditch enemy health bars entirely, which require you to now go through the motions of attack, attack, attack, attack, attack, execution animation. You could hit an enemy 99 times out of 100, get interrupted, then have to hit him 99 more times. I ended up relying on my pistol because of this frustration, often times shooting enemies 4 at a time instead of wasting my time.

Another issue I had with the game are the lack of exciting animations like Assassin's Creed III. Connor was a beast, you can feel the weight of every blow that he lands on enemies. He makes it pretty clear he doesn't like them, and wants them dead in the most brutal of ways. Unfortunately, Edward's animations are pretty average and actually needlessly long(How many times do you have to stab them in the face, Edward!?) and flashy, but not anything to marvel at. You also do nothing spectacular with your duel-wielding swords. You almost want to make the argument that the majority of attention was spent on ocean exploration and ship battles, but you can never be sure.

2

There's not much to be said about this game that hasn't already. The Last Of Us does not fail to disappoint. A survival horror third-person shooter with a wonderfully crafted story, it was a refreshing change of pace from traditional "GO TO RUSSIA AND SHOOT NUKES AND SAVE THE DAY AND SAVE AMERICA" storyline so prevalent today.

It was solid to control, it had a lot of original ideas behind it to not only make the story incredible, but the gameplay as well. A main character that's not the best marksmen on the planet? A cinematic gameplay experience that creates situations you sometimes can't predict or plan ahead for. Enemies hear the click of your pistol when you are out of ammo, they use communication to overwhelm you, and they will beg for their life when the tables turn. Not to mention your helpful A.I partner, Ellie, who will actually throw bricks and bottles to distract enemies for you, and stab them with her pocket knife to help you in a pinch. It wasn't without flaws, but what great game is? Regardless of that, it all came together in a smorgasbord of atmosphere.

The multiplayer was probably the biggest surprise of all. You'd almost expect a watered down action oriented version of the singleplayer experience, but it was just as rooted in stealth, crafting and teamwork as you'd come to see in the story.

The supply system made sure it could carry the same dreary dread from the singleplayer, requiring you to get a certain amount of supplies to grow your camp, and if you fail to get the required amount, your people start to get sick and even die. It didn't mean anything important in the long run, aside from cosmetic unlocks, but it certainly made sure every battle was just as tense as it needed to be. And I was really into that.

Notable shoutouts include Troy Baker and Ashley Johnson's incredible performance as Joel and Ellie respectively, and of course, Naughty Dog for giving us another masterpiece.

While The Last Of Us was one of my absolute favorites not only this year, but arguably this generation, my absolute favorite game of the year must go to the one, the only...

Game Of The Year

Ni No Kuni: Wrath of the White Witch.

So long ago, there existed a game called Dragon Quest VIII: Journey Of The Cursed King, and it was easily my favorite RPG of all time. It had charm and as much personality as you could poke a stick with. Also the art was provided by Akira Toriyama which blew my underage mind.

Ever since then I have been waiting for an RPG to blow me away just like it did. I thought White Knight Chronicles could have been the answer to that, another Level-5 game, but it wasn't quite it. In fact, I didn't even really like that game. But many years later, Ni No Kuni was released and it blew me away.

A story that's light of heart, but not afraid to get pretty dark, the gameplay was much of Pokemon by way of Final Fantasy 11. Its combat is real time, but instead of fighting yourself, your main objective is to use little creatures named Familiars. But let's face it, they are Pokemon. They exist, they can evolve 3 times, and you can name them.

The combat system is as much about acting as it reacting. Always putting in or taking out one of your familiars to assess and address the situation, to ensure you are getting the best of your enemies.

As you fight, you can level them or yourself up, learning new skills and pushing them further along their evolutionary path, making them bigger and stronger.

It was a mishmash of gameplay that I've never seen before, and it works so well. Even better, the characters and the world surrounding it.

I had no expectations on what to find when I got my hands on this game. I had nothing. I was interested in an RPG at the time and decided to pick it up. And I am glad I did, because it left an impression on me, and makes me really excited to see what Level-5 can do with a sequel, maybe even on PS4.

That's my list. Thanks for reading. I really liked these games, and I hope you did too! (:

11 Comments

Hello Giant Bomb, my name is Ryan, and thank you

And I have been here for a few days over a year now. My lust for Giant Bomb(And since then, Whiskey Media), however, began long before that. I will que, December 3rd, 2009. The Joystiq Meta Review changed my life forever. It was here that I peered my hungry little eyes into the comment section. What did I find? What you can find for yourself here
 
I went, I saw, I was conquered. I had never seen a website in all my life that was both funny and informative. Just saying those words together, the swift sensation of TBS flushed over my entire being. Okay not really but the shit was hilarious and I've never seen something like that before. I was like, okay cool, this website might be special. I didn't know Jeff Gerstmann was behind it(Or even how to spell his name!) until someone mentioned it. I only knew Jeff like I'd imagine most of you do today: The guy who was fired for reviewing Kane and Charles Manson or whatever it was.
 
It was internet love at first site. No, not for Jeff Gerstmann. I only love him in the most professional way possible without becoming homoerotic or creepy, but we'll save that for one anti-depressant fueled blog post later. I lurked this website and I lurked it haaaaard(Just look at all them fuckin' a's). Of course, during this time, my father was dying of cancer. Safe to say, my life at that point was complete shit. Seeing someone you have spent your entire life with just, degrade, was not a fun process. Thankfully, Giant Bomb was a nice salvation. It was easy to go back two or three pages and catch up on some QL's, maybe even watch the Rogue Warrior QL again.
 
In fact, to be specific, I was watching the Celebrity Poker quick-look when I received word that my father was living his final moments. It was pretty terrible.
 
It wasn't until around my birthday that I signed up. I can't remember if I signed up on my birthday or not, but I do remember I subscribed on my birthday. This site was the shit. The community was the best and the worst all at the same time and the moderators didn't suck. It was weird how this site could have existed in any such capacity that I was unaware of it for so long. But I found it. And I found it haaaa-okay enough of that.
 
I remember I was so surprised when I got my shirt because it had taken so long getting here I completely forgot about it. Then I put it on. Oh my god. It was magical. How funny is it that the best shirt I've ever owned was one I got from this website? It was so soft, so comfortable, so perfect. It's my colors. I wear that shirt when shit is about to go south.  People can see the authority that shirt commands just rippling through my soul. It's perfect.
 
This shirt has seen a lot of hard times though. It's got a few tiny holes and the logo on both the front and the back are cracked beyond all hell, though still easily recognizable. When I die, I'm taking this thing with me. It's my soulmate. My soulmate is made by American Apparel.
 
The most peculiar thing I've ever experienced on the internet, however, is the fact that we can fucking swear the shit out of these forums at any given goddamn moment. You don't understand how amazing this is. I went to the forums I used to go to a long time ago and called one of my buddies, JOKINGLY, a stupid idiot-face. And I got a warning. I've called people worse things on this website and, a few days over a year so far, not a single warning. NOTHING. Like, the fuck dude. This place is a haven. Any other website, I would have been banned at least once by now. Or multiple times. Maybe even a dozen. Nope. Not a one.
 
So far, I haven't found anything bad about this website, except maybe the horrendous hatred people seem to have for Bioware. It's almost comparable to Reddit's supreme hatred for any religion. It's scary. But then again, this isn't a review for this website, so who gives a shit.
 
It was funny really, how shortly after I signed up, they announced Alex was leaving for New York. It bummed me out a bunch, because that guy is as cool as chrome wheels going 125 miles per hour down route 66. That shit is cool. It was like I was the cause or something. But time goes on, Alex is still here in some regard, and the site is still inspiring. I think if any other website had as dedicated a fanbase as you guys, well, never mind, because no other website DOES have a community so dedicated. So suck on that, commies.
 
I recently sent in the payment for my second yearly subscription at Whiskey Media, and I would like to extend my hand to not just the community, but the staff as well, for making something smoother and hotter than greased lightning itself, something sweeter than sugar , and more accessible than... a website?(Yeah, I got nothing)
 
So, no. This isn't as heartwarming as finding the absolute love of my life(Unless comedy counts, I like comedy a lot. I don't want to brag but I think we have something special), so, thanks. Thanks for making this husk of a man find comfort in the confines of virtual space. And thanks for being so tootin awesome :)
 

 Thank you Whiskey Media and co(In this case "co" stands for community!) (That's you!)
64 Comments

N7's Game Of The Year Extravaganza Now With Extra Content!

Presented by Sexy

EDIT: Added in Portal 2 since the editor seems to be working. And this is the finalized version of my GOTY list!

The end of the year. The end of the crazy magnitude of high profile video game releases. The beginning, however, to happiness, joy, and eggnog. It is also to the beginning to the Game Of The Year discussions. As Spike TV will be rolling out it's Video Game Awards tonight, I thought it would be fitting if I would put together my own list, instead of giving out specific awards, it would mostly be aimed towards video games I have enjoyed throughout the year.

I saw a couple other topics on it, so I figured why not. A couple of days ago I began to hunt down video games I have played, the ones I liked, what I didn't, and my overall Game Of The Year. And after quite a bit of work, quite a bit of typing and some image hunting, this is what I have to show for it.

It would be great if someone could read through this and give me their opinions. So if you will allow me, let us get this show on the road.

Top Four

Portal 2

For some reason I keep wanting to type this down as Portale 2. I don't know why.

O DEY YU R

Portal. A game that caught the world by surprise as being the pinnacle of innovation and in the process, being funny and witty and overall smart. It was unfortunate that I was never too interested in the first Portal, and when I did play it, I actually ended up not liking it. But I always knew what Portal was. It just never interested me much. Until Portal 2.

Portal 2 starts out being more or less the same, gameplay wise, and at the same time, it doesn't. It's an entirely new take on what the first game was and an incredible experience, crafted by minds smarter than you or I times a thousand. Portal 2 has charm in its very core.

The most awesome character ever

It was such a unique game to me, as I've never experienced a puzzle that stumped me for twenty minutes until I screw around and do something right. "Oh, you mean all I had to do was pick up this block and aim the lazer that way?". It's funny to think that you can dramatically overthink the puzzles in this game as much as you can. Knowing what Portal was, and seeing enough about it online to see for myself what it was, I knew how crazy and complex it could be. So when I would run into rather simple filler-puzzles, I would never be able to look at them at their face value, instead offering a much more methodical and intense look at what the outcome COULD be.

It does exactly what it sets out to do, and it does it right, in fact, better than most other games. It's such a simple yet unique little game that is loaded with so much charm, so much style, and so much personality, that it makes me wonder just how much black magic Valve had to use to forge this thing into existence.

And then there's Wheatly. I've never seen such an enigmatic and hilarious video game character in my life. Being the central buddy in the game, it was almost like he was responsible for the game being great. Him, Cave Johnson and GlaDOS are the main storytellers in this game, as Chell is just an empty husk which allows you to use her as an avatar to experience this world, much like Gordon Freeman of Half-Life glory. The supporting cast makes this game what it is, by instilling such unique personalities into everything they do. GlaDOS with her insufferably dark, yet hilarious insults. Cave Johnson for being an intense man-of-men and for having the voice of a champion. And Wheatly for being such a fun character.

Portal 2 is much more of a minimalistic game than I was expecting, but that's no indication on quality or length, as it was actually a pretty long game. And in being so minimalistic, there's not much that I can even think to write about. It's a game that you have to play to believe.

It has, by far, the most personality out of any other game this year. And is one of the best, no less.

Deus Ex: Human Revolution

I had never played a Deus Ex game before. Especially hearing bad things about the sequel turned me off completely. Like Mass Effect 2, I had no idea what to expect. All I knew was it an an FPSRPG. And that was all I needed to be excited.

When I began the game, it was something very unreal to me... Mostly because it was pretty much a first person Metal Gear Solid. I had no idea if this is what the past Deus Ex games were like, but I was liking it so far.

He had style, he had flare, he was there. That's how he never asked for this.

The way the game presented the multiple paths to you were sometimes a problem; I wouldn't see a convenient manhole cover until I had already knocked out all of the sentries. That was an issue that happened to me all the time. As if the game were at one point supposed to tell you "HEY! HEY! OVER HERE!", but ended up not working properly. That was almost the entirety of my issue with the game, but other than that, I was pleasantly surprised.

The way the story plays out, you are just Adam Jensen. You were loving life one day, just having a ball with your girlfriend being a gravelly-voiced bodyguard. And then your life turns bad. Real bad. Your company gets raided by a group of Ghost In The Shell rejects, your girlfriend gets kidnapped and you get beat nearly to death, losing your arms, eyes, and almost your life. You're pissed. You're angry at the world and at yourself for letting this happen. You never asked for this. You never asked for anything. But here it is, in your face, and you have to deal with it.

I never asked for Otacon

But the game isn't about the first few hours into it, and cannot be summarized by what happens during those hours. It's later on down the line when you have to sneak into a police HD, it's when you're sneaking behind an army of thugs with nothing but a stun gun and your ability to sneakysnake around them.

I never asked to be cool.

This game can be summarized by one word: "Cool". This game is nothing but cool. Everything about it is just... Cool. The overall design is badass, the story, while pretty crazy at some points, is actually pretty good. The characters can be a little annoying(Adam in particular because he never asked for this), but they are pretty cool too, for the most part. But, in my opinion, what sets this game apart is the two directions you can take with it: Will you go in murderously gunsablazin, or non-lethally and stealthy? I feel it was exzecuted very well and it never really feels forced. There are some points in which you undoubtedly have to save and try again until you get it right, but that's just a part of the fun for me.

After 40 or so hours of the game and many a-sneakin', I was rather disappointed to see that I had killed three people by the end of it... Which was quite curious considering I never even used a single gun in the game, but it was still a pretty good game for me. It took the style and flare of the cyberpunk genre, introducing me to a series I had no idea about, and in the process being a pretty damn fun stealth-action RPG.

While not the best game ever made, it was certainly a game I'm glad I got the chance to finish. And certainly one of the best of the year.

Uncharted 3: Drakes Deception

Lookin' for love in all the wrong plane crashes

I remember when Uncharted: Drakes Fortune came out. The game didn't interest me because I didn't know what to think of it. I wasn't quite sure what it was. I kept being told "YOU NEED THIS GAME" by almost everyone, but I couldn't, for the life of me, figure out why that game was so great. And it wasn't until Among Thieves was announced that I need Uncharted in my life. I had never been hyped up by a trailer more than the Among Thieves trailer, which resulted in my decision to obtain Drakes Fortune under any means necessary. And so I did. And I love it so.

Two games later, my love for Uncharted is even more than I anticipated. With a video game version of a younger and much more charming Indiana Jones, it was hard for me to find any reason to hate it. The series had introduced characters that were so real in everything they did(Aside from mass genocide) that it was hard for me to NOT like them, even Flynn, the jerk. When I got my hands on Uncharted 3, I didn't know what to expect. I knew it was going to be more than I could imagine, and so my hype had maxed out and exploded all over my wall. It was a messy scene.

As I play Uncharted 3, I get immersed in this world of such deep realism. An entirely fictional world deeply rooted in mystical treasure and the dark void of the unknown. It was this modern day treasure hunter Nathan Drake that I was attached to. Him, all of his cohorts and everyone involved. Such deep natured people in this completely fake video game. It's an incredible achievement that everyone talks about nonstop, but it's ever so present in Uncharted 3. Charlie Cutter being one of the best new characters from a video game since Wheatly. And they do a great job with these characters until about the half way mark of the game, where some of these characters are never heard from again. Disappointing in almost every way possible, yes, but from the first few minutes of this game, you see immoderately the direction this game is taking: The relationship between Drake and Sully.

No jivin'?

It's pretty clear in the other games that Drake and Sully are the best of friends, but it isn't until Uncharted 3 that we get to see exactly what extent it was. And it was an amazing moment in the video game. Definitely one of the most heartwarming moments in any video game I had ever played before. It was this deep connection to Sully that you get to see, and even feel at times. It's these real characters, that you can feel for and care about, with an added layer of, well, love. As cheesy as it is, they definitely pull it off in such a fashion that left me almost in tears, and at the same time, completely crazed out in excitement that I got to see something like this happen. Long story short, it was a sweet addition that hit close to home.

The man of the hour! Mr. Charlie Cutter!

The Uncharted series is one built on cinematic grounds. Everything about the game is something straight out of a blockbuster movie. Uncharted 2 had a lot of that going for it, and with the set pieces in Uncharted 3, I thought they were better than ever. At least two parts in this game have left me absolutely breathless. The graphics, soundtrack, personality of it all comes out in full force in some of the best scenes I have seen in a video game. And the coolest part is, they're all playable. Every one of them is a fully playable chaotic mess of fun and more fun. Whereas some games would do what this does in a cutscene, Drakes Deception is fully playable and totally crazy, in a good way.

It's easy to get angry at Uncharted 3 for not matching the levels of Uncharted 2, but the sad fact is, Uncharted 2 was almost a freak accident. They threw everything they had at it and it ended up being one of the most beloved video games of its time, and an instant classic to many. Uncharted 3, on the other hand, took those same levels of creativity and added more to them and made them bigger and crazier than anything from the second game. Maybe they didn't go far enough in one place, and maybe they went too far in another. But the point being, Uncharted fans are dedicated and want only the best that they can get. And it's easy to resonate with. And yes, while there are a couple of pretty big plot holes that they never really seemed to go ANYWHERE with, it's easier to think of those things as shoot-and-forget plot devices that maybe they were hoping people wouldn't focus to much on. That didn't work out as well, to a negative effect on the game, and we may never know just what they were thinking.

Dysfunctional is their middle name

Whatever the case, I thought Uncharted 3 was easily one of the best games this year. You can't have what Uncharted has and not be the best. So yes, while Drakes Deception wasn't as good as Among Thieves, you might want to take a look at just how good Among Thieves was. You can't beat 100%, or so they say.

Metal Gear Solid: HD Collection

The infamous title

Metal Gear Solid games earn a lot of flak with each announcement, release, delay, etc. The story, too bananas for some people. The gameplay, too campy, not action enough. The cutscenes, too long. Growing up, I had never played the original Metal Gear Solid myself. I once saw a family member play it from beginning to the first Psycho Mantis encounter. Back when I was a kid, it was just a game to me. Nothing more, nothing less. Nothing I thought I'd ever be interested in. And years later, I played Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons Of Liberty. It changed my life.

Sure, it's pretty weird to say a video game changed my life. I won't deny it. Sure, I may seem obsessed with it at times, but when I was a stupid kid who did nothing but say "OH DUDE THAT'S GAY HAHA YOU'RE GAY I'M GAY THE WORLD'S GAY", it was almost a revelation. It made me look at things differently, for video games. It almost, dare I say, woke me up. I had this new found passion for stories and creating. From the day I experienced Sons Of Liberty until the day I beat it, I was lost in a world of vivid characters with a deep compelling story that would shame even Hollywood. The pinnacle of storytelling for video games and interactive entertainment. It was this rich world where everything had a reason for being. Nothing had a face value; there was a reason for everything.

My idol.

And, suffice to say, I fell in love. With the characters, the story, the game, everything about it. It wasn't a game at that point, it was an experience to me. From that day forward, I knew that my place was in the creative department. I can't draw, I can't code, my mind would implode at the simple thought of what C++ is. My destiny was writing. I knew that one day, no matter what got in my way, I would do what my idol does: I would create. Hideo Kojima inspired me to want to write fiction. It was something I would have never found myself interested in had I not gotten my hands on Metal Gear Solid 2.

It makes me wonder what would have happened, had I not played Sons Of Liberty. Where would I be today? Surely I would have obtained this passion some other way, right? Who knows? The point being, Metal Gear Solid 2 had a major impact on my life, and made me put things in perspective for the first time.

Richard Gere...!?

And then Metal Gear Solid 3 game out. I remember going into Gamestop and getting Snake Eater and a strategy guide. I'm actually pretty sure it came with the guide somehow, because I've never found an interest in them. But anyway. For the next week, that game was my life. It didn't necessarily have as huge of an impact on me as Sons Of Liberty did, as I was already a somewhat mature individual who has at least SOME sense, but it was a fantastic experience and a master fictional craft that I will never forget about.

The characters, so complex and mysterious that I would WANT the game to explain them to me for hours on end. Gameplay so hell bent on hiding in plain site that you'd lay right next to an unaware enemy as the tension rises higher and higher until you feel like your heart is going to explode. A look at a fictional Cold War with fictional events that somehow manage to make room from the reality for it all to settle in.

It was a game, that, for a time, felt like it was designed just for me. I found it so perfect in every aspect that I just can never manage to forget it. It was a part of my life for a while and these games made impressions on me that I'll never let go.

The HD Collection also comes with the newest of the series; Peace Walker. Peace Walker is a weird game on many accounts. Going from full on stealth action and intense battles to micro-missions designed for co-op play. And the weirdest thing of all was the fact that it worked so beautifully. It felt exactly like a Metal Gear Solid game. Nothing was lost in translation from Portable Ops to Guns Of The Patriots to Peace Walker; but it had all of the best from both worlds.

Wanna know how I got these scars?

The ability to capture and recruit soldiers to build your own army and staff it with crew ranging from Otacon's father to the "mentor" of Solid Snake himself. Peace Walker bridges somewhat of a gap between Big Boss as a soldier, and Big Boss as a mercenary and it's more than welcome.

From recruiting soldiers, to fighting crazy bosses, to saving the world as only Big Boss can, Peace Walker is a hoot. On the PSP, I put in over 135 hours and I'm catching up rapidly on the PS3, and it feels even better with dual-analog controls.

Peace Walker struck a cord with me when I began playing it. From the first mission to the ending, I was so into it that I couldn't believe it was actually a thing. They had managed to take Metal Gear Solid and turn it into a pseudo-RPG. While, yes, Portable Ops did do all of this years before, it was regarded as the black sheep of the MGS games. Even Peace Walker makes no reference to it. And by all accounts, Peace Walker does it better. Being able to create your own Metal Gear is an amazing feature and the level of customization, while relatively linear, is welcome in more ways than one as it adds some personality to the game.

Make no mistake: While I'm not sitting here talking about how Peace Walker changed my life or praising it as a masterpiece, it's an amazing game on all accounts and one of my favorites of the entire series, as it shows the birth of Big Boss and Outer Heaven.

An amazing collection with three amazing games. Metal Gear Solid: HD Collection, while consisting of games which game outer years and years ago, is still one of the best games I've played this year, and rightfully so

Mass Effect 2

Mass Effect 2. What can be said about Mass Effect 2 that hasn't already? Aside from making me feel like no other RPG has managed since Knights Of The Old Republic, Mass Effect 2 was one of the best games I have ever played. Ever. In my life.

I made the right choice.

Aside from managing to capture what I loved so dearly about Knights Of The Old Republic, I actually hadn't followed Bioware at all since getting older and growing into adulthood. I had no idea who they were as a company, or as creators. I had no idea what to expect. So when I played the 60 Minute Trial on the Playstation 3, I had only managed to procure a little sample of the game, but it told me everything I needed to know to get unbelievably hyped up for the title, which released a mere few days away.

When the game came out, it was like a match made in heaven. Everything that I loved about Knights Of The Old republic was coming back, allbeit in a less than KOTOR way, and instead more of a shooter than the traditional RPG combat found in Bioware games. It was the charm, the style, the setting, everything about the game was aesteticly pleasing. But, not just the asthetics. It was the gameplay, the decision making, the squad chatter, the way you upgrade the Normandy, gain party members and interact with them. I was blown away completely by what this game presented. I could not comprehend how I could resonate with a game so much. There was not a single thing that I had an issue with, combat, story, or mechanic wise. It was unrelenting bliss for me to play.

Mass Effect 2 launched for the Xbox 360 and the PC the year prior, so I had plenty of time to hear about it. How "amazing" it was. Truth be told, I really hated this game before I played it because no one would shut up about it. And when they announced it for the Playstation 3, it was even more annoying that I'd have to experience it all over again. I was so wrong about Mass Effect 2, and I couldn't have been happier about it.

The sexy choice.

Mass Effect introduced me to a series I had no pertaining interest in. It introduced me to Bioware for the first time in years and brought back a deep feeling of nostalgia. It gave me more entertainment in one month than many other games have given me in years. And aside from never playing too much of the first Mass Effect, it has definitely secured me firmly on board the Mass Effect fanboy train, whose next stop at Mass Effect 3 has me more giddy than I think I've ever been for a game.

But all games have to end sometime, and end it did. Once I was finished with the game, there was only one more thing I wanted: More Mass Effect. Having the Playstation 3 version, I had all of the DLC(Up until Arrival), so there was nothing I could do to obtain more. I had everything there was, and that was kind of a bummer. It is a pretty crazy and maybe even irrational thought that buying DLC that I should have already had access to would have given me more than I would have experienced for the first time, but I was on a Mass Effect high that I didn't want to come down from. And after obtaining the Platinum trophy, purchasing Arrival and going through once at Femshep, I knew the only thing that could cure Mass Effect Fever was more Mass Effect. And when Mass Effect 3 was announced, it was Metal Gear Solid 4 all over again. Never have I been so hyped for a video game in all of my life, but that's a story for another time.

And that is why Mass Effect 2 is my Game Of The Year.

Notable Mentions

Fight Night Champion

Adolf Drago on the left

The newest iteration of the Fight Night series, Champion is a somewhat fresh take on the franchise as it makes introduction to a feature not found in any previous entries; A story. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a sucker for a boxing movie. Raging Bull, Rocky, you name it, I'm there.

While having a really entertaining story, it was a sad shame that the gameplay was limited to being nothing but a mini-game at that point. One fight forcing you not to use your left hand, the other fight using a dirty ref so the other character can cheap-shot you time and time again, and another fight forcing a cut to be opened in the first second of the fight. It's such a shame because the game was going so good for the first couple of fights, and then coming up short and having nothing to show for it.

But, it was a fun addition and one of the better games I've played this year. From fighting your rival, Adolf Drago, to putting away your girlfriends sleezy and corrupt father, Fight Night Champion is an excellent game.

Resistance 3

LOOK HOW DISTRAUGHT I AM

Fall Of Man launched with the Playstation 3 back in the dark ages of the generation. It was unlike no other, as people have said time and time again. It was this really solid shooting experience layed onto a great foundation coupled with a really interested story. And then Resistance 2 showed up, pretty much ruining everything the first had set in place. It burned a lot of people, and in my opinion, failed to live up to the hype.

So when Resistance 3 was announced, everyone started to grit their teeth. It's a safe bet that everyone was wrong about Resistance 3. It came out and basically gave the finger to its predecessor. It had even better shooting mechanics, really interesting set pieces and some extremely interesting story moments.

It would have easily been one of my top games of the year, had the campaign been too short compared to other games we have today. Being able to beat it in four hours by myself and in another four for co-op, Resistance 3 really go the distance. Make no mistake, that is no indicator of the quality found within the game, as it trumpths everyone else in terms of quality, just not quantity.

inFamous 2

I'm the DJ at the disco of Pain!

inFamous 2. Not much to be said about this game other than how much I loved it dearly. It was such a great game compared to the first, and it improved almost everything there was to improve. From changing Cole from some European raver to something a little more familiar and recognizable.

Not to mention the inclusion of some pretty awesome new powers and the User Generated Content part of it. The problem with inFamous 2 is almost ironic. The world is so full of live, and at the same time, it's so devoid of it. The effort and talent that went into the soundtrack, yet there's no much music in the open world part of the game, save for the cutscenes. Sometimes it got a little dull. And then there's the ending of the game which people managed to predict from a couple of weeks after the first inFamous. It just felt like a low blow to someone like me, who is a huge fan of the series.

There is a lot to this game, and at the same time, there's not. But like Resistance 3, this is no indication of quality or quantity, as this game is unrealistically polished in almost every aspect, and is a pretty long game. It just feels like something is missing.

Agree? Disagree? Comments and opinions? What is your Game Of The Year?

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How to build a B-...Website?

So, a few days ago, I had an idea: I was going to make a website.
 
Weird as it is to say, I've always wanted a website. It's my "internet dream". I've been attempting here and there for years, since I was new to the internet. It actually ended up working out pretty well at times. I'd sign up for a free website and be amazed at all the content and flexibility I was given. But the reasons for those free websites often varied from joining a video game clan to making one for the hell of it. Since those days, my luck in finding free websites have been pretty much zero. All the good ones are gone, and I can't remember which ones I used to use.
 
The day of owning a website is almost here. I finally convinced some of my friends to get behind me and support this idea. To actually have everyone chip in with actual money(NO MORE FREE WEBSITES!!) and buy a website.
 
For the design of the website, the idea came to me from Giant Bomb, actually. I went through some of their older videos a few weeks ago and found their "How To Build A Bomb" videos, and in one of them, Jeff(Or Ryan, I can't remember) shows off their white board, in which they have actually drawn out how the website is going to look. I saw it. My brain registered it and realized what it was for. But for some reason, it just didn't "click" in my head until a few days ago, at like 3AM when I realized that I had opened up Photoshop and couldn't remember why. Then it hit me. I could actually design the website right there, or lay a general guideline to what it would look like.
 
I'm not quite sure why, but somewhere along the line I started to think that the only people who could "design" a website were, well, designers. Graphic designers, artists, coders, developers, you get the point.  I never really thought of how it could be done, only that you need the magical title of a creative person to make it happen. As it so happens, you don't actually need that.
 
So, for the days of recent, I've been working as hard as I could to churn out a design that looked fantastic. It needs to be fantastic, because I'm picky, and I figure if I'm going to actually do something, I'm going to try to do it right. Or, I'm going to try to get as far as I can before I realize that I'm not very good at this type of thing and whisper in the wind the cries of help that I so desperately crave.
 
Since I was a kid, I've always been about entertaining people. That bell rings true even today. I just like to make people laugh. And when I met my friend Edward in 2007, that expanded greatly. From telling jokes and being sarcastic, I ended up helping him write Machinima's that would end up getting viewed hundreds of thousands of times. We've since grown into great friends over time, even picking up a few extra people to our "posse" along the way. And in doing so, this website is going to be our headquarters. Our base of operations. A place to expand into something different over time, just like how one day Giant Bomb was just a website, and today it's an internet sensation leaving poser sites behind. A sensation outweighing even that of Bieber Fever. It expanded from video games to things like TANG, the Endurance Run, and just about anything else. For some people, it is the internet.
 
Our group have a bunch of things in common, one thing moreso than the others: Metal Gear Solid. We've all been lifelong fans of MGS. It's been my dream, personally, to get me an MGS website that's just about stuff, you know. Just stuff. But then I got to thinking, MGS isn't exactly a hot topic today. It's not much of an "in" thing to discuss, and most people would rather joke around and make fun of MGS than actually talk about it(Given, I'm not white-knighting MGS, people can do what they want). But to us, and all of the people we're associated with, we all share a passion for MGS. I know in my case, I absolutely wouldn't be into gaming if it wasn't for Metal Gear Solid(Sons Of Liberty, in particular). It was a great game.
 
The idea of MGS not being a "hot commodity" right now got me thinking. Since me and all of my friends are all huge fans of it, maybe the site doesn't have to just be about Metal Gear? Maybe Metal Gear Solid is just the foundation for what the website really is; our Headquarters. Our base of internet operations, or inter-ops, if you like Peace Walker.
 
The website would be where we can start new things. Create new skits, new Machinima, anything else we can dream up. The only problem being, where to start? How does one build a website?
 
Domain name? Done. Hosting. Done. Email addresses? Done! But how do you create the pixels and forge the code? That's the question I ask myself, the question I am now asking you.
 
It does sound kind of pathetic, even I'll agree, to say that I worked extremely hard on creating only this(Image below). And now that I have the opportunity to post it for reference, I do feel embarrassed that I've done what I've done. But it's merely an example I was creating that only my friends were going to see, to give them an idea of what the site might look like. So, yeah, it was never going to be seen by anyone other than four people. 
 

Personally, I think it looks fantastic. I am a huge fan of the design. Although, I wasn't finished with it, and it would need a LOT more work for it to even be passable as a GeoCity website. This is the most recent version. It's too big, but it's best to work big, that way you can make it smaller, if need be.
 
The thing I'm concerned about is, maybe this will NEVER be a website? Maybe this is only something I can look at and say "Well, at least I tried". I'd be hugely disappointed. Especially from seeing what you can do on the internet. I'm sure it CAN be done, just not how.
 
I was reading this tutorial about some guy making a website entirely with Photoshop, but I got lost almost immediately because my version of Photoshop is vastly different from the one he was using. Different enough to make it impossible to do exactly what he was doing, only because he had already created the code needed to make it a website, and I'd have to do exactly what he was doing, without doing my own thing and following his examples. So, that didn't go very well.
 
And on the subject of tutorials, it seems like I can never find one that relates to the specific question of "How do I take THIS, and turn it into code?". I'm not sure how it's possible, and I don't mean that as in "There's noooo waaay! :(". I mean that as in, how the hell do I do this?
 
I'm sure once I figured out how, it would be very simple. I'm not using this in my bullet-point conference(Not something I'm really proud of, but something that allowed me to learn certain things), but I'm really good at taking things other people made and tweaking the hell out of it until I get it right(Like templates and whatnot). I used to do that YEARS ago with Gaia Online profiles, and I used to be really good at it. But unfortunately, this is something of my own design and I can't just find a template and tweak it into this.
 
I heard something about Adobe Dreamweaver allowing you to take pictures from your harddrive and actually create the code by placing them around and designing the website visually while it creates the code for it. Something like having a disassembled website and using Dreamweaver to put it together.
 
Would any duder with the proper knowledge help a brother? I'm not quite sure where to start with taking that picture and making it into a code to use to actually have a website. I've got the basic design without any of the fancy trimming and added effect-pictures too, if that makes a difference. As I said, this was just an example picture. Like those billboards with an image of what the housing complex is going to look like after demolition.
 
Thanks for reading this, duders. I was originally just going to be like "YO I MAKIN A WEBSITE HOW I DO THIS", but that would have been a waste of space. I also like to explain things in great detail. I hear that's a bad thing sometimes.
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Giant Bomb. Is. Awesome.

I've spent years on the internet, not really going to any specific gaming website. There's really never been one for me. It's always too "Herp derp super serious herp derp". I've never really found a fun one to be on. They are all too serious with little to no awesome features. This one has two that stand out: The infinite and expanding database of just about everything related to video games, and the Quick Looks. It's like Wikipedia had a baby with Raptor Zombie Mecha Jesus. You don't get more awesome than that.
 
The Quick Looks are often more hilarious than anything else I've seen, and also show me stuff about games that I would definitely want to know. The most important part about these QL's, is they are played by real gamers. Not "Herp derp benefit of the doubt". If it sucks, they're going to be like "Yeah, this game sucks". It's not an official statement by the GiantBomb review team or whatnot, but it's like a watercooler conversation.
 
Herp 1: "Hey Joe, does that game suck?"
Derp 1: "Yeah, this game sucks".
 
It's a nice change of pace that sets this place apart from the other sites out there. And while I'm not anyone special, it's really nice to find a site that's right for me and appreciate it. Especially with it's database and quests for level progression. What is this, a website or an RPG? GiantBomb crossed the streams, and it is glorious.
 
That's about it for this blog. Wouldn't you know it, my first blog is me, confessing my love for GiantBomb, and is actually quite pointless. But oh well. I appreciate GB and all they do!

Thank you, GiantBomb, for being awesome and right for me.

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