I seriously feel like I just lost one of my best friends. I don't care how weird that sounds. The thought of going the rest of the day just pretending to be okay is killing me right now. And what would I tell people? "Oh, this guy on the internet died." That sounds insane but it's the truth.
That doesn't sound weird at all. I JUST found out a few minutes ago, like an hour after waking up and I feel weird about how much it's bothering me because I didn't know him personally, but reading all the comments of people in disbelief and saying they feel like they lost a dear friend proves that I'm not alone in feeling this way. I don't really know how else to put it, like many people here my first reaction was "this has to be a joke..." but my next thought was "why would anyone who knew this guy joke about his death?"
I'm not trying to co-opt anyone's compassion or pain here or anything, I mean this obviously is harder for the GB crew and the rest of his friends and family to deal with. I didn't even know he was that young.
It's hard to process. It's a strange feeling indeed.
It reminds me of another loss I had to deal with back in 2004, and again this will sound insane, but I think Ryan would have appreciated this analogy:
I grew up listening to Wu-Tang and had listened to them all throughout my adolescence, but for like two months straight back in '04, the ONLY album I listened to, both alone and with friends in my car, was their first album, Enter the Wu-Tang: 36 Chambers. We listened played the CD beginning to end, and just let it repeat over and over. But one day, after getting home from a long drive with three close friends, and listening to that very album, my friend David got online and said the words, "Dude...ODB died?" He was the one reporting this news yet still phrased it like a question because he was in disbelief, and so were we all. We couldn't fathom a Wu-Tang without Ol' Dirty. We were all sincerely upset and later on when I told non-Wu-Tang-fans how it was devastating to me, they thought I was joking. We just kinda sat around in silence, occasionally saying "I just still can't believe it, man" and stuff like that. It wasn't like Wu-Tang was our whole lives but it still hit us hard, and kinda lingered for a few days.
So yes, I'm comparing Ryan to a rapper who went by the names Big Baby Jesus, Dirt McGirt, and Ol' Dirty Bastard. But anyone who knows me would know that that comparison is high praise. I never really post on here, I just enjoy the content, but I had to make an exception this time.
Rest in peace, Ryan.