2001: An Off-Topic Odyssey

Well, no-one said I couldn't make it, several said I shouldn't, but I've managed the immense task of 2,000 posts. Now to take on Karmum and Jayge *cackle cackle cackle*.

Anyways now for the bloggy stuff. Since I have said really just about nothing about me on my blogs for the entirety of ever (or maybe I have and am too slow to remember), I'll tell you what's happened to me over the while since GB launched: I toured the East coast of North America for a bit, kinda, well, Toronto, NYC and DC, so not really, one of my cats went missing, my dog persists in opening doors by any means necessary so I've had to buy new ones and I was hit by the reality that my tortoise would outlive me, and that I have too many animals, I nearly ruined Christmas lunch and this year I punched a friend in the head and he broke my arm. So yeah, my life rocks so much that I have no need for full-stops (periods, whatever) when blogging it.

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What do I do?

Ok community what still cares about me, what do I buy, Motorstorm 2 or SFIV? You may say stupid question-I'm aware that SFIV has had decidedly better reviews, but I've never really got into the Street Fighter series, though I did enjoy Motorstorm. So yes, a quick blog today, tell me what to do.

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Quantum of Solace: The Bloke In The Corner's Review

I went into the cinema with fairly high expectations, Casino Royale was a damn good film, Craig had my respect as a Bond and recently sequels of films seem to be better than the originals (see The Dark Knight, Spiderman 2, X-Men 2). Left the cinema slightly disappointed, the film is action packed, I wouldn't think much more than five minutes passes without Mr Bond punching some guy silly. Not that that's not great, it is fun to watch, but it does get a bit tiresome. It also doesn't feel like a Bond film; remove all the character names and replace them with ones from the Bourne series and nothing would seem amiss. The only real hint that it is a Bond film is the Aston from the opening chase, that's about it I think. Anyway, the acting it still great, the effects are still impressive, the punches will leave you wincing in your seat, it just doesn't feel Bondy. I'll leave it to my friends Statler and Waldorf to get in the final words.

  
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...IS BACK *FANFARE*

Yeah, I'm back, sort of. I'm a bit busier than I was, but yeah. I'm back. Yeah.

Anyways, the U.S. presidential election's gonna be happening soon. How about that. Crazy. Not that I can get involved in that. Um, Halloween. Yeah. That's tomorrow, guess that's something else to be excited about, but I not really a Wiccan or anything so I can't celebrate that particularly much, and I can't really dress up as Winnie the Pooh and go round to strangers houses demanding delicious treats, wasn't too popular when I did that last year. Hmmm.

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^_^...>__>

Milk...I need milk...milk for tea. There I go, strolling away to the store. I'm in the store, I grab the milk, I pay. I make my way to the door, I open it, see a woman coming towards me, hold the door open for her. I smile, expecting a "Thank you", or at least some recognition of my endeavour to please. She glowers at me. I check my appearence. Nothing's wrong with me. My smile disappears, I manoeuver my free arm behind my back, raising the middle finger of the hand on its end. With that I evaporate into the street.

I'm at the station, with its delightful self-service, touch-screen ticket machines. I need a ticket to Kingston. I somehow manage to fiddle my way around the ludicrously complex system apparently required to buy a ticket and am about to press 'Confirm Selection' when... I'm prodded from behind. A rather podgy man inquires "Are you waiting?". I have no idea what to reply. He pushes past me. Steals my ticket machine. I manoeuver one of my arms behind my back, raising the middle finger on the hand on its end. With that, I begin to fumble away at the ticket machine next to him.

I'm at the cinema. Standing in a never ending queue that I'm at the end of. Years later I arrive at the ticketeer, or whatever they're called. I need a ticket to see the Dark Knight. The ticketeer stares blankly. I ponder whether he is a relation to the tiddly-winks who tried to mug me the day before. I ask again for a ticket to the Dark Knight, this time trying different words in case he needed some kind of verbal activation. Miraculously he looks up and inquires where I would like to sit. I say "Anywhere". He asks again. Sighing I ask for an aisle seat. He then prints off three tickets. I only need one, my friends already have theirs. The whole process starts again.  I manoeuver one of my arms behind my back, raising the middle finger on the hand on its end.

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A Girls' Guide to Cockney Rhyming Slang

To all those not knowing of the ultimate dialect, behold Cockney. Rhyming. Slang. *awaits applause*

  • Havin a giraffe =a laugh
  • Bubble= Bubble Bath = Laugh (thats the real one)
  • Airy Muff= Fair enough
  • Porkies = pork pies = lies
  • Apples = apples and pears = stairs
  • Barnet = Barnet Fair = hair
  • Dog = dog and bone = telephone
  • Jam = jam jar = car
  • Water = water bottle = throttle
  • China = china plate = mate
  • Pony = pony and trap = crap (to defecate or meaning something is rubbish = not very good-if you didn't already know)
  • Saucepan = saucepan lid = kid
  • Frog = frog and toad = road
  • Trouble = trouble and strife = wife
  • Tom = Tom Tit = shit (to defecate or meaning something is rubbish = not very good)
  • Listerine = Anti Septic = Septic Tank = Yank = American (From The U.S.A.)
  • Ginger-ginger beer-queer

That's all I need to function in my daily life, so it should be enough to impress your friends.

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Muggers.

Ah, what a hilarious day it's been. On the train back from bowling, approached by a couple of hooded youths who asked if I had a phone. I replied "Why?"; they stared blankly at me for a while, blankly at each other for a while, flaunted a knuckle duster and said in their charming little pre-pubescent voices "Oi, we said, give us yer fown". Perhaps it was because I was just irritated from being shit at bowling earlier but I decided to draw things out a little (this is the way I get my giggles you see). So I reply "No, you asked if I had a phone earlier". They stare blankly. The shorter one goes "Oi you fink dat you is so smart, how smart does you fink you gonna be when we bashing yer head in". I smirk, the taller one tries to look menacing with his knuckle-duster. I then decided to notify them that I didn't have a phone, that I had less than five pounds on me and that a train stops at pre-determined "stations", all of which have at least one attendant, whose job it is to stop anything disorderly from happening, thus even if they did bother mugging me, they'd almost certainly get "arrested". The smaller one stares blankly. The taller one stares blankly. It's my stop. I walk past them, patting the short one on the shoulder "Better luck next time, eh?". The train pulls away. I wave. They stare blankly.

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Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?

I'll tell you where the fuck I am, I'm walking out of this awful production. Except I can't, because my friends are there. Damn. So as I sit there contemplating my situation I stare at the weak excuse for a set, all it contains is the stage itself and a clapped out VW Camper. It is truly bizzare, a mix of contemporary Tudor clothing, jeans, and sneakers. Each of the actors plays several parts, with the exception of the two playing Romeo and Juliet, leading to hilarious amounts of confusion, for example, one of the actors begins conversing with himself, people begin to giggle before they realise that he is speaking as both Lord Capulet and Lord Montague (if you haven't read or seen the play, these are the fathers of Juliet and Romeo respectively). Another actor seems obsessed with air-humping. Another with playing the ukulele. Will this play never end? A minor burst of enjoyment comes when the rather overweight lady sitting in front of me falls off her chair, she seemed not to want to get up and eventually a medic arrived, who forced her to get up. Wait, there's a table now, both the the actor and actress who don't play anyone else are lying on it, is this the end? It is? HOOORAAAY! I jump, punching the air with glee, only to notice that eveyone around me is still sitting, now looking at me, the actors are grouping on stage, with what I can only say looked like a cross between a grimace and a smirk on their faces. I adjust my shirt calmly and sit back down. Everyone begins to clap. I begin to contemplate suicide.

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Well well well...what have we here?

End of, what is it, day 3(?) and I'm a bit disappointed to see the number of people impersonating high ranking Gamespot member (see CaseyWenger, MissRiotmaker etc) and all the spam and excessive swearing lying around the place, but I'm glad that familiar faces have decided to join Giant Bomb as well. Seen a few more moderators around the place, another welcome addition and my major complaint from a couple of days ago has been fixed, the site is now functioning at a generally high speed. Uh, in other news, my life outside the internet has had almost no change whatsoever, I received mail this morning, ate food, drank liquids, you know, I've had a regular couple of days. So  yes, the site seems to be on the up- I guess the spamming thing was almost a given, though I hope the Staff out there don't think that we can't handle the ability to swear, since the majority seem to be able to control themselves- so keep up the good work and so will I.

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