THE ACHIEVEMENT ELEPHANT AND ITS MATHMATICAL RAMIFCATIONS

So I thought I’d better take the time out of my busy schedule to address a serious issue that threatens to stab at the heart of us all and affect the very quality of the site itself – my obviously low Gamerscore.

While a precursory reading of the situation might seem to reveal simply a lousy and un-kept profile resultant from an un-healthy combination of too-few games and you know, simply being a girl – such an interpretation would be wholly premature.

Why? You’re foolishly forgetting the luigi-peach principal of course.

Now while we’re all familiar with the math – lets take the opportunity to revise anyway shall we?

According to the pioneering theoretical principles outlined by the groundbreaking Luigi-Peach paper from MIT’s prestigious Mushroom Labs in the late 1980’s - The rate at which any given female plays a given game and proceeds to accrue in game rewards is equal to that rate at which her perfect intellectual equal who happens to be but by no coincidence is a boy, accrues said achievements: then divided by a factor of exactly 1.4015.

Now, a factor of 1.4015 may seem somewhat arbitrary, but careful reading Luigi-Peach’s seminal observations reveal the origins of the value to be perfectly rational and in fact, utterly unavoidable.

Considering all relevant conditions and variables, it was emphatically demonstrated that by dividing Meryl’s secret codec frequency from Metal Gear Solid, 140.15, by a factor of 10^2, we come to the value of 1.4015 – with the derivation of the factor 10^2 of course coming from the observation that MGS was approximately 100 times better than any other game released at the time, hence requiring all values originally expressed in the context of the game to be re-calculated at normal, non-MGS levels.

Having realised this, Luigi and Peach had clearly just discovered the only logical means by which a girl’s gaming performance can be accurately calculated and definitively determined.  Hence – Taking the approximate average Gamerscore of around 5500 points into account (which we can safely assume to be principally constituted by the scores of male players), the Luigi-Peach principle predicts that the gamerscore of a given female gamer would be around 3924 points.

Now, as we can all readily determine; my score of 4100 points is discernibly higher than what should be mathematically possible.

The conclusion? Well, in the interests of continuing good natured interactions with Gant Bomb community as a whole: I’ll leave it to you to interpret my freakish ability to defy mathematical certainty however you like.

(1)      If by busy schedule you realise I mean the newest episode of the big bang theory hasn’t been uploaded on TV Shack.com and found myself with nothing to do.

(2)      In game rewards meaning ‘Achievements’ or ‘Trophies’, in the modern layman’s tongue.

(3)     Clearly I jest – the only possible interpretation must surely be my sheer unadulterated awesomeness.

Posted by pepsicolagirl

So I thought I’d better take the time out of my busy schedule to address a serious issue that threatens to stab at the heart of us all and affect the very quality of the site itself – my obviously low Gamerscore.

While a precursory reading of the situation might seem to reveal simply a lousy and un-kept profile resultant from an un-healthy combination of too-few games and you know, simply being a girl – such an interpretation would be wholly premature.

Why? You’re foolishly forgetting the luigi-peachprincipal of course.

Now while we’re all familiar with the math – lets take the opportunity to revise anyway shall we?

According to the pioneering theoretical principles outlined by the groundbreaking Luigi-Peach paper from MIT’s prestigious Mushroom Labs in the late 1980’s - The rate at which any given female plays a given game and proceeds to accrue in game rewards is equal to that rate at which her perfect intellectual equal who happens to be but by no coincidence isa boy, accrues said achievements: then divided by a factor of exactly 1.4015.

Now, a factor of 1.4015 may seem somewhat arbitrary, but careful reading Luigi-Peach’s seminal observations reveal the origins of the value to be perfectly rational and in fact, utterly unavoidable.

Considering all relevant conditions and variables, it was emphatically demonstrated that by dividing Meryl’s secret codec frequency from Metal Gear Solid, 140.15, by a factor of 10^2, we come to the value of 1.4015 – with the derivation of the factor 10^2 of course coming from the observation that MGS was approximately 100 times better than any other game released at the time, hence requiring all values originally expressed in the context of the game to be re-calculated at normal, non-MGS levels.

Having realised this, Luigi and Peach had clearly just discovered the only logical means by which a girl’s gaming performance can be accurately calculated and definitively determined.  Hence – Taking the approximate average Gamerscore of around 5500 points into account (which we can safely assume to be principally constituted by the scores of male players), the Luigi-Peach principle predicts that the gamerscore of a given female gamer would be around 3924 points.

Now, as we can all readily determine; my score of 4100 points is discernibly higher than what should be mathematically possible.

The conclusion? Well, in the interests of continuing good natured interactions with Gant Bomb community as a whole: I’ll leave it to you to interpret my freakish ability to defy mathematical certainty however you like.

(1)      If by busy schedule you realise I mean the newest episode of the big bang theory hasn’t been uploaded on TV Shack.com and found myself with nothing to do.

(2)      In game rewards meaning ‘Achievements’ or ‘Trophies’, in the modern layman’s tongue.

(3)     Clearly I jest – the only possible interpretation must surely be my sheer unadulterated awesomeness.

Posted by DCFGS3

You fail to take into account you're a girl, and while your score is high for a girl, in comparison to male gamers you still rank behind. Ergo, despite your clear abilities as a gamer, you are held back by your gender.

Now get the fuck back in the kitchen.

@DCFGS3 said:
" You fail to take into account you're a girl, and while your score is high for a girl, in comparison to male gamers you still rank behind. Ergo, despite your clear abilities as a gamer, you are held back by your gender.   Now get the fuck back in the kitchen. "
sir i don't know if i should high-five you or punch you XD
Posted by pepsicolagirl
@DCFGS3:
lol.
Clearly you've failed to grasp the intricacies of the luigi-peach principle!

All im saying is that im ok - for a girl (which, if you read an earlier blog post of mine, you'll see ive already acknowledged that as a girl, im pretty much genetically predisposed to being the inferior gamer). Hence your distinction is clearly not required my friend.

Now can we just agree and make up? That Pot Roast is nearly done and I want us to enjoy it together like we planned?
Posted by CharlesAlanRatliff

I don't know what I have walked into but I am scared and confused.

Posted by natetodamax

There are no girls on the internet.

Posted by buzz_clik
@pepsicolagirl said:
" All im saying is that im ok - for a girl "
You're saying it like you're the Wii of the human race: "The graphics are okay... for a Wii title"

In other news, I'm sure I don't need to point out to someone as erudite as yourself that stats can be tweaked to reflect any predetermined conclusion. With that in mind, bravo! You did a pretty nifty smoke 'n' mirrors job there, fer sure. I'm not not buying it.
Moderator
Posted by ApolloJ85

Well after I got all confused by your luigi-peach stuff, i skipped to the summary paragraph and 5500 points seems rather low as an average. At least for this site.

Posted by Pepsicolaboy

'Female Gamers - new evidence suggests they exist!'

Posted by MoistJohn

I assume you haven't heard because this is very recent news in Israel and I guess it will be a few hours before this hits the world. Girl gamers don't have lower scores because they are the inferior gamer but because it hasn't existed long enough. Our mathematical analysis has showed that the male gamerscore is infinitesimally close to :
f(x) = (time played / age) ^ (the girth of your ass * the size of the gaming TV in cm (we do use metric...)) / ( 2Pi)
when the formula for the female gamerscore, which we have yet to grasp in a satisfactory level, is lower bound by the above formula when given time passed.

Posted by DCFGS3
@pepsicolagirl: Fine. You always know a good pot roast is my only weakness.
Posted by Tebbit
@buzz_clik said:
" @pepsicolagirl said:
" All im saying is that im ok - for a girl "
You're saying it like you're the Wii of the human race: "The graphics are okay... for a Wii title"

In other news, I'm sure I don't need to point out to someone as erudite as yourself that stats can be tweaked to reflect any predetermined conclusion. With that in mind, bravo! You did a pretty nifty smoke 'n' mirrors job there, fer sure. I'm not not buying it. "
Girls have the best graphics, you fucker.

...

Wait...

So... she's ok, for... graphics, as a medium. But with a CPU bottleneck.
Posted by buzz_clik
@Tebbit: Also, pepsicolagirl is like two girls of lesser power duct taped together.

Nope, I couldn't rescue the Wii simile. Not even close.
Moderator
Posted by Red12b
@DCFGS3 said:
" You fail to take into account you're a girl, and while your score is high for a girl, in comparison to male gamers you still rank behind. Ergo, despite your clear abilities as a gamer, you are held back by your gender.   Now get the fuck back in the kitchen. "
Wow, Nice welcome there.

If you play games, you're a gamer, regardless of gender,

The only thing that could use a bit of classification is the repressed little boys who become idiots at the sight of any female, on-line or off, and think of stupid things to say, like that wonderful quote above. (I know it's in jest but still.)

How are we supposed to move forward as a community if we still latch on to terms as "Girl Gamer" doesn't that make people who might be into games think twice, that there is an overtly sexist view in the gaming culture, why is it that all forms of Media has moved forward, and gaming has not?
Posted by pepsicolagirl
@Marshmellow_Peep:  In the wise words of Guybrush Threepwood... ''touche`"

@ApolloJ85:  it's not an average for this site and the link to where I got the estimate from is in the post itself - BUT on that note, precisely the reason I didn't use the average gamerscore from this site was because it would be about, oh i don't know... fifty-gazillion, or thereabouts :)

@buzz_clik:
Anyone can make up statistics Kent, 14% of people know that

Posted by Rockdalf
@Red12b said:
" @DCFGS3 said:
" You fail to take into account you're a girl, and while your score is high for a girl, in comparison to male gamers you still rank behind. Ergo, despite your clear abilities as a gamer, you are held back by your gender.   Now get the fuck back in the kitchen. "
Wow, Nice welcome there.  If you play games, you're a gamer, regardless of gender,   The only thing that could use a bit of classification is the repressed little boys who become idiots at the sight of any female, on-line or off, and think of stupid things to say, like that wonderful quote above. (I know it's in jest but still.)   How are we supposed to move forward as a community if we still latch on to terms as "Girl Gamer" doesn't that make people who might be into games think twice, that there is an overtly sexist view in the gaming culture, why is it that all forms of Media has moved forward, and gaming has not?    "
I guess maybe then you can get the fuck in the kitchen if you don't like it and me and Pepsicolagirl will play a few rounds of MW2 while you prepare the roast.  Don't worry about cooking dinner tonight Pepsi, the nice man with liberal sensibilities has got it taken care of.
Posted by Red12b
@pepsicolagirl: @Pepsicolaboy:
WTF is going on here???
Posted by Red12b
@pepsicolagirl said:
"Anyone can make up statistics Kent, 14% of people know that   "

9 out of 10 nutritionists agree that the 10th is an ice queen.
Posted by Pepsicolaboy
@Red12b said:
" @pepsicolagirl: @Pepsicolaboy:  WTF is going on here??? "
Haha - pepsicolagirl is my girlfriend (and is also sitting next to me here on our other computer).

I might also add that whilst her combined computational abilities are (slightly) greater than that of a Wii, she has all sorts of problems with her heat sink and is prone to blue screen's and fatal errors.
Also she occasionally makes that strange beeping noise that your graphics card makes when you turn you computer on and the card is loose.
Posted by insouciant

Wow, your girlfriend likes video games and the Giant Bomb forums?  Lucky  :P
Posted by pepsicolagirl
@buzz_clik:
@Tebbit:

Actually I've always thought of myself as being more like an overclocked graphics card... i'm thinking more like a Voodoo 2
Posted by Rockdalf
@insouciant said:
"
Wow, your girlfriend likes video games and the Giant Bomb forums?  Lucky  :P "
Twist Ending: Pepsicolagirl is a split personality of Pepsicolaboy.  The two are one.
Posted by insouciant

Nah, I buy it that she's his girlfriend.  Have you seen the way she writes her blogs?
Posted by pepsicolagirl

@Rockdalf:  here we go... i thought this might happen... ok, give us 5 minutes and we'll prove you wrong :P

Posted by Rockdalf
@pepsicolagirl said:
"

@Rockdalf:  here we go... i thought this might happen... ok, give us 5 minutes and we'll prove you wrong :P

"
Oh god, are you coming to my house with baseball bats?  I'm sorry, I give!
Posted by Red12b
@pepsicolagirl said:
"

@Rockdalf:  here we go... i thought this might happen... ok, give us 5 minutes and we'll prove you wrong :P

"
Posted by xyzygy

That whole Luigi-Peach thing confused me. I don't get it at all, it's the first time I've heard of it.

Posted by pepsicolagirl
@Rockdalf:
Lol - I meant more like we are going take a photo right now of the two of us and post it....... but I agree that baseball bats would also solve the problem ;)
Posted by Th3_James

Well i lent my friend heavy rain, and he is pissed because his girlfriend has been playing through the whole game herself. I was really surprised, but talking to her she loves it.

Posted by MagisterCoeruleus
@Rockdalf said:
" @Red12b said:

I guess maybe then you can get the fuck in the kitchen if you don't like it and me and Pepsicolagirl will play a few rounds of MW2 while you prepare the roast.  Don't worry about cooking dinner tonight Pepsi, the nice man with liberal sensibilities has got it taken care of. "

As for you getting a couple of  rounds of MW2 in with Pepsicolagirl, I recently watched her attempt to get the trophy for a Pit time of under 30 seconds, she got alarmingly close and hit a wall.  The frustration hit near catastrophic levels. I'd be surprised if the disc was still in one piece.

Having recently signed up for this fine community (in no small part due to the threat of violence from Pepsicolagirl) I had planned a somewhat more interesting inaugural post,  however as the space bar on my keyboard has died about 5 hours ago I've had to download a program called Key Tweak
(I don't recommend it to anyone) and map my space function to the left alt key. Whilst  it may appear at a glance that the distance between the space and alt key is negligible, I assure you this small paragraph has been one of the most harrowing experiences of my life.
Posted by insouciant

Wow!  You look even better in your most recent photo than you do in your avatar.  It's usually the other way around.

Posted by buzz_clik
@pepsicolagirl: This looks shopped ;)

Awww, wookit you two!

P.S. Everything is better when you say it like the Zapper.
Moderator
Posted by c0l0nelp0c0rn1

That was very funny.

Posted by pepsicolagirl
@Th3_James:
Yeah i've nearly finished Heavy Rain - it's great.
Posted by Capum15
@pepsicolagirl said:
"

TADA - case closed (*said in zap brannigan voice) Note: When trying to prove point in timely fashion dont take photo with iphone through a mirror. "

/random comment
Posted by Paliv

Well, this made my morning.  Now I can study for midterms without losing my damn mind.

Edited by Tennmuerti

Is it bad form to say: "I'd tap that." if the person you're talking about is present?
If so, pardon my french.
Also  my mind still cannot comprehend why do people place so much emphasis on Achievements, but then again I don't get how so many people play farmville.

I find that girls and women are just like every other person, it all depends on the individual, some play a lot, some play less, some are terrible, some kick your ass.
One of my former guilds in WoW had both examples. One chick was a healer but she was (for lack of a less insulting term) retarded, but being a girl and a friend of GM was given special favors and too much leeway, a prime example of a phail female WoW player. Another girl was freakin insanein how much she knew, we used to have long discussions on class balance, gameplay mechanics, patches, gear, basically was really serious about the game and was one of the best players I have ever met... (and yes I talked to both of them on Vent\TS so they were not guys pretending to be a girl)

Posted by Pepsicolaboy
@Tennmuerti:
I feel obliged to comment.....

Nah who am I kidding, I totally agree! (obviously)
Posted by Jeffsekai
@DCFGS3 said:
" You fail to take into account you're a girl, and while your score is high for a girl, in comparison to male gamers you still rank behind. Ergo, despite your clear abilities as a gamer, you are held back by your gender.   Now get the fuck back in the kitchen. "
lmao
Posted by Red12b