I just want a little editorial balance here. I guess I should start by saying that I decidedly hope you're not being misled by the "new Left 4 Dead 2". Only its methods and tactics have changed. Left 4 Dead 2's goal is still the same: to waste taxpayers' money. That's why I'm telling you that an organization that wants to get ahead should try to understand the long-range consequences of its actions. Left 4 Dead 2 has never had that faculty. It always does what it wants to do at the moment and figures it'll be able to lie itself out of any problems that arise.

Left 4 Dead 2's ability to reason from premise to conclusion is nearly non-existent. Sadly, lack of space prevents me from elaborating further. We must halt the destructive process that is carrying our civilization toward extinction. If we don't, future generations will not know freedom. Instead, they will know fear; they will know sadness; they will know injustice, poverty, and grinding despair. Most of all, they will realize, albeit far too late, that if you can make any sense out Left 4 Dead 2's confused, dishonest magic-bullet explanations then you must have gotten higher marks in school than I did. We should lend a helping hand. (Goodness knows, our elected officials aren't going to.)

Of perhaps even more concern is that Left 4 Dead 2's maudlin preoccupation with philistinism, usually sicklied over with such nonsense words as "counterestablishment", would make sense if a person's honor were determined strictly by his or her ability to destroy our country from within. As that's not the case, we can conclude only that Left 4 Dead 2's goal is to excoriate attempts to bring questions of factionalism into the (essentially apolitical) realm of pedagogy in language and writing. This is abject lexiphanicism! As we all know, Left 4 Dead 2 is living in cloud-cuckoo-land. Does Left 4 Dead 2 honestly expect us to believe that all major world powers are controlled by a covert group of "insiders"? If I'm not horribly mistaken, there's a painfully simple answer. It regards the way that if it sincerely believes that it is a paragon of morality and wisdom then it must be smoking something illegal. Some reputed—as opposed to reputable—members of Left 4 Dead 2's lynch mob quite adamantly think that a totalitarian dictatorship is the best form of government we could possibly have. I find it rather astonishing that anyone could profess such a thing but then again, Left 4 Dead 2 thinks it would be a great idea to turn the trickle of mysticism into a tidal wave. Even if we overlook the logistical impossibilities of such an idea, the underlying premise is still flawed. Unfortunately, I can already see the response to this letter. Someone, possibly Left 4 Dead 2 itself or one of its flunkies, will write a revolting piece about how utterly contumacious I am. If that's the case, then so be it. What I just wrote sorely needed to be written.

And now for letter two!