Games The Polly Said, "EFF YOU," To In 2013
They can't all be winners, and we certainly can't have the patience to trudge through them all.
So here, they shall be documented. The games that just weren't worth the effort or time required.
List items
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1. Ninja Blade
Progress: Mission 3, 2 hours played.
"Oh, this can't be as bad as reviews said," she said... MY GOD, WAS SHE EVER WRONG!
I struggle to think of one single thing Ninja Blade does right. It's certainly not the clunky, uninspired combat. It's most DEFINITELY not the over-indulgence of Quick Time Events that seem to make up about 60% of the gameplay experience. Probably not the shoddy camera angles, bad framerates, and awful geometry detection bugs either.
Ninja Blade tries to copy games like God of War, Ninja Gaiden, and Devil May Cry and doesn't manage to replicate one single thing properly whatsoever.
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2. VVVVVV
VVVVVV is a game with a great idea, visuals, and music, but it is an absolute shit sandwich to try and play. If you want to play a game with positively terrible controls and level deisgn that consistently asks for far more precision than those controls can provide, then I can wholeheartedly suggest VVVVVV to you, you masochist.
The flipping mechanic is a great alternative take on platforming, but character movement is sluggish and feels far too unresponsive. The momentum you carry while trying to stop makes precision almost impossible while trying to land on smaller platforms. Levels being broken up into individual screens does this game absolutely zero favors as well. It's far too easy to get disoriented while transitioning and just crashing into an object or spikes in the next screen. The disorientation coupled with the terrible controls make VVVVVV one of the most unpleasant gaming experiences I've had in a good long while.
I don't dislike VVVVVV. I absolutely fucking hate it.
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3. Sleeping Dogs
12 Hours Played. Bored to tears by the end of it.
Sleeping Dogs is pretty much every other open-world game you've played, only this one is about the only one to get driving right and not much else. Instead, Sleeping Dogs is just a big pile of boring, but I guess I should have known that given that it has the word "sleeping" in its name.
The combat system isn't quite as robust or complex as anyone's ever really let on. Most of the time you'll simply be waiting on enemies to attack you so you can perform a one-button auto-counter. The upgrade skill trees offer nothing all that exciting or effective. When the game introduces guns (and forces them on you for mission completion) they're about the worst thing this side of Deadly Premonition and only lead to aggravation. The game also has a terrible habit of forcing minigames on you without ever explaining how they work or what you're supposed to do, often leading to dropped missions.
Other than that, Sleeping Dogs has all the standard fare, boring after 10 hours nonsense you've seen in every other open-world game. Dumb collectibles that mean nothing, dumb races that mean nothing, and dumb missions that never offer anything special or interesting, and lots of mission breaking bugs that will require you to start entire missions all over again because NPCs bug out or waypoints don't activate.
Best to stick with something like Saints Row: The Third, because even if it's just as boring, at least it has style and spectacle.
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