I Play Porn Games For The Story // 04.03.2012

Hey guys! Blog time once again! Here I talk about things, you probably know the drill by now. Then again, if I don’t constantly repeat myself every week, what the hell can go here as the intro? Me talking about myself talking about things? Maybe next week I’ll be able to reflect on this intro and talk about how I talked about talking about things. Surely that’s how I’ll win over readers, right?

Anyway videogames, visual novels, random song, let’s go.

Soul Calibur 5

The Soul Calibur games have interested me. I actually never got into the series until the fourth instalment, which I did enjoy for all its weird faults. Now that Soul Calibur V is out, however, the game has taken an incredibly sharp turn in terms of what I enjoy about it. By the time the fifth game came out what I really loved, and what I’m sure the developers realised, is the custom characters.

When playing soul Calibur with my homies, the main characters could not be further from our minds. Instead, what we do is just make a bunch of really silly original character do not steals and fight with them. Or we’ll make characters from other franchises (as I’m sure everyone does) like Phoenix Wright, Legend of Zelda, and human versions of colourful horses.

But the real fun comes from the random character selection. There’s an option to just create a completely random male or female fighter right from the character select. The results are usually hilarious and sometimes we feel compelled to recreate said random characters after the fight. Last we played there were three of us in total, playing on a traditional ‘winner stays on’ system. My friend managed to beat both of us 9 times in a row with Chris-chan, making it incredibly embarrassing for us.

Also I guess it’s a fighting game. But who cares about that part of it.

Super Smash Bros. Brawl

After Soul Calibur we decided to play a real fighting game, and threw in Brawl. I have found memories of Brawl, so I was looking forward to playing it again after a few years of ignoring it.

And to be honest I sort of wished I continued to ignore it.

I don’t know what it is, but I really don’t like Brawl anymore. I’ve playing the original and Melee recently as well and I honestly do prefer Melee. I remember closer to the release of Brawl there were a lot of people who thought that, and I thought they were crazy, but now I totally get what they’re saying.

Not to say Brawl isn’t a fun game. I had a few one on one matches with a friend of mind, and won most of them. It’s still fun seeing the brawl token, or whatever it’s called, spawn and both of us scramble over to get it. But there’s just something about Melee that feels better.

Looking back on it, I think I enjoyed the anticipation of Brawl a lot more than the game itself. The daily reveals were always fun to check, and I honestly hope they do something similar for the new games.

Subspace was awesome too, but it’s a thing that I don’t think I can go back and play again... Man, I’m really trying to justify my original love of this game, but I don’t know anymore.

Modnation Racers

Speaking of games I had fond memories of before realising on recent plays that they’re not as fun as I remember, I also played Modnation Racers for about 2 hours. Meaning there were like 4 races and 100 minutes of loading.

Seriously they didn’t manage to fix that? Anyway.

Maybe it’s just because I’ve been playing a lot of Crash Team Racing recently, which is undeniably the best kart racer ever made, but yeah this game just feels off as well. What I do like about this game, however, i the boost system. Being able to sacrifice boost for a shield is a really cool mechanic that adds a surprising amount of strategy when you’re in first, which is always welcome as usually being in first in a kart racer is the most boring thing.

But apart from that there’s not a lot here that’s worth much. The main bulk of the game comes from the creation tools which are still second to none, but man there’s a lot of terrible stuff out there. And we decided to find them. Our adventures brought us to a Bob Ross track.

A Bob Ross track.

So let me see if I can properly describe how amazing this thing is. It’s a relatively simple track, but all around the track at versions of Bob Ross’ paintings. Then in the middle of the track you do a huge jump.

And you jump over Bob Ross.

Like seriously.

LOOK AT THIS.

So obviously it’s the best track ever made. And I’m just going to drop the mic… or whatever the blog equivalent is.

Oh right yeah the visual novel.

Violated Hero ~I Wanted To Chivalrously Save The World~

Well this is fun. Violated Hero got recently translated, so I decided to give it a shot. I will admit it made me curious in the same way Monster Girl makes me curious. (I’m not going to talk about Monster Girl Quest here, but hey, that’s a visual novel... yeah). Both games have RPG trapping and which the objective of the game is to obviously win, the ‘real’ objective is to lose.

What I mean by this is you win battle to raise stats, and hopefully continue the story, but you lose battles to see sex scenes. Taking the obvious stupidity aside for just a second, I think it’s hilarious that a game can incentivise players to actually lose battles, and therefore lose progress, via porn scenes. It’s crazy, but then again, the game is so difficult that it’s pretty much impossible not to lose several times while playing the game.

One of the many girls conveniently in the same dungeon as the hero.

The story, which is obviously why we’re all here, is pretty basic. Dude called Seed wants to go into a dungeon to kill a dragon. And that’s it! As you play the game you’ll meet a lot of different girls all in the same dungeon, but mostly for different reasons. Some will join you and then ultimately backstab you, resulting in a fight, and some will just straight up fight you when you meet. Each character has their own little story but... you know. These are the battles that result in scenes when you lose, but there are also regular random encounters in between these fights.

Seed starts off incredibly weak, barely surviving the first few fights. Every random encounter will give you a boost in either HP, MP, speed, attack power, and the such, usually around a 5% increase. The specific female fights grant Seed a much higher stat increase when they’re defeated. And while death is ‘encouraged’, it’s also necessary to beat the game. On death you return to the start of the dungeon floor with all the stat increases intact. So then the obvious tactic is to just farm the special battles once Seed is powerful enough to beat them. You also get 5 potions to fully heal but you never find any more of them.

The battle system is incredibly basic, and the animations are more of a hindrance than an improvement.

So is the game fun? Eh, it’s a pretty average RPG, but even I know that’s not the draw for this one. The art is better than Monster Girl Quest, but I prefer the actual game mechanics of Monster Girl Quest an-

Wait, no, no Monster Girl Quest talk.

The premise, as I said, really intrigued me, but the game is too short and too basic for there to be any real worth here. Having said that, I did enjoy what I played, it’s a weird feeling to just give up a fight you could probably win with enough strategy, just to get a stupid scene and start from the beginning again. I’d love to see this idea applied to other games... just, maybe not porn as the incentive.

So that ends another week of stupidity I guess. Next week should be interesting for reasons I can’t go into. No seriously, I couldn’t even if I wanted to, I had to sign an NDA and everything. Though I think I like saying that I’ve signed an NDA about a project more than actually working on said project. Oh well.

10 Comments
11 Comments
Posted by Psycosis

Hey guys! Blog time once again! Here I talk about things, you probably know the drill by now. Then again, if I don’t constantly repeat myself every week, what the hell can go here as the intro? Me talking about myself talking about things? Maybe next week I’ll be able to reflect on this intro and talk about how I talked about talking about things. Surely that’s how I’ll win over readers, right?

Anyway videogames, visual novels, random song, let’s go.

Soul Calibur 5

The Soul Calibur games have interested me. I actually never got into the series until the fourth instalment, which I did enjoy for all its weird faults. Now that Soul Calibur V is out, however, the game has taken an incredibly sharp turn in terms of what I enjoy about it. By the time the fifth game came out what I really loved, and what I’m sure the developers realised, is the custom characters.

When playing soul Calibur with my homies, the main characters could not be further from our minds. Instead, what we do is just make a bunch of really silly original character do not steals and fight with them. Or we’ll make characters from other franchises (as I’m sure everyone does) like Phoenix Wright, Legend of Zelda, and human versions of colourful horses.

But the real fun comes from the random character selection. There’s an option to just create a completely random male or female fighter right from the character select. The results are usually hilarious and sometimes we feel compelled to recreate said random characters after the fight. Last we played there were three of us in total, playing on a traditional ‘winner stays on’ system. My friend managed to beat both of us 9 times in a row with Chris-chan, making it incredibly embarrassing for us.

Also I guess it’s a fighting game. But who cares about that part of it.

Super Smash Bros. Brawl

After Soul Calibur we decided to play a real fighting game, and threw in Brawl. I have found memories of Brawl, so I was looking forward to playing it again after a few years of ignoring it.

And to be honest I sort of wished I continued to ignore it.

I don’t know what it is, but I really don’t like Brawl anymore. I’ve playing the original and Melee recently as well and I honestly do prefer Melee. I remember closer to the release of Brawl there were a lot of people who thought that, and I thought they were crazy, but now I totally get what they’re saying.

Not to say Brawl isn’t a fun game. I had a few one on one matches with a friend of mind, and won most of them. It’s still fun seeing the brawl token, or whatever it’s called, spawn and both of us scramble over to get it. But there’s just something about Melee that feels better.

Looking back on it, I think I enjoyed the anticipation of Brawl a lot more than the game itself. The daily reveals were always fun to check, and I honestly hope they do something similar for the new games.

Subspace was awesome too, but it’s a thing that I don’t think I can go back and play again... Man, I’m really trying to justify my original love of this game, but I don’t know anymore.

Modnation Racers

Speaking of games I had fond memories of before realising on recent plays that they’re not as fun as I remember, I also played Modnation Racers for about 2 hours. Meaning there were like 4 races and 100 minutes of loading.

Seriously they didn’t manage to fix that? Anyway.

Maybe it’s just because I’ve been playing a lot of Crash Team Racing recently, which is undeniably the best kart racer ever made, but yeah this game just feels off as well. What I do like about this game, however, i the boost system. Being able to sacrifice boost for a shield is a really cool mechanic that adds a surprising amount of strategy when you’re in first, which is always welcome as usually being in first in a kart racer is the most boring thing.

But apart from that there’s not a lot here that’s worth much. The main bulk of the game comes from the creation tools which are still second to none, but man there’s a lot of terrible stuff out there. And we decided to find them. Our adventures brought us to a Bob Ross track.

A Bob Ross track.

So let me see if I can properly describe how amazing this thing is. It’s a relatively simple track, but all around the track at versions of Bob Ross’ paintings. Then in the middle of the track you do a huge jump.

And you jump over Bob Ross.

Like seriously.

LOOK AT THIS.

So obviously it’s the best track ever made. And I’m just going to drop the mic… or whatever the blog equivalent is.

Oh right yeah the visual novel.

Violated Hero ~I Wanted To Chivalrously Save The World~

Well this is fun. Violated Hero got recently translated, so I decided to give it a shot. I will admit it made me curious in the same way Monster Girl makes me curious. (I’m not going to talk about Monster Girl Quest here, but hey, that’s a visual novel... yeah). Both games have RPG trapping and which the objective of the game is to obviously win, the ‘real’ objective is to lose.

What I mean by this is you win battle to raise stats, and hopefully continue the story, but you lose battles to see sex scenes. Taking the obvious stupidity aside for just a second, I think it’s hilarious that a game can incentivise players to actually lose battles, and therefore lose progress, via porn scenes. It’s crazy, but then again, the game is so difficult that it’s pretty much impossible not to lose several times while playing the game.

One of the many girls conveniently in the same dungeon as the hero.

The story, which is obviously why we’re all here, is pretty basic. Dude called Seed wants to go into a dungeon to kill a dragon. And that’s it! As you play the game you’ll meet a lot of different girls all in the same dungeon, but mostly for different reasons. Some will join you and then ultimately backstab you, resulting in a fight, and some will just straight up fight you when you meet. Each character has their own little story but... you know. These are the battles that result in scenes when you lose, but there are also regular random encounters in between these fights.

Seed starts off incredibly weak, barely surviving the first few fights. Every random encounter will give you a boost in either HP, MP, speed, attack power, and the such, usually around a 5% increase. The specific female fights grant Seed a much higher stat increase when they’re defeated. And while death is ‘encouraged’, it’s also necessary to beat the game. On death you return to the start of the dungeon floor with all the stat increases intact. So then the obvious tactic is to just farm the special battles once Seed is powerful enough to beat them. You also get 5 potions to fully heal but you never find any more of them.

The battle system is incredibly basic, and the animations are more of a hindrance than an improvement.

So is the game fun? Eh, it’s a pretty average RPG, but even I know that’s not the draw for this one. The art is better than Monster Girl Quest, but I prefer the actual game mechanics of Monster Girl Quest an-

Wait, no, no Monster Girl Quest talk.

The premise, as I said, really intrigued me, but the game is too short and too basic for there to be any real worth here. Having said that, I did enjoy what I played, it’s a weird feeling to just give up a fight you could probably win with enough strategy, just to get a stupid scene and start from the beginning again. I’d love to see this idea applied to other games... just, maybe not porn as the incentive.

So that ends another week of stupidity I guess. Next week should be interesting for reasons I can’t go into. No seriously, I couldn’t even if I wanted to, I had to sign an NDA and everything. Though I think I like saying that I’ve signed an NDA about a project more than actually working on said project. Oh well.

Posted by Video_Game_King

I'd say that I prefer Brawl to Melee. There's just so much more to it, I guess.

What's this about Monster Girl Quest? I want to see that shit next week.

Posted by Turambar

I want to hear your thoughts on monster girl quest.

Edited by slowbird

I was hoping the Bob Ross track would have more happy clouds.

Also, Crash Team Racing is good, but I prefer Diddy Kong Racing. Don't forget, it starred Banjo and Tiptup from Banjo-Kazooie fame, AND spawned Conker's career! Plus fucking airplanes.

Posted by ArbitraryWater

Like a lot of things I was way into when I was younger, my opinion of Super Smash Bros has soured somewhat. It's still a fun game to play if you are messing around, but it's not the deepest series of games in the world and my enjoyment of four player local multiplayer has also lessened.

So, what is this monster girl quest you keep on talking about. Is there perhaps pornography and furries in it. Because that seems like something you would write about.

Posted by ImmortalSaiyan

I am still as much a fan or Brawl as the week it came out. Well, perhaps not that much.

Posted by Xpgamer7

Don't talk about monster girl quest. I've seen pictures on the internet and...no. No monster girl fucking.

Posted by ImHungry

So is Violated Hero all human?

Posted by Psycosis

@ImHungry: Nope, the majority of the girls are of the monster variety.

@slowbird: Diddy Kong Racing is awesome, quite possible 2nd only to Crash Team Racing in my opinion. It's weird how both of them had the racing around the map to go to events thing and nailed it, where Modnation does the exact same thing and I find it a chore.

Posted by TopSteer

@Psycosis: I was wondering if you played Monster Girl Quest or not. I played it cause I was curious and it's a RPG which there are very few of and I actually enjoyed it. It's been a while but I remember liking the story and combat.

Posted by believer258

So, wait, the point of a porn game is to do well in the game to see porn, but in this particular porn game you either win to progress or lose to have sex?

Sounds like some loser had quite a fantasy there. "Hey, you know what would be cool? If girls liked us because we were losers!"

Not to be condescending to people that play or make porn games, I'm just pointing out a bit of subtext that I see. Also, the guys' name is Seed.