By RiotBananas 11 Comments
Holy shit May, way to fill me up with games. This week alone I have bought the following
- The Witcher 2
- Dirt 3
- L.A Noire
Now I know what you're thinking..."Why the fuck is Riot Bananas buying MGS4 in 2011" I'll get to that later. Anyway, games right? So I've probably bought more games than I really should have, but what have I actually played and what did I think? Well let me tell you!
The Witcher 2
I didn't play the first game, heard about it. Some crazy polish thing. Not interested. Bought the second game. Holy shit.
First time I jumped in, I died like fucking 6 times. Running through a burning wooden thing, with a dragon above me and a few pissed off gaurds to boot. I was at the point of giving up but I succeeded and was rewarded graciously with NAKED TRISS MERIGOLD. It didn't even matter that I smashed 4 keyboards and a cat to complete the prologue, I did it and was present with naked cartoon pussy (sort of) for my efforts. I fucking love this game. Seriously though, it's as if Fable wasn't a total fucking joke of a game. Oh and extensive use of the word "Plough" to replace "Fuck" which is great. "PLOUGH THE SQUIRRELS!"
"Amigo! You're going to be a YouToob sensation bro dude muchacho" is one of my most hated/loved phrases ever. Obviously I'm exaggerating how bad it is but the Dudebro attitude of that surfer american arsehole in Dirt 3 is killing my soul piece by piece. Dirt 3 is fantastic, the driving is heavier and more realier (that's a word) and the environments are gorgeous, if they were a person from a game that I wish was real, they would be Triss Merigold. The one thing that is destroying the Dirt 3 experience for me, actually two things now, is the wanker motherfucking narrator people and TRI FORCES. Seriously, I get that it's the third game. I don't need 2568 triangles to prove it. I also don't need American cunt head telling me to upload every single last second of footage to YouTube. I really hated the X-Games bullshit banter and trashtalk in Dirt 2 (Which I also got for free courtesy of Steam and such) but it's toned down in Dirt 3, well sort of. It's actually worse, but there's less of it. I'm not sure which I would rather put up with. I made a few videos though and I'll probably add a few more, ya know TO BE A YOUTUBE SENSATION AMIGO BRAH.
Mad skillz right? I play on PC if you hadn't guessed. Because I'm not an imbecile.
I think that's how you spell it, I don't care. It's Minecraft/WoW/Zelda and it's fucking 2D. Enough said. Oh and there's flaming boomerangs and all my friends are obsessed with it. It's like £6 on Steam, you should probably pick it up. (Man, adding pictures to accompany text on Giant Bomb is the most annoying thing ever)
I jumped into my friend's server/world and him and another friend had already got super amazing Judge Dredd looking armour, and other cool gadgets, I'm slowly catching up but I need something to get around faster. So far, the most useful piece of equipment I have is the grapplehook. That thing saved my damn life.
Alright, this hit TLDR territory a long time a go. Maybe more later.