SamuelLBronkowitz's forum posts

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#1 Posted by SamuelLBronkowitz (42 posts) -

Okay, first of all....I admit I haven't been following Gamergate. Also, I HATE that stupid name. While I personally consider video games serious business, video games are not United-States-President-Leader-of-the-Free-World-Richard-Nixon-straight-bangin'-on-people serious. Last time I checked, Kotaku and IGN weren't using a United States cabinet like it was the 3rd Street Saints. That shit aside, what is this even really about? Honesty? Integrity? Man, Jeff Gerstmann ain't lookin' out for me, and I don't expect him to. Who cares if video game journalists are honest?

I know what I like. You tell me a game is just like Dynasty Warriors, but with Zelda characters and that game is already at 3 stars in my head. Brad Shoemaker's word isn't gospel. Brad likes Destiny, and even though I haven't played it, I bet I would love Destiny too. However, Brad also likes DOTA. So, its like..."what the fuck?" That right there tells me Brad can't be trusted, even if he might have good taste in games. Dan Ryckert thinks T2 is better than T1! WHO is listening to this man?! He may as well be on the take, because I don't listen to mad men anyway. I wouldn't care if Brad Muir is filling the GB staff's inboxes with pictures of his smiling face. Then, when it comes time to score Massive Chalice they give it 100 stars out of 5. Massive Chalice looks a lot like a fantasy X-Com to me, so damn it I'm going to play Massive Chalice. So long as the Massive Chalice review doesn't consist entirely of the sentence, "Brad Muir is a handsome man." it ultimately doesn't really matter what Jeff or Brad or Alex or Patrick or Vinny think of it, because I'm another human being with a separate brain. (Not trying to call out Mr. Muir on anything either. Legitimately though, of the little I saw of Massive Chalice, that games looks doooope.) Even then, that shit would be HILARIOUS. And the most fucked up part about it is that it wouldn't even not be true!

As a matter of fact, I want EVERY Quicklook from now on to start with a short video of Dave Lang handing Jeff $100 in 1 dollar bills. Then, Jeff shouts, "1,000 Stars!" as he holds up a physical copy of Divekick and Killer Instinct...somehow he got disc versions, I don't know. You know why? Because who cares? That's why. Giant Bomb/Kotaku/IGN/Polygon/Game Informer TELL me about video games. And then I play the the games I like. I don't play what they TELL me is good.

Now, with aaaaall that said, I actually trust Giant Bomb. I wouldn't be a paying subscriber if I didn't think these guys got it. And I know they get it. Video games are entertainment. Giant Bomb is entertainment. They entertain, and I watch. And I love them for it. And that goes for everybody on the staff. If even one of them was shitty, I don't think the site would work. I know the site wouldn't work. Seriously, you guys have accomplished something real weird here.

Real talk, all this 'Gamergate' nonsense sounds like an excuse for a whole lot of people to push their petty, hateful and ignorant views on others. "Dishonest journalism is ruining video games!" "Women are ruining video games!" No, shitty people are ruining video games. Grand Theft Auto 5 and Gone Home and Depression Quest and Yoshi's Island are all video games. Deal with it. (And by 'video games' I mean 'interactive entertainment', but that doesn't sound as good, and that really sucks.)

But not DOTA. As far as I can tell, DOTA is a vortex of fear and self-loathing. You know I'm not wrong.

#2 Edited by SamuelLBronkowitz (42 posts) -

Maybe they'll just go full circle and start selling Nintendo franchise themed playing cards. EXCLUSIVELY. Having said that, in my heart, I want Nintendo to launch a crazy ass sneak attack with an awesome VR headset based console. Virtual Boy 2.0. Virtual Man. Virtualman.

#3 Posted by SamuelLBronkowitz (42 posts) -

So, when it comes to software I do all right...but when it comes to hardware, I know more or less nothing. Now, having said that, I'm looking for a decent computer to play games on. Well, to be more specific, I really just want a desktop to replace my failing laptop. I'm really only going to use it for normal operations. I'm not exactly what you would call a 'power user'. As for playing games, I do most of that on a console, so I'm really only looking for something that will play games like Hotline Miami, FTL, Binding of Isaac, etc. without hitching up and freaking out. laptop can't handle even that. Anyway, I've been thinking about this pre-built on Newegg. It's really as high as I'm willing to go, and I'm not sure how comfortable I am with building my own. Mainly because I don't really need this to be able to run Skyrim on ultra...just a slightly above average desktop that's not going to be severely outdated within the year. Let me know what you think about my selection. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks!

#4 Edited by SamuelLBronkowitz (42 posts) -

Alek Navarro sounds like a fighting game character that would be in a Tekken or Virtua Fighter. Maybe even Mortal Kombat.

Name: Alek Navarro

Born: Kalifornia

Style: Karate

Blood Type: KO -

Sworn to avenge the death of his brother, Alex. Alek fights in the name of love and justice.

#5 Posted by SamuelLBronkowitz (42 posts) -

I imagine him being a sleazy, greasy guy with a thick mustache and rings on all of his fingers. He directs trashy comedies and softcore porn just outside of LA. Also, he doesn't leave the house without his Derringer and straight razor.

#6 Posted by SamuelLBronkowitz (42 posts) -

This is a huge bummer. Just the other day I reread 'The Story of the 12 Tribes of Lemming Island'. Don't get me's not a great book. Not even good, by most standards, but it brought back so many Lemming memories. Not to mention the swooping Owl on the back of the book. It reminded me how good of a game Rollcage was. Seriously, one of my favorite racing games of all time. Having said that, I was also reminded of Bram Stoker's Dracula. I was just a little kid, Psygnosis! Was it really necessary to make the first level boss so unreasonably hard? Fuck Shadow Dracula. But you toughened me up and made me a man. You and Capcom. Mom and Dad.

#7 Posted by SamuelLBronkowitz (42 posts) -

@gamefreak9: I feel like having a sharp knife around while doing anything other than using said knife is probably a bad idea. It's just sitting there, watching...waiting for you to bump a table or trip on a shoelace. At which time it will use 'gravity' or 'momentum' or some other hippie notion as an excuse to fly straight into you.

#8 Posted by SamuelLBronkowitz (42 posts) -

@CannonGoose: Man, I didn't bring this up because it wasn't video game related, but I once saw a guy in traffic get so angry he bit his fucking steering wheel! It was insane. At first I was shocked into silence, and quickly after that I had to bite my tongue to keep from exploding with laughter. I really didn't want him to see me laughing at his insane antics. I mean, if he's biting steering wheels, what's to stop him from getting out of his car and shooting me in the face? It's the next logical step.

#9 Posted by SamuelLBronkowitz (42 posts) -

While I am glad I'm surrounded by a bunch of zen-ass muchachos/muchachettes (I think 'muchachas' is the female counterpart to a 'muchacho'. Doesn't matter.), I'm surprised that a lot of you don't at least know 'that one guy'. The weird thing about it is that he was otherwise a very non-violent guy. Something about that little Rugal sprite uppercut kicking little Terry to death over and over again just set him off.

#10 Edited by SamuelLBronkowitz (42 posts) -

So, the other day I'm going through a bunch of games that I haven't played in a while and I come upon Ninja Gaiden: Black. Looking at the box art, I was immediately reminded of the love/hate relationship I had with the game. Now, I'm not the type to throw a controller at a TV or punch a coffee table because I keep dying do to enemy cheap shots. The most I'll ever do is get up and walk away for a few hours or whatever. I play video games to relax, not break shit. However, I've known a guy (Not naming any names.) for years now that I have seen fucking LOSE it due to video games. King of Fighters '99 cost him half of his VHS collection. He had this weird way of breaking controllers where he'd rip them out of the system roughly, yet carefully, so as not to pull the system to the floor, spin them from their cords and once its speed and his mounted rage had reached their explosive apex he'd slam them into the ground where they would explode into a million tiny tears of plastic. I saw him do this...I don't know, 6 times. Man, I saw him burn through two VHS copies of Friday in one day. No, I DON'T know why he had two copies of Friday. Probably because its so good; if you have to ask. And I'm not even going into the strange, primal grunts and howls of anger that accompanied all of this. Anyway, that's my story. What about you? Have you or anyone you know ever gotten so angry that you just obliterated an inanimate object? Let us know! :D No judgement. Not from me anyway...the internet, as always, is going to judge the shit out of you.

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