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Sarumarine

Brad Shoemaker is a crystal lizard fiend.

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Big and Brutal Bruisers

No matter what kind of snappy saying you can whip out, size matters. It's no wonder that in many video games there is often a huge muscled brute that might lack intellegence but knows how you mess you up. They favor brawn over brains. They like knuckles over . . . pretty much everything else. Most of the time they're not going to be on your side. They might be the dullest crayon on the box or have some small thinking abilities. Nearly all of them are going to try to kill you.

List items

  • Meet Flak. He was introduced as a new CO in Advance Wars 2. With powers like Brute Force and Barbaric Blow it's probably easy to tell that he's not the brightest bulb in the box. He's the lowest man on the Black Hole Army totem pole and uses direct frontal assaults almost exclusively. He loves crushing things, ignoring orders, and complaining about anything that's too complicated. Generally regarded as the worst CO in the game because his troops do unreliable damage. You might destory everything or miss entirely.

  • Sledge from Borderlands defines himself with a hammer, a tricked out shotgun, and a need to smash your face into skag crap. He obviously takes notes from the Incredible Hulk playbook and talks in third person because he doesn't care about what you think of him. You're not friends anyway. While he may or may not be forgettable, his shotgun has a unique ability to send characters flying to the moon under the right circumstances. He gets a second lease on life in the DLC Max Moxxi's Underdome Riot as part of a boss wave.

  • Guts Man from Mega Man on the NES has everything you need to know about him in his name. When you fight him, he doesn't do much but jump around and throw rocks at you. Since the first game he's become something of a reoccurring character and gets bigger and bigger. Somehow he never seems to get much smarter.

  • Big bad Bowser from the Mario series knows what he wants and he wants it so bad he's willing to try over and over again until the end of time. He's more about breaking stuff and burning fools than thinking anything through. Nothing gets this point across quite like Bowser's Inside Story where you can see him not care about his own minions, the plot, or that he has two plumbers inside his body. Nothing else matters except the princess . . . and his castle.

  • Gears of War features a rare female version of the big bruiser. Berserkers pop up several times throughout the game and are nearly unstoppable. They charge like a train and the game even has a special sound effect to let you know that you're going to want to get the hell out of the way. Marcus and Dom find the best way to deal with a hard charging Locust Berserker is to drop the Hammer of Dawn on them. Basically a giant laser cannon from an orbital satellite. Nothing runs like a Berserker.

  • Heavy Weapons Guy needs no introduction. He was the first class to get a whole video treatment to show off the character animations in Team Fortress 2. There are plenty of Russian jokes to fill up a couple pages, but his weapon of choice is a chain gun named Sasha. Don't touch it. Later DLC released for the PC version allows you to get up close and personal with some boxing gloves. He's yet to find a person who can outsmart a bullet. Yes, Heavy Weapons Guy brings a hail of lead, a thick accent, and lives off the tears of his enemies.

  • Little Eddie from MadWorld teaches you a heavy handed lesson about irony. His name doesn't match his hulking size and after he's done throwing a train car at you, he tries to crush you with a giant spiked ball and chain. The majority of his voice work promises he'll "murdalize you". You can get back at him by shoving a chainsaw in his mouth and giving him a surprise root canal. It's like his sole purpose is just to get killed by the player.

  • Punch Out is a whole game of boxers with enough muscle to knock the lights out of a city block. Super Macho Man is a standout because he's a guy you love to hate. Punch Out!! for the Wii gives him an ego big enough to kill an elephant and finally knocking him out becomes a pleasure. Just dodging his attacks is satisfying enough on its own. Release the bogus indeed.

  • Orange is a boss from the frantic Gunstar Heroes. He's one of the few enemies in the game that don't rely on some big fancy machine to kill you. Nope. He'll just go after you with his muscles and a bunch of wrestling moves. He's so hardcore, he can grab a helicopter rotor- while it's in motion! This guy flexes so hard he causes explosions.