By SensuousLettuce 2 Comments
I'm all man, baby. As a result, I won't shy away from using a women's restroom when need presses.
Before leaving work, I down about about 16-20oz of water. if all goes well, I hit my front door about 40 minutes later just in time for the delicious release of urination at home base. However, if there's a day where the traffic is backed up or I have to run an errand, I either moderate the water intake or roll the dice because that's what badasses do.
Yesterday, I downed my usual and about 3/4 the way home I realized that I was going to be in a real time crunch this morning so I needed to fill up the gas tank then rather than wait. Sadly, the cheapest place (3.38 a gallon) to get gas is 10 minutes past my home. I made some quick calculations, felt the sweet pain of a full bladder that's just before the point of discomfort and headed for the HESS.
As anyone familiar with the laws of thermodynamics knows, when one who is holding their pee moves from a sitting position to a standing one, one can expect an 8x bladder pressure force increase. Such was the case for our humble narrator. So I stepped inside the gas station, located the lavatories and tried the handle on the one marked SensuousLettuce...i.e MEN. It was occupied. Noticing the ladies room, I did some more calculations (Trigogebrametry was my major in college) and noted that the usual Law of Embarrassment for Using the Opposite Sex Bathroom (coolness -3 + sexiness -10 * creepiness +8) (x2 if done accidentally) was minimized due to the fact that A) I was not in a club B) I was not at work C) I was not at a pediatrician's office D) I was at a fill in station in Podunk, NC. So, acting fast, I stepped in, noted the fabulously comfortable looking couch, finger sandwiches and flower bouquets that I presume adorn all ladies' rooms, locked the door , lifted the seat, unleashed a firehose of processed water, zipped, lowered the toilet seat (I'm a gentleman), washed my hands, and walked out.
Fortunately, or unfortunately (for the ladies looking to convert to the church of SensuousLettuce) no fine girls caught me in the act and I returned to my automobile relieved and ready for more rock n' roll.