5. This one's pretty easy ... SUMMER FRIDAYS.
Who came up with this idea? Why do I get these now that I'm a working professional? I guess kids obviously have the market cornered on summer vacation and all. But hey, THEY'RE NOT GETTING PAID TO NOT GO TO SCHOOL. Whoever came up with Summer Fridays, and allowed me to have them, deserves a Nobel Prize ... for Awesomeness.
4. Girls must wear WEATHER-APPROPRIATE CLOTHING.
And what's great about that? ... EVERYTHING.
3. Every weekend is AN EXCUSE TO GO ON VACATION.
Hey! It's Friday! And it's the summer! Hmm -- what to do, what to do ... I know! Go on fucking vacation! (Can we swear here?) You don't need an excuse to go on vacation in the summer. Because IT'S THE SUMMER! Go to Baltimore! Take a train to Philadelphia! Who cares, it's nice outside!
2. When it rains, it's STILL SUNNY.
Mind you, I live in New York. So we don't quite get the Florida / Hawaii / California level of bright sunny rain. But it's close enough. Rain drizzling down a sun-filled day owns. Anyone who tells you different is a goddamned Communist. And maybe ... just maybe ... you'll catch a peek of a rainbow. Aaaah.
1. Everyone is GRILLING.
Each night my neighborhood is filled with the sweet aroma of seared sirloin on metal grills. There's something about seared cow that lifts the spirits, reaffirms our American way of life, and makes me want to watch The Criterion Collection release of Robocop.