I don't really know how this happened.
 
Never before had I had prior interest in the saw movies, but for some reason, when I saw it's sixth installment was on the way, I decided it was time for me to jump on the bandwagon and watch every single movie in order.
 
I watched the first 5 over the span of 5 days, one a day.  I then watched the sixth one yesterday, and am now ready to offer my take on every single movie in the series, so, with no further ado, let's get started. 
 
Oh, wait, one word of warning.  I think the spoiler-free timespan has passed on all of these except the sixth one, so I will not be avoiding spoilers for any movie except Saw VI.
 
 

Saw

 
Ah, here we go.  This movie started it all, and for better or worse, pretty much popularized the entire "Torture Porn" genre of film.  Conceptually this film is very interesting, and always intrigued me when it first came out, even though I never took the time to actually see it.  For anyone who doesn't already know, the Saw films trace the legacy of the "Jigsaw Killer", who isn't really a killer in the sense that he gets satisfaction out of killing people.  Jigsaw wants his victims to survive, and puts them in escapable situations in which they make the choice on whether or not they live or die.  He does this because he has the philosophy that when one is faced with death, they begin to see the value in life. 
 

The film opens with one of our protagonists, Adam, waking up inside a bathtub inside a disgusting bathroom in some abandoned warehouse.  It is here that he meets Dr. Lawrence Gordon, who he will be spending the most intense moments of his life with.  Oh yes, and there is a corpse lying in the middle of the room, with the back of it's head blown completely off.  Needless to say, the two individuals are quite confused.
 
The rest of the movie generally follows the two men in the bathroom, with flashbacks to the Jigsaw Killer's murders being given in the form of Dr. Gordon explaining his history to Adam. We learn of various victims who died in the traps, and one woman, Amanda, who survived.  She was put inside what the Jigsaw Killer calls a "Reverse Beartrap", which is attached to her jaw and will rip it open if she fails to get it off in 60 seconds. 
 
The catch?  The key to the trap is inside the stomach of a man who is sedated to the point of being immobile.  Amanda doesn't hesitate whatsoever and digs the knife into the man, dissecting him alive, and freeing herself from the trap.  Amanda is living proof that Jigsaw's method of social-work actually succeeds in what it sets out to do, as she claims that he helped her.
 
Through Dr. Gordon's flashbacks, we are also introduced to Detective David Tapp, who is played by Danny Glover.  It turns out that Dr. Gordon was once suspected to be the Jigsaw Killer, and David Tapp had questioned him on numerous occasions.  Tapp and his partner eventually get close enough to the Jigsaw killer to the point where they can shoot him, but for some reason decide not to and Tapp gets his throat cut, and his partner is blown to bits by a wall of shotguns. Tapp then apparently goes crazy, and decides to go all Rambo and catch Jigsaw himself, away from the police force. 
 
 That really establishes the main three plots that are going on in this movie.  I think it's pretty common knowledge by now of who Jigsaw actually is, so the so-called "Twist" ending at the end of this movie would probably have been more effective if I didn't already know before watching it.   For those who don't know, it turns out that the body on the ground was actually Jigsaw wearing heavy amounts of makeup, and he is actually a dying cancer-patient that Dr. Gordon was treating.
 
Conceptually, I love everything about this movie.  I don't really consider it torture-porn, as it is not that gory.  The goriest shot in the film is of Amanda digging through her cell-mates intestines, and that shot lasts for less than a full second.  The situations are interesting, and I like the claustrophobic feeling they evoke in all of it.
 
But, everything about this film that is not the concept is terrible.  This film has some of the worst acting I've ever seen. Most notably Dr. Gordon, although Adam himself isn't that much better.  Dr. Gordon overacts to the point of being laughable, and it's clear his acting talents are much more appropriate for the stage than they are for cinema.  The scene in which Dr. Gordon tries to trick Jigsaw into thinking he poisoned Adam is one of the most unintentionally funny scenes I have ever seen in a movie, and I actually burst out laughing while watching it.  
 
There is also one gaping plot hole that I would like to point out.  Adam and Gordon are both chained to pipes, and are given two saws.  After trying to saw through the chains unsuccessfully, they come to the conclusion that they must saw through their feet.  Clearly, they are both idiots.  Those CHAINS are attached to PIPES that are rusted to hell and probably VERY easy to saw through. Not once do they even consider sawing through the pipes, because self-mutilation is clearly the way to go...ughh.
 
So yeah, overall, good concept in the movie, but very poor execution
 
 
Overall Grade- C-
 

Saw II

Saw II takes everything that made Saw good and improves it.  Better actors, better direction, more interesting scenarios, EVERYTHING that needed improvement is improved sufficiently in this sequel.
 
The film opens with a sequence involving the most demented trap yet, the "Venus Flytrap".  It is essentially an Iron Mask filled with nails, that will close shut unless the wearer digs the key out of his own eye.  He fails, and the mask closes shut on his face.  From Saw II onward it becomes a staple of the Saw movies to open with unnecessary gore that has no real impact on the rest of the movie.  I guess it's alright to open a movie with something intense, but these openings feel kind of unnecessary.
 
After this introduction, the real movie starts.  We are introduced to Detective Eric Matthews, who is not on very good terms with his son.  His son gets in an argument with his father, when his father is called to examine the body of the Venus Flytrap victim.  It is here that Detective Matthews is able to determine that Jigsaw's base is in an abandoned steel factory, and the police travel there to make the arrest.
 
 
This is what makes the movie great.  Jigsaw is front and center almost the entire movie, and it really gives Tobin Bell time to shine as his character.  The way that he remains so calm even though the police are raiding his main workstation, it is clear that he doesn't really care, as he realizes his time on the earth is limited anyways.  It is here that he tells Detective Matthews that he wants to play a game, in which the object is to talk to him for an hour and a half.  The catch is that Detective Matthews son has been kidnapped by Jigsaw, and they find various monitors set up in the steel factory that show the terrible events unfolding.
 
The actual trap that Jigsaw has set up is the most interesting yet.  It takes place in an abandoned house, in which 8 people are breathing in a deadly poison.  There are enough antidotes for everybody, but they all must endure a test in order to get them.  Among the people in the trap are Detective Matthew's son, David Matthews, and Amanda Young, who apparently attempted to kill herself after Jigsaw had cured her the first time.  
 
By far the most memorable trap in the movie is the syringe-pit.  This test was meant for the character of Xavier, in which he had three minutes to thrash around in a pit filled with hypodermic needles looking for a key to open a door to an antidote.  When he discovers what he has to do, he decides to throw Amanda into the pit instead.  
This leads to an almost 3 minute long cut of her thrashing around in these needles, in one of the most cringe-worthy scenes I can ever remember seeing in a film.  She does find the key, but Xavier somehow manages to fuck up putting it in the keyhole, and the antidote is lost.
 
Xavier eventually becomes desperate to find an antidote, and begins to start attempting to kill people to find numbers on the back of their necks, which when put together will give him a combination to a safe that holds an antidote. 
 
Meanwhile, back at the steel factory, Detective Matthews starts to see the events of Jigsaw's trap coming to a head, and fearing for his sons life, begins to freak out and beat up Jigsaw.  After a severe beating, Jigsaw tells Matthews that he will take him to where his son is, and Matthews sneaks out with Jigsaw.
 
Xavier continues to kill people, and we are treated to the "Dumbass of the Movie" award, in which a woman decides to stick both of her hands into blade mechanisms without even listening to Jigsaw's tape first, assuming the antidote is just there for the taking.  Xavier takes pity on how dumb she is, and doesn't even kill her.  He just reads the code off the back of her neck while she is stuck in the trap.
 
Xavier chases down Daniel and Amanda, who have a brief tussle before he is killed with his own trusty "Baseball-Bat with Nails in it", and Amanda and Daniel have apparently won the game.
 
Meanwhile, the police department have traced the feed of the Steel Mill to figure out where the broadcast is coming from. When they follow it to where the signal is being transmitted, they discover that the entire thing was pre-recorded a day prior, and that none of these people are even in the trap anymore. 
 
Bad news for Detective Matthews of course, he falls directly into Jigsaw's trap.  He is trapped inside the same warehouse that the 8 victims were trapped prior, and it is revealed that Amanda is working as Jigsaw's secret apprentice.  Meanwhile, Daniel is discovered to be trapped in a safe inside of the Steel Mill, literally only inches away from where Detective Matthews was, and it would have opened if Detective Matthews had stayed there, talking to Jigsaw for as long as he was supposed to.
 
This is possibly the best ending in any of the Saw movies, and the only one that I didn't see coming.  I may have suspected the whole "Amanda-Apprentice" twist, but the idea that his son was in the room with his the entire time is just genius.  Not only did this movie make you more invested with the characters than the first movie did, but it was much better acted.  Not once did anybody say anything that broke the illusion of the movie.  This may be the only Saw movie that I can actually call "good", this was a thoroughly enjoyable piece of entertainment.
 
Overall Grade- B+
 

Saw III

And finally, the series makes the full-transition into what I consider "Torture Porn".  Saw III is a very long string of close up shots of flesh being mutilated in the most gruesome ways possible, and that's really not for me.  Some people might love this, but I was not one of them.
 
In the first 10 minutes of Saw III, they establish that Amanda is working on traps for Jigsaw, getting ready to takeover for him once he dies.  The only catch is that her traps are unwinnable.  This is shown in two instances, one of which is an unknown character who has chains protruding through his skin, which he must yank out in order to escape before a bomb inside the room goes off.  He succeeds, but the exit to the room is sealed, and he is blown up.
 
The second instance is of Saw series veteran, Detective Kerry, being put in the "Angel of Death" trap, in which she must reach her hand into a vat of acid to get a key to remove a device that will rip out her ribcage from her body.  Once again, she succeeds, but finds the device irremovable, and is ripped apart.
 
These scenes are only meant to establish that Amanda is making un-winnable traps, and have no real impact on the rest of the movie's main plot
 
The main plot of the movie concerns Jeff, the most unlikeable protagonist in any movie I have ever seen.  His son was killed by a drunk driver, and he has lived his life in depression ever since, vowing revenge against the driver.  Jigsaw obliges, and sets him up in a warehouse in which he decides whether the people responsible for his son's death will live or die.
 
This is where his character becomes despicable.  There are three people total he is faced with.  The Witness to the murder, the Judge, and the Driver himself.  At all three of these traps, he hesitates to save the person for an unthinkable amount of time.  He actually goes through a brief period of time where he actually thinks the witness DESERVES to die.  Sure, he has to pay a small price to save the victims, but for the Witness, all he had to do was reach his hand into some frozen bars, and maybe get a little bit of skin peeled off of his cheek when he had to press his face against them.  Clearly this is too harsh a punishment for Jeff, and he hesitates too much that the poor witness is frozen to death.
 
Next we have the Judge, who is in one of the weirdest traps in the entire saga.  Decaying pig carcasses are being liquefied and filled up in a tub which he is chained to the bottom of.  Where Jigsaw got a hold of these unlimited carcasses, I do not know.  in order to save the judge, who let the Drunk Driver off with no sentence, he has to burn all of his son's possessions in a furnace.  He actually does save the judge, but the time in which he hesitates is ridiculous.  Clearly, the Teddy Bear's lives were of almost equal importance to the human being.
 
and finally, he is faced with the driver, who is in the most brutal trap of the series.  He body parts are slowly rotated to the point where his bones bust out of his skin and muscle tissue and blood sprays everywhere.  In order to save the driver, he must grab the key which is attached to a mechanism that will shoot Jeff in the hand.  A pretty heavy price to pay, but still, probably worth saving a human life.  Once again, Jeff hesitates and ends up inadvertently shooting the judge in the face and killing the Drunk Driver.  How it is he managed to fuck up so badly, I am still unsure.
 
Running parallel to these events is Dr. Lynn Denlon, who is captured by Jigsaw and strapped with a Shotgun necklace, which will blow her head off if Jigsaw's heart-rate stops.  It is up to Dr. Denlon to keep Jigsaw alive for the duration of Jeff's game.  Jigsaw shows affection toward Dr. Denlon that makes Amanda furious with jealousy, to the point where she questions why Jigsaw will not give her the attention that he gives his captive-doctor.  
 
Jeff finally makes it to Jigsaw's room, where he discovers him on life support.  Right before he enters the room, Amanda makes the decision to shoot Dr. Denlon in a jealous rage.  It is then revealed that Dr. Denlon was Jeff's wife, and he shoots Amanda in the neck, fatally wounding her.  It is then revealed that this entire set-up has been a test for Amanda.  Jigsaw knew that her traps were unwinnable, and wanted to give her a final chance to redeem herself.   When Jigsaw said "your game is to keep an individual alive as long as possible", he was not referring to himself to Dr. Denlon.   He was referring to Amanda keeping Dr. Denlon alive.  Amanda fails the test, and dies.  Jigsaw then tells Jeff to learn to forgive, and forgive him for putting him through the trap.  Jeff says he forgives him, but clearly confuses a friendly handshake with a buzzsaw attack to the neck, and slits Jigsaw's throat open. The shotgun necklace explodes his wife's head, and in his final moments Jigsaw plays a tape explaining that Jeff's daughter is trapped in a room somewhere and slowly losing air, and to save her, he has to "play a game"
 
Apart from the ending, I hated this movie.  I couldn't stand watching Jeff bumble around like an idiot for an hour and a half.  It's one of the only movies where I have actually come close to SCREAMING at the main character while watching him, and not in a suspenseful way, more of a "Why are you such a dumbass?" way.
 
Also, there were many unnecessary gory scenes.  Did we really need to see Jigsaw getting brain surgery close-up, as Dr. Denlon messes with his still pulsating brain whilst he's conscious?   This scene felt unnecessary, but it does give hints to some of Jigsaw's past.  As Denlon is drilling into his skull, we see flashbacks of some woman who we assume to be Jigsaw's previous lover, but hey, we won't really find out until Saw IV
 
Overall Grade- D
 

Saw IV

Saw IV kind of redeemed the franchise for me.  A lot of people were skeptical on how they would continue the franchise without Jigsaw, and the answer is, quite successfully if they put their minds to it.  
 
The film opens with the goriest scene I have ever seen in an R rated movie.  The autopsy of jigsaw is long, disgusting, and ridiculous.  It is discovered that there is a tape inside of Jigsaw's stomach, which Detective Hoffman is called in to examine.  The tape apparently realizes who is listening to it, and claims that detective hoffman will "Not go Untested".
 
Meanwhile, Saw veteran Detective Rigg discovers his partner, Detective Kerry's corpse in the "Angel of Death" trap. Clearly, he is quite devastated, but his police force ridicules him for rushing head-on into the room without first examining it.
 
It is for this reason that "Jigsaw" finds a reason to kidnap him.  Rigg awakens in his own apartment, although it is much darker and covered with photos of a mysterious woman.  This woman is revealed to be Jigsaw's ex-wife, Jill Tuck, who through a Jigsaw origin story is discovered to be the reason Jigsaw turned into a killer.  While Jill was pregnant with Jigsaw's baby, she was rammed in the stomach by a doorknob at the hospital she worked at, forcing her to have a miscarriage. This caused Jigsaw to dump Jill, shortly after he discovered he had cancer, and attempted to kill himself in a car-crash.  When he survived, he saw new value in his life, and wanted to teach other people.  The man who gave Jill the miscarriage was his first victim. 
 
Rigg finds out that Detective Matthews is very much alive, and him, along with Detective Hoffman, are in a trap far away.  Rigg is told he must go through a series of tests to save Detective Matthews.
 
Detective Rigg finds a woman strapped to a chair wearing Jigsaw's signature Pig-Mask.  He is advised to leave her be, and that she needs to help herself in order to get better, with no assistance from Rigg.  He ignores these warnings and triggers the trap, which pulls the woman's hear in, slowly pulling off her scalp.  Rigg stops the trap in time, but the woman was instructed prior to kill Rigg once he freed her.  When the woman attacks him, Rigg kills her, and exits his apartment.
 
The police later raid Rigg's apartment, finding the pictures of Jill, and the police interrogate her, which leads to the flashback scenes I already described above.
 
Rigg is instructed to go to a shady-motel, in which the room that has been set up for him has the devices required to set up a trap.  He discovers the man working at the motel is a serial killer/rapist, and it is up to Rigg to set up the trap required to kill him.  All over the walls is written "Feel what I Feel".  Rigg dons Jigsaw's pig mask, and successfully lures the hotel receptionist into the trap, in which he must press two buttons to gouge his own eyes out before blades slice off all of his limbs.  He manages to gouge out one of his eyes, and Rigg exits the room.  He fails to press the other button, and he is sliced to death.
 
Rigg's third test is dubbed "Save as I save" and involves a school principal that abuses his wife, as well as his students. The police were never able to prove it, but Rigg once did initiate a fight with the principal, truly believing he deserved to be punished.   The principal and his wife are stuck together with large metal poles protruding through both of their bodies.  If the wife pulls the rods out of her, she can survive, but her husband will die, the rods going through his arteries.  Rigg arrives when she only has one rod left to pull.  He tells her he has to save herself, but helps her pull the last one out, killing her husband and saving her. 
 
As all of this is happening, Rigg's partners, Strahm and Perez, and hot on the tail of Rigg the entire time.  Perez falls into a trap that explodes shrapnel into her face, putting her in critical condition.  This only drives Strahm to work harder at catching Jigsaw.
 
Detective Matthews and Hoffman are still in Jigsaw's trap, and it is revealed the person apparently pulling the strings is also one of Jigsaw's victim's, forced to play his role.  Detective Matthews is standing on top of a slowly melting block of ice, which, when melted enough, will apparently hang him.  Hoffman is on a platform that will loser into the water when the ice block melts enough, which will electrocute him to death.
 
Rigg makes it to the corridor leading to where Matthews and Hoffman are being held captive.  The hallway reads "Save as I Save" everywhere, but Rigg clearly doesn't get the hint.  He barges into the room, as he always does, and Matthews head is crushed by two ice-blocks.  Hoffman is lowered into the water and seemingly electrocuted, and Rigg shoots the person who was forced to pull the string in the head.  It is then revealed that if he had waited for the timer to expire, Rigg and Hoffman would be automatically released, but Rigg failed.
 
It is then revealed that Hoffman was not electrocuted, and is actually the new Jigsaw, he locks Rigg into the torture-room, just as had been done to Adam and Matthews in the first and second movies, stating "Game Over".
 
Strahm makes it into the warehouse where he believes Rigg is, where it is revealed the events of Saw III and Saw IV took place simultaneously.  He witnesses Amanda, Dr. Denlon, and Jigsaw die, and enters the room.  Jeff, thinking he is the one responsible for killing his daughter, shoots and kills Jeff, and Strahm inherits his game.  
 
This was actually a really good Saw movie, and I don't understand why people think the series died after III.  If anything, III killed it, and IV resurrected it.  Saw IV proved that, even without Jigsaw, the series could successfully move on it's own, and they can still throw plenty of quality plot twists into the mix
 
Overall Grade- B
 

Saw V

Rememberlast paragraph when I said Saw IV resurrected the franchise?  Yeah, I guess that wasn't really true.  Just when you think the series has revitalized itself, Saw V comes along and ruins EVERYTHING. There are only two significant events that happen in this movie, and both are explained in the first 5 minutes of Saw VI, so this is hardly a necessary movie.  This movie is basically watching Hoffman run around and do crazy shenanigans.  His motives are partly revealed.  His sister was brutally killed
 by her boyfriend, and he created a fake-jigsaw trap that he used to kill his sister's boyfriend.  Jigsaw found out about this, and instead of testing him, recruited him as a
secret apprentice.  Hoffman has been working as the muscle for Jigsaw since before even Amanda was around.
 
This all makes conceivable sense, but that' amount of story was able to be told in one paragraph, so the rest of the movie is filled with long shots of walking down hallways and tons upon tons of unnecessary dialogue.
 
I guess they figured they needed to throw something else in there, so you do get to see 5 people going through a series of traps, sort of like a shitty version of Saw II.  The great part about these sections is that they are essentially just commercial breaks from Saw V, because the two stories never intersect, and the survivor of the series of traps isn't even heard from again in Saw VI, so this is clearly just filler.
 
Agent Strahm, after shooting Jeff dead, is captured and has his head trapped in a box that is slowly filling up with water.  This is supposed to be inescapable, but Strahm escapes by hollowing out a pen and stabbing it into his wind-pipe, being able to breathe through his exposed throat while his head is submerged in water.  I'll admit it, this is pretty clever, but for the rest of the movie you get to hear Strahm talk in a voice that resembles a dying cow, so it was not worth one clever plot device.
 
The rest of the movie is basically Hoffman setting up Strahm in a way that makes him look like the new Jigsaw, while making himself look like a hero.  He rescues Jeff's daughter, and it becomes apparent that Hoffman intended everybody in the Saw III/IV incidents to die, so he would come out looking like a hero and a badass.
 
I think my main problem is that Hoffman is just not as good of a villain as Amanda and Jigsaw  There is nothing distinctive about him, he just kind of stands around looking menacing.
 
Anyways, Hoffman lures Strahm into a trap, in which it says he must get into a glass box to survive.  Hoffman comes into the room, and Strahm throws Hoffman into the glass box instead....sooo....Hoffman Survives, and the walls close in on Strahm and crush him to death....like the tape said would happen...yep.
 
Roll Credits
 
Remember the ad campaign for this movie that said "You won't believe how it ends!"?  Well, that was probably the worst choice of an advertising campaign ever, because this would be a disappointing ending even if the ad campaign had read "The ending kind of sucks, but you should still see it".  
 
Oh yes, one more major event I left out.  Jigsaw left Jill Tuck a box in his will, and she receives it.  This sets in place Saw VI
 
So basically, three things happen in Saw V.  Strahm Dies, Jill receives a box, and Strahm is framed as Jigsaw.  There, now you can skip this movie and go straight to saw   VI
 
Overall Grade- F
 

Saw VI

Saw VI is actually an enjoyable movie, and plenty of steps are made to drive the plot forward.  It makes a really interesting premise for Saw VII at the end, and I hope the next one is actually good.
 
Saw VI is actually a surprisingly mature commentary on the U.S.A's current health-care system. The main character, Wiliam Easton, is a slimy private health-care official who decides who lives and who dies.
 
Plenty of things happen in this movie.  The contents of Jill's box are finally revealed, Hoffman's motives and flaws are finally understood, and overall it was just a really enjoyable movie.  The ending didn't really provide any twists, as is a saw staple, but it didn't really need to, the actual duration of the film provided them instead.
 
Also, William Easton is the most sympathetic main character in any of the movies thus far.  Unlike Jeff, he acts right away to save people that are stuck in traps, and is actually probably more courageous than the viewer who is watching the film.  He realizes the error of his ways, and genuinely wants to help the people that are in danger.
 
I would definitely recommend Saw VI
 
Overall Grade- B-
 
 
So, that concludes my retrospective of the Saw series.
 
I wrote this all in one sitting, and am now probably going to take a nap or do something that washes all Saw out of my mind.
 
If anyone reads this and actually wants to watch the films, I would definitely recommend it, just skip V, it is a completely unnecessary film.
 

There have been very few instances in my life where adrenaline has caused me to shake so violently that I am barely functional.  The last one was when I broke both of my arms falling off a moving vehicle, and the SECOND one happened tonight.
 
So, I had a pretty busy night tonight, the highlight of which was going to see Where the Wild Things Are.  I was originally going to write a blog about that movie, but this is infinitely more interesting. 
 
So, I'm on my way home, stopping to drop off people as usual.  I have three people left in my car when I get to the stoplight, which is green.  I am turning right, and this other guy is turning left, which, as most of you should know, means I have the right of way.  Clearly this guy does not understand, and turns left symmetrically to me, and I inadvertently trap him in the oncoming lane.
 
My instinctive reaction is to speed up to give him room to get over, so I accelerate.  When he sees this, he SHOULD have broke, but no, his reaction was to speed up with me and stay parallel to my vehicle.  This goes on for about 15 seconds until I decide to floor it and rocket up to about 60 MPH, at which point he finally gives in and gets behind me. 
 
Here comes the scary part, this dude tailgates us and starts following us.  At first we are in denial and try to test him to see if he is really following us.  I do some hings like faking  turns and going down the same street three or four times, and sure enough, he follows our every lead.
 
At this point we are kind of freaking out, and some people ask to be let out, which I refuse to do, as I do not think it is a good idea for anyone to exit the vehicle.
 
This guy follows us for a half hour.
 
I finally decide it's a good idea to call the police (kudos to our local police department for their fast action).  They swiftly set up a police trap by the police station, but unfortunately, the guy tailing us realizes we are leading him to the cops and finally breaks off.  We meet the cops at the trap they set up, and talk to them for a while.  It was two dark for us to see the guy, and also none of us got to see what type of car he was driving. The cops were very nice, and didn't seem to care that we were out past city-curfew.
 
 
So, I dropped everyone off and went home, still shaky from adrenaline, and typed this blog for all of you to enjoy!
 
This probably takes the award for being the scariest moment of my life, mainly because I wasn't just in charge of my own safety, but also the safety of the passengers in my vehicle.  I am still wondering what he would have done if he had succeeded in cutting us off, or if we had stopped.  Truly a terrifying night.

Well, since I'm I'm stuck at home with nothing else to do, I figure I may as well write something to occupy the time.
 
So, what has been going on in my life lately?
 
Well, last week I saw Jennifer's Body in the theater, which, while entertaining, was pretty forgettable.  I also had to sit on the edge of my movie-group, which put me next to this really creepy dude who came by himself.  That was a bit unsettling.  Regardless of all of that, the movie had some good humor in it, but not nearly enough to carry the whole movie.  The best scene comes half-way through, when Jennifer is explaining what happened to her at the concert.  The sacrifice scene is one of the most morbidly funny things I have watched in a while.
 
On the gaming front I recently picked up Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story, which I got instead of Scribblenauts after a long internal debate. 
 
Mario & Luigi is REALLY good.  I keep waiting for that game to stop throwing fresh ideas at me, but it seems to introduce a new gameplay mechanic every couple of minutes. 
 
Other than that, I've been spending a lot of time at home, as my piece of crap car finally quit working, and I live too far away for anybody to want to come and pick me up to do stuff.  
 
Well, this blog was pointless, but at least in occupied my time!
 
Horray!

I've never broken a bone in my life, so apparently all that karma built up around me, as I am now typing this with a broken wrist on my left arm and a broken elbow on my right.
 
It all started when I went to a neighboring city to go to a concert.  It was my friends band, so it was a pretty relaxed event.  We showed up a good hour early, and were bored so decided to ghost ride.  I'm not going to go into detail over what that is, you can look it up on your own terms, but to make a long story short, I ended up falling off the roof of a moving van and bruising about every bone in my body.  
 
Don't ghost ride kiddos
 
So I didn't realize how badly I was hurt, so I still went to the concert and probably did more than I should of.  I also drove all the way home, which resulted in my friends laughing their asses off about how I couldn't pull the gear shift down.
 
So when I got home and casually said "Hey Dad, I need to go to the emergency room", he didn't really believe me, and I hadn't come up with a good enough cover-up excuse for what happened yet, so I had to wait until the morning to go to urgent care. 
 
So I spent the rest of the night talking to some of my buddies in Giant Bomb IRC, who's form of a support resulted in them telling me I needed to get a frontal lobotomy.
 
Which I did.
 
and I now regret.
 
If I could feel regret.
 
So, went to the urgent care... 
Turned out I had two broken bones, and now both are in casts, which sucks.  
 Moral of the story: Don't do stupid shit.

I just got back from my second viewing of the movie, and still think it's fantastic, but here is one thing that really bothers me.
 
It is established early on in the movie that Hugo Stiglitz is well known by the German army, being a traitor who killed 13 officials.  So, why the hell did the Basterds think it was a good idea to bring him down into the German bar when rendezvousing with the german double-agent?  Someone was bound to recognize him.  Also, there is a semi-random flashback of what appears to be Hugo getting whipped by the german officer that they are sitting at the table with.  Surely he must have recognized him?
 
One other thing that bothers me is the scene between Hans Landa and Shoshanna, when they are eating the strudel together.  Hans Landa drops the hint early on in the scene that he knows who Shoshanna is by ordering her a glass of milk, the same thing he drank on the dairy farm where she was hiding in the beginning of the movie.  Also, at the end of the scene, Hans puts his cigarette out on the strudel, and the camera focuses on it for a while.  This, to me, implied that he did not care about the food, despite the facade he put up, and only cared about grilling Shoshanna and trying to out her as being a jew.  However, this is not brought up again throughout the duration of the film.  It could be explained that he didn't care because he was a turncoat from the beginning, but I don't believe this is true.  He strangled Von Hammersmark to death on an impulse, and if he had been a turncoat from the beginning, he would not have taken this action.  He is subtly set up as a woman-hater, so the idea that he'd let Shoshanna just walk away still baffles me.
 
Nevertheless, I still found the movie fantastic, and if anybody can justify these two instances to me, I will listen to any comments.