I'm Joseph, an impoverished and unemployed 20 year old student with little else to do but sit around all day playing video games and watching TV. Right? Well, no. In actual fact I'm an aspiring screenwriter (hence my impeccable grammar and delightful vocabulary) -- I say aspiring, though, because all I really do is sit around all day playing video games and watching TV.

I also happen to be British, which naturally means that I have dreadful dental hygiene and personally know the queen. I also was totally lying about the video games thing, because as you know all British people are charismatic James Bond-esque secret agents. That whole lowly writer thing is just my cover.

Now, must dash; I've luncheon with Elizabeth at noon. Toodles!