smcn's forum posts

#1 Posted by smcn (949 posts) -

@smcn said:
Who knows how many updates and comments. (Seriously, anybody know?)

Somewhere in the region of 459.

I just went ahead and did math just because I have nothing better to do.

2: Poor Parental Cabbage30140
3: Tears in the Rain3680
4: Takin' it to Harlem2749
5: End of the Tropes3439

This is prior to this post, obviously.

Also--a day late because I didn't want to lock myself out for the finale--my earlier Soul Eater references panned out even better than I could have planned.

We're finally gonna see Rin's soul.

Loading Video...

I guess we know which character Hisao is.

#2 Edited by smcn (949 posts) -
Part the 三十四番目

This is it. The final update. But before we get to it, a little bit of behind the scenes trivia. To get the final image in this update (which you're no doubt scrolling down to as I write), I had to 100% the game. I thought I did that over the course of the feature. Unfortunately, that was somehow not the case. Turns out I forgot to nail Lilly's neutral ending until now. (It's exactly the same as her good ending; it just ends a little earlier.) So I essentially had to kill any chance Hisao had with Lilly before I could leave him with Rin. Consider that my gift to her.

I think sex with Babyface is punishment enough, Shizune. Harlem can attest to that.
[Has anybody caught the art teacher yet? Or the Nurse? Or Mut-] "I get it, Shicchan."
[Catch.] "NO, WAIT, SHICCHA-"
She's not talking about the corpses.
"She has me there. I HAVE always wanted to see Shicchan naked."
That works, too.
So naturally, the t....wait a second, this isn't right. Give me a second to sort things out.
Uh....what the hell's going on?
No, seriously, the hell's going on? Did sex with Rin kill Babyface and send him to Scene Transition Heaven? I was kidding with that last ending!
Like her butt prints on the glass didn't do that already.
"I like to be wined and dined after I've been fucked."
"Try asking the other five girls you fucked."
You know, there are more efficient ways to cop a feel, Babyface.
"She knows how to make my nipples rock hard. Pisses her off every time."
"Not as much dick, though." "Yea, I....I, uh...."
Wasn't it raining one screenshot ago? Why isn't there a single cloud in the sky?
Dickhead trees.
His response?
Absolutely vital to the plot.
Symbolism, folks!
"You do realize that we're essentially swimming in flower jizz, right?" "I know! Isn't it amazing?"
Aquatic language, though? That is a universal constant.
The moment of truth. How will he handle it?
Fucking hell.
"Really? Really?"
"Say it with me."
"Was it something YOU ate, or do I really taste like that down there?"
"Another bad ending?" "No. But it IS ending, Hisao."

"Why would I know that?" "W-" "Don't answer."
.........That's actually a good question. Has he cried anywhere in this feature?
And in her own route, too. How sweet.
Fucking smartass.
"Were you even wearing a condom?"
"You really think he'd give you a venerial disease in your happy ending?" "Guess not."
Let's recap what just happened: Babyface just broke the fourth wall, calmed Rin about STDs, called her an idiot, and topped it all off with a kiss. (And Rin's vagina tastes like scared sea salt.) Can this possibly get any weirder?
Heart attacks! Yea, why not? Haven't one of THOSE in a while.
I guess I can see that.
"I'll name it Numor." "We'll work on that."
Blood. It's blood. That's what hearts fill with.
"Come here, you dirty slut."
"Couldn't handle my amazing tongue action, I see. Don't worry. Not many women can."
I want to correct him, but I don't know the actual word for what that is.
"Every last one landed straight in her now-scrunched-up face."
I'm only keeping this screenshot in so the next one doesn't sound so needlessly insensitive.
*giddy squealing*
"Especially when you don't have any arms."
He did.
How absolutely goddamn adorable.
"Call a doctor. There's something wrong with my face."
"Cupcake." "Really? We're closing the thread on that shitty joke?" "Of course not."
"We're closing on this shitty art."
Loading Video...

And that's the Screenshot Ballad of Heartbreakin' Hisao Nakai. 6052 screenshots. Five months. Who knows how many updates and comments. (Seriously, anybody know?) But let's take a closer look at these stats, shall we?


First up is Lilly, who I am now noticing is an exercise in efficiency. 1076 screenshots, with only six left over. All spread across 720 MB. Very nice. And the lowest number of Photoshops yet: 46. But don't get too excited. Remember: one ending, and half of Sugar Milk is just setting stuff up for future updates. Besides, the girl's only got 27 Misha heads. That just won't stand.


How does it feel, Parents? How does it feel being this close to the much hated Sugartits? Anyway, the actual stats...aren't that far off from Lilly, honestly. 1195 screenshots, and only 8 left over, spread over 823 MB. 57 Photoshops, and 31 Misha heads. So only a modest improvement over the previous thread. That is about to change soon.


Remember her? I sure as hell don't. Look what we're dealing with, here. 1397 screenshots with 16 left over, spread over a whole gigabyte. That's twice as many left over from before! Photoshops rose modestly to 70, whereas the Misha heads rose to....109!? What!? 109 fucking Misha heads!? There's no way her route was that sexy! I refuse to believe it!


So it was clear at this point that things were getting out of control. Fortunately, Harlem was kind enough to rein things in. Her thread is a noticeable step back with only 1096 screenshots to her name (although that came with 34 left over). Photoshops also fell to 61, and Misha heads came within a respectable range of 50. That is the proper amount of Misha. Top it all off with 763 MB, and....well, I think the results speak for themselves. (That's my way of saying she has my favorite thread.)


That said, Happy Ending's my favorite character in this whole feature, Harlem being a close second. And holy hell, does the former show. 1276 screenshots, with 24 left over for the end. (Fun little side-note: about 61 one of those are from the very brief Kenji arc. And that's not including our detour into The Answer.) And atop that we have...102 Photoshops? I WAS SO CLOSE! DAMN IT! And it's not like the other numbers are much better. It's only 1 GB (nothing special) and 18 Misha Heads (RIN DESERVES BETTER).

So with this lengthy feature finally wrapped up, only one question remains: what comes next? Well, I don't want to prematurely spoil anything...

...but I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

#3 Edited by smcn (949 posts) -
Part the 三十三番目

This is it, guys.

We're finally gonna see Rin's soul.
Huh. I thought we were past sad introductions.
"To be fair, you never warned me against rationing all those oranges you gave me a while back. (Not that I was able to eat them...)"
Fuck you, man. I really like how she looks. I'm not even kidding; sadness aside, I really like how she looks.
It's a bra.
"Let's get this party started."
"Is this what you think foreplay is?"
The look that's really sad, but also makes you want to blow her.
"A china doll? You mean like Lilly was?" "....." "I'm always going to be your number two, aren't I?" "......I'm gonna do for you things I never did for Lilly."
".......Are you going to do those things SOON, Hisao?" "Yea, eventually. I'm just trying to adjust to this weird art."
"Please, no butt stuff. I don't think I'm ready."
"Not there, either. It feels like somebody jammed a hagfish in my pants."
"DEFINITELY NO BITING! I know you said that when y...Look, can we just stick to my vagina?"
Or at least what I hope is rain.
"When I said 'blow me', I didn't literally mean blow on it." (Not that it comes across through the censor.)
"Thank you."
So I guess she's a squirter.
Should help a ton with that first part.
"That 'women can have multiple orgasms' myth? Complete bullshit."
"This taste is going to linger in my mouth for weeks." "Lucky bastard."
"And tap my ass like a party keg?"
No joke on this one. It's just too heartwarming to leave out.
"Guess that makes two of us."
Those last three words are throwing me for a loop (no pun intended). How often is this kid whipping it out?
"But what if you get nervous again?"
"Look, it won't happen again. It'll be fine; I've been practicing on Emi." "Did you tell her?" "God, no." "I LOVE YOU."
"Anymore, I mean."
"On my stomach. Draw a little heart pattern with it, if you can."
Without any upward motion. Or inward motion. He's basically pressing his dick onto her pelvis.
"But she said no on the anal, so I guess it's just regular sex for us."
"It's a good thing I never called you Needle Dick, huh?"
"OK, you guys, you can wrap this up any time, now."
"Hanako's gonna kill me, isn't she?"
"Is this what sex is?" "You mean you didn't know this whole time?"
"I've been in and out for most of this. Kind of like you, now that I think about it."
I thought Rin was supposed to be the space-y one. (Or maybe this is evidence that the writers don't speak English as their first language.)
"I'm here for y-"
Because Shizune burst in with a flashbang and blew both their stupid brains out. The end.


#4 Edited by smcn (949 posts) -
Part the 三十ニ番目

You know, the way Nomiya stormed off yesterday, I'm actually kind of worri--

...uh......I'm...sure she'll be fine.

I know this is sad as all hell, but it's one hell of a scene. I'm not editing this shit out.
NONE OF IT. Not even the clumsy similes.
Good job avoiding that.
"So I'm just gonna sit back and just appreciate this powerful bond I have with Rin."
"OK, how much longer can this take?"
"This doodle of Yuuko as a plant would not have existed without your inspiration."
OH DEAR GOD, NOT NEWTON!.............OK, who the fuck is Newton?
Like Planet Laika without all the scary rape-y parts.
"You were talking about Newton and horse dogs and it was all really confusing."
"Cupcake. It's cupcake. It's like a cupcake."
Out of fear, no doubt.
This thread, for instance. (God, I wish I was kidding.)
Like what Rin's looking at just outside this screenshot.
"And you think you'll be able to sleep in here?" ".......You've got a point."
"Hey, Philemon. Mind leaving my girl alone?"
Kind of like this:

But with butterflies.
"The fuck is a Morphos?"
"Act 4, Rin. We've passed this." "It's all been like one long day for me. Cut me some slack."
"Two hours in, and I'm passed out in a puddle of my own shame and body fluids."
"I can remember it like it was yesterday. 'Yea, sure, I can chug an entire keg of vodka in under an hour.'"
"I was vomiting out of holes I didn't know I had."
This kid's ass is on fire! But only in half-ass shifts.
"Say it with me now: Rin." "Miki." "LET'S TAKE IT FROM THE TOP."
So she's pissed herself.
"So I see you've tried that asparagus dip I got you."
PARITY'S BACK, BITCHES! (I know this doesn't sound important, but for being her theme, I haven't heard it at all throughout her route.)
"I know what a man likes."
"Because I call it urine."
"Look, if you're that worried about Hanako, we'll start with oral. I'll be super quiet; I promise."
Loading Video...

#5 Edited by smcn (949 posts) -
Part the 三十一番目

We're now firmly on the path to a Happy Ending, but we still can't get there without someone being extremely shitty to Rin.

You have until the first screenshot to guess who.

I guess we know who bought Fetus in a Jar.
DREAMIN'! Don't give it up Luffy, FETUS!
"Of course, the dozen or so empties littered on the floor spoil their secrecy. That's why I put the last part in quotes."
Very poorly, given how fucking obvious this location was. (It's her home room.)
"Yes. That teacher."
"Alright, magical Velvet Room powers. Time to work your magic."
"Wait, you didn't wash your hands since that night?" "Uh-" "And you pushed me away with those hands when I came into your room!? Do you know how close I was to kissing my own pussy?"
("A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and I had to waste it.")
And by rare, he means "for half this feature."
"I know you can. You're looking right at it."
"I mean, what kind of sick, heartless bastards would do that to a little girl? And on her birthday, too?" "Shhhhh, it's OK, Rin. The watermelon-flavored popsicles can't hurt you anymore."
"What are y-"
We know. We saw the last bit.
"That depends."
"Does THIS answer your question?" "Oh my god, is that what I looked like? My hair looks so ridiculous!"
Spacing out like a bitch.
"Because you could accomplish just as much with a short skirt and a windy day."
Either Persona 3 or Four Leaf Studios.
*seething, seething rage*
"I don't know. That bird you drew was pr-" "THAT BIRD WAS HORSE SHIT."
That's because Nomiya's on the other side. That's less a joke and more a statement of fact.
You're sending her in there alone to face Nomiya? Let's watch as his plan horrifically backfires.
"And you can't spell thorny without horny! Get the drift?"
Mind pointing toward a single good time, Mr. Foot Fetish?
"I don't think my life would be that different if I DID listen to your advice."
Wow, way to win Shittiest Character in the Game, Nomiya. Not even Jigoro was this bad......Wait....did I just genuinely compliment Jigoro!?
THAT'S his excitement? I wouldn't want to see his anger, then.
And so Nomiya ghosts his way out of this thread once and for all. Let us all rejoice.
That's probably because you don't have much to apologize for.
"I don't think it was a good idea to let him go like that. You know somebody's going to die because of this."
I guess the timeline is so fucked that we're doomed to repeat all the plot points in this route. Hope you liked those gallery chats!
Man, Rin. You hit HARD.
I first read that as "standing pointedly on her toes", like she was insulting him while standing on her tippy toes.
"You mean we're still not like that?"
"This statement is going to backfire on me like you wouldn't believe."
Oh.....That's.....I'm not even sure how to describe it.
[I taught myself sign language. For you.]
"You're not Misha." [SON OF A BITCH!]

And just for the record, it was Sae who bought the jarred fetus. Not Luffy.....yet.

#6 Edited by smcn (949 posts) -
Part the 三十番目

New day, new update. Needless to say, the events of yesterday's update confused Hisao to no end. "Half of that stuff never happened", he says. "In fact, I'm absolutely certain that library part never happened. What kind of asshole would I have to be to tell Yuuko to kill herself? And how were those loving moments? Rin wasn't there for half of them, and when she was, I was just insulting h-"

"Listen here, you little shit! Do you think I'm running a fucking charity!? I've got a job to do, and I don't need some nosy little brat tel-"

Elizabeth cuts in and explains things. "Hisao's been part of a screenshot Let's Play the entire time. (It's essentially scrapbooking for the Internet.) The reason he hasn't been able to understand Rin is because she's been breaking the fourth wall the whole time." But her master has something that will put them both on the same level.

"What? Oh, fine. I bestow upon you the ultimate power of the universe itself. Killed the last unlucky bastard I gave it to, but maybe you'll do better."

Here ya go.

Now he can break the fourth wall just like her. One Philemon ride later...

And we're back at the choice that drove them apart. How will Babyface handle it?

Don't get too excited. He's almost literally being told what the right answer is.
"It fucking better b-wait, wasn't I going off to college a minute ago?"
"Jesus Christ! Are you STILL hung up on trying to destroy yourself?!"
"What are you t-"
"Third or fourth fucking time this has happened! When will people learn to stay out of my goddamn way!?"
"So I traveled to an interdimensional elevator just to get the same ending as last time? Man, what a fucking rip-off."
"Far, FAR away from this foot fetish fuck."
"Oh shit. Did I say that out loud?"
"It's surprisingly easy to bludgeon somebody to death with a dildo."
I don't think jazz hands can save anybody from Nomiya's wrath.
"How do you think my father died?"
Nomiya followed her into the bathroom, but not to watch her pee.
"We?".....I hope to high shit that means Emi and Hisao.
The kind who will beat the shit out of her best friend for being a minute late to lunch.
"Bitch, you know it."
"Hey, geezer. Mind if I borrow one of your dildos?"
"I never knew you could jam a dildo so far into a person's body. Not sexually, mind you. I was just surprised at how easily you can use one to stab somebody."
"I'll kick your ass, white boy."
Or maybe she has a dildo lodged in her brain.
"Has your voice ALWAYS been so pineapple?"
"May I have nothing more to do with you for the rest of this feature."
A roundabout way of saying Misha's absent.
"You wanna throw down, bitch?"
"Go right ahead." "Oh no no no no n-"
"You get the top half, and I get the bottom. Agreed?" "Agreed."
"Before Nomiya breaks out Ol' Bald 'n Beautiful?"
He could be describing anything with a vagina. Not just women; anything with a vagina.
Again, par for the course.
Is the Space Pope reptilian?
"Guess I'm the Space Pope. And also a lizard."
Good to see he's been completely wrong about Rin this entire time.
"Child's play? How many children have YOU seen have severe psychological breakdowns?" "Twenty n-don't try to change the subject on me!"
Actually, that sounds like a perfectly valid excuse not to work in a porno that could destroy your life.
"The slowly spreading stain on the front of his pants announces as much."
"God, I hope not."
"You did? Speak up, boy! Where'd she run off to?"
Yea, that sounds like Rin, alright. Having absolutely no clue where she is and everything.
Loading Video...

It's at this point--with less than a week left in the feature and after her final appearance--that I realized I never gave Sae a voice. How about...

...Sae-gourney Weaver?

#7 Edited by smcn (949 posts) -
Part the 二十九番目

Part 6: Operation Rinfall

OK, so you're probably wondering what random plot element I've pulled out of my ass this time. Well, it turns out...

...that Hisao Nakai... the Wild Card.
No, seriously. Go back and look.
It all checks out.

Like the G-Man, our Velvet Room companions have decided to let Hisao work things out for himself along most of his journey. But this time, they can't just sit back and watch. He's almost reached the end of his journey. He mustn't lose hope when the end is in sight. Igor then shows him everything he'd be giving up if he just stopped here.

"Why do you smell like lemony freshness?"
For some reason, sinister music starts playing upon this screenshot. I think you know the reason.
"And that's when I see the knife."
"He has the courage to do what I never could: brutally stab Rin to death."
"So long story short, all three of us end up on the ground, slowly bleeding away our life essence."
"Yea, and a lot of friggin' good THAT did you!"
"More like a sound-effect, really: bwaowaowaowaowaowao. I think."
Or that. Sure. Why the shit not?
"Like Hisao?" ".............U....."
"I love to see him leave, but I HATE watching him go."
Is that what he calls his classmates? (Not that he's wrong about the beating part.)
"God, was I really such an idiot back then?" "Well, you ARE the Fool. *tee-hee*"
"That's it! From this day forward, I am going to be harder around Tezuka!" "You mean harder ON her." "That works, too!"
I hope it isn't, but I feel like it is.
"......................." "I see. You're left speechless, aren't you?" ".....Y....y.......y......."
Why doesn't it surprise me that somebody like Nomiya lives out of the school?
"With those slender little gams."
There's a reason his eyes are closed. A sick, disgusting reason nobody should ever know about.
The paint having dried several minutes before Rin left.
"......I......uh.......WHAT'S THAT OVER THERE!"
That's right. This joke is canon.
"That fucking watch. I swear, if I knew it'd land me here, I'd have chucked that thing in a lake."
Fare thee well, Buck Toothed Painting Thing. You were....really creepy while it lasted.
As he later learned, she was housing a tranquil fury the likes of which he'd never seen.
"Are you considering suicide? Hisao, please, suicide is n-" "I'm saying YOU should consider suicide."
("Why did I choose that day to wear sandals to work?")
("And I thought RIN was unstable.")
He says, rolling his eyes like a motherfucker.
So a normal life involves bloody knuckles and a billion punched walls?.....Sounds about right.
"And if anybody stands in my way, I punch the shit out of 'em until they stop breathing!" "Like, metaphorically, right?"
"Oh dear god."
Again, from the back.
"I would later learn that she was cutting herself real bad. Her stomach resembled a very long bar code."
Wait, why am I covering choices in the gaiden update?
Because fuck you, that's why! Also, I should mention that this is the right choice to make.
Seriously, look. Obsession knows best.
"Good for him. He's finally learned his lesson."
"Now then, back to this yaoi."
"Huh. So that's what his butthole looks like."
"And yet my butt still can't work out what any of it says. Maybe I really AM illiterate."
"That's the last I ever saw of her."
"OK, you're gonna have to fill me in on this one."
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#8 Edited by smcn (949 posts) -

BOOOOO!!!!!! Don't even finish with the happy ending for "Happy Ending"? WTF man?

#9 Edited by smcn (949 posts) -
Part the 二十八番目

Might as well set the mood for you guys.

I think you'll know when to play it.

"Oh god, are you going to yell at me again?"
"Oh no. You're going to yell at me again."
"THAT'S your justification? Really?"
Prepare for a horribly sad ending.
In Japanese, this language sounds perfectly normal. In English, it makes Hisao sound like a toddler. I guess what I'm saying is, "Please enjoy this picture of the main characters' crotches."
"You can look if you want to. I don't mind."
"Eh. Hanako's were better."
"Like your genitals?" "You'd better believe it."
Where is this conversation even going at this point?
.....You know what? Let's steer this back toward something that actually makes sense.
Don't you fucking try me.
"Eh, I don't think that would've changed things too much."
"And then we step forward once."
"At least SOMEONE has the decency to obey the laws of gravity."
Not that she knows what you hoped to accomplish with that strange outburst.
Just you fucking try me.
And this is where things take a terribly sad turn.
"I understand how you feel." "Really, REALLY confused?"
"We can't be together, Hisao. It just wasn't meant to be."
"Even if it's at your expense, like 'Everything's your fault' or 'You've always been less than a friend', you laugh, anyway. Make everybody else happy."
"No, there just has to be a way for us to be together." "There isn't. Remember that watch of yours?"
"Oh shit. That was important?"
"It means the natural flow of time has been restored. It means you can't fix this with time travel."
"Time travel! You can't fix this with time travel! Could you even PRETEND to take this seriously!?"
"Doesn't he see the tears running down my face? It''s just..."
"Nice try, but an impromptu heart attack isn't going to save the day this time. I'm not Lilly, and I never will be."
"No, it's already out there. Just be thankful you don't have to put up with Akira anymore, right?"
"When did I ever say that?" "I don't know."
"This isn't the time for unfunny running gags."
It's the time for Photoshops!
Wait, you think you'd lose a gunfight to a girl who doesn't have arms? Have more confidence in yourself, man!
"Then why aren't you smiling?"
"You're still not smiling. I can tell."
The tears rolling down her, that joke is too sad to finish.
"Could you give me one last good-bye present?" "Of course, R-" "Sexually?"
"No, it's actually really easy. See, if I put my leg here, and you put your hand on...."
("Shoulda known he'd still be sore from....that.")
"I mean, even Hitler could hug people. I'm worse than Hitler."
They cannot hug. Thus, it will not work.
Flawless logic, apparently.
"......Are you going to finish that thought, Hisao?"
"I wish there were."
I guess that's gonna do it for this thread. I only have one thing to add to such a sad ending.

And....I guess that's going to do it for the thread. I really only have one reaction to this chain of events. Well, two. First:

Loading Video...


Loading Video...

See you for the next screenshot thread, I guess.

#10 Edited by smcn (949 posts) -
Part the 二十七番目

It's raining in today's update, but the sadness parade will not be postponed.

"But the darkness can eat a dick."
"A girl's at her sexiest when she's squirting out hot shit."
"Get that image of Lilly out of my mind. Just.....*WRETCH*...."
You have no fucking clue.
"I swear, if it's that epileptic girl again..."
"Then why are you wet and slowly bleeding?" "Toilet accident."
OK, so maybe it really WAS a toilet accident. Remember what her mom said?
"You just used it." "SHIT!"
"Really? Why'd you stop?"
"No real reason."
The moment of truth. How will Babyface handle this?
"So you're available, huh? You ever thought about hooking up with me, His-"
Guess that makes one of us.
"Three steps into the gallery, and I've already put Rin in her place. God, I'm amazing."
You don't know the half of it.
The other half, I mean.
"Rin collapsed into a puddle of her own sadness." "I know, right?"
"But seriously, Sae, I really do think you should cut back on the drinking. It's one thing if you confuse the spit bucket with your puke bucket; it's another thing to continue drinking out of both of them."
"I still think you have a drinking p-" "JUST GO TO YOUR DAMN MEETING."
Hopefully not.
"I love you with all my hear-" "WHY CAN'T I MAKE SENSE OF YOU!?"
If only you'd been that forward with her in the first place.
From what? Rin swiping her pack of smokes?
"How can something so morose be so absolutely adorable?"
"Have you asked Nomiya for help with that?" "........" "I take it he's the reason you don't know."
"Could you tell me how to interpret art instead?"
[That oughta shut him up.]
But you haven't even started the story. I never thought I'd say this, but Nomiya's right.
"By killing him. He always did love his sweet Columbia white."
It's actually REALLY obvious in-story.
To most people, anyway.
"So wait, the part of Picasso's life where he was depressed over his friend killing himself is known as his 'Blue Period'?" "Precisely." "You art historians are a grisly bunch, huh?"
Sae's love life.
"Maybe develop a taste for cabbage."
"Also, her bra and any sense of dignity."

Speaking of Picasso, I imagine this is what Kenji would have looked like had he survived to old age:

"God damn *cough* feminists *wheeze*"