Hmm... What to do?

Hey all.

I think it's time that I share with you what's been going on since my last blog. So far it's been a lot of ups-and-downs, and lately I've been getting the feeling that I'm not sure how I will make it this semester due to a class. First, I'll start of with an something that is going to be painful for me to mention, but I think it should be said in the end.

STALKER

Many of you know that I am involved in Deviantart with my anthropomorphic drawings. Well, there's someone on that site who I've taken a liking to her style, and I thought it'd be neat if I could be good friends with this person. For any who have kept up with my blogs, you may have an idea who I'm talking about. If not, you'll eventually know who. I won't give out her username though because I don't think it would be necessary. Anyway, we eventually became good friends, and you could say that I got a little too friendly when I mentioned about one day meeting her at an anime convention she normally goes. She seemed okay with the idea at first and had no problems with it. That is, however, I kind of grown an obsession with talking to her and visiting her DA page just about every day. No doubt a lot of you are thinking where this is going. I mean I did do two maybe three fan art drawings of her character because I wanted to thank her for some of the help she's given me and for the commissions she was kind enough to take. In return, she was very pleased and complimented them. To be honest, I wasn't really concious of what I was doing for I thought that could form like some sort of buddy alliance with this person just like others have on DA. It wasn't until I got her note last month that it finally hit me. In her note, she stated that she had some concerns that she wanted to point out, and she gave me a breakdown of all the actions I've done whenever I speak to her. When I read it, it did sting, but the final blow was when she said that she was safe to assume that I'm a stalker. Man, it was awful having to read that word. That's something that will stick with you throughout however long you decide to stay on the internet. I never really saw myself as such until I read her note. I've even questioned myself if my actions have been that of a stalker's with other users. I mean it was really awful having that run through your head. Then, I started getting all these thoughts that maybe word had spread about my actions and that I would be hunted down and whatnot. I know that may sound crazy, but this is the internet you're talking about. There are people out there that will do a lot of crazy yet stupid things because they are not careful of what they do. I, for one, just happened be one of them with this person, and I deeply regret for what I've done. What I should have done was give her plenty of space and just talk to her from time to time instead of every day. So that's lesson learned on my part even though I was too late to stop myself before things got out of hand.

All in all, I just want to say I'm sorry to anyone who has experienced any of this behavior from me. What I did was very foolish, and it may take some time to gain some trust from her again. Before anyone asks, no, I haven't spoken to her since her note because 1) I was at a loss for words to even reply back, and 2) I think it would have gotten a lot nastier if I did reply back on the same day she sent me the note. For some time now, I've been thinking about apologizing to her because I want to show her that I'm much better than all this that you've read so far. Also, I want to give myself another chance at becoming a more mature person not just on DA but with any website that I'm involved in. Right now, I'm just afraid of getting a note from her that is far worse than what I received a month ago. Any advice for this would be very helpful.

THE WORST WAS YET TO COME. THEN AGAIN...

On that same week, things didn't get any better. It was the same week that I had received my first physics exam back, and... Well, let's just say it wasn't good. Later in the evening, I had told my mom about the test. She was rather shocked, and I assured her that I did my best studying for the test. Also, I had told her that I wasn't the only one that suffered. So, I requested that she and my sisters come visit me over the weekend, and she said that she would knowing how much stress I've been going through. When she came, I couldn't have been any happier. So, I spent some time with her and m sisters as we visited a few stores like Barnes & Noble (where I got a few CDs by Philip Glass) and Circuit City (where I got Sonic Chronicles at a cheap price). To be quite honest, having her visit me has been one of the best Valentine's Day weekends I've ever had, and I'm very thankful that she did come to see me.

BACK TO SCHOOL

So, I've been trying to focus more on school seeing that I've been caught up with school work. If there's anything that I've experienced during my time in college, it's that the spring semester is ALWAYS the busiest especially when you're taking a difficult class such as physics. The second exam I took just now I did a bit better, but I was just a couple of points away from passing. All I can say right now is that I hope that I can make a B or a C in the class, but I'll be happy with a D if push comes to shove... or however you want to put it. Now I really can't wait to be done with college. *sighs* Only one more year to go after this...

SPRING BREAK

At this moment, I'm on my spring break, and I'm really glad to be having one right now. However, I do have some school work to do, but I can do it a much more relaxed pace than what I've been doing at school. It does feel great to be home for a short period of time. One of my plans is to see Watchmen with my sister since she's been wanting to see for some time now. I also managed to play a couple of old PC games on my computer like Myst and Riven. It was great playing those two games, but I was suprised with how much fun I had with Riven. When I was a kid, I had difficulties with the game because I didn't know what to do. Now that I'm much older, I had to go look up two hints for the game. I find that to be pretty amazing. Speaking of my computer, I'm currently trying to do a birthday picture for my sister who will be turning eighteen shortly. I hope the piece goes well though.

IN THE END

I guess that's all that I have to say right now. The first part was something that I really needed to get off my chest because I had been getting the feeling that I've been a coward for not mentioning it. Sure it may seem like I should have just kept it to myself, but that's why I have those who could lend me some of their advice if they choose to help out. Despite some of the things that I've done in the past, all I can say is that I'm really grateful for having people that have stuck around reading what I've been up to and the like. I just wish there was something I can do in return. Maybe I can, but we'll see.

Thanks for reading, everyone.

P.S. I went up to Nashville to meet with a person that works for a company called Magnetic Dreams. I had asked them if they were giving any summer internships, and he said that it was a possibility. They're primary focus is character animation and motion graphics, and I heard from someone that they started doing some gaming using an engine called OGRE. After meeting the guy, I was surprised when he asked me what hours would I like if I were to take the summer internship. I was really excited about it, and I hope that I do work for this company come summer. :D

4 Comments
4 Comments
Posted by SonicHomeboy

Hey all.

I think it's time that I share with you what's been going on since my last blog. So far it's been a lot of ups-and-downs, and lately I've been getting the feeling that I'm not sure how I will make it this semester due to a class. First, I'll start of with an something that is going to be painful for me to mention, but I think it should be said in the end.

STALKER

Many of you know that I am involved in Deviantart with my anthropomorphic drawings. Well, there's someone on that site who I've taken a liking to her style, and I thought it'd be neat if I could be good friends with this person. For any who have kept up with my blogs, you may have an idea who I'm talking about. If not, you'll eventually know who. I won't give out her username though because I don't think it would be necessary. Anyway, we eventually became good friends, and you could say that I got a little too friendly when I mentioned about one day meeting her at an anime convention she normally goes. She seemed okay with the idea at first and had no problems with it. That is, however, I kind of grown an obsession with talking to her and visiting her DA page just about every day. No doubt a lot of you are thinking where this is going. I mean I did do two maybe three fan art drawings of her character because I wanted to thank her for some of the help she's given me and for the commissions she was kind enough to take. In return, she was very pleased and complimented them. To be honest, I wasn't really concious of what I was doing for I thought that could form like some sort of buddy alliance with this person just like others have on DA. It wasn't until I got her note last month that it finally hit me. In her note, she stated that she had some concerns that she wanted to point out, and she gave me a breakdown of all the actions I've done whenever I speak to her. When I read it, it did sting, but the final blow was when she said that she was safe to assume that I'm a stalker. Man, it was awful having to read that word. That's something that will stick with you throughout however long you decide to stay on the internet. I never really saw myself as such until I read her note. I've even questioned myself if my actions have been that of a stalker's with other users. I mean it was really awful having that run through your head. Then, I started getting all these thoughts that maybe word had spread about my actions and that I would be hunted down and whatnot. I know that may sound crazy, but this is the internet you're talking about. There are people out there that will do a lot of crazy yet stupid things because they are not careful of what they do. I, for one, just happened be one of them with this person, and I deeply regret for what I've done. What I should have done was give her plenty of space and just talk to her from time to time instead of every day. So that's lesson learned on my part even though I was too late to stop myself before things got out of hand.

All in all, I just want to say I'm sorry to anyone who has experienced any of this behavior from me. What I did was very foolish, and it may take some time to gain some trust from her again. Before anyone asks, no, I haven't spoken to her since her note because 1) I was at a loss for words to even reply back, and 2) I think it would have gotten a lot nastier if I did reply back on the same day she sent me the note. For some time now, I've been thinking about apologizing to her because I want to show her that I'm much better than all this that you've read so far. Also, I want to give myself another chance at becoming a more mature person not just on DA but with any website that I'm involved in. Right now, I'm just afraid of getting a note from her that is far worse than what I received a month ago. Any advice for this would be very helpful.

THE WORST WAS YET TO COME. THEN AGAIN...

On that same week, things didn't get any better. It was the same week that I had received my first physics exam back, and... Well, let's just say it wasn't good. Later in the evening, I had told my mom about the test. She was rather shocked, and I assured her that I did my best studying for the test. Also, I had told her that I wasn't the only one that suffered. So, I requested that she and my sisters come visit me over the weekend, and she said that she would knowing how much stress I've been going through. When she came, I couldn't have been any happier. So, I spent some time with her and m sisters as we visited a few stores like Barnes & Noble (where I got a few CDs by Philip Glass) and Circuit City (where I got Sonic Chronicles at a cheap price). To be quite honest, having her visit me has been one of the best Valentine's Day weekends I've ever had, and I'm very thankful that she did come to see me.

BACK TO SCHOOL

So, I've been trying to focus more on school seeing that I've been caught up with school work. If there's anything that I've experienced during my time in college, it's that the spring semester is ALWAYS the busiest especially when you're taking a difficult class such as physics. The second exam I took just now I did a bit better, but I was just a couple of points away from passing. All I can say right now is that I hope that I can make a B or a C in the class, but I'll be happy with a D if push comes to shove... or however you want to put it. Now I really can't wait to be done with college. *sighs* Only one more year to go after this...

SPRING BREAK

At this moment, I'm on my spring break, and I'm really glad to be having one right now. However, I do have some school work to do, but I can do it a much more relaxed pace than what I've been doing at school. It does feel great to be home for a short period of time. One of my plans is to see Watchmen with my sister since she's been wanting to see for some time now. I also managed to play a couple of old PC games on my computer like Myst and Riven. It was great playing those two games, but I was suprised with how much fun I had with Riven. When I was a kid, I had difficulties with the game because I didn't know what to do. Now that I'm much older, I had to go look up two hints for the game. I find that to be pretty amazing. Speaking of my computer, I'm currently trying to do a birthday picture for my sister who will be turning eighteen shortly. I hope the piece goes well though.

IN THE END

I guess that's all that I have to say right now. The first part was something that I really needed to get off my chest because I had been getting the feeling that I've been a coward for not mentioning it. Sure it may seem like I should have just kept it to myself, but that's why I have those who could lend me some of their advice if they choose to help out. Despite some of the things that I've done in the past, all I can say is that I'm really grateful for having people that have stuck around reading what I've been up to and the like. I just wish there was something I can do in return. Maybe I can, but we'll see.

Thanks for reading, everyone.

P.S. I went up to Nashville to meet with a person that works for a company called Magnetic Dreams. I had asked them if they were giving any summer internships, and he said that it was a possibility. They're primary focus is character animation and motion graphics, and I heard from someone that they started doing some gaming using an engine called OGRE. After meeting the guy, I was surprised when he asked me what hours would I like if I were to take the summer internship. I was really excited about it, and I hope that I do work for this company come summer. :D

Posted by Usagi

I'll start by saying that I've never been accused of being a stalker, but since you clearly didn't intend to impose yourself on her in such a way, I'd write her about it and make it clear in an apology like you are thinking of doing.

Physics is rough on ya, huh?  That sucks.  Give it your all and I wish you luck!  :)

Also, much luck in getting that internship!

Posted by Eric_Buck

That must feel crappy. I know the feeling, not exactly the same curcumstances with me but I know the feeling. You can get carried away with yourself on the internet. Lol PS: You should think of cleverer blog post titles. This one sounds like your deciding which game to get or something

Posted by SonicHomeboy

Usagi: Thanks. I think I may do just that.

Yeah, it's been rough. I mean I love math and all, but physics just feels intimidating. I will give it my all though. :)

And thanks! I hope it all goes well.

Eric_Buck: Yeah. It wasn't fun at all.

I know it wasn't the best title, but I was too tired to think of a good one.