I haven't played many games released this year that I'd call terrible or even bad.  But as far as games I've picked up, Dynasty Warriors 5 Empires is just awful.  It's incomprehensible without extensive online guides, buggy, plays terribly, and looks awful.  I'd rather have paid someone the ten bucks and had them punch me in the face repeatedly while humming The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round over and over again.  It's that terrible.

Spread the holiday cheer!  Get out the rolls, the stuffing, the turkey, and the gravy, baby, because Sparky's in yo' house.  This week, Gaming Update is one sad little puppy, because I've been playing Modern Warfare 2 and, well, I suck.  I also talk about Smackdown vs. Raw 2010, my new 120 gig hard drive (so many dirty jokes involving the term "hard drive" that I don't even bother anymore), and I'll briefly touch upon movies and such.  I'm also changing the name (probably temporarily) of the blog to Sparky's Update, since I"m no longer limiting myself to games.  Hey, I might get crazy on here and review root beer barrels, which are without a doubt proof that God exists and loves me very, very much. 
 
Modern Get Shot Repeatedly-fare, Part Deux!
 
Let me get something absolutely clear first off.  The single player campaign (what I've played of it) is absolutely freaking amazing in Modern Warfare 2.  There are "holy shit" moments beyond just every bend, and I've really just started on the fourth or fiftth mission.  Although I disagree with Fox News' tactics in bashing the game, I can definitely see why the media and parents would be concerned about the content of this game.  One level in particular almost had me offended - that's damn near impossible to do in a video game.  That being said, I think this game is definitely at least worth a rental if not the price of admission for its superb single player. 
 
However, as has been the case in most Call of Duty and Battlefield games, I'm coming to dread my inevitable forays into multiplayer.  I tried out about an hour's worth of multiplayer today, and yes, my craptacular vision problems are still a terrible factor.  Let me put it to you this way - enemies 50, Sparky 0.  I have NO kills to my name, simply because I cannot see the enemies.  Ever.  Even on free-for-all, it's damn near impossible for me to score a kill, let alone get enough of them to make it seem like I might ever have a chance.  I do give a big Sparky seal of approval to IW's ideas on deathstreak perks, which are a fantastic idea for those of us armed only with major suckage. 
 
Overall, I want to really like Modern Warfare 2, and I do for the most part.  But until my eye specialists can figure out a surgery for my eyes, I simply cannot play the multiplayer.  Damn. 
 
Know Your Damn Role 
 
The Sparky Buzzsaw wants to know one thing.  What's your opinion on Smackdown vs. Raw?  Wait... it doesn't matter what your opinion is!  OK, I'm done with Rock quotes for the moment. 
 
Smackdown vs. Raw 2010 is probably the best in the series to date.  Bear with me for a second.  The Road to Wrestlemania modes are a riot, with surprisingly decent voicework by the wrestlers involved.  Having the career mode take a "back to basics" approach is greatly appreciated, as I wasn't ever really a fan of the General Manager modes.  But the crowning jewel of this year's game is the user created content.  Having such a basic, yet extensive, tool at my hands just makes the inner wrestling fan in my geek right the hell out.  Sure, the game might be light on Legends (and it is - Bob Orton?  Really?), but you can download just about any number of created legends from other players.  I've had no trouble finding any wrestler I want, save for Raven, and even that's just a matter of time.  This is a FANTASTIC addition to the game, and justifies the price tag entirely to me. 
 
However, it's still not without its flaws.  S v. R still needs a serious overhaul, both graphically and engine-wise.  I think the core wrestling mechanics are fine, and I'd keep most of the control scheme as is.  But the same collision, hit detection, random graphic quirks, and animations that you've seen in the last seven games are still here, and there's just not any excuse for it.  It's laziness on the part of developers and publishers alike.  There should be no excuse for the odd sudden jumps in animation in this day and age, and there definitely needs to be some AI work done under the hood.  
 
So check out SvR 2010 if you enjoy having user created content at your fingertips, but beware - this is still Smackdown vs. Raw.  If ya smell what the Sparky is cookin'.
 
A Hard Drive Down to Center Field 
 
See?  I really am being good about the hard drive jokes.  Nary a dirty one to be find in this week's blog.  I can do this.  I can refrain myself from making jokes like, "Oh, baby, your-"  Ahhhhh, you almost got me there, sneaky blog reader. 
 
As mentioned, I purchased a new 120 gig hard drive for the 360.  Besides the insane price, I have absolutely no complaints.  It was a thing of necessity, as my old one was obviously on the verge of failing after three years of loyalty.  The file transfer was easy as pie (mmmm... pie, and soon I shall have a veritable shit ton of it).  I guess that's really all there is to say about the thing, except that I'm glad I've got more room for demos and Xbox Originals.  Might even try purchasing a full-size game on there, though I've got plenty to keep me entertained. 
 
It's the Giggle Loop! 
 
I'm not one of those people who obsesses over the TV shows from another nation, nor do I consider one nation's product to be the absolute end-all be-all (I'm looking at you, Japan-o-nerds).  I consider myself pretty open-minded and easily entertained when it comes to ALL television.  I don't consider British humor any more or less funny than our own - it's just different styles, different laughs, and a different mindset.  That being said, two of my all-time favorite shows are Father Ted and Coupling.  If you've never had a chance to watch either, give at least season 3 of Father Ted a go and start from the beginning with Coupling.  Both are pretty widely available on DVD, and Coupling is available on Netflix's streaming services. 
 
I bring that up because I've been rewatching Coupling lately, and it's just as funny as the first time I went through it.  It's a Friends-style format (full disclosure - I actually enjoyed Friends), but with much raunchier comedic bits.  The casting is spot-on, and the actors and actresses are quite good.  Fans of V for Vendetta will no doubt recognize Patrick from that film, and the rest have had minor roles in a few major movies or other TV shows. 
 
Question of the Week 
 
Has there been a game where you love the single player but can't stand the multiplayer?  How about vice versa? 

When there's panic in the streets, who're you gonna rely on, babycakes?  That's right - the Sleazy One, the Godzilla Killa, your eternal hero Sparky!  This week brings us some thoughts on Tony Hawk Proving Grounds and the state of the Tony Hawk franchise in general.  I also will bring you thoughts on The Gathering Storm, a more in-depth look at Diana Francis's Bitter Night, and my thoughts on the rom-com Couples Retreat. 
 
Kick(flip), Punch, It's All in the Mind 
 
I've put about, oh, eight or so hours into Tony Hawk Proving Ground.  It's easy and correct to just dismiss this as the latest in a tired franchise.  Really, it feels just the same as the last Tony Hawk I played thoroughly (Underground), except with far less personality, charm, and a few added buttons and gimmicks with a much higher difficulty level.  It's that difficulty level that initially turned me off the game, and it's still something I'm struggling with.  The game developers assume a great level of familiarity with the series, which is annoying and at times almost game-breaking.  If it weren't for the Internet, I doubt I'd have bothered getting past many of the initial challenges and chalked this up to a waste of cash. 
 
However, once I'd unlocked a few different areas and figured out a basic grasp of the newer concepts, I'm not entirely ready to cast the game away quite yet.  The core basics that made Tony Hawk so much fun years ago are still in place.  It can be infuriatingly difficult at times, and I definitely wouldn't recommend it to those new to Tony Hawk.  But it does have a certain sort of pick-up-and-play appeal for short periods of time, and it's not fundamentally flawed except in its stale asthetics and gameplay. 
 
Really, there's no excuse for just ramping up the difficulty of a game and sucking the soul out of it.  I don't honestly understand the shift towards realism, but I suppose it's a trend supported by gamers through games like Skate.  I'm just not for it.  I play games for escapism, and if that escapism is a little goofy, then I'm generally for it.  If I really wanted this level of difficulty in skateboarding, I'd go out and actually try to do it, broken bones and all. 
 
And that's sort of the problem with a lot of long-time established games of this sort.  I'm thinking specifically of Smackdown vs. Raw and Need for Speed.  At this point, both series are trying to introduce new games with less to push that $60 purchase point and new-ish gimmicks to keep gamers coming back year after year without really reinventing the foundation problems plaguing the series. 
 
To really move forward, I think developers and publishers NEED to get away from that "pump out a game every year" attitude.  I'd like to see Tony Hawk return to its goofy past, along with the idea that gamers new and old will be coming to this game expecting a fun game from the ground up.  It shouldn't be just a mere update with increased difficulty.  The graphics engine in TH is obviously in need of a massive overhaul, and with it, I'd like to see overhauls made to the customization options, clunky menus, and HUD markers.  But overall, Tony Hawk just needs to be fun again. 
 
Books - The Forgotten Frontier!

Diana Francis's Bitter Night ends as spectacularly as it starts, with a climactic sequence spanning several chapters and ending with the promise of more novels in the series.  I like the fact that Francis keeps most of her stories self-contained within one novel, while stretching overall plots through a few novels (Path of Fate, The Black Ship, etc.).  Though her main characters are good, it's really the minor characters in this novel I want to read more about.  She has some creative ideas on warrior castes of angels, vampires, and witches.  Quite a fantastic read. 
 
Robert Jordan and Brandon Sanderson's Gathering Storm is pretty hit-and-miss.  Sanderson has a firm grasp on certain characters and plots, such as Egwene, Mat, and Faile.  But with other plots and characters, there is little advancement.  Rand comes across as even more of a whiny emo bitch, Perrin has sadly become a one-dimensional character, and most of the subplots are pretty much fillers.  I'm still excited to finish this novel and the series in general, though I'm not nearly the fan I was when the series was relatively new and fresh. 
 
Question of the Week

 What is an old favorite series of games that you think needs a fresh face, and what would you recommend changing or adding to make it a favorite once again?

Put on your blue suede shoes and board the plane, boys and girls, because your sideburned, peanut-butter-and-banana-sandwich eating hero Sparky has returned with yet another Gaming Update.  No, I'm not the ghost of Elvis.  I just rock, and I rock hard! 
 
Dancin' Robots, Rednecks Galore, and a Fistful of Boomstick 
 
It's fair to say that Borderlands is my new flavor of the moment.  I just finished up my first playthrough last night, and holy crap, what a game.  Look, I know all the haters claim it's unpolished or buggy, but I'm here to tell you that other than (very) occasionally getting my buggy stuck in the odd corner or crevice, I've encountered no serious bugs or problems.  This is not a game to be missed simply because BobGizmoGrizFan390 tells you not to check it out.  This is a gamer's game, damn it, and you owe it to yourself, your country, and the universe in general to check it out. 
 
If I had one complaint about the game, it's that the quests get sort of repetitive.  A greater enemy variety would also go a long ways towards increasing the replay value.  Regardless, these issues are trivial and hardly deal-breakers.  Gearbox, keep this general formula going with any sequels you have planned, and you'll have one giant, rabid, slightly stinky fanboy on your hands. 
 
A Priest, a Rabbi, and a DS Walk Into a Bar 
 
Since I was on the road for most of this last week, my DS got some sweet, sweet gamer lovin'.  I packed up a few classics, and mostly played some meatier RPG efforts.  Mostly, I worked on leveling in Final Fantasy IV up until the "magnetic cave" level, which annoys me to no end.  Clever idea, terrible thing to fight as a gamer.  Eh, I'll plow through it on my next trip.  I also delved a bit deeper into the excellent Chrono Trigger, which I'm still thoroughly enjoying.  I'd love to see new Chrono games either on the Wii or DS, as I've enjoyed both immensely. 
 
Those Things With Pages.  You Know, Books? 
 
Since my Gaming Update is a little light on padding these days, I thought I'd expand out to write about any noteworthy books I've read or movies I've seen recently. 
 
Picked up a ton of books in St. Louis.  Started with C.S. Lewis's Abolition of Man, which I'd read back in college and want to re-read.  I also decided to pick up a collection of the Narnia books, since I'm working on the backbone of a fantasy world and I want to revisit all my old favorites. 
 
Also picked up Diana Pharoah Francis's newest, "Bitter Night."  I'm not normally a fan of contemporary fantasy, but Francis's other novels have all been superb, so I picked this one up and read most of it on the plane home.  It's one hell of a page turner, and I highly recommend checking it out. 
 
Also picked up but have not delved into - Brandon Sanderson's Mistborn and The Gathering Storm, Andy Remic's War Machine (Remic's a guilty pleasure - fun pulp sci-fi), and a couple of Terry Pratchett novels. 
 
In the dollar theater, I watched The Hangover.  Holy hell, I laughed hard.  I watched this several hours after the hardest moment of my life, and if it could pull me out of that funk so well, you know it's gotta be good.  The casting choices are excellent, and the comedic timing is just spot-on. 
 
Question of the Week 
 
Since Borderlands advertizes itself as having "gazillions" of guns, I figure a gun-related question is in order.  What are your favorite guns in video games, fictional or otherwise?

Hey folks- 
 
I'm going to be traveling to St. Louis tomorrow.  Although my business there is a funeral, unfortunately, I'll be spending a few extra days there to visit friends and take in the city.  If any of you are St. Louis-ites and know of some excellent areas to visit, I'd greatly appreciate the tips.  I'm looking for just about anything - tourist spots, great restaurants unique to the area, shopping areas, and other fun and random stuff.  I'll be staying near St. Charles, and keep in mind that I'll be traveling primarily by taxi, so if there are any spots where I can visit multiple things at once, that would be ideal.  Fire away your thoughts, and thanks in advance.