Oh, you startled me. I didn't see you standing there! Well, I'm Professor Sparky_Buzzsaw, and today, we've got three games to discuss, albeit probably a bit more briefly this week. Take a load off, and sit back for a spell. Shit's about to go down!

CLASSIC VANILLA FLAVOR

There's not a whole lot that will make Trails in the Sky for the PSP stand out to long-term RPG gamers. It only really does one thing uniquely well, and that's it's magic system. Does that keep it from being a bad game? No. But don't go into it expecting anything more than a truly vanilla turn-based anime-RPG, and you won't be disappointed.

It never does anything awful with the genre. The turn based combat features some nice elements, namely the ability to interrupt the turn order with super moves, once charged. These moves can turn the tide of more difficult battles in a heartbeat. Beyond that, the magic system in the game is superb. After each battle, you collect any number of magical stones from ten or so categories, ranging from Fire, Earth, Water, or Time to more unusual (and welcome) categories like Mirage. These stones, in turn, can be used in several different ways in various shops. You can either sell them for mira (the game's equivalent of coin) or use them to unlock orbments, the game's Materia of sorts. These orbments can add spells, increase stats, or give some unique abilities, such as being able to see enemies on the field from a longer distance. Each character has very specific orbments that can be slotted, with (I believe) up to about eight orbments per character. The main character can equip any kind of orbment, making her a robust customizable character that can specialize in just about anything. Joshua, the main character's adopted brother, usually focuses on Time orbments, making him a faster, more agile all-around fighter. It's a cool system that rewards the player for battling mobs, and it's one I'm looking forward to exploring more.

Beyond that, though, the game just feels bland. The story is generic, the settings are uninspired and typical RPG fare, and the other great system of the game (a job board that gives you quests) is severely hampered by incredibly tiny writing that renders it practically useless. But what irks me is the lackadaisical nature of the characters involved. It really is a case of "insert anime stereotypes" here. You've got the plucky, heartfelt, dimwitted girl. You've got the quiet, reserved, noble boy with a mysterious past. You've got the perverted sex object. It's almost infuriating in a way to have to listen to any of the crap these characters say, because while I may not know the specifics, I know practically how each character will act at any given moment, and it drives any fun that might have been gained by the story right out. It's too bad, too, because the game is built on such a solid foundation. I'm still relatively early in, though, and I plan to stick with it to see if any of these thoughts change. Hopefully they do.

SEXISM IN YAKUZA 4

There's no clever title for this one. In a way, even more so than the Tomb Raiders of the world, Yakuza 4 might be the single most sexist game I've ever played.

The hostess clubs are an easy target. I didn't feel comfortable with them at all at any point. Just because the woman isn't paid to have sex doesn't mean she isn't being whored out. It's as simple as that. While I liked Akiyama in general (he really is a well designed character), his hostess club managing gave him more than just a surface level of sleaze. I get that this is going to piss off some of the Japan-ophiles out there, but look - a woman getting paid to entertain men and give them some sort of fantasy is completely and totally sexist.

Now, the attitude towards women in general in the game is even worse. There's a level of subservience to them, of being the playthings to the men of the game that gives me this icky, detestable feeling in the bottom of my gut. And why do I feel that way? Because I'm actually having fun with the game. I hate that a game as great as this can be so intent on sticking to views of women that should never be acceptable.

And I hate it because I won't put it down despite these flaws. Maybe then, my cussing out this game's sexism is really just me flailing at myself for not standing up for things I believe in. Maybe I should be selling this game back to appease my moralistic nature. Fuck, I don't know. It's a great game, but as a social exploration of Japan, sometimes the sexism makes it incredibly bad.

RETURN OF THE HEMI

Awful pun there. Just truly awful. Anyways, I've revisited Gran Turismo 5 this week in an effort to appease the racing game fan within me. I was surprised at the number of updates the game has received, and after reading the patch notes and playing the game for a bit, I was pretty thrilled. A few things have been fixed (GT TV, namely), a few gimmicks added to keep me racing (rewards for seasonal races like outfits, horns, and paint schemes), and a definite feel that the developers are actively trying to polish the game. It's still not up to par with the amount of fun I have with the Forza series, due mostly to the lack of an auction house and customizable vinyls. But it's come a ways, and it shows great promise for future updates.

The seasonal events are still the best part about the racing experience in the game, and the sheer number of cars available is still staggering. But the lack of things to do with most of the cars in the game is still infuriating. I'm still hunting only for the top-tiered cars in any event, making most every other car eligible for those races useless. Want to race in the classic Lamborghini races? You'd better have the dough for the very best Lamborghini, or else your car is going to be completely useless, even tuned.

WHEREIN I RAMBLE ABOUT WHAT I'M GOING TO PLAY

Really, the games mentioned above are about it for this week. I might or might not delve into Record of Agarest War, which came up on sale on Amazon this last week. I'll probably be playing a few Steam games as well.

And that's going to do it for this week. Adios.