By SpawnMan 83 Comments
Well it seems my blog posts about my failing social and love life are far more popular than my thoughts on gaming, so here's another wailing blog post. So really, if you're sick of them, not my fault. It's yours and the universe. So there. Nyah.
Let's begin with a statement. I am sick of socializing and not working the same way as other people. I'm different. I get that. I cannot change that. I know that. No matter what I try I am inexplicably drawn to screwing up my relationships, friendships, social life and life in general. It seems my time with a person in my life is limited to under 2 years. But in the case of the last few, it's been growing less and less. 1 year. 6 months. A month. What's worse is that even from childhood I've been instilled with the thought that I can rely only on myself and that the world isn't over if I lose a friend. So I push push and push people away to see if they come back. If they don't, then I've just fulfilled my life story.
I've also had the idea I'll die young. I treat everything like it's gone tomorrow. Not always a bad idea to live like you're dying, but when it comes to relationships and friendships, apparently people don't want to rush things. They just want to take it glacier-slow. And if you don't, you're needy. So imagine a guy wanting to be your best friend, and the cycle of doing lots of things together and then the pushing away/probing crammed into a month or two. It seems like an age for me. But apparently it's not.
And it looks crazy. I look weird. I look demented. But no matter what I do or how I try to "Not read too much into things" or let things flow naturally, I must push people away. It's like watching a bad horror movie. No matter how hard you try to hope it's different, you see the same cliches, the same plot twists and it's all over too short before the end.
So that's basically where I'm at with my "best friend". He ignores me when we're in a group and when I ask him to share stuff about himself (after he asked personal stuff about me) he doesn't. Either we're not as good friends as I thought and he doesn't trust me, or he doesn't think I'm one to give advice. And he'll only watch comedies! I love horrors. He doesn't. And yet I'll watch his type of movies to appease him, but he'll never budge to watch a horror, or even a thriller. Ever since this girl has turned up he's treated me weirdly.
So frankly, if this friendship falls through, I am done. Done. I'm sick of people not being willing to talk about problems, even if they're not important to them. Why is there this cliche of guys not wanting to talk about issues. I'm a gaddamn guy and I want to talk! I don't care if you never talk this much outside of "relationships"! Maybe that's why you are single and we're having issues!! I'm not even allowed to message him yet on Facebook without him first "collecting his thoughts". My mind has already thought up a million lines of what I'm thinking and he cannot reply.
So yeah. If this ends, I'm done. I'm sick of losing friends. I'm sick of losing friends over issues which I think are important, but easily conquered, and that THEY think are unimportant, but STILL too hard to stay friends over! Isn't that crazy?? Maybe I'm just a lone wolf and should stay that way. As someone said, the world is a toilet and people are all assh*les...