And those where the last words Barker from Kinect Carnival Games heard before his life force was slowly, ever so slowly squeezed out of him in front of a crowd of screaming children waiting to spin the wheel of chance. As I watched his round, comically moustached face turn blue, I laughed and told him softly that his stupid monkey would be next. I told him my plans to strap him to the tracks on Gold Rush Coaster and watch as his innards are torn asunder and sprayed all over the children eating candy floss below. Before long, Barker's eyes closed, but I continued with my tight grasp on his neck just to make sure he was dead. Very, surely dead. Gone and dusted. As the last breath of air escaped his lungs, I smirked and let go of my grip. Deep hand marks were evident all along his scrawny neck but I didn't care. I could finally walk the carnival in peace. Now for the monkey...

Okay, maybe a bit OTT there, but I recently bought my Dad an Xbox 360 with Kinect for his birthday. It came with a couple of games; Kinect Adventures was surprisingly awesome; Carnival Games was surprisingly sh*t, especially after Adventures. Your host, some toffy-nosed w*nker called Barker, who dons a black bowler hat and bow tie and has a hideous sidekick monkey, is probably the most annoying video game host EVER. Even Mr Potatohead had the sense to STFU and not mock you if you screwed up a round of Boggle.

The already terrible sideshow-style games are only further tarnished by this annoying host. I found myself literally wanting to kill this little computer-generated man. "Ha ha ha, looks like your cake fell off! FLOOR CAKE!" "You need to bulk up!" "Oops, looks like you didn't do so well!" Really? Really you're telling the contestant with the oversized hammer he is weak? I'd advise you to rethink your stance Mr Monopoly dude-wannabe! *Slams hammer into his head*

And then his monkey. Egads, it looks like that creepy doll we all saw as kids. You know, that one probably stashed at your grandmother's house that probably has the eyes that flop around and the fixed, ceaseless smile that permeates your very soul. The one you grew to fear during sleep overs? This is supposed to be a damn kids game and you've got some horror-movie sidekick on one side throwing cakes at you (And all his owner does is make excuses for him instead of actually getting that thing under control or put down or sterilized or something!!) and then you've got Barker on the other putting you down and telling you how terrible you just did!

Then only thing that kept me going in the game was the knowledge that someday Barker is going to get old. Maybe he'll have a little "accident" and "fall" into one of the roller-coaster cog works. Maybe his monkey will be "flagged" as an AIDS carrier and reported to Disease control and euthanized. Maybe some of the screws on his rides "come" loose and a cart load of children die horribly, leaving his carnival in ruins. Whatever and whenever, he will eventually be undone and destitute. It's the way of the carnival. And if he's going to live by it, he's certainly going to die by it too.... One day....

@SpawnMan said:

Your host, some toffy-nosed w*nker called Barker, who dons a black bowler hat and bow tie and has a hideous sidekick monkey, is probably the most annoying video game host EVER.

He can't be worse than ModNation Racers.

@dudeglove said:

Sheesh video games really do make people violent.

Nope, it's just SpawnMan who is crazy.