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StarvingGamer

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Went to Five Guys for the First Time, Left with a Broken Brain

Ok, sorry, I just need to get this out of my brain. Bear with me.

I've always been an In-N-Out guy, there was one two blocks from my high school which should be illegal, and was actually completely oblivious to the existence of Five Guys until I started coming to Giant Bomb. After moving to West LA earlier this Summer I finally found one of their locations in a nearby mall and today I decided I'd see what all the contentious bickering was about.

Transcending history and the world, a tale of Swords and Souls eternally retold
Transcending history and the world, a tale of Swords and Souls eternally retold

So I go there, I'm checking out the menu, and I'm thinking to myself "Awesome, look at all those toppings. I love toppings!" I go up to the guy and tell him it's my first time eating at Five Guys. He tells me the standard burgers come with 2 patties so I order a cheeseburger with everything plus green peppers and BBQ soss. Now if I was only hungry enough for a sandwich, everything would have ended hunky dory. That was not the case.

You see, as a lifelong frequenter of In-N-Out, I've become a devoted fan of fries served "animal style." For the uninitiated, animal style fries are fries served covered in cheese, grilled onions, and In-N-Out's secret sauce (namely Thousand Islands dressing). So you can imagine how intrigued I was as a topping lover, eating a joint that seemed to be all about the toppings, when under sides I see I can order my fries "Five Guys Style."

FRIES MOTHERFUCKER
FRIES MOTHERFUCKER

In eager anticipation I asked the guy, "So what are 'Five Guys Style' fries?"

He looked at me, looked sideways at the menu, and said, "Well, for the 'Five Guys Style' fries we put salt on them."

I tried to force my brain to hear an ellipsis as I waited for him to regale me with the cornucopia of toppings my fries could bring me if I ordered the fabled "Five Guys Style" fries, but no more words came. That was it, nothing more, Full Stop.

Have you ever had a time when your brain was having so much trouble reconciling reality with common sense that you burst out in mad laughter? Well, I can tell you I barely kept my shit together as I completed my order, paid, then abandoned my fiance waiting for the food to find a place to change my daughter's diaper.

I mean, what the fuck? WHAT THE FUCK? They might as well start calling their fountain drinks "Five Guys Style" because they put them in a cup with ice. Are their burgers "Five Guys Style" because they're made with meat? FUCK. Putting salt on your food isn't a "style," it's cooking 101 ie "seasoning your goddam food so it doesn't taste like shit."

Look out fellas, you're all jockin' Five Guys's
Look out fellas, you're all jockin' Five Guys's "Style"!

Anyways, the food was alright but I think I'm still an In-N-Out guy. Toppings are great, but not 2.5x the cost great. Thanks for reading, I needed to get that out of my system.

Oh, and I got the cajun fries instead.

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84 Comments

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FrankieSpankie

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Edited By FrankieSpankie

XD I probably would have had the same reaction.

I heard so much about Five Guys for years. From everybody it's the "best burger chain there is." Granted, there is no In n Out Burger around Boston. I finally went, pretty excited about all the great things I've heard, and I thought it was the most disappointing burger ever. They wouldn't even let me get it medium rare. It came out burned and dry. From my own experience, the best burgers seem to come out of steakhouses.

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Ryuku_Ryosake

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Edited By Ryuku_Ryosake

@Dallas_Raines said:

@RIDEBIRD said:

Saggy fries at Five Guys? Really? Best fries I ever ate at a fast food joint. Easy. All the four or so times I've been there (I live like an ocean away from the nearest one) have been excellent. Shake Shack is vastly superior on the burger side though. Easily the best burger I ever had, restaurants and all be damned.

Have not tried In N Out since I've never been on the west coast. Heard their burgers are awesome but their fries are so-so and an aquired taste (animal style or not).

The fries I had at the mall Five Guys were the complete opposite of crispy.

Well to be fair if you judge any chain by its mall location of course it will be shitty.

On the topic of best fast food burgers and fries probably the best I had was actually from a Wendy's. A location near my college was recently renovated to be the new flagship location of Wendy's in my area. I think it might have even been a nationwide test location. It had Coke Freestyle Machine and the food was amazing. They easily beat most proper sit down restaurants better then all chains and better then most mom and pop joints.

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Dallas_Raines

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Edited By Dallas_Raines

@RIDEBIRD said:

Saggy fries at Five Guys? Really? Best fries I ever ate at a fast food joint. Easy. All the four or so times I've been there (I live like an ocean away from the nearest one) have been excellent. Shake Shack is vastly superior on the burger side though. Easily the best burger I ever had, restaurants and all be damned.

Have not tried In N Out since I've never been on the west coast. Heard their burgers are awesome but their fries are so-so and an aquired taste (animal style or not).

The fries I had at the mall Five Guys were the complete opposite of crispy.

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RIDEBIRD

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Edited By RIDEBIRD

Saggy fries at Five Guys? Really? Best fries I ever ate at a fast food joint. Easy. All the four or so times I've been there (I live like an ocean away from the nearest one) have been excellent. Shake Shack is vastly superior on the burger side though. Easily the best burger I ever had, restaurants and all be damned.

Have not tried In N Out since I've never been on the west coast. Heard their burgers are awesome but their fries are so-so and an aquired taste (animal style or not).

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zombie2011

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Edited By zombie2011

I live 2 minutes from a Five Guys but haven't yet been there. The problem is that there is a Chipotle right next to it so i just end up going there even when i plan on getting Five Guys.

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churrific

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Edited By churrific

I enjoy Five Guys, but here in NY, I personally think it's underwhelming compared with Shake Shack, which isn't saying much. Lol it's kinda like mid-tier of the fancy burger chains to me.

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stonyman65

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Edited By stonyman65

What the fuck did I just read?

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ArbitraryWater

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Edited By ArbitraryWater

You're supposed to get the cajun fries, which are fantastic, as the regular fries are kinda boring. Didn't know that they started calling the regular fries "Five Guys Style" though. Kinda stupid. Either way, Five Guys is totally fine, though I'm not a fan of how expensive it is at times.

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71Ranchero

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Edited By 71Ranchero

Im baffled that people actually care this much about fries.

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Sploder

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Edited By Sploder

I'm from the UK and what is all this toppings on chips business

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StarvingGamer

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Edited By StarvingGamer

@ck1nd: Ok, I'll grant you that on a purely dictionary level, they are completely justified as listing their fries as "Five Guys Style."

But as a restaurant, it makes no sense. In every restaurant I have ever eaten at, whenever a menu item was designated as having a specific "style" it has always indicated an alternative method of preparation. This can be something as simple as a burrito served "enchilada style" ie wet, or much more complicated like the "animal style" fries I mentioned earlier. In particular, whenever a restaurant has listed an item as a signature style, there has always been something special about the preparation unique to that particular restaurant. That's why they can claim it as their style, they do it differently.

Basically, a "Chicago style" pizza isn't a pizza prepared by people in Chicago.

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Antikythera

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Edited By Antikythera
Pulled Pork Poutine (On the subject of fries)
Pulled Pork Poutine (On the subject of fries)
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kindgineer

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Edited By kindgineer

@StarvingGamer: I guess I don't understand the vitriol you hold behind nick-naming a product. When I bit into a McTastey at McDonalds, which wasn't tasty, I didn't shake my fists in the air and scream

"McDonald's LIES!"

I cannot go to any other restaraunt and get my fries made from Five Guys, so they are completely justified when nick-naming it.

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ghost_cat

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Edited By ghost_cat

@StarvingGamer: I agree that kim chi can be overpowering, but I mean it when I say "light". If someone just spilled their order on the ground, I might eat it.

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StarvingGamer

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Edited By StarvingGamer
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C0V3RT

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Edited By C0V3RT

Guessing I'm in the minority but I'm always underwhelmed by Five Guys whenever I go.

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shadows_kill

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Edited By shadows_kill

I've never heard of 'Five Guys Style' either or if you just asked if they have one thats not on the menu maybe? Anyways I LOVE their burgers and being in Indiana there are no In-N-Outs, however there are a few Smash Burgers people talk about. For Five Guys I always ask for Cajun on the side so I can also put some on my burger too.

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ThePickle

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Edited By ThePickle

I enjoy Five Guys, but Sonic surpasses all.

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StarvingGamer

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Edited By StarvingGamer

@Ghost_Cat: I dig Kim Chee but it's such a strong flavor, it seems like it would overpower the rest of the stuff, even in tiny amounts. Right now I'm way into carne asada fries.

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StarvingGamer

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Edited By StarvingGamer

@Napalm said:

Also, saying, "Five Guys Style" is better than just saying, "Normal Fries". And since it says "Cajun Style", what would lead you to believe that "Five Guys Style" was anything other than plainly salted fries? It's fairly obvious what that fry is, so asking him probably made you look pretty dumb.

Because I have eaten at a lot of restaurants and have never, EVER seen a menu item listed as a signature style that was presented as being 100% generic. Have you?

@ck1nd said:

"Five Guys Style" is their way of telling you that they cut their fries on site, how is that complicated?

It's not complicated, it's just fucking stupid. There's nothing unique or stylistic about cutting potatoes into fries before serving them as fries.

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ghost_cat

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Edited By ghost_cat

Let me one-up your craving for fries: kim chi fries. That's french fries, light kim chi, mayo, cheese, and your choice of meat. (Check the fries on the menu here. Bomb.com is what it is)

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kindgineer

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Edited By kindgineer

"Five Guys Style" is their way of telling you that they cut their fries on site, how is that complicated? There is nothing special about it other than that, so he probably wasn't thinking fond things. I'm not a burger connoisseur, but the burger they have there has never let me down. There really is nothing wrong with another form of competition in a stale market. I don't go to BK/MD anymore simply because my taste-buds have changed.

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Antikythera

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Edited By Antikythera

Fast Food Burgers are all pretty lame.

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NinjaBerd

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Edited By NinjaBerd

I've never had In-and-Out-Burger.

But living in the mid-west I have frequently eaten at W.W. Cousins in Louisville KY, and Triple X Family Restaurant in West Lafayette IN; and as far as I am concerned Five Guys and Fudruckers can suck it.

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agentboolen

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Edited By agentboolen

@ozzdog12 said:

@ds8k said:

As someone that regularly visits Five Guys, I have never heard of "Five Guys Style."

As a guy who grew up on the first and original 5 Guys in Alexandria,VA I've never heard of "Five Guys Style" either. But they could mean "Five Guys Style" because they use different potatoes from different cities everyday

@StarvingGamer: As ds8k said yes its because they make a big deal about there potatoes, there idea of fries with style is a lot different then your idea. For me I only ate at 5 guys I think 2 times even though there right down the block. 2 other interesting Burger places that IMO are better then Five Guys is SmashBurger and just the other day I had a really tasty burger at Bobby's Burger Palace. These 2 places make there Burgers with style, Smash I recomend a Chipottle Bun and sauce stack with Blue Cheese, For Bobbys the Bobby Blue Burger both very tasty. For In and Out Burger we don't have them in NY, those fries loock awsome =(

Me and my wife use to eat cheese fries till we got fat ;) gotta watch out for those toppings, theyll get ya in the end.

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Catarrhal

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Edited By Catarrhal

@StarvingGamer: Well, the menu denotes that they use peanut oil (which is often used in Asian recipes) for frying, as opposed to regular-ass (i.e. unhealthy) vegetable oil. While that is decidedly uncommon, it isn't likely to have a noticeable affect on the taste, because high heat diminishes the flavor of peanut oil almost entirely.

You'll notice they don't call 'em French fries, either. Personally, I stopped eating hamburgers in the nineties, so I couldn't give a fuck, but I agree with you nonetheless: they shouldn't be called "Five Guys Style."

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TheFreeMan

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Edited By TheFreeMan

Thoughts brought on by this thread:

-Five Guys have weird burgers. My local one makes them in the shape of baseballs. They're kinda tasty, but they also make me feel guilty for eating them.

-Those fries look fucking disgusting. Then again, I love poutine. I have no right to say what fries are gross.

-I wish I could have been there to know if the guy was just fucking with you, or because he was actually ruefully admitting to Five Guys "style" being with salt. Like, it's on the menu as "Five Guys Style"? That has to be a joke with the whole company, right?

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ozzdog12

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Edited By ozzdog12

@ds8k said:

As someone that regularly visits Five Guys, I have never heard of "Five Guys Style."

As a guy who grew up on the first and original 5 Guys in Alexandria,VA I've never heard of "Five Guys Style" either. But they could mean "Five Guys Style" because they use different potatoes from different cities everyday

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breadfan

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Edited By breadfan

For some reason read the title as '...left with a broken hand.' That would have been way more interesting.

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pyromagnestir

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Edited By pyromagnestir

Funny. I was looking at the onine menu just yesterday and noticed Five Guys Style fries and wondered what the fuck they were about. If they are just standard fries then it's stupid to name them like that. Just fucking say fries.

I've never been to Five Guys, but my brother was going to swing by there yesterday after work before coming to see me and asked if I'd want something. Unfortunately they were closed, when they were supposed to be open, for some reason.

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ajamafalous

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Edited By ajamafalous

I'll sum up Five Guys for you:
 
Delicious Burgers (not the best I've had but definitely up there)
An entire bag of fries no matter how many fries you order
 
 
Also, dude was trolling you.

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Dallas_Raines

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Edited By Dallas_Raines

Five Guys makes a higher quality burger, but it is expensive as fuck compared to In & Out, so I prefer them.

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napalm

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Edited By napalm

As far as I'm concerned, if you need to top your fries with a whole bunch of shit to make it edible/tasty/okay for human consumption, you (the food provider) did something wrong in the first place. Five Guys pretty much embodies the perfect potato fry. They're cut, cooked and salted perfectly. You don't need any more. Also, saying, "Five Guys Style" is better than just saying, "Normal Fries". And since it says "Cajun Style", what would lead you to believe that "Five Guys Style" was anything other than plainly salted fries? It's fairly obvious what that fry is, so asking him probably made you look pretty dumb.

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vikingdeath1

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Edited By vikingdeath1

the first & Only times I have ever heard mention of Five Guys Or In and Out Burger has been on Giantbomb.

East Coast ftw. (I say this, assuming that neither franchise exists on my side, since I've just never seen one)

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Ravenlight

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Edited By Ravenlight

You need to get In-N-Out fries Animal Style because they're so bad on their own. Five Guys fries, on the other hand, are robust enough to only need a sprinkle of salt before they're perfect.

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EXTomar

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Edited By EXTomar

I haven't had a fast food hamburger in years. In fact the last time I went to one was a Five Guys and only because it was a trip and a special treat where it would be rude to turn it down.

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nightriff

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Edited By nightriff

5 Guys is the best burger period, but it is expensive

In-N-Out is the best burger for the price, great burger and easy on the wallet

But when it comes to it I would pick 5 Guys any day over In-N-Out, expensive or not 5 Guys is the best burger I have ever had

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ZombiePie

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Edited By ZombiePie

The default version of onions on a burger should be raw and you can get grilled if you special order them.Also when I want onions I want them raw, that's just my philosophy.

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StarvingGamer

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Edited By StarvingGamer

@ZombiePie: Well, a lot of people don't abhor raw onions, but I don't think I've ever heard someone object to grilled onions specifically.

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Edited By ZombiePie

I have both, but I don't go to the Five Guys because my sister's ex-boyfriend works there...also I find it really weird that their default option for onions are grilled onions and not raw onions. 

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StarvingGamer

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Edited By StarvingGamer

@Spoonman671: Have you ever, ever, EVER, eaten at a restaurant that listed a menu item as a signature style item when the way the food was prepared was completely standard?

Ever?

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jakob187

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Edited By jakob187

Five Guys sucks. I don't understand how people like them.

Personally, the best burgers I've ever had came from three local locations: Kitok's, Dave's Burger Barn, and Kim's Burgers & Shakes. Then again, people keep telling me to check out Double R, and I've yet to do so. Might have to make that trip this week.

I would also like to point out that Kitok's serves Oriental Fries. As far as I know, Kitok's is kind of the one place in the country that does them.

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Laiv162560asse

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Edited By Laiv162560asse

As a non-Yank, the following is my only other source of info about Five Guys. He seemed pretty happy with things.

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deactivated-5c7ea8553cb72

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@Ramone said:

I wish we had ridiculous fast food chains in the UK.

Well, you should and you shouldn't. You should because when you're eating at a place such as Five Guys, it is God's gift to mankind at the time of actually consuming it. After eating five burgers, however, you are pretty sure death in imminent.

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Oscar__Explosion

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Edited By Oscar__Explosion

I don't understand how everybody isn't as confused as the OP is on this issue. The menu itself says "Five Guys Style" which makes it sound like they do more that just put salt but it turns out they don't. Why the fuck would you call that your "style" when it's just the standard way of making fries?

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deactivated-57beb9d651361

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@Hizang said:

They don't have them in the UK, in the UK all we got is McDonalds and Burger King as the big branded stores. This is all making me want to go out and get some burgers now.

Edinburgh (can't speak for anywhere else) also has the holy trinity of Wannaburger (which is considerably more shit than it used to be), Homemade Burger Co and Gourmet Burger.

If you're looking for a real burger, not some flimsy, fast-food shit, hit up one of those (I'm assuming they have restaurants elsewhere in the UK).

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algertman

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Edited By algertman

I like that no matter what size fries I order they give me 10 lbs. of them.

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Ramone

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Edited By Ramone

I wish we had ridiculous fast food chains in the UK.

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MikkaQ

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Edited By MikkaQ

Who cares about the fries when the burgers are so damn good. Also you get fries in quantity. I ordered like 5 small fries to feed my production crew after some burgers, I was given a massive takeout bag that took a 5 of us a while to go through before we even saw the actual cups for the french fries. Hell we were full before we could realistically take a cup of our own out and eat some. That's gotta mean something.