Somebody wrote this about the GB mods, specifically me I guess, and stuck it on the forums. I'm kind of impressed that I managed to piss someone off that they went to all this effort! If this is the sort of person we are banning then I guess this is vindication that I'm doing something right.

Anyway, enjoy:

After the success of Journey to Modship: MB Edition, I promise a lot of you a Sweep Edition of how he became a cunt like MB. Well here's the thing, I only have a few tid bits on Sweep, all I know that he kissed ass for modship despite trolling and spamming up the forums during his pre-mod days, but after speaking with Kush, I got everything I need to know.

Sweep was a happy-go-lucky boy who's inspired to be a homosexual lumberjack. One day when learning how to get double penetrated with dildos made out of sandpaper by a accomplished homosexual lumberjack (rumor has it that it's The Beast), he tells him that he got to where he's at due to a modship know as GiantBomb modship.

The next day Sweep went to the next best place to achieve the modship - a gay sex club. There he meets a former GiantBomb mod name Kush. Kush tells him about what he had to do to get it, and that's by kissing the mods/GiantBomb's ass. But Kush also warns Sweep about the aftermath of kissing ass for the modship. "It will descend you into madness!" says Kush. But the eager Sweep desperately replies: "It's my dream to be a homosexual lumberjack!"

After he learns the art of ass kissing from Kush. Sweep creates his account, and like any asshole user on GiantBomb, he trolls, spams, and ass kisses in the GiantBomb forums. The ass kissing he provided wasn't enough. Sweep grew weary, and sad the his dream wasn't going to come true, but he remained determined. Sweep knew that he has to have the right opportunity to prove his ass kissing-ness. So when GiantBomb unveiled the point system - a system that exploits every users as cattle to be milked off of for points - it angered a lot of the good users of GiantBomb. So Sweep's opportunity arrived, and posted a shameful blog about how amazing the points system is.

Meanwhile at his bathroom tub,nude, covering himself with feces and taking photos of himself for his Facebook page, MB takes notice at Sweep's ass kissing:and says: "Wow! This guy is the biggest kiss ass since MattyFTM!" So MB looks through his past post, and like the other users that became a mod, MB ignores all the trolling and spamming that Sweeps has done and only focuses on the ass kissing. MB knew he was a perfect candidate so he gave him the mod status. It made Sweep very proud.

So Sweep is now a proud homosexual lumberjack getting fucked by many fellow lumberjacks before him. But what Kush warn him about was starting to get to Sweep. . . . . .

The end?

---

TWUUUUE WUUUUV~

I miss Kush. Whatever happened to that guy?

What the actual fuck? This has to be you that wrote this right? Who has that much time in their life to give that much of a shit?! This is straight up sociopath creepy. 10/10

Thank god you and the other mods are here to weed out these people, thanks for the things you do peeps.

Well, I would.

Man, he started off so strong with the "inspired to be a homosexual lumberjack" thing, but just hammered it into the ground until the whole post just came off as a boring, poorly-written, vaguely-homophobic rant. 2 out of 5.

Wait. We have a secret lumberjack club and you guys never told me?

Assholes. :|

Wow... wow...

@Sparklykiss said:

Wait. We have a secret lumberjack club and you guys never told me? Assholes. :|

*whisper* Shhh... it's a secret.

This is the first time I've been included in one of these crazy user mass PM's, now I truly feel like a part of this community.

This is the first time I've been included in one of these crazy user mass PM's, now I truly feel like a part of this community.

@rmanthorp said:

What the actual fuck? This has to be you that wrote this right? Who has that much time in their life to give that much of a shit?! This is straight up sociopath creepy. 10/10

nope, it's real. 'twas spread via mass-PM to a bunch of members.

why was this in my inbox ?

@Sparklykiss said:

Wait. We have a secret lumberjack club and you guys never told me? Assholes. :|

Don't worry; you're next. (Literally, you're next. That's what the PM promised.)

Is it weird I want to see your hamburger dressed up as a lumberjack? Ohhhhh, sweet, sweet, lumberjack burger....

Not gonna lie. I'm looking forward to the Sparklykiss one.

If you know your Giant Bomb history I was actually Kush's replacement and Marino and mracoon were brought in to do wiki moderation stuff (man how things have changed). If you wanted to know Kush actually left the site to manage his own commercial video game blog Pixelated Sausage which specializes in reviewing Xbox Live Indie Games.

@Video_Game_King said:

@Sparklykiss said:

Wait. We have a secret lumberjack club and you guys never told me? Assholes. :|

Don't worry; you're next. (Literally, you're next. That's what the PM promised.)

@Enigma777 said:

Not gonna lie. I'm looking forward to the Sparklykiss one.

I'm not even in that PM, so... Jokes on that guy~

@ZombiePie: I was curious about that. You'd think he'd pop in now and again and advertise. I'd never even heard of it until now.

@Sparklykiss:

He was banned, so just wait a few months and he'll create a new account and write a fanfiction about you being a homosexual lumberjack, too, or something.

@Video_Game_King said:

@Sparklykiss:

He was banned, so just wait a few months and he'll create a new account and write a fanfiction about you being a homosexual lumberjack, too, or something.

I had lesbian lumberjack fantasies before... what?

It's kind of weird reading this on Sweep's page with all those eyes staring at me....

@Sparklykiss said:

Wait. We have a secret lumberjack club and you guys never told me? Assholes. :|

We didn't know if we could trust you with the secret.

Aw man. I didn't get this one. I certainly got the last one. It's ok Sweep. I think you abuse your power appropriately!

Do we know who this guy is? Is it the vengeful ghost of Hitman? The Wii Defense Force back to undermine us all? That one guy who really liked Street Fighter III?

You sure do love your attention

@Fallen189 said:

You sure do love your attention

I love that you keep giving it to me.

Oh god that's hilariously sad. You must have locked one too many of their threads. Mod hate is the funniest/saddest thing on these forums. HitmanAgent47, you are missed.

Aww somebody LOVES you! Does this have to do with that PM that went out a few days ago? I agree though, where did Kush go?

That was strange.

Somebody clearly has too much free time on their hands!

honestly I have no clue why anyone would ever want to mod. Pretty thankless job.

If no one ever gave you shit Sweep, you'd get cocky. YOU GOT TOO BIG SWEEP, PEOPLE GOTTA KNOCK YOU DOWN SOME NOTCHES!!!

*Throws rock @Thordain *