She opened the curtain.
Snowed rooftops spread out before her like a mountain valley.
In the distance lights flickered and danced in the sky, her green eyes blinking with every flash.
She looked down, two hands slid upon her belly, warm and tender hands.
Leaning back against his chest she sighed and closed her eyes for a moment.
Weightless she felt, like the world was far away and just a dream.
As she opened her eyes again a gigantic shower of light danced before her.
Her lips curved into a smile, she actually laughed a little bit too.
Her eyes glided downwards towards the hands resting on her stomach.
With every flash the gold and silver rings on his fingers were illuminated, showing intricate designs of occult symbols etched into the metalwork.

She turned around and was met by her own green eyes reflecting in his dark brown iris.
"Guess its you and me again this year" she whispered softly.

Go ask Alice.

Complimentary video to get into my state of mind:

I have recently read Go ask Alice.

Go Ask Alice is a controversial 1971 book about the life of a troubled teenage girl. The book purports to be the actual diary of an anonymous teenage girl who became addicted to drugs, and is presented as a testimony against drug use.

The story gripped me, on one side it made me realliy curious about experiencing trips, other side it made me disgusted from what it (can) makes you go through.
I talked it over with my housemates and they told me I sound like any other person who wants to try drugs and still be sure they come out on top.
I will not use drugs for the simple fact I (pretend to be) am fine without them and I rather find true happiness over short bursts of simulated bliss.
That said I still am beyond curious about the so called 'there is no life without drugs once you tried it', this sounds very interesting.
Does it show your fantasy? Your perfect world? It probably shows something so unreal (what with the dulled senses and all) that it really stays out of realities grasp, therefore making it seem as an unachievable goal for when you're not on drugs.
Second thing I'm really curious about is how it numbs pain and feelings.
I was recently diagnosed with Tietze Syndromewhich made my life a living hell when it kicks in about every few hours, painkillers seem to not work (I'm quite immune to them anyway) and physical therapy so far is making it worse.
Could the drugs help me sleep? At least take some of the debilitating pain away so I won't collapse in the middle of the street or during the shower?
Please note, this is not a call for help or pity, I am perfectly fine and I will continue living with this pain until either I die or it goes away (how likely is that tho, its been more then 12 weeks it usually lasts and only getting worse), I am merely interested in 'alternative' ways to relieve me of this pressure.
Not quite sure what I aim to accomplish with this post but least of all I can really urge people to read Go ask Alice, its quite good and terrifying.
Which reminds me, on a certain point in the book the girl is without drugs and shaping up to get back on the good road, doing good deeds and finding her happiness elsewhere.
She then gets drugged, unknowingly, by a girl she knows (just to spite her, druggies never get out is what she wanted to prove) and ends up in an insane asylum because of the bad trip she experiences and totally mutilates herself because of it.
Is it wrong of me to think that the girl who drugged her is the real evil here, and that she deserves to get tortured/killed?
I honestly cannot fanthom the fact that she (probably) has gotten away with it, ruining someone's life to the brink.
Sure, she survived and there's always a way to make things better....but why should we just accept that these things happen and continue?
I was very angry while reading it, justice is so situational, it sickens me.
In game related news, Dead Rising 2 came through the mail yesterday, played an hour of it and punched some zombies with MMA gloves combined with nails.
I already love this game.
Don't do drugs kids.

Girls + Technology = fail

I am so ticked off right now.
I used to be good at IT, but I'm trying to find out what kind of RAM would work on my pc right now and I so far spend half the morning on it.
God, all these things make no sense, one site tells me this, the other tells me that, how am I supposed to know what I can get and if my pc even supports it?
Memory Type: DDR PC3200, DDR PC2700, DDR (ECC)
Maximum Memory: 4GB
Currently Installed Memory: 1.5GB
Total Memory Slots: 4

Right, but another site tells me I can't go over 2GB with my max...ehm? 
I search for the types of RAM I already own and I just can't find a corresponding piece.
What is DDR PC3200 supposed to mean? All I can find is stuff like DDR-400, is that supposed to be the same? 
Damnit, I'm rightly confused and the only close by hardware store is 1) closed today and 2) bit of a walk (1hour+, bike's broken, no bus going near it).
I have little cash but enough to buy some RAM or a new videocard.
Gah, I need more nerdy friends.
So, I'll make ya'll the same deal I made my friends, help me figure out how I can best upgrade my pc with a budget less then 150 (and that's pushing it), and I'll gift you a steam game or something.
(Meaning real help that ends up with me and a better pc, not just your best recommendation and kthnx! xD)
I still feel bad about not knowing enough of the sector I have studied in, its been too long >.<


Learning by example...

Blog title has little to do with anything, but I liked the sound of it, like the song.
I 've never been afraid of the highest heights
Or afraid of flying now
I've never been afraid of the wildest fights
Not afraid of dying
But now I want off this ride cause you're scaring me
And I don't like where we're going
I need a new fun fair cause you're scaring me
And I don't like where we're going 


Right, now for something remotely interesting and game related.
I'm working on a blog about Star Wars: The Old Republic, as my anticipation for it is through the roof yet there's things I have doubts about, I feel forward to people's views on those doubts.
Besides that I finished a few 'older' games like Bioshock, really good games I never got around to or I didn't want to touch out of hype spam, but now I got around to them so perhaps I will give that a write up.
Still thinking to have some weekly blog or shit, but I'm afraid I'll lose interest quick, and titles often make me cringe ("Tali's Thoughts!" or "Blogging Bitch", yeah I really dunno, I'm so bad at decent titles).
One of the first things I need to do tho is upgrade my pc, I'm convinced its not at all bad, just lacks RAM and a videocard.
So hopefully a few bombers will be able to assist me.

The good, the bat and the ugly truth.

I've been busy, playing lots of games I should have played way earlier, but my meager income allows only for a few full price titles and my 3DS purchase didn't help.
But I managed to get a lot of games for cheap, Transformers:WFC for 10 euro, Batman AA for 12 euro, The Darkness for 5 euro, New Super Mario Bros DS for 10 euro, that sorta stuff.

The good:

I'm very surprised at the quality of Team Fortress 2, I always knew it was pretty cool but when I found out I could play versus bots with my cousin and still earn achievements and items, I was sold.
The classes are well done (Demo's overpowered as fuck if they can aim), their personalities are funny and some of the levels are genre defining.
Both simple and yet full of escapes/cut offs.

I got Red Alert 3: Uprising gifted to me on steam during the sale, its quite good actually.
People talk too much about challenge mode (which is pretty fleshed out too anyway!) and don't give enough credit to the main story.
Especially the ally missions were pretty hard and full of twists!
The russians are still my favorite, their troops are just mental!
Also got the Kings Bounty triple pack, but I can't get into the combat and frankly aren't in the mood to figure it out.
The game looks very good tho, loving the scenery and overall feel. 
Same goes for Star Wars: Empire at War, it looks decent enough but I can't find the will to figure the game out.

The Bat

God, damnit.
This game is sweet, so sweet!
I knew this, as I said, but I'm so glad I finally got it!
Very impressed by the cgi videos combined with the ingame breath taking visuals.
While its a damn shame detective mode was such a easy thing to get addicted to, the visuals really deserved more.
The use of color and perhaps the lack off was at times simply brilliant.
You can run through the game and beat up baddies, and have a blast, but you can also try and find all the riddler challenges (Can you beat a mind such as mine?) while taking in the scenery.
The game was fairly predictable in where it was heading, but each turn it took was executed perfectly with foreshadowing and some throw offs.
Also a great fan of all the cameos and nods, like Clayface and some of the cells.
Voice acting was top notch, as evidenced by Joker or Riddler, but also Gordon and Batman himself were perfectly gritty yet believable.
I do believe its time for Batman to lose his socks tho, Joker's a downright killer and Arkham City doesn't look much better.
I wouldn't want him murdering (altho breaking thug's bones and leaving them in a sewer unconscious with knowledge Killer Croc is still out there is kinda the same in my eyes) but I would like to see him give in to his rage in cutscene or two, beat Joker or someone else (Poison Ivy/Scarecrow/whoever gets in his way while he's already hands full with Joker) around the room till they actually run scared of the Bat for once, instead of being a constant pest.
Might be my only problem with this game, all these villians do their best to beat/hinder Batman and yet he takes all of them on without much of a struggle. 
The effects on the island like Poison Ivy were quite amazing but Batman didn't respond enough to it, he was just a mute lunatic beating other lunatics up at those points.
Shame, he was killer in the cutscenes!

The Ugly

The ugly part is that there's not enough hours in a day to play and complete games.
Still got Bioshock 1 to finish for example, but now I want to 100% Batman and play the last two levels of Transformers:WFC.
God, we're spoiled.



Stabbing pain in the core of my heart
Cut by you and now i bleed for your love
Touch my scar and feel the layers of sorrow
Your coldness blows like a chill in the night 

Why is it that we always feel different then what is expected of us?
Why has humankind weaved a tangled web of rules for us to live by, when our minds are often wandering?
I just can't understand how we managed to even get this far, with such hate and reluctance towards fantasy and new points of view. 
Why is being different looked down upon?
Why can't we let each other be?
Why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why....
Ah well, back to Middle-Earth!  ^_^

Don't believe in love

What drives you on
Can drive you mad
A million lies to sell yourself
Is all you ever had

Don't believe in love
Don't believe in hate
Don't believe in anything
That you can't waste 

Don't believe in fear
Don't believe in pain
Don't believe in anyone
That you can't tame


Calling in sick, yet again.

And I can't even blame videogames.
How can they expect me to keep going to a place where I my work is ignored and I get threatened?
Sure I wanna talk about it, get something going that works for both of us but shit, I'm just scared of going there.
Me, Talicia motherfucking Dragonsong, afraid of work?
I'd like to spend my day playing Lord of the Rings Online, Alpha Protocol or read some books but more then that I want to make work work.
Society ain't my favorite place to be but we're kinda stuck with each other.
Ah, same problem, different day.
Guess I'll call in sick and take the heat.
You know, sometimes I really wish I was that little girl playing her snes again before, inbetween and after school.
Least it was clear where I had to be, when I had to be there, what I had to do and when my own time was.
Not this charade of disgruntled puppets putting up with abuse to make it through the bills.


Bulletstorm, Gears of War 3 or MvC3?

Damn, luxury problem!
I can order Bulletstorm, Gears 3 and Marvel vs Capcom 3 for like 35 euro a pop (normal price is 60 in stores)...but will I like them?
Gears is easy, I enjoyed the last two and I'm sure I will have fun with the new one.
Bulletstorm? Meh, demo was short and pretty limited...felt a bit forced to use your creative methods, just shooting through worked too and the special kills took bloody long to perform
MvC3? Shit, I never played, or liked, the previous ones, not much of a fighter fan besides Smash Bros (which isn't considered a fighter by elitist standards eh?) and Soul Calibur 2 but this stuff looks ace...but then again I will barely play online and none of my friends are into fighters either (they don't like getting beat the fuck up by me round after round!), so not sure if its worth it...
Ok 35 a piece ain't bad, but I'm not sure that it will justify the price to me.
If Bulletstorm has a horde like mode, why should I use that as persuasion if I still can play Gears 2, Halo Reach or wait for Gears 3?
MvC will bore me after I beat story mode a few times as all fighters do probably...
Yeah, goddamn luxury...


Goodbye 2010

I fucking hate you 2010.
Sure you gave me Red Dead Redemption, Mass Effect 2 and other gems like Mount and Blade Warband, but I still did not enjoy you as much as I should.
So fuck you, goodbye and farewell.
I finished ME2 with all achievements earlier today, my 2010 is done, complete and buried.
Bring on 2011, bring on madness, bring it all on!

Catch ya on the flipside!