Dallas, TX - A study released by the International Game Controller Preservation Society showed that game controller throwing is on the rise. Reports indicate that one out of every three game controllers have been thrown maliciously across the room at one point in its life. For the study, researchers screened more than 125,000 video game controllers in 32 countries.

"We now believe that more than 3.5 million game controllers suffer from PhuckDis disease making it twice as common as SonuvAhhBijch disorder and GotDamitt fibrosis combined." says Dr. Finetusch, MD, the study's principal researcher and professor of polygonal glut lypo at the University of Videeoh and Games in Phoenix, Arizona.

"After substantial investigation, we have come to the conclusion that there is a connection between video game frustration and Phuckdis disease." Dr. Finetusch continues, "We saw the first instances of game controller abuse back in 1982 with E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial. We are indeed confident, based on our findings, that it was the spawning of Phuckdis disease which prompted the fail of Atari and not the video game itself, E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial."

Dr. LickDickle, an advocate of game controller perservation and psychological therapist for console and computer peripheral hardware states, "Game controllers can only take so much. They may be hard on the outside but their circuitry is a soft gooey center of love and tenderness. Unfortunately, the infuriated gamer doesn't realize this whilst launching it across the room, barely missing the cat and smashing into the fuchsia colored wall of their parent's living room."

Jake Blackensnotter, video game enthusiast from Alabama, responds to the study with mild indifference. "How da sam-hill am i 'sposed to know dat de gotdamn controller is goin' ta smash in tiny baby pieces when I chuck dat bitch into my 1975 Chevy while playing Geometry Wars? That's not what is in mah head at da moment! I mean fer gosh sakes who really does think of that?"

"It's attitude like that that makes our work all the more difficult." Dr. LickDickle says. "We need all the help we can get to turn this epidemic around and get a handle on the situation. This impacts not just controllers but all perihperals and will cause massive damage to the whole world."

With this recent development of results, all signs are pointing to Puckdis disease being contagious and could spread. Barbara Potsmocker, an office manager of a law office just outside of Liverpool, England reports," I was trying to finish a document on my computer when all of a sudden it froze. I spent three hours on that thing only to have my progress set back by 2 minutes because I had to restart my computer. I don't know what happened but I just snapped and ripped my keyboard out and threw it across the office."

Apparently, this is not the only report of incidents such as Barbara Potsmocker's but Dr. Finetusch is hopeful. "We hope this study will change the perspective of the care and treatment of the game controller and computer peripheral community", he adds. "While we saw a huge spike of game controller abuse since the release of Ninja Gaiden II, we are in the process of creating controller abuse awareness programs and promoting campaigns such as Don't Throw...No Mo! to really get the word out there that this is indeed a serious issue and can not be taken lightly."

-Investigative Reporter, Tony Smith