My Last 3 Hours: Transformers 2 [MAD SPOILERS]

I just watched it. So, consider this a spoiler warning:

Here Be Spoilers!

OK. So, my impressions. In a nice, bullet point format. I'm tired, and I've just seen a film. Apologies for the brief-ness.

SECTION 1 - Plot and General Impressions On It

  • Film starts with exposition, and some Optimus Prime fanservice. Apparently the Autobots are part of "NEST" now, or at least some of them are. NEST is a VERY Michael Bay military squadron fighting against the internal and external enemy. More on that later. So anyway, they are hunting rouge decepticons, and within these first five minutes, quite a few newcomers to the live action movies are introduced, namely: Arcee, Sideswipe, Skids, Mudflap and Jolt. Ironhide is also there, with Optimus narrating, to remind us that this is still the same style from last year. They then proceed to in moments of epic fanservice, kill Demolitier who gives them a warning about the fallen yadda yadda.
  • The film then reminds us that Shia LeBouf still exists, and still has a Girlfriend. This is where Michael Bay proves his other side of his thirteen year old self. Again, more on that when I get a little bit more critical in section 2. Anyway, with an epic butchering of Green Day's "21 Guns." there is some exposition of how Sam has a brain and is going to college, Sams House burns down and he gets symbols in his mind. Small Dog humps Big Dog, Audience proceeds to laugh. Bumblebee is NOT to go to college. What a shame. Oh, and just so you know, this film is LONG.
  • I can't remember, as my brain is a little hazy, but I think "N.E.S.T." (have to remember the fact that its an anagram >_>) has problems of his own. Apparently, Obama (referenced by name in other scenes, not directly in these) doesn't like the Autobots, thinks they are not getting the Job done and are escalating things. But, as in Michael Bay's military warped mind, the super cool team is write, the suits are wrong. Shock.
  • Long story short, College happens. The Terminator is there. Tries to fuck sam. Has a crazy metal tounge. Smells of Deisel. Gets pwnt by Bumblebee. Also, in this time, whilst on the phone to Sam, Mikaela captures a Transformer (Wheely) who is trying to capture the shard of the cube that was trapped in sams shirt but she now has. Confusing, no? Anyway, she puts it in her car trunk in a box. Perfectly safe.
  • OK, things then proceed to go down. The "SHARDS OF THE CUBE" get busted out by the billions of new decepticons, Humans attempt to stop said decepticons, Humans get pwnt by Michael Bay's directing. He likes explosions, get over it. SHIT BLOWS UP. Anway, Megatron returns, and goes back to Cybertron to first have some fanservice by choking Starscream a little (So No, Starscream is at no point "In Charge." Shame.) then talks to The Fallen who goes on about his return with a cliched speech.
  • Apparently, conspiracy theory websites are the order of the day, and Sam's roomate happens to be the runner of one. Whilst going mental with Symbols in his head, said Terminator Decepticon pwns the college and they run away with Bumblebee, who has obviously followed him to college. If the way I'm writing this plot summary is strange, its because I'm tired and the film is a slight blur. Also the film is strange and makes no sense.
  • Well, anyway, at some point during the last couple bullet points, the Autobots get ordered by the suits to leave, and Optimus goes to Sam to ask for their help. Sam gives him the virtual finger, Peter Cullen says an old Transformers Line, fanboys weep, everyone else sighs.
  • THEN, Megatron and Starscream begin to chase Sam and his friends who have ran from college. They find them and prepare to cut out his brain or something. Right on cue, (Mad Spoilers Start...NOW) Bumblebee and Optimus fight them off. Bumblebee dissapears with the others, Sam runs a little, Optimus gets pwnt. He then, in a flurry of cliches gets told to get up, and proceeds to do so. "I'll take you all on." After destroying a few spare Decepticons, he gets stabbed in the back by megatron. DEAD. Sam screams "NO!" in slow motion. Gets told to run. He does. A little late, the other autobot members of N.E.S.T. reveal they were waiting but moments away to begin the assault, but were waiting for precious plot to actually happen. It's only halfway through, guys. Don't worry, I'll be quicker now.
  • Sam runs a little, hides a little, talks with the gangster twin Autobots. Yeah, more on that later, but Skids and Mudflap are "G." College friend helpfully reveals his rival conspiracy website "ROBOWARRIOR" can probably read the symbols in his mind. They go to robowarrior, and shockingly its that sector seven agent from the other film. They find, from said "Tamed Decepticon" in Mikaela's trunk that some OLD transformers can read the writing. They go to bust one out. Comedy happens. People laugh. Testicles are Tased. Michael Bay continues to be 13.
  • Old Decepticon is revealed to be Jetfire. They revive him with sams piece of the allspark. Why they didn't just revive prime with that, God knows. Anyway, He blows some shit up. Not very well though, hes old. He reads the symbols, teleports them to egypt and tells them some exposition and riddles. MORE PROBLEMS. Long story short, apparently the Matrix of Leadership is inside the "TOMB OF THE PRIMES" which is the key to the sun destroying machine.
  • The Twins, Bumblebee, Jetfire and The 4 Humans proceed to find the tomb, but the matrix turns to dust. Sam puts it in a handily placed bandage and goes all emo.
  • Lennox brings prime from N.E.S.T. to a village near them in egypt. Sam must now bring matrix to prime to bring him back to life. In between them happens to be lots of decepticons. another fourty minutes of battle happens. I'll spare you the details, I must sleep. So, again, Long Story short, people die. Jetfire gets pwnt, Sam gets to two seconds away from optimus, then Megatron kinda kills him. Sends him flying. Matrix rip off happens, and in the netherworld sam sees the old primes who go through the "Matrix is not found, it is earned" bullshit, he comes back, matrix ceases to be dust, Prime comes back. Two resurrections in like as many minutes. 
  • There are about fifty sub-plots in this messy battle, I'll only say one though: Devastator turns up (YES!), and eats a mudflap. Mudflap, sadly lives. He them proceeds to go to reveal SUN DESTROYING MACHINE and gets pwnt by the rail gun from quake, but on a boat. WTF?!
  • Anyway, Megatatron is undastandably pissed about the Optimus thing so shoots prime. Prime needs moar power. Jetfire gets handily wounded by that Skorpion one from the first film, and gives his parts to prime, as in that Armada scene I remember from when I was young. Good times. Primes powerlevel reaches over 9000, and he quickly, in somewhat of an anticlimax, disposes of Megatrons face and the Fallen entirely. Starscream and Megatron retreat, as is the way with Transformers, gotta keep em alive.
  • Peter Cullen makes a "You fall" reference then does a speech. The film ends. Cheering all around.

SECTION 2 - The Good

  • I have been told I write best while moaning, so this section will be short. I'd like to first clear this up. I did very much enjoy the film. There were more transformers, Devastator was there, Soundwave was there (albiet as a satellite recon dude, which is a shame) and so was Jetfire. The combat scenes were suitably epic, and the build ups intense. None of them reached me to the level of wanting to cheer like the Trailer to Ace Combat 6, but that was something else.
  • Some of it was funny. The suit being forced to jump out of a plane and pulling the chord whilst on it got some good laughs in the cinema. But then, so did all the dogs and robots humping. The audience, and michael bay are both 13.
  • Did I mention Devastator?
  • I'll stop there. Watch it yourself, you'll know whats good about it. Its a "fun" film. That doesn't mean I won't proceed to nitpick.
  • Also, Devastator.

SECTION 3 - The Bad

  • The Transformers + Micheal Bay's directing makes it pretty hard to see what is going on sometimes. Shame.
  • The Transformers themselves. Too much of a focus in the film on Sam's story lead to all of them being underused. Most of them had one key moment, and many were very distant from the source material counterparts. See: Soundwave and Arcee. Arcee is apparently three seperate autobots now. >_>. Soundwave a satellite.
  • The plot, the whole FIND THE BOY HE KNOWS SOMETHING was, well, exactly the same as the first movie. At least the climax had some point to it. Rather than the first movies: We have the cube in a remote location, instead of fighting here lets go to the city to extract it. Wait what? Go to a heavily populated area to change hands to the non robots. Strange. Anyway, there was some relavence to the final showdown here.
  • The final battle was dissapointing. There was a huge build up, and dude killed the Fallen in like one hit with his mega cannon. Should have cut a bit of the filler fights from the previous hour of build up. Jesus.
  • Remember, the military squad is without faults. The suits are always wrong.
  • Michael Bay is 13. He likes boobs, thus the college section, he likes the army and thinks they rule, thus the suits only ever doing wrong, he likes explosions. Thus the...explosions. The fact he has a robot with her power be the super extending tounge is...well strange. What goes through his mind, I wish not to know.
  • Using an ANTI-WAR SONG as the love theme for the two main characters angered me. Listen to 21 guns, then listen to how it is used in the film. >_>. God it make me angry.
  • Robot Gangsters. That is all.

So there you go, my last few hours for you guys. I'd talk about the trailer and how they reveal too much of the plot in said trailer, which I'm glad I covered my eyes and ears for in Star Trek, but it's 11:00. Time to bed, for me at least. But the film gets a recommendation from me overall, it was an enjoybale romp, especially in a Cinema with a good atmosphere. But it continues to be Micheal Bay.

In Other News...

  • I have Prototype. I need to finish it. LETS DO THIS.
  • Polo Spearmints are fucking tasty, guys.
  • Oh screw this section, I need to sleep.
1 Comments
2 Comments
Posted by Tylea002

I just watched it. So, consider this a spoiler warning:

Here Be Spoilers!

OK. So, my impressions. In a nice, bullet point format. I'm tired, and I've just seen a film. Apologies for the brief-ness.

SECTION 1 - Plot and General Impressions On It

  • Film starts with exposition, and some Optimus Prime fanservice. Apparently the Autobots are part of "NEST" now, or at least some of them are. NEST is a VERY Michael Bay military squadron fighting against the internal and external enemy. More on that later. So anyway, they are hunting rouge decepticons, and within these first five minutes, quite a few newcomers to the live action movies are introduced, namely: Arcee, Sideswipe, Skids, Mudflap and Jolt. Ironhide is also there, with Optimus narrating, to remind us that this is still the same style from last year. They then proceed to in moments of epic fanservice, kill Demolitier who gives them a warning about the fallen yadda yadda.
  • The film then reminds us that Shia LeBouf still exists, and still has a Girlfriend. This is where Michael Bay proves his other side of his thirteen year old self. Again, more on that when I get a little bit more critical in section 2. Anyway, with an epic butchering of Green Day's "21 Guns." there is some exposition of how Sam has a brain and is going to college, Sams House burns down and he gets symbols in his mind. Small Dog humps Big Dog, Audience proceeds to laugh. Bumblebee is NOT to go to college. What a shame. Oh, and just so you know, this film is LONG.
  • I can't remember, as my brain is a little hazy, but I think "N.E.S.T." (have to remember the fact that its an anagram >_>) has problems of his own. Apparently, Obama (referenced by name in other scenes, not directly in these) doesn't like the Autobots, thinks they are not getting the Job done and are escalating things. But, as in Michael Bay's military warped mind, the super cool team is write, the suits are wrong. Shock.
  • Long story short, College happens. The Terminator is there. Tries to fuck sam. Has a crazy metal tounge. Smells of Deisel. Gets pwnt by Bumblebee. Also, in this time, whilst on the phone to Sam, Mikaela captures a Transformer (Wheely) who is trying to capture the shard of the cube that was trapped in sams shirt but she now has. Confusing, no? Anyway, she puts it in her car trunk in a box. Perfectly safe.
  • OK, things then proceed to go down. The "SHARDS OF THE CUBE" get busted out by the billions of new decepticons, Humans attempt to stop said decepticons, Humans get pwnt by Michael Bay's directing. He likes explosions, get over it. SHIT BLOWS UP. Anway, Megatron returns, and goes back to Cybertron to first have some fanservice by choking Starscream a little (So No, Starscream is at no point "In Charge." Shame.) then talks to The Fallen who goes on about his return with a cliched speech.
  • Apparently, conspiracy theory websites are the order of the day, and Sam's roomate happens to be the runner of one. Whilst going mental with Symbols in his head, said Terminator Decepticon pwns the college and they run away with Bumblebee, who has obviously followed him to college. If the way I'm writing this plot summary is strange, its because I'm tired and the film is a slight blur. Also the film is strange and makes no sense.
  • Well, anyway, at some point during the last couple bullet points, the Autobots get ordered by the suits to leave, and Optimus goes to Sam to ask for their help. Sam gives him the virtual finger, Peter Cullen says an old Transformers Line, fanboys weep, everyone else sighs.
  • THEN, Megatron and Starscream begin to chase Sam and his friends who have ran from college. They find them and prepare to cut out his brain or something. Right on cue, (Mad Spoilers Start...NOW) Bumblebee and Optimus fight them off. Bumblebee dissapears with the others, Sam runs a little, Optimus gets pwnt. He then, in a flurry of cliches gets told to get up, and proceeds to do so. "I'll take you all on." After destroying a few spare Decepticons, he gets stabbed in the back by megatron. DEAD. Sam screams "NO!" in slow motion. Gets told to run. He does. A little late, the other autobot members of N.E.S.T. reveal they were waiting but moments away to begin the assault, but were waiting for precious plot to actually happen. It's only halfway through, guys. Don't worry, I'll be quicker now.
  • Sam runs a little, hides a little, talks with the gangster twin Autobots. Yeah, more on that later, but Skids and Mudflap are "G." College friend helpfully reveals his rival conspiracy website "ROBOWARRIOR" can probably read the symbols in his mind. They go to robowarrior, and shockingly its that sector seven agent from the other film. They find, from said "Tamed Decepticon" in Mikaela's trunk that some OLD transformers can read the writing. They go to bust one out. Comedy happens. People laugh. Testicles are Tased. Michael Bay continues to be 13.
  • Old Decepticon is revealed to be Jetfire. They revive him with sams piece of the allspark. Why they didn't just revive prime with that, God knows. Anyway, He blows some shit up. Not very well though, hes old. He reads the symbols, teleports them to egypt and tells them some exposition and riddles. MORE PROBLEMS. Long story short, apparently the Matrix of Leadership is inside the "TOMB OF THE PRIMES" which is the key to the sun destroying machine.
  • The Twins, Bumblebee, Jetfire and The 4 Humans proceed to find the tomb, but the matrix turns to dust. Sam puts it in a handily placed bandage and goes all emo.
  • Lennox brings prime from N.E.S.T. to a village near them in egypt. Sam must now bring matrix to prime to bring him back to life. In between them happens to be lots of decepticons. another fourty minutes of battle happens. I'll spare you the details, I must sleep. So, again, Long Story short, people die. Jetfire gets pwnt, Sam gets to two seconds away from optimus, then Megatron kinda kills him. Sends him flying. Matrix rip off happens, and in the netherworld sam sees the old primes who go through the "Matrix is not found, it is earned" bullshit, he comes back, matrix ceases to be dust, Prime comes back. Two resurrections in like as many minutes. 
  • There are about fifty sub-plots in this messy battle, I'll only say one though: Devastator turns up (YES!), and eats a mudflap. Mudflap, sadly lives. He them proceeds to go to reveal SUN DESTROYING MACHINE and gets pwnt by the rail gun from quake, but on a boat. WTF?!
  • Anyway, Megatatron is undastandably pissed about the Optimus thing so shoots prime. Prime needs moar power. Jetfire gets handily wounded by that Skorpion one from the first film, and gives his parts to prime, as in that Armada scene I remember from when I was young. Good times. Primes powerlevel reaches over 9000, and he quickly, in somewhat of an anticlimax, disposes of Megatrons face and the Fallen entirely. Starscream and Megatron retreat, as is the way with Transformers, gotta keep em alive.
  • Peter Cullen makes a "You fall" reference then does a speech. The film ends. Cheering all around.

SECTION 2 - The Good

  • I have been told I write best while moaning, so this section will be short. I'd like to first clear this up. I did very much enjoy the film. There were more transformers, Devastator was there, Soundwave was there (albiet as a satellite recon dude, which is a shame) and so was Jetfire. The combat scenes were suitably epic, and the build ups intense. None of them reached me to the level of wanting to cheer like the Trailer to Ace Combat 6, but that was something else.
  • Some of it was funny. The suit being forced to jump out of a plane and pulling the chord whilst on it got some good laughs in the cinema. But then, so did all the dogs and robots humping. The audience, and michael bay are both 13.
  • Did I mention Devastator?
  • I'll stop there. Watch it yourself, you'll know whats good about it. Its a "fun" film. That doesn't mean I won't proceed to nitpick.
  • Also, Devastator.

SECTION 3 - The Bad

  • The Transformers + Micheal Bay's directing makes it pretty hard to see what is going on sometimes. Shame.
  • The Transformers themselves. Too much of a focus in the film on Sam's story lead to all of them being underused. Most of them had one key moment, and many were very distant from the source material counterparts. See: Soundwave and Arcee. Arcee is apparently three seperate autobots now. >_>. Soundwave a satellite.
  • The plot, the whole FIND THE BOY HE KNOWS SOMETHING was, well, exactly the same as the first movie. At least the climax had some point to it. Rather than the first movies: We have the cube in a remote location, instead of fighting here lets go to the city to extract it. Wait what? Go to a heavily populated area to change hands to the non robots. Strange. Anyway, there was some relavence to the final showdown here.
  • The final battle was dissapointing. There was a huge build up, and dude killed the Fallen in like one hit with his mega cannon. Should have cut a bit of the filler fights from the previous hour of build up. Jesus.
  • Remember, the military squad is without faults. The suits are always wrong.
  • Michael Bay is 13. He likes boobs, thus the college section, he likes the army and thinks they rule, thus the suits only ever doing wrong, he likes explosions. Thus the...explosions. The fact he has a robot with her power be the super extending tounge is...well strange. What goes through his mind, I wish not to know.
  • Using an ANTI-WAR SONG as the love theme for the two main characters angered me. Listen to 21 guns, then listen to how it is used in the film. >_>. God it make me angry.
  • Robot Gangsters. That is all.

So there you go, my last few hours for you guys. I'd talk about the trailer and how they reveal too much of the plot in said trailer, which I'm glad I covered my eyes and ears for in Star Trek, but it's 11:00. Time to bed, for me at least. But the film gets a recommendation from me overall, it was an enjoybale romp, especially in a Cinema with a good atmosphere. But it continues to be Micheal Bay.

In Other News...

  • I have Prototype. I need to finish it. LETS DO THIS.
  • Polo Spearmints are fucking tasty, guys.
  • Oh screw this section, I need to sleep.
Posted by Lies

It's pretty hard to screw up giant robots slugging it out. At least that's my view on things.