Dog > All. Absolutely agreed. She's moving away, and I'm getting the dog and the house. Win win win.
@Unchained said:Things I've learned:
- Don't get married. At least not without a pre-nup.
Well it's easy for you to say, here in the UK we don't have binding pre-nups. >_<
Anyway, the end of most relationships are sad but you seem to have your head screwed on the right way and aren't desperately trying to cling on to familiarity like some break-ups I've witnessed. I also agree with the person who said dog > all.
Unchained's forum posts
Just going to throw an update here for those who care. I'll address some comments and suggestions that I've seen in this thread:
- Looks like I'll be able to keep the house. The property value has gone up significantly, and we've decided that we'll get it appraised and she will get half of what the profit would have been had we sold it. It's a crazy huge amount (I'll be cutting a check for approx $40k), but I'll manage. Bottom line: I get to KEEP THE FUCKING HOUSE!!
- I pay her 25% of my pay per pay period for the next 5 years.
- She gets half the pension. With my job, and in my country (Canada), this is inevitable.
- Asset division shouldn't be a problem. It hasn't been thus far. I know what's hers and she knows what's mine and I don't really care enough about the stuff we both claim to fight for it.
Things I've learned:
- Don't get married. At least not without a pre-nup. Even if she is the girl of your dreams, ten years down the road she may not be and then all the hard work you've put into your career gets burned.
- Don't have kids. This could be so much worse.
- Duders...live for your happiness. Fight for your happiness. If you are in a rotten relationship, get the hell out. Getting this divorce, even though money is going to be brutal here on out, is the best decision I've made. I haven't felt this free or this happy in decade.
I have a therapist already. Thanks for the suggestion. It has been remarkably helpful. So helpful, that I've recommended that she get one for herself too. Despite the marriage being over, I don't want her to suffer and a therapist will hopefully help with that.
I wouldn't tell you to shut up...this thread is unbelievably supportive. The internet seems pretty fucking okay right now.
This thread sucks. Heart goes out to the OP.
Also, out of curiosity, you just called it quits one day and she agreed or what?
You can tell me to shut up.
It was a long time coming. Sex once or twice a year, she refused to get a job, and we bickered and fought almost daily. She disliked my friends, avoided my family (wouldn't answer the phone if she saw it was one of them phoning - even once when it was brother who was stationed in Afghanistan at the time). If it wasn't a marriage, this relationship would have been dead years ago, but we held on because...well...I don't know really. Then one day I just thought how much better my life would be if I wasn't married to her anymore. What life would be like if I was with a girl who got along with my friends and family and enjoys being out with me. The idea took hold and a few months later I'm saying I want out. Now I can't wait for this shit to be over, and I can't fucking wait to start dating again. It's a big world out there and I know I'll land on my feet.
You guys damn near made me choke up. Nothing like having complete strangers (but who share the love games and Giant Bomb and geekiness) rooting for you.
Fighting for the pension is some good advice. I think the worth of the house would offset it.
Because I just called it quits. Married for 9 years and 10 months. Couldn't quite make 10.
It's rough. No pre-nup because I thought it would be ludicrous when I was marrying her. Now....I know I'm going to be giving up my house, half my pension, a huge chunk of my salary and be back to living in the basement of my parents' place after being independent for 13 years. Even with all that, I still feel free. No kids, thankfully. But I think my dog is going to be a war. All in all, I hope the relationship is still amicable. Not sure if it will be though. I feel like a shit, but I can't live my life unhappily.
So, I'm just wanting to know how many fellow Giant Bombers out there have gone through this shit. Advice /jokes/ idiocy would be welcome.
Good luck man. This kind of stuff is never easy. You are brave to be doing this, and you are doing it for your own happiness and the freedom to live your own life. Don't forget that.
I've had to have some absolutely brutal conversations ("I want a divorce" and a few years before that "Hey, I was diagnosed with a mental illness"), and none of them are easy. But your sister has your back. We have your back even though we are faceless.
Be brave. You have to do this for yourself.