Hobo's Delight Episode 1

I was recently terminated wrongfully. I won't get into details cause I'm not sure of the legality of going into detail, but the City agrees with me so I got on unemployment. I'm making about half what I was, but it's more than enough for rent, real food and the occasional vidja game or movie. While I seek out a new job, I thought I'd start a new blog series where I review food and drinks. Usually it's gonna be cheap stuff, (hence the name) but I'll go into some higher end products as well. Why choose a videogame/movie site for this? Well, that's an interesting question...here's my first review. I'm going to do a drink and a food, though that won't always be the format. 
 

7-11 BBQ Pork Sandwich

   The first step to enjoying this food is to take a step back and ask yourself, "How did I get here?" Are you like me and you lost your job and have to tighten the belt loops? Or rather expand them if you're thinking of eating this with any regularity. Is it 1AM, the party's kinda winding down, but you're not going to sleep anytime soon? 7-11s are useful in this regard because most of them are open all night and they've got food on the cheap. This is actually my favorite of all their health-free sandwiches. The sandwich itself is a pair of buttery buns between which sits the equivalent of a McRib sandwich. For those who've never had one, it's essentially cheap, fatty pork meat covered in Bar-B-Que sauce and shaped like a tiny rack of ribs. It is also delicious. 
   The meat is chewy and tender, also ridiculously fatty, and the BBQ sauce is the sweet, rather than the smoky, variety. Here's a little trick for stretching out the fillingness as well as the nutritional value: most 7-11s come equipped with a hot dog bar with things like pickles, cheese, onions, nacho cheese, jalapeños etc, but the staff doesn't really care what you use them for as long as you've paid for it. Throw it in the microwave and add whatever toppings you like. Toss in a bag of chips and you've got something a lot closer to a meal than it has any right to be. It's tasty, it's filling, and the extra toppings don't cost anything. The whole thing shouldn't set you back more than $5. But what to wash it down with? 
 

Mike's Harder Lemonade (21+ only! 18+ if you're in Europe)

   Mike's Hard Lemonade is exactly what it sounds like: lemonade with about as much alcohol as beer. It's an attempt to be a less girly Smirnoff Ice and it really doesn't succeed, but hey, once again, if you're at a party and there's nothing left, you can do a lot worse. For instance: Mike's Harder Lemonade. Harder is to Hard as malt liquor is to beer with everything that entails. It has almost twice as much alcohol in it (~8%). This stuff WORKS, but my God I can't recommend it. They've had to add massive amounts of sugar to mask the flavor of cheap alcohol and it's sickeningly sweet. It IS effective if you want to get drunk quickly, but it also results in some of the worst hangover you're likely to experience, even IF you drink a lot of water. At the end of the day, if you absolutely must get drunk, or continue to be drunk, you can do worse, but not without the words "Steel" and "Reserve" in the name.
5 Comments
6 Comments
Posted by Undeadpool

I was recently terminated wrongfully. I won't get into details cause I'm not sure of the legality of going into detail, but the City agrees with me so I got on unemployment. I'm making about half what I was, but it's more than enough for rent, real food and the occasional vidja game or movie. While I seek out a new job, I thought I'd start a new blog series where I review food and drinks. Usually it's gonna be cheap stuff, (hence the name) but I'll go into some higher end products as well. Why choose a videogame/movie site for this? Well, that's an interesting question...here's my first review. I'm going to do a drink and a food, though that won't always be the format. 
 

7-11 BBQ Pork Sandwich

   The first step to enjoying this food is to take a step back and ask yourself, "How did I get here?" Are you like me and you lost your job and have to tighten the belt loops? Or rather expand them if you're thinking of eating this with any regularity. Is it 1AM, the party's kinda winding down, but you're not going to sleep anytime soon? 7-11s are useful in this regard because most of them are open all night and they've got food on the cheap. This is actually my favorite of all their health-free sandwiches. The sandwich itself is a pair of buttery buns between which sits the equivalent of a McRib sandwich. For those who've never had one, it's essentially cheap, fatty pork meat covered in Bar-B-Que sauce and shaped like a tiny rack of ribs. It is also delicious. 
   The meat is chewy and tender, also ridiculously fatty, and the BBQ sauce is the sweet, rather than the smoky, variety. Here's a little trick for stretching out the fillingness as well as the nutritional value: most 7-11s come equipped with a hot dog bar with things like pickles, cheese, onions, nacho cheese, jalapeños etc, but the staff doesn't really care what you use them for as long as you've paid for it. Throw it in the microwave and add whatever toppings you like. Toss in a bag of chips and you've got something a lot closer to a meal than it has any right to be. It's tasty, it's filling, and the extra toppings don't cost anything. The whole thing shouldn't set you back more than $5. But what to wash it down with? 
 

Mike's Harder Lemonade (21+ only! 18+ if you're in Europe)

   Mike's Hard Lemonade is exactly what it sounds like: lemonade with about as much alcohol as beer. It's an attempt to be a less girly Smirnoff Ice and it really doesn't succeed, but hey, once again, if you're at a party and there's nothing left, you can do a lot worse. For instance: Mike's Harder Lemonade. Harder is to Hard as malt liquor is to beer with everything that entails. It has almost twice as much alcohol in it (~8%). This stuff WORKS, but my God I can't recommend it. They've had to add massive amounts of sugar to mask the flavor of cheap alcohol and it's sickeningly sweet. It IS effective if you want to get drunk quickly, but it also results in some of the worst hangover you're likely to experience, even IF you drink a lot of water. At the end of the day, if you absolutely must get drunk, or continue to be drunk, you can do worse, but not without the words "Steel" and "Reserve" in the name.
Posted by skrutop

My stomach is turning just thinking about 7-11 BBQ pork.

Posted by BraveToaster

That doesn't sound like it tastes good.

Posted by FlamingHobo

This isn't really a 'Hobo's' delight, I should know. However, I will allow you to keep the blog series name.
 
I want some hard lemonade.

Edited by Undeadpool
@FlamingHobo:  
Happy to have the seal of approval of a real live hobo! And I know it's a little above dumpster diving, but it's cheap and bad for you. Trust me, it'll get less hobo-y when I review liquor ;)
 
@Axxol said:

" That doesn't sound like it tastes good. "

It TASTES great, but it's also horrific for you. Unless you were referring to the malt liquor drink, which DOES taste terrible. 
 
@skrutop said:
" My stomach is turning just thinking about 7-11 BBQ pork. "
Hey, if drunk it's not so bad...I mean it's pretty bad, but it's not as bad as the double cheeseburger...which I'll review at a later point.
Posted by Spaceman973

Mike's Harder=Abusive Relationship.  It hurts you because it loves you.