A royal screenshot guide to parenthood.

Part The 一番目

Oh, you know I couldn't stay away from this for that long. No, I'm not referring to terrestrial sexual delights; I'm talking about screenshot threads, of course! But that still leaves the matter of just how I came to have a child in the first place. Well, I think this video will explain everything:

Except, you know, without the infanticide....yet. Let's watch as my little Tsukiko Kinian grows up before our eyes. I'll raise her right. You'll see. YOU'LL ALL SEE!

Now because this is a Japanese-only game with no translation patch (as far as I'm aware), I will be translating dialogue whenever it's relevant to the material. Like all fan translations, expect it to be hopelessly literal. It'll be a learning experience for us all. But me especially. After all, parental love knows no language, right? Let's get this show on the road.

Hey, it's better than most games.
She must carry on my legacy.
What bullshit. It was a 土曜日! Get your facts straight, whoever the hell made this game.
But I find the appropriate day nonetheless.
BABY DADDY!
A Nick Swardson joke?
It's a special year for me.
Plus I get to work in my Lunar lineage and all.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blood_types_in_Japanese_culture
Isn't she a beauty?
I'm kind of hoping I get light arrows out of this. Tsukiko could use 'em.
(Gah-! Th-this girl...) "She holds within her a tranquil fury I've ne'er seen in my days."
(Wh, what's going on here! What's this fortune teller doing with the madame...?) You know, you may want to go with something other than pithy disapproval.
(Tsukiko will become a widow wi-) YOU ASSHOLE. YOU GET OUT OF HERE THIS INSTANT, YOU PIECE OF SHIT! I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN INTO THE DEPTHS OF HELL ITSELF!
(Tsukiko's a good name. I really like it.) You fucking know it.
RUN A LAP, BITCH.
I have no idea where that dog came from.
And it just disappears just as quickly.
All's that left of her is that completely useless doll in the back.
Where was this face when that dickhead oracle was loitering outside the house?

48 Comments
48 Comments
Edited by ThunderSlash

I didn't know that there was a Princess Maker game on the SNES. I played the unreleased English version of Princess Maker 2 a few years ago and my daughter ended up becoming an artist. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BECOME A WARRIOR! I feel like these games are just parental disappointment sims.

Posted by Video_Game_King

I played the unreleased English version of Princess Maker 2 a few years ago

Wait, unreleased English version? I thought that was supposed to be a fan translation.

I feel like these games are just parental disappointment sims.

Damn it, man! You've spoiled the ending!

Edited by ThunderSlash
Edited by Ravenlight

@thunderslash said:

@video_game_king: before anyone else finds out what these games really are about.

I thought these games were about making her into a homeless prostitute as fast as possible. Just like The Sims!

Posted by Mento

Pity you didn't think to try that daughter-raising quiz game that Arino played. Then again, I think trying to read that much Japanese with a time limit ticking away might be a little too hardcore. (Wow, we don't have a page for it yet? I'd better get around to it at some point. Or bug Pepsiman to do it.)

Also, I think you're nuts doing another one of these so soon. After Octurbo I think I'm tapped out for screenshot blogs for the rest of the year. Good luck with the little bundle of joy, she'll make a fine wife for Satan.

Moderator
Posted by pyromagnestir

Oh god. I'm not ready for this. Especially not if the game is entirely in Japanese...

Posted by Video_Game_King

Oh god. I'm not ready for this. Especially not if the game is entirely in Japanese...

Almost exactly what I said when I found out I had a daughter.

@mento said:

Also, I think you're nuts doing another one of these so soon.

So soon? It's been a little bit since I've done the last one. At least, I think it's been a little bit. Anyway...

Pity you didn't think to try that daughter-raising quiz game that Arino played.

You mean I could've prepared myself for this beforehand?

Posted by pyromagnestir

@pyromagnestir said:

Oh god. I'm not ready for this. Especially not if the game is entirely in Japanese...

Almost exactly what I said when I found out I had a daughter.

Was it "Oh god. I'm not ready for this. Especially not if the game daughter is entirely in Japanese..."?

You racist bastard.

Although if the baby is entirely Japanese and you're not, well, that raises a few questions...

Posted by Video_Game_King
Part the 二番目

Man, only two updates in and already things are horribly depressing. But such is parenthood.

SHE'S BEEN MISSING FOR A FUCKING MONTH!? And the worst part is that this happens regularly.
"Daddy, can I have what those men are drinking?" "OH HELL NO, GIRL."
Why are the officials letting a ten year old girl fight a goddamn wolf woman?
It's OK, Tsukiko. I'll "slash her tires" later tonight.
The lesson behind Princess Maker? Ballet makes you a whore.
(I, I want to be a kid forever.) Your eyes say no, but your words say yes.......That...sounded very rapist, didn't it?
(I hate things like cleaning and housework.) That's my girl!
KEEP MOVING, CAT ELF WOMAN THING.
(Y..yes...hello....And who might you be?) You don't need to know, honey.
(Master, today is the little mistress' birthday. Shall we go buy the young lady a gift?) Look, I'd have bought her a present if this town hired anybody other than little girls.
(The 4th day...today, she messed up on the job.) Well, of course she's gonna fail if you don't have confidence in her, narrator.
"Daddy, why's my belt from your bathrobe?" "Because apparently the job market sucks."
The hell happened to her waist (and just her waist) over this month?
BRA CUP!? SHE'S ELEVEN!....So of course I buy it.
What's worse: that my baby girl's competing against adults, or that she won?
Probably this thing.
(You've received the grand prize: The Golden Egg!) "Your reward for your cooking skills? This priceless relic from Greek lore!"
(If you would allow me, perhaps I could eat some of the young lady's cooking.) I WILL ALLOW NO SUCH THING, YOU SICK FREAK.
Trust me: it's worth it not to eat this thing.
I....I have no idea what this shop is. I think it's a random event.

Edited by Video_Game_King
Part the 三番目

Knowing these threads, this is where things will come to a grinding halt.

You thought you could sneak that shit past me, didn't you?
OK, maybe it wasn't worth it to let this thing survive.
My Little Napoleony: Empires are Magic.
Oh, you don't want to know what this bad boy is.
"You bought WHAT!? Do you know how old I am!?"
(.......Sorry.) I KNOW YOU AREN'T.
(Her stress has gone down 20 points.) And yet she still stays pissed at me for, like, a month. Girl knows how to hold a grudge.
What the fuck is that thing on the far right? I honestly have no clue what that is, and it disappears just as quickly as it arrived.
(Tsukiko's back to normal.) And she's also grown slightly older, apparently. (Or maybe she just changed posture. The artwork isn't especially illuminating.)
Just in case you can't tell, she's supposed to be a scarecrow. Apparently, they'll pay her for anything.
(Tsukiko's a good name. I really like it.) After all these...twos of years, you still know it. Brings a tear to your eye.
Where's the "You're Challenging Pre-Teens to Fights so You Can Feel Good About Yourself" card?
(Hey dad, do you know what kind of a person Mom was?) I.......I'm not ready for these types of questions.
Tsukiko, what did I tell you about playing with the phantom dog?
(Is this outfit appropriate?) Trust me: you could be wearing something far worse. (And knowing this thread, you probably will.)
I guess puberty turned my girl into an alien child. Go figure.
ANOTHER YEAR! Eat it, other people! And then cry in shame, knowing that your own cooking can't compare! And then eat it again! *maniacal laugh*
Wait a minute. Shrimp/Fruit-Sauce Stew? How much LSD did Tsukiko use?
(Tsukiko reluctantly ate the Golden Egg.) The smoked, juicy taste of extinction.
(Tsukiko reluctantly ate the Golden Egg.) The smoked, juicy taste of extinction.

So of course I bought it.

Posted by pyromagnestir

Man, I wish these screenshots were bigger. This thread is gonna kill my eyes. But perhaps it won't bring my internet to a screeching halt like other picture threads have done.

Edited by Video_Game_King
Part the 四番目

I don't even know where to begin. The fashion sense? The strange people knocking upon my door? The hoops?

(Tsukiko's physical strength increased 50 points.) Apparently.
Tsukiko Kinian: a sensitive little flower who will have no problems punching your teeth out.
The hell are YOU worried about? She's got, like, two weeks of vacation. I think she's gonna be fine.
Mind telling me where her chair is, Teach?
That's better. Only took you four days.
Oh, trust me, you don't WANT to know what this is. Nobody does.
(Hey, are you Tsukiko, daughter of the gallant Video Game King?).........You have my attention.
You've gotta learn to telegraph your emotions better, Tsukiko.
(I am Hiran, a great god willing to grant you fame and fortune.) Probably through a reality TV show on VH1. I'm not takin' it.
(What rumors about me?) Which one of you dickheads sent her this thread? I don't want her getting any funny ideas from you.
(Yes, I can give you a taste of success...It's nothing to be afraid of. Really.) I think the translation can speak for itself.
(Tsukiko's etiquette has increased 4 points.) All from talking to whatever the fuck that was. I don't pretend to understand parenthood. I just go with the flow.
"So....that was something, huh?"
Keep it packing, asshole.
(I'm back! I had a lot of fun today!) I have to imagine the fun was in tracking down her visitors and punching them silly.
Here's what a birthday looks like in Princess Maker. Apparently, it's all winking and terribly racist cakes.
Is she....she's taking a dump behind that partition, isn't she?
Before she can master magic, she must first master the hoops.
(Sorry Dad, but I'm busy. We'll have to do this later) Busy with what? I haven't even scheduled anything yet....This....this can't be good. Like, at all.
You know, a safe summer job for kids.

How about the dress so slutty that Google refuses to translate it?

Posted by ThunderSlash

Why are all the NPCs in this game so shady looking?

Posted by Video_Game_King

@thunderslash:

Because apparently, I live in a bad neighborhood. A neighborhood where people discriminate against whatever the fuck I happen to be.

Posted by Video_Game_King
Part the 五番目

The librarians will die. That is all.

(I don't think church work is that important, but it sure is fun.) "How would you even know that? You've never stepped in a church in your life." "I'm a devout Catholic, daddy. Where do you think I've been going when you gave me my allowance?" "......"
(What day is February 10th?) You're 13, Tsukiko. This is too old to be forgetting when your birthday is.
"And tomorrow, the hammer...comes down. And all shall know my fury." (Given the pacing in this game, it might as well be tomorrow.)
I love how each one is progressively more demented. By the time she hits 14, I expect blood to be slowly trickling down her forearm.
(Master, this is bad. I can't find the little mistress. Who knows where she's gone off to? Oh, my.) Uh, she's right there. Maybe you'd know that if you opened your eyes.
ANOTHER FUCKING YEAR. EAT IT, OTHER PEOPLE.
(Monster fighting is kind of scary.) "I just can't handle all that stress. Choosing a magic card over an attack card....it's just too much for me."
I kind of wish I was doing this thread side-by-side with somebody else so my Adventure Time joke would make some actual sense. Oh well. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOBWKXRcCdQ
I don't know what that says (mainly because the font is too small to tell if it's ゛ or ゜), but I don't like what I THINK it says: http://bit.ly/1f3Hqh3 http://bit.ly/1adA3hO
She just holds that dog in her arms, staring at the ocean the whole time, waiting for the end to come.
I'd like to say "No, because I buy presents ahead of time like a responsible parent", but I don't think there's any option to give her a gift you bought ahead of time. It's like this game just barely encourages parental neglect.
I'm kind of in the dark as to how "道を行く" factors into this. It sort of sounds like "Tsukiko, who follows the road", which itself sounds appropriately mystical and arcane.
(Would you happen to be Tsukiko?) And you must be.....I don't know what you are. A Shining Force character, I take it?
(Just the person I was looking for! Hi there. My name's Lilly Moran.) I've read about you. Keep it moving, sister. http://bit.ly/1adAtok
(You have quite a reputation for cooking and cleaning, don't you?) Don't forget dead-lifting tractors.
(We're both fourteen years old, so I can't lose to you.) Flawless logic.
Yea, I'm just as confused as you are. "*knocks on door* I SHALL BE THE SUPREME COOK IN THIS TOWN. *leaves just as quickly*"
(Hey, could you not win this year's Cooking Contest? I don't have any other talents, and-) Oh, hell. You know what, Tsukiko? Let's let her have this one. At least you have other talents; this girl's gonna end up working the register at Wendy's the rest of her life if she loses one of these cooking contests.
.....What?
(I understand just fine. I've got more than housework! I'm not losing to you, Lilly!) And it's just now that I realized I probably should've sent her to some more etiquette classes to prevent just this sort of thing from happening.

Posted by Karkarov

Etiquette is for sissies Tsukiko needs to own her ass.

Edited by Video_Game_King
Part the 六番目

Well, @karkarov, you got your wish. Holy shit, did you get it.

(Tsukiko now has a new goal in the cooking contests, and her stress has dropped to 0.) "I've just met my life-long bitter enemy. This sure is relaxing."
(I'm not that good at it, but I love studying art!) How the hell would you know? I don't recall sending you to any art classes in your life.
(Master, do you ever plan on letting your daughter explore the social world?) No. My daughter must carry on the weeaboo legacy. Hell, she's already got the Japanese part down.
I'm with you on this one. You're far too old to still be using dolls.
(I'm embarrassed that my breasts are too big.) I was hoping to avoid any and all comments about her clearly-on-display bust size. Guess those hopes are fucked.
She insisted. Something about putting that Lilly girl in her place? I don't know.
"Tsukiko, have you been making a deal with the devil to crush Lilly?" "Not at all. Just the fairies that visit our house." "Oh. Carry on, then."
Let my daughter's demonic strength decimate this middle-aged librarian teen.
I guess that's supposed to be her on the far left, and I'm pretty sure the adults are also contestants. Why's that important? We'll get to that in a minute.
Notice anybody missing?
"And accepting an honorary award for achievements in racism is Rajah." (I'm not making that up for the joke. That's actually his name.)
I think that says "Pumpkin Fruit-Sauce Pie"? How the hell do these people win with such horrible concoctions?
"That dish you.....it tasted really g..." "Are you crying, Lilly? It's OK if you are; I just want to know." "No, I'm alright, it's....I....*immediately runs to the bathroom, her composure utterly broken at this point*"
She's still trying to process that whole "absolutely destroyed a young girl's life" thing. Turns out the fruit doesn't taste so good if it's watered with the tears of your victims....yet.
Or maybe she's trying to figure out why our house has such increasingly anime guests. Who can say? (Not Tsukiko; she was silent for that last pic.)
(My head feels so light. Am I really destined for greatness?) Oh, you know it. We haven't even tried out the "wander out into the wilderness for the express purpose of bludgeoning wildlife and stragglers to death" option. I think you can tell why.
(Tsukiko's magic has increased 4 points.) Because these strangers never pay any dividends.
(What? There's nothing else I want to talk to you about, Dad.) What is it? You know you can tell me anything, honey.
(I just think Raphael is SO cool!) Oh. Ouch. I see how it is. WELL WHY DON'T YOU GO LIVE WITH HIM IF YOU LIKE HIM SO MUCH!?
I've known about this screen for some time, but I've only just now discovered this guardian part at the bottom of the top-left box, and apparently, there's another king in the picture. Knowing that this is separate from the king you can actually talk to at the castle, I'm starting to think I should've named this thread "Three Kings and a Princess" (and consequently confuse the hell out of you guys).

Posted by Karkarov

Glad to hear she took Lilly's dreams and shattered them on the cold hard rocks of reality! Soon you can have her move on by assassinating a king and forcibly taking the throne!

Posted by Nekroskop
Posted by Video_Game_King
Posted by Video_Game_King
Part the 七番目

Oh shit. Who gave Tsukiko a sword?

Wait, WHAT!? 力!? This girl can lift frigging mountains, and you see it fit to give her MORE power!? YOU'VE DOOMED US ALL, CAT ELF WOMAN THING!
"Her disposition went up five points"? Mind giving me some context so I can understand what that means?
(Tsukiko can now choose to work at the Circus of Blades.) How long until I force her to take this badass job?
Not very long, as it turns out. Then again, it might've been a mistake to let her near somebody looking like that and sounding like Pig Mario.
Oh, sure, it may look like fun and stabbings, but given the stress this job has given her, I can only really describe it as "bad" OR "ass".
(Such a cute little girl, fighting against such ruffians...She's gonna be famous!) ESPECIALLY GIVEN THAT.
(I want to be a child forever.) You're old enough to kill people for a living, and your next job is one of the worst in the game. You don't exactly have all the time in the world.
A fairy princess outfit? Am I reading that right? Sure? Why the fuck not?
Or maybe something straight out of Cinderella. Seems fitting, what with all the menial labor I put her through.
This picture has absolutely no relevance to the thread or your opinion on it.
Neither does this one.
"No, no, you don't understand. The kid was choking on his own stupidity. This was the only way to get it out of him!"
(Yes, it's quite hot...) You're wearing the lightest dress in the game. I'm drawing the line here.
(No, I promised Lilly that I was gonna enter the Cooking Contest.) This is what happens if you try to get your daughter competing in anything other than cooking after your rival comes into the picture: she develops an unholy bloodlust that only culinary domination can sate. In retrospect, teaching her how to use a sword probably wasn't the best of ideas.
I'm gonna be honest with you: this dish is making no sense to me. It's some type of marinated foie gras, but the rest seems to be "Crab/Cheese Flavored"? I'm out of my league on this one. But speaking of leagues, look who finally placed in one of these competitions!
Because apparently, it wasn't THAT Lilly.
Grilled Pie with Tomato and Calvados Sauce? Fucking fuck, man. Do cooks in this land just throw shit into a blender and hope it's edible?
"Hey, listen, sorry about that other Lilly woman winning second place over you. Must've felt terrible hearing your name called, only to realize that you di-stop crying, Lilly. You're above this, girl."
(E-eat it!?) This has to be the fourth or fifth year in a row that you've been given this choice. How are you constantly surprised?
(Tsukiko had a wonderful time chatting over tea with The Queen...) It's apparently part of the Queen's schedule each month: sit with random village girl and have tea with her for no readily explained reason.

Me. It was me.

Posted by ThunderSlash

They grow up so fast. So fast that there is a noticeable sprite switcharoo.

Edited by Video_Game_King

@thunderslash:

I'm not seeing it. Are you referring to the portrait?

Posted by Karkarov

@thunderslash:

I'm not seeing it. Are you referring to the portrait?

Go back and compare your original pics. She is taller, her head is a little bigger, she has breasts now, etc etc.

Edited by Video_Game_King

@karkarov:

I thought he was referring to the sprites for each of the jobs, like she was taller there or wearing different clothes or something. (I think her clothing only affects her sprites on vacations and stuff, because each job tends to use its own canned animation.)

She is taller, her head is a little bigger, she has breasts now, etc etc.

And why are you looking at my daughter's tits, you pervert? Do you know the kinds of battle music I have on hand for just this situation?

Posted by Bocam

I hope this turns into Princess Maker: 寝取られ Edition.

Posted by Karkarov
Posted by Video_Game_King

@karkarov:

I didn't put her in the "I'm a dirty whore" dress! I probably could have, but that's my baby girl, damn it!

Posted by Video_Game_King
Part the 八番目

How did our tea leaf adventures with the Queen pan out? Click the red text to find out, dear reader.

"Strength and beauty"......yea, that sounds like an apt way to describe Tsukiko.
And by that, I mean my girl could drop kick a fucking elephant and then feel bad about it.
(Your father is a magnificent man whom I, the King, feel honored to have in my company.) Oh, you know it. You all know it.
(My body's perfectly normal.) Of course it is. Neither your portrait nor your sprites ever change to reflect your stats.
And just when you thought you would see him no more, Phantom Dog returns once more.
In retrospect, it probably wasn't such a good idea to let Tsukiko work with swords so much without actually teaching her how to use them.
So you're saying that now that she's reached the age of consent, she's legally allowed to work at what's essentially a brothel?.....ABSOLUTELY FUCKING PASS.
(Dad, does the wind sound like somebody's singing to you? It's gotta be Wind Spirit's singing voice.) Oh, it's nothing, Tsukiko. That's just how you know you're becoming a woman. A crazy, mentally imbalanced woman.
The call of the Wind Spirit beckons her to the wilds. The dull, uneventful wilds.
(W-what the...!?)"HOW CAN SOMEBODY'S SKIN STRETCH THAT FAR!?"
After all this time with the game, I still have no idea what was in that damn chest.
Behold, the fruits of my arborial labor: a confusing raise in morals and sin. Her cooking skills are pretty much the same, though.
Now when you say "さっそく"....
(Swords are just so heavy. I'm not very good with them.) What are you talking about? That clown at the Coliseum seemed to think you were alright. I mean, yea, that's still not very good, but not for the reasons you're thinking.
(We meet again, Tsukiko.) I was hoping you wouldn't.
(By Hiran's holy power, Tsukiko's artistry has increased 5 points.) Now all she needs are roller-skates.
"Tomato and Oyster-Flavored Natto". This means somebody essentially threw tomato and oyster into a bowl full of beans. (It was probably Lilly.)
Roast Oyster Stew Natto. That's the closest thing in this game I've seen to an even remotely appetizing meal.
(You are truly a sensitive young lady. Today, I've quite the present to give to you.) "For somebody with such a beautiful heart, I brought you a heart from a beautiful creature. Please enjoy this horse heart I labored so hard to bring to you." "Oh....thank you.....it's really....lo-" "I WANT TO SEE YOU EAT IT."
Or maybe it's a....whatever the hell this is. It doesn't show up in the inventory, nor does it have any affect on her stats, at least as far as I can tell.

Posted by pyromagnestir

What's with you royal types and eating of horse heart?

I'd say at least it should keep the boys away, but I dunno... I kinda dig the idea of a chick badass enough to eat a horse heart. Of course I'm easily intimidated by chicks who don't eat horse heart, so one who does would likely literally scare the piss out of me.

Posted by Video_Game_King

What's with you royal types and eating of horse heart?

Who said I approved of this? I'm not making my little girl eat a horse heart. She's not some drunk college girl on her first semester abroad.

Edited by Video_Game_King
Part the 九番目

War gods, witches, cooking contests...where do I begin?

And upon her seventh birthday, she finally learned the arcane art of "spunk".
(Would you happen to be Tsukiko, daughter of the gallant Video Game King?) "I have come to train you in the way of the Valkyrie."
Oh, you thought I was kidding, didn't you? Nope; turns out she was actually visited by a friggin' war god who wishes to grant her power.
And Tsukiko just takes it all in stride. I've done a good job raising this girl.
(My body feels a little light, like a shining blade.) Well, maybe not in the analogy department. I'm working on it, though. Promise!
(Tsukiko's combat skill has increased 4 points.) "Nothing can stand in the way of her awesome fury, and I am A-OK with that."
And just in case you doubted me on the last screenshot, here's a screenshot of her physical strength maxed the eff out.
But of course, I must tutor her in the finer arts.
Somehow, this is MORE disturbing than what I Photoshopped in.
RECORD SETTING CURRY STEW WHATEVER! NONE CAN MATCH TSUKIKO'S COOKING PROWESS!
A whole slew of previously established characters suddenly returning to thank Tsukiko for the time they've spent together? This signals nothing in the slightest.
OK, so according to this game, her name isn't Tsukiko Kinian. It's Tsukiko Videogameking. Kinda wish I knew that you were prompting me for a LAST name somewhere along the way.
("No, not really. This work isn't very important or fun." "Hey! Guard duty's a fine job! How dare you talk about it like that!") "Do you understand how great you have it? In order to make ends meet, my dad makes me swordfight adults, slap children silly, feed people the disgusting gruel made from whatever I happened to find in the back of the kitchen....and you're complaining about looking at shit for a living? WHERE DO YOU GET OFF WITH THAT ATTITUDE!?"
(Oh my, how awkward. I get it all from my dad.) Don't you blame me, girl. That random outburst is all on you.
(Well, looking at you, I can tell your dad's a fine man.) Recognize, motherfuckers.
W...wait a minute. Why's the calendar ending prematurely? What's going on?
If this is going to end, I at least want to send her off on a happy note.
You hug that dog. You hug that ghost dog to your heart's content, my little princess.
(IT'S FATE DAY. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bTiWHnhMQzU) The ominous nomenclature certainly isn't making this any easier.
And neither is the busted nomenclature.

Posted by pyromagnestir

She's not some drunk college girl on her first semester abroad.

...

That's a shame...

...

Edited by Mento

Weird, I started listening to some Valkyrie Profile music after you linked to Saga Frontier and then a Valkyrie shows up. I guess Tsukiko is all grown up now? Is Fate Day when they figure out what ending you got with the stats she acquired? I'm guessing it's going to involve a lot of dead bodies and shit on fire.

Moderator
Posted by Karkarov

dafuq?!?!?!?! What happened? Did she eat the horse hear and die from food poisoning? Did she learn the secret behind the doll that looks like ben franklin on the mantle?

Edited by Video_Game_King
Part the 十番目

A bit of a disclaimer before we get into this. The first few screenshots are full of some heady shit, so allow me to offer them absolutely free of comment.

Father, thank you for raising me with love for such a long time...I've lived a long and fulfilling life by following the path you've laid out for me. When I look back on all the time we spent together, I can remember studying etiquette quite a lot.
You've definitely shown me a lot of love in trying to make me a graceful little girl. There were some tough times, but even now, I'm truly grateful. I also have fond memories of the time I spent on the job. I didn't have the luxury of a countess working on my behalf, so I've had to work a lot of jobs...
And thanks to that, I've decided that I want to dedicate my life to working in the house...(Wait, what?)
(Now that you're all grown up, what career does the little madame wish to have?) Why are you asking what job she wants to go into? I believe we already have our answer.
(Yes....I, I want to become a wonderful wife...) Hopefully for a prince. You know, given that title and everything.
(I don't want to work until I've found a good man.) DON'T YOU SAY THAT, TSUKIKO. I RAISED YOU BETTER THAN THIS.
Oh, let me guess: this whistling asshole.....this "term that's nowhere near as bad as whistling asshole"....is gonna be your husband, isn't he? Wonderful. Just wonderful.
(Yea...but, I hope it wouldn't bother either of you.) Well, you've already botched it with me.
Tsukiko, you could've made me feel A LOT better if you'd gotten a job as, say, a chef or a teacher or a gladiator ON TOP of being a wife. Glad to see you're going all in with this (except not really).
(She married a quick-witted, diligent magician.) "They live off the money he grifts from children and streetgoers."
(I'm so happy...) You could do better.
(I'm going to be happy for the rest of my life, Father.) "Knowing that poor Lilly girl couldn't even get a job working the graveyard shift at Taco Bell gives me all the energy I need to get through the day."
What, pray tell, does Superman have against bodhisattvas?
(I wish for Tsukiko to become a fine mother...) Princess Maker 2 ahoy?
DO YOU UNDERSTAND, TSUKIKO? DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE DARK PATH YOU HAVE SUBJECTED YOURSELF TO?
Just in case I forgot all the stats that I determined myself.
And just in case you forgot how little her waist has grown.
See, Tsukiko? This is what happens when you become a house wife. You lose all that precious time you could've spent bench pressing your house.
Titan-esque strength + Fragile Dreams levels of emotional sensitivity = kinda mediocre fighting stats.

Her magic and social skills, on the other hand, are alright. Probably explains how she ended up IN THIS SITUATION.

How is it I feel like I've both succeeded AND failed at being a parent?

Posted by Mento

So she married Criss Angel? My mind is freaked. I guess my initial prediction at the top of the thread wasn't far off then.

Moderator
Posted by Video_Game_King

@mento said:

So she married Criss Angel?

GOD I HOPE NOT.

Posted by Video_Game_King
Part the 十一番目

But of course, we must give credit where credit is due. (That's my way of saying this entry's nothing but jokes around the credits.)

"Here's your reward for completing our game: naked teenagers covering themselves with bed sheets like they're in a mediocre college comedy."
Everything else was ripped from Darius +, if you can believe it.
Did Gainax kidnap an entire family and force them to work on this game for meager scraps? Or are these all clones of 山本 かつ at the bottom?
What's stranger: the one graphic, or that there's somebody named Chibi Person?
Well, that certainly explains the sardonic, anti-religious attitude to this game.
Just a flower. That is all.
If you can believe it, things get weirder from here.
Like when the credits start writing out Japanese using Latin letters, for some weird reason.
No, you don't understand. That's actually a really obscure jinmeiyou kanji and not at all sloppy proofreading.
I don't even know anymore.
"Bowl to Win"? I'd agree with that statement if there were any bowls in this game. Like, at all.
That explains all the bouncing titties.
That explains.....wait, Takara? OH, FUCK. NEXT.
(And then...to the father who lovingly raised his daughter...) What have you got for me?
I love you, too, sweety.

And that's the end of the Princess Maker thread! How many screenshots did I take? I have no idea! I was never keeping track, because you can't put a price on love.

Posted by pyromagnestir

Man, this thread came to a depressing ass end. After this I'm glad I don't have any virtual children of my own, since I'm gonna die alone and unloved either way at least I won't also be immensely disappointed.

Posted by Video_Game_King

Man, this thread came to a depressing ass end.

This statement confuses me. I do not recall ever showcasing my daughter's ass, much less describing it as "depressing".

Posted by pyromagnestir

@video_game_king:

No, no. My ass is the ass that is depressed. I failed to win the virtual girl's heart, and instead she married some douchey magician.

...

How can the same shit happen to the same guy twice?

Posted by Video_Game_King
Edited by pyromagnestir

Don't take it personally man. I'm like Boomhauer, I try to fuck all the ladies. The virtual ones anyway...

Posted by Video_Game_King
Posted by pyromagnestir

@video_game_king:

Bobby ain't no lady. I bet you he went after Luanne a time or two, though!

Edited by Video_Game_King

Yea, he is. Bobby was born with both male and female genitals. Hank's just been in denial for the entire series and has been trying to raise Bobby as a boy, much to Bobby's chagrin.

Posted by pyromagnestir

Yea, he is. Bobby was born with both male and female genitals. Hank's just been in denial for the entire series and has been trying to raise Bobby as a boy, much to Bobby's chagrin.

I really, really don't remember that.

But even still, that makes Bobby half lady. Boomhauer likes his ladies to be 100% lady. Plus Bobby's underage.