Just to be clear, this is my "Christmas" blog.

( I put the word Christmas in quotations because this has little, if anything, to do with Christmas.) Instead, it's about the ten year old holiday of the Night of the Sexyface. Here's a recap: long ago, Bushwald Sexyface decided to beat the hell out of Satan Claus. He also met Burt Reynolds. Or maybe it was Tom Selleck. It's a confusing holiday, to say the least. That's why I'm writing this blog: to show all the confused people of the world how to celebrate a proper Night of the Sexyface.
 
It was close to midnight on the Moon; I don't know what the equates to on Earth, but I'll pretend that it was also midnight on Earth, somewhere. Stoners know a lot about time, right? Anyway, I was playing Samurai Shodown II whilst sitting on my thrown, kicking major ass as Nakoruru. However, I eventually heard strange sounds from the roof. I realize how weird it was for me to hear noises from the roof while the throne room is on the first of five floors, but trust me, it was coming from the roof. I went to the top of my castle to check, and saw Bushwald Sexyface, alone on the roof. I shouldn't have been weirded out, since he lives in the castle as a Lunarian hero, but something definitely felt off. Maybe it was how he greeted me: before I got within sight of him, he said, "What are you doing up here, King bloke?" Confused, I asked him how he knew that it was me coming up the stairs. His response: "You're the only guy in the entire castle who plays that music wherever ya go. Shouldn't you be on Earth hunting down that Satan Claus fellow and whatnot?" I replied with a simple, "I killed him last year, don't you remember?"
 

What an awesome Night.
I probably should have remembered that Bushwald Sexyface doesn't read my blogs. Hell, even when I got him to write for it that one time, he wrote more about how to pick up single moms than anything relevant to the blog at all. Knowing that I'd have to explain my weird-ass story to him, I quickly changed the subject: "Uh, shouldn't you be celebrating the Night of the Sexyface or whatever?" "That's why I'm up here", he told me. "I was gonna duke it out, but I don't have anybody to fight, so I'm gonna go Earth style this Night." "Earth style? I won't have you celebrating like they do on Earth. Hell, I just made that stupid tradition up so the idiots down there wouldn't feel left out of the festivities." Immediately after saying that, Bushwald looked at me like I said something that I shouldn't have. I had no idea what he thought might be offensive, so what followed was an awkward pause. Changing the music did not help. If anything, it only added a slight sense of confusion to the increasingly awkward silence.
 
Finally, Bushwald was forced to break the silence, just like I was forced to break the alliterative paragraphs. "So, uh, King bloke", he asked me, "you still doing that blog thing?" My response: "Damn straight I am! Hell, I'm nearing the big 1000. Any day now." "Eh? 1000 games? But what about that huge room fu-" I cut him off there because that's a secret no human can handle. "Oh, I almost forgot: I used my blog to advertise this glorious h-" Right then, I noticed a shopping cart barely outside my field of vision. It wasn't there when I came up, and I knew for a fact that Bushwald did not bring it up. How the hell did it get there, damn it? However, it being the Night of the Sexyface, I peaked into cart and found some oddly specific items. In it were the traditional clothes of filler, but I also encountered games like Epic Mickey, Donkey Kong Country Returns, Sonic Colors (the fuck?), Goldeneye 007, Castlevania: Lords of Shadow, and Epic Yarn. But I also found some non-game crap that was oddly specific, like Japanese lessons, a calendar of hotties, Earth: The Book, and...food? The hell? I looked toward Bushwald Sexyface and plainly stated, "You do realize that we're far more advanced than Earth, and you could've gotten me some new Lunar games, right? And I'm not talking about the series that tanked after Dragon Song; I mean games from around here." He quickly responded with, "Really? We're more advanced? This place looks like King Arthur got it up with that Star Wars lass." (I have no idea whom he was referring to when he said "Star Wars lass.") My rage grew to proportions so great that they, once again, summoned music. I yelled, "Did you just insult the Moon? That's it! Battle!" We rushed at each other, jumping into the air for a glorious fight. At the peak of our leap, I whispered to him, "Happy Night of the Sexyface." And then I realized that I probably should have thought this feature out a bit more. How about I make this worthwhile? I might as well end with a rave while you imagine how the fight went.:
 
  
So to all a sexy night!
11 Comments
12 Comments
Posted by Video_Game_King

( I put the word Christmas in quotations because this has little, if anything, to do with Christmas.) Instead, it's about the ten year old holiday of the Night of the Sexyface. Here's a recap: long ago, Bushwald Sexyface decided to beat the hell out of Satan Claus. He also met Burt Reynolds. Or maybe it was Tom Selleck. It's a confusing holiday, to say the least. That's why I'm writing this blog: to show all the confused people of the world how to celebrate a proper Night of the Sexyface.
 
It was close to midnight on the Moon; I don't know what the equates to on Earth, but I'll pretend that it was also midnight on Earth, somewhere. Stoners know a lot about time, right? Anyway, I was playing Samurai Shodown II whilst sitting on my thrown, kicking major ass as Nakoruru. However, I eventually heard strange sounds from the roof. I realize how weird it was for me to hear noises from the roof while the throne room is on the first of five floors, but trust me, it was coming from the roof. I went to the top of my castle to check, and saw Bushwald Sexyface, alone on the roof. I shouldn't have been weirded out, since he lives in the castle as a Lunarian hero, but something definitely felt off. Maybe it was how he greeted me: before I got within sight of him, he said, "What are you doing up here, King bloke?" Confused, I asked him how he knew that it was me coming up the stairs. His response: "You're the only guy in the entire castle who plays that music wherever ya go. Shouldn't you be on Earth hunting down that Satan Claus fellow and whatnot?" I replied with a simple, "I killed him last year, don't you remember?"
 

What an awesome Night.
I probably should have remembered that Bushwald Sexyface doesn't read my blogs. Hell, even when I got him to write for it that one time, he wrote more about how to pick up single moms than anything relevant to the blog at all. Knowing that I'd have to explain my weird-ass story to him, I quickly changed the subject: "Uh, shouldn't you be celebrating the Night of the Sexyface or whatever?" "That's why I'm up here", he told me. "I was gonna duke it out, but I don't have anybody to fight, so I'm gonna go Earth style this Night." "Earth style? I won't have you celebrating like they do on Earth. Hell, I just made that stupid tradition up so the idiots down there wouldn't feel left out of the festivities." Immediately after saying that, Bushwald looked at me like I said something that I shouldn't have. I had no idea what he thought might be offensive, so what followed was an awkward pause. Changing the music did not help. If anything, it only added a slight sense of confusion to the increasingly awkward silence.
 
Finally, Bushwald was forced to break the silence, just like I was forced to break the alliterative paragraphs. "So, uh, King bloke", he asked me, "you still doing that blog thing?" My response: "Damn straight I am! Hell, I'm nearing the big 1000. Any day now." "Eh? 1000 games? But what about that huge room fu-" I cut him off there because that's a secret no human can handle. "Oh, I almost forgot: I used my blog to advertise this glorious h-" Right then, I noticed a shopping cart barely outside my field of vision. It wasn't there when I came up, and I knew for a fact that Bushwald did not bring it up. How the hell did it get there, damn it? However, it being the Night of the Sexyface, I peaked into cart and found some oddly specific items. In it were the traditional clothes of filler, but I also encountered games like Epic Mickey, Donkey Kong Country Returns, Sonic Colors (the fuck?), Goldeneye 007, Castlevania: Lords of Shadow, and Epic Yarn. But I also found some non-game crap that was oddly specific, like Japanese lessons, a calendar of hotties, Earth: The Book, and...food? The hell? I looked toward Bushwald Sexyface and plainly stated, "You do realize that we're far more advanced than Earth, and you could've gotten me some new Lunar games, right? And I'm not talking about the series that tanked after Dragon Song; I mean games from around here." He quickly responded with, "Really? We're more advanced? This place looks like King Arthur got it up with that Star Wars lass." (I have no idea whom he was referring to when he said "Star Wars lass.") My rage grew to proportions so great that they, once again, summoned music. I yelled, "Did you just insult the Moon? That's it! Battle!" We rushed at each other, jumping into the air for a glorious fight. At the peak of our leap, I whispered to him, "Happy Night of the Sexyface." And then I realized that I probably should have thought this feature out a bit more. How about I make this worthwhile? I might as well end with a rave while you imagine how the fight went.:
 
  
So to all a sexy night!
Posted by BigLemon

You are brilliant when you forget to take your pills.

Posted by Video_Game_King
@BigLemon: 
 
So I should stop taking Viagra?
Posted by luce

I feel bad for the dude who has to follow you around with RPG music at the ready

Posted by Video_Game_King
Posted by the_OFFICIAL_jAPanese_teaBAG
@Video_Game_King said:
" @BigLemon:   So I should stop taking Viagra? "
u couldve said thats what she said in the response instead  but oh well..,.
Posted by luce
@Video_Game_King said:
" @luce: 
 
I don't have anybody follow me around with music. It just sort of happens. Oh, just like that. "
Then whos that little dude in back of you carrying a Boombox and mixtape labeled "VGK'z greatest h1tz"
Posted by Video_Game_King
@luce: 
 
No idea, but my greatest hits aren't necessarily music, especially since I don't write music. Hell, he could've done a shitty fan narration of each of my blogs and then recorded it to a mix tape.
Posted by Hailinel

How utterly and totally bizarre.

Online
Posted by Video_Game_King
@Hailinel: 
 
Since when have I done anything sane?
Posted by Hailinel
@Video_Game_King:   As far as I can recall?  Never.
Online
Posted by Underachiever007
@Video_Game_King: I don't think I ever want to see you sane.