Since when do I talk about games that people have played?



World of Goo

( And that's another Humble Indie Bundle game down.) OK, so how many is that? Two I've beaten, and two that I can't play right now? How many are left? Five. Wait, I just remembered that there are two Humble Indie Bundle Games not available on Steam, knocking it up to seven. I should really play PC games more often, especially since I spend a shitload of time on one. Also, because World of Goo is pretty good. That's how arguments work, right? You just say two things that aren't related in any way? They aren't? Well, since I'm the King, that's how they work now.

STORY! Your goal is to destroy the World of Goo Corporation. What do they do? They make stuff. What stuff? I'm really not sure. If you want more story than that, then this isn't the game for you. Thanks a lot, World of Goo. Thanks for destroying an entire paragraph in this blog. The only thing I can say is that the atmosphere's pretty cool, especially in the Internet level. But that's not enough for a paragraph. Now I have to talk about the actual game. The goal of each level is to build a gooey tower toward a pipe. I know that this sounds sexual, and that's because it is. There's a lot of sexuality in this game, especially when it comes to vagina allegories. After the first world (which ends on vagina), a large portion of the game is devoted to squeezing things either into a vagina or out of one. But this is no time to digress, even if it is for vaginae. Back to the gameplay, it's about getting enough goos into a pipe to move onto the next level. It may sound simple, but a lot of the levels require extremely careful use of your goos. You can't just build a giant rectangle, unless you want that crap toppling into the instant death spikes just a few feet nearby. You need some type of strategy to get all your goos into that pipe, and an utter shitload of it if you want any of the appropriately named OCD flags. You also need a shitload of luck, since all of this is happening in real time. This may not sound like much, but tell me that when you're grabbing a goo for your mega-goo structure, only to watch it collapse into the bottomless chasms below, dragging twenty minutes along with it.
 
By far, the most memorable part of this game has to be all the sexual imagery.
At this point, I should probably mention all the goos that you use throughout the game. You have your regular goos (which pretty much die when they become part of a structure, turning this game into some sort of Nazi indoctrination software), your immortal green goos, your flammable goos (for those who thought the Nazis had too much meaning), semen ( just look), floating bloody testicle goos, and a bunch of other goos I'm probably forgetting. It's basically like Pikmin, but with building instead of fighting. Also, while Pikmin had a small number of Pikmin types that you constantly found yourself using (maybe; I've only played the first few bits of Pikmin 2), World of Goo introduces goos for only a few levels before just abandoning them. Maybe I'm just jaded after the final two chapters of just a few goos, but I don't remember those skull goos outside of one crappy little level. Wait, why did I call it crappy? The level design in this game is actually pretty cool. I know that I railed on it in the previous paragraph for destroying all your hopes and dreams in a single second, but once you actually finish one of those cruel levels, you feel pretty awesome for doing it, and not like you've just put up with a frustrating chore. I could link that, but I'm not an obvious person...ignoring paragraph 1.
 
I'm also not a person who thinks things out, because I have no idea what else to say. I feel like I've described the game as much as I can, and I don't feel like nitpicking the game. But I must, for reasons I don't understand! I think the biggest problem I have with this game is the controls. I should probably explain how you control the game: with a mouse. Yes, it is possible to have imperfect point and click controls (and no, I'm not talking about controlling a mouse with a keyboard, as stupid as that sounds/is), just as it's possible to forget that I'm nitpicking the game. You can move the mouse around just fine, and clicking does things, but try selecting a specific goo. I have not figured out how to do such a simple thing. I know that this may not sound like such a big deal, but keep in mind that the later levels stuff about a billion goos onto one structure. You know what else makes the game slightly harder to manage than it should be? Seeing what the hell you're doing. First, you can't really see anything that isn't immediately within range of your goos. This includes the pipe at the end of the level. Want to know where that is? All you get is a crappy little arrow, and maybe some scroll wheel screwiness. But still, unlike this blog, World of Goo is worth checking out, and worthy of the following award:
Yes, multiple games can get the same award. What of it? I'm pretty sure this isn't the first time this shit has happened.
 

Review Synopsis

  • Instead of story, you get humor and atmosphere. Make of that what you will.
  • Tons of cool levels and goos to experiment with.
  • Tons of physics to screw you over. Also, I give this blog the Worst Episode of the Second Season Award. Ugh. It's more of a disappointment than the ending to this game (so this is a prequel to Sonic 3 or something?).
 
 
 
 
And now I explain Fragile Dreams joke #1 of the previous blog.
  
  

Yume Koujou: Doki Doki Panic

( Damn it, not again.) You may be wondering why I chose to begin the blog like that, as if I've already said what I don't like happening again. Allow me to explain: remember my Bible blog, and how I said that Kid Icarus froze on me before I could see the ending? The same thing happened with Doki Doki Panic, only instead of freezing, I got an error of some type about halfway through bad ending 1. That's my reward for beating a giant frog? At least the Mario version gave me an ending of some type.
 
Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. I should probably explain that Doki Doki Panic is pretty much the Japanese version of Super Mario Bros. 2. I'd say that everything is the same, but it seems that somebody had the novel idea of fixing a few things in Super Mario Bros 2, like adding a run function, or scrapping the " we're twice as dumb as Ghosts 'n Goblins" motif. Oh, and did I mention that the waterfalls aren't sickeningly fast in the American version? Of course, they also fucked around with a lot of stuff that I wish they didn't, the story being the only example of that. Remember how Super Mario Bros 2 really had no story until the end, when it was revealed that Mario was trying to rescue his dream children from a hideous toad? You know, like Inception? Not in this game; in Doki Doki Panic, two children are reading a book, and they love it. They love it so much that they immediately get sucked into the book. Wait, I mean "forcibly captured." So the game's about them escaping this dream world, right? Not even close; four guys go in to rescue them. Are they characters in the book? Who gives a shit? I just really love the Arabian theme that the game goes for, since it makes a helluva lot more sense. No longer do you throw beakers onto the ground and summon doors; now they're magic lamps that transport you to an alternate shadow dimension where warps aren't completely random. Awesome. Remember those magic carpets? Makes more sense when you see a more benevolent Jafar riding it.
 
 Did I mention the terrifying new artwork?
And do you remember throwing Pidgits (is it "Pid-git" or "Pid-jit"? I could never figure that out) off of them? No? That was the biggest part of the game! You could get on top of enemies and go all River City Ransom on their asses. What more could you want? All I can think of is "slightly better execution." Unfortunately, you only have two options when picking things up: you either throw it or drop it. Sounds easy, right? Tell me that when you find yourself fighting Mouser, only to drop a bomb you meant to throw. I know that you have to move forward to throw something, but I don't think that the game does. I'd say that this wouldn't be much of an issue if there were more bosses, since the game repeats a lot (I'm not even counting Birdo, the hollow-stomach freak), but since every boss requires throwing something, it remains as much an issue as spending several lines doing nothing. Then again, it's only an issue in the boss fights, so what about the rest of the game? What's that? Awesome? Correct. It's amazing how far the game carries just throwing shit. You'll use it to ride ostriches across spikes, ride rockets to the next part of the level, bomb walls with bomb plants, and a whole bunch of other things. I am not making any of this up.
 
That really shouldn't be a surprise, since you've probably played Super Mario Bros 2 by now. What's that? You haven't? Go out and do so right now! It has...wait, I've already blogged about the throwing parts and the solid platforming. What else is there to mention? The lottery? Sure, it's weird, since the rules are more confusing the X-COM, but it makes up such a tiny portion of the game that I shouldn't really spend this much time on it. Instead, I'll just ramble on about all the secrets this game has, because they make the game pretty awesome. No, I'm not talking about all the shit you can do with the magic lamps, even if that's still pretty cool; I'm referring to all the crazy ways you can break the game. What's that? You have to get a key and do shit in the second level? Why not fly over that crap? What's that? You're using a magic carpet? OK, I can understand that in the second level, but in later levels, you don't need that crap. You can just ride on top of the Beezo things, kinda, and get across the gap in far more time than you would have dodging those bastards. It's crazy shit like that that makes this game cool, which is why I give it the Me Award in Excellence in Batshit Insanity.
 

Review Synopsis

  • It's Super Mario Bros. 2, but with better atmosphere.
  • Wait, who cares about atmosphere in a game like this? I just want to throw shit at other shit.
  • Yes, this game is as crazy as it looks.
22 Comments
23 Comments
Posted by Video_Game_King


World of Goo

( And that's another Humble Indie Bundle game down.) OK, so how many is that? Two I've beaten, and two that I can't play right now? How many are left? Five. Wait, I just remembered that there are two Humble Indie Bundle Games not available on Steam, knocking it up to seven. I should really play PC games more often, especially since I spend a shitload of time on one. Also, because World of Goo is pretty good. That's how arguments work, right? You just say two things that aren't related in any way? They aren't? Well, since I'm the King, that's how they work now.

STORY! Your goal is to destroy the World of Goo Corporation. What do they do? They make stuff. What stuff? I'm really not sure. If you want more story than that, then this isn't the game for you. Thanks a lot, World of Goo. Thanks for destroying an entire paragraph in this blog. The only thing I can say is that the atmosphere's pretty cool, especially in the Internet level. But that's not enough for a paragraph. Now I have to talk about the actual game. The goal of each level is to build a gooey tower toward a pipe. I know that this sounds sexual, and that's because it is. There's a lot of sexuality in this game, especially when it comes to vagina allegories. After the first world (which ends on vagina), a large portion of the game is devoted to squeezing things either into a vagina or out of one. But this is no time to digress, even if it is for vaginae. Back to the gameplay, it's about getting enough goos into a pipe to move onto the next level. It may sound simple, but a lot of the levels require extremely careful use of your goos. You can't just build a giant rectangle, unless you want that crap toppling into the instant death spikes just a few feet nearby. You need some type of strategy to get all your goos into that pipe, and an utter shitload of it if you want any of the appropriately named OCD flags. You also need a shitload of luck, since all of this is happening in real time. This may not sound like much, but tell me that when you're grabbing a goo for your mega-goo structure, only to watch it collapse into the bottomless chasms below, dragging twenty minutes along with it.
 
By far, the most memorable part of this game has to be all the sexual imagery.
At this point, I should probably mention all the goos that you use throughout the game. You have your regular goos (which pretty much die when they become part of a structure, turning this game into some sort of Nazi indoctrination software), your immortal green goos, your flammable goos (for those who thought the Nazis had too much meaning), semen ( just look), floating bloody testicle goos, and a bunch of other goos I'm probably forgetting. It's basically like Pikmin, but with building instead of fighting. Also, while Pikmin had a small number of Pikmin types that you constantly found yourself using (maybe; I've only played the first few bits of Pikmin 2), World of Goo introduces goos for only a few levels before just abandoning them. Maybe I'm just jaded after the final two chapters of just a few goos, but I don't remember those skull goos outside of one crappy little level. Wait, why did I call it crappy? The level design in this game is actually pretty cool. I know that I railed on it in the previous paragraph for destroying all your hopes and dreams in a single second, but once you actually finish one of those cruel levels, you feel pretty awesome for doing it, and not like you've just put up with a frustrating chore. I could link that, but I'm not an obvious person...ignoring paragraph 1.
 
I'm also not a person who thinks things out, because I have no idea what else to say. I feel like I've described the game as much as I can, and I don't feel like nitpicking the game. But I must, for reasons I don't understand! I think the biggest problem I have with this game is the controls. I should probably explain how you control the game: with a mouse. Yes, it is possible to have imperfect point and click controls (and no, I'm not talking about controlling a mouse with a keyboard, as stupid as that sounds/is), just as it's possible to forget that I'm nitpicking the game. You can move the mouse around just fine, and clicking does things, but try selecting a specific goo. I have not figured out how to do such a simple thing. I know that this may not sound like such a big deal, but keep in mind that the later levels stuff about a billion goos onto one structure. You know what else makes the game slightly harder to manage than it should be? Seeing what the hell you're doing. First, you can't really see anything that isn't immediately within range of your goos. This includes the pipe at the end of the level. Want to know where that is? All you get is a crappy little arrow, and maybe some scroll wheel screwiness. But still, unlike this blog, World of Goo is worth checking out, and worthy of the following award:
Yes, multiple games can get the same award. What of it? I'm pretty sure this isn't the first time this shit has happened.
 

Review Synopsis

  • Instead of story, you get humor and atmosphere. Make of that what you will.
  • Tons of cool levels and goos to experiment with.
  • Tons of physics to screw you over. Also, I give this blog the Worst Episode of the Second Season Award. Ugh. It's more of a disappointment than the ending to this game (so this is a prequel to Sonic 3 or something?).
 
 
 
 
And now I explain Fragile Dreams joke #1 of the previous blog.
  
  

Yume Koujou: Doki Doki Panic

( Damn it, not again.) You may be wondering why I chose to begin the blog like that, as if I've already said what I don't like happening again. Allow me to explain: remember my Bible blog, and how I said that Kid Icarus froze on me before I could see the ending? The same thing happened with Doki Doki Panic, only instead of freezing, I got an error of some type about halfway through bad ending 1. That's my reward for beating a giant frog? At least the Mario version gave me an ending of some type.
 
Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. I should probably explain that Doki Doki Panic is pretty much the Japanese version of Super Mario Bros. 2. I'd say that everything is the same, but it seems that somebody had the novel idea of fixing a few things in Super Mario Bros 2, like adding a run function, or scrapping the " we're twice as dumb as Ghosts 'n Goblins" motif. Oh, and did I mention that the waterfalls aren't sickeningly fast in the American version? Of course, they also fucked around with a lot of stuff that I wish they didn't, the story being the only example of that. Remember how Super Mario Bros 2 really had no story until the end, when it was revealed that Mario was trying to rescue his dream children from a hideous toad? You know, like Inception? Not in this game; in Doki Doki Panic, two children are reading a book, and they love it. They love it so much that they immediately get sucked into the book. Wait, I mean "forcibly captured." So the game's about them escaping this dream world, right? Not even close; four guys go in to rescue them. Are they characters in the book? Who gives a shit? I just really love the Arabian theme that the game goes for, since it makes a helluva lot more sense. No longer do you throw beakers onto the ground and summon doors; now they're magic lamps that transport you to an alternate shadow dimension where warps aren't completely random. Awesome. Remember those magic carpets? Makes more sense when you see a more benevolent Jafar riding it.
 
 Did I mention the terrifying new artwork?
And do you remember throwing Pidgits (is it "Pid-git" or "Pid-jit"? I could never figure that out) off of them? No? That was the biggest part of the game! You could get on top of enemies and go all River City Ransom on their asses. What more could you want? All I can think of is "slightly better execution." Unfortunately, you only have two options when picking things up: you either throw it or drop it. Sounds easy, right? Tell me that when you find yourself fighting Mouser, only to drop a bomb you meant to throw. I know that you have to move forward to throw something, but I don't think that the game does. I'd say that this wouldn't be much of an issue if there were more bosses, since the game repeats a lot (I'm not even counting Birdo, the hollow-stomach freak), but since every boss requires throwing something, it remains as much an issue as spending several lines doing nothing. Then again, it's only an issue in the boss fights, so what about the rest of the game? What's that? Awesome? Correct. It's amazing how far the game carries just throwing shit. You'll use it to ride ostriches across spikes, ride rockets to the next part of the level, bomb walls with bomb plants, and a whole bunch of other things. I am not making any of this up.
 
That really shouldn't be a surprise, since you've probably played Super Mario Bros 2 by now. What's that? You haven't? Go out and do so right now! It has...wait, I've already blogged about the throwing parts and the solid platforming. What else is there to mention? The lottery? Sure, it's weird, since the rules are more confusing the X-COM, but it makes up such a tiny portion of the game that I shouldn't really spend this much time on it. Instead, I'll just ramble on about all the secrets this game has, because they make the game pretty awesome. No, I'm not talking about all the shit you can do with the magic lamps, even if that's still pretty cool; I'm referring to all the crazy ways you can break the game. What's that? You have to get a key and do shit in the second level? Why not fly over that crap? What's that? You're using a magic carpet? OK, I can understand that in the second level, but in later levels, you don't need that crap. You can just ride on top of the Beezo things, kinda, and get across the gap in far more time than you would have dodging those bastards. It's crazy shit like that that makes this game cool, which is why I give it the Me Award in Excellence in Batshit Insanity.
 

Review Synopsis

  • It's Super Mario Bros. 2, but with better atmosphere.
  • Wait, who cares about atmosphere in a game like this? I just want to throw shit at other shit.
  • Yes, this game is as crazy as it looks.
Posted by Sweep

You think using a mouse is hard? Try playing World Of Goo on the Wii. That shit is bananas. 
 
However, I agree that the general atmosphere is pretty great and it's very rewarding making the most economically successful structure. I seem to remember that game receiving record numbers of piracy so I hope the Humble Indie bundle actually made them some money. (I doubt it.)
 
Have you reviewed Machinarium yet? Looking forward to hearing your thoughts on that, love that game so much.

Moderator
Posted by Tordah

How can you write about World Of Goo and not mention the fantastic soundtrack? I think the music is part of what really sells the atmosphere for me. 
 
Overall, I think the game is great, but I agree that the controls leave something to be desired. Picking out individual goos can be really difficult and annoying, especially if you need to do it quickly.

Posted by Video_Game_King
@Sweep: 
 
Actually, my first experiences with World of Goo were with the Wii. Although I liked it when I played it, I can't imagine playing it that way now that I have a mouse.
 
Uh...

 
I'd tell you to look at my achievements, but I don't even know if Machinarium has achievements, so there's your answer. But now that I think about it, I don't get why people recommend games to other people like that. More often than not, you're just going to see that person have a completely different opinion than you, leading to the voices in your head yelling, "They're doing it wrong! They clearly don't get it the way I do!"
 
@Tordah:
 
Wait, the music at the beginning of the blog doesn't really count? Aw.
Posted by Tebbit

The horn on that bear is one of the Nemesis' tendrils from Resident Evil 3.

Posted by MikkaQ

Was the atmosphere of Doki Doki Panic really any different to Mario 2 though? Weren't like all the enemies and setting pretty much the same... weird egyptian trippy nonsense. God that game was weird. 

Posted by Video_Game_King
@Tebbit said:
" The horn on that bear is one of the Nemesis' tendrils from Resident Evil 3. "
How can you even tell? I'm not even sure how a bear like that relates to sexiness, but Bushwald Sexyface is very adamant about the two being inseparable.
 
@XII_Sniper:
 
Some of the music and graphics were changed around a bit, but once you actually play Doki Doki Panic, you realize that all the elements work oddly better than when Mario was put into the mix. It's like 1001 Arabian Nights, only with more frog kings and hollow-stomached transvestite lizards.
Posted by ArbitraryWater

World of Goo is on my hypothetical "Games I should probably play at some point" list. I've already played Super Mario Bros 2, so Doki Doki Panic is a non issue. Nice to know that even then, it's still harder than the US version for no real reason.
 
And X-COM isn't confusing once you get the basic concepts down. If you want, I'll make an annotated tutorial video explaining every single little thing and upload it on Youtube, just for you.

Posted by KaosAngel
@ArbitraryWater said:
" World of Goo is on my hypothetical "Games I should probably play at some point" list. "
It's 99 cents right now for iOS and was as little as 5 cents during the Humble Bundle.
Posted by Video_Game_King
@ArbitraryWater: 
 
It would have been on my actual "Games I should probably play at some point" list, if I actually included more games on it. Sadly, the consoles I include on it are incredibly limited.
 
Odd. I didn't even mention X-COM in this blog. Besides, I don't plan on playing it until I finish my Bahamut Lagoon review. That's how I spend the time between finishing a blog and actually posting it: either playing games like X-COM, or writing reviews, when I stumble upon games that are review-worthy.
Posted by ArbitraryWater
@Video_Game_King said:
Sure, it's weird, since the rules are more confusing the X-COM, but it makes up such a tiny portion of the game that I shouldn't really spend this much time on it. 
Right here. I admit, I have a somewhat OCD tendency to pick out any and all statements about my favorite games. Otherwise, please carry on. I'd be interested in seeing what you think of Bahamut Lagoon.

Posted by Video_Game_King
@ArbitraryWater: 
 
Why didn't my auto-search catch that? For whatever reason, it latched straight onto your post, perhaps in an attempt to get me to play the damn game more often. Sorry, auto-search, but I still have to give Tear Ring Saga more love, and that requires completing my Bahamut Lagoon review. (On that, I am currently liking how it's coming out. It may take a while, but it will be worth it.) In the mean time, this will have to do.
Posted by Enigma777

Is... is that a bear with a green stache, an eyepatch, a unicorn horn and a chaingun strapped to it's back?

Posted by Video_Game_King
@Enigma777 said:
" Is... is that a bear with a green stache, an eyepatch, a unicorn horn and a chaingun strapped to it's back? "
Yes. And?
Posted by Enigma777
@Video_Game_King said:
" @Enigma777 said:
" Is... is that a bear with a green stache, an eyepatch, a unicorn horn and a chaingun strapped to it's back? "
Yes. And? "
I've just never seen something so... glorious. Excuse me, I need to cry a little.
Posted by MikkaQ
@Video_Game_King:  
I just appreciate that they will never make a mario game like that ever again. Confirmed by the fact that it's all a dream anyway. 
 
Apparently mario dreams of arabia in the most messed up way imaginable. The game offers a bizarre and rare look at the psychology of nintendo's mascot. 
Posted by iam3green

wow i never noticed the sex references to world of goo after you mentioning them. now, i kind of feel weird looking into other games that have them. one that i got was the white goos though. you have changed the game for me, so now i might think about playing  that game again.

Posted by Video_Game_King
@Enigma777: 
 
Unprotected exposure to sexiness tends to do that. Always wear protection in the face of sexiness; in the face of unsexiness, wear a mecha, for you need to go on the offensive.
 
@XII_Sniper:
 
What saddens me the most is the fact that Wart's never going to appear in another game after this one. Name one game he's appeared in besides Super Mario Bros 2....or don't.
Posted by Video_Game_King
@iam3green: 
 
You honestly didn't see the final level of chapter 1 as a vagina allegory? They were being pretty damn blunt with that one.
Posted by iam3green
@Video_Game_King said:
" @iam3green:   You honestly didn't see the final level of chapter 1 as a vagina allegory? They were being pretty damn blunt with that one. "
no, but i haven't played that game in a while.
Posted by Dalai

As the self-proclaimed resident World of Goo fanboy around these parts, I can assure you there is a story. And a hell of a story for such a small game. You missed out on a whole paragraph. 
 
Although the vagina theory might have some credibility and the Sexyface Seal of Approval gets my seal of approval.

Posted by Video_Game_King
@Dalai: 
 
There's only a paragraph of story? How the hell could I miss it? Is there some hidden menu I missed?
 
So you're a one-eyed-mustachioed-bearicorn? Why am I asking so many questions?
Posted by Claude

I've got World of Goo on the Wii. I loved it and had no problem using the Wii Remote. But I could see the mouse being a little more precise. Two cool games reviewed, nice job King.