By Video_Game_King 61 Comments
(What the fuck is this shit?) Well, as I've said in the Persona 4 Animation thread, I recently bought Persona 4, mainly because you can't watch this and not want to get involved in that shit. Unfortunately, as I've also said there, it's gonna be a while until I play it, so what am I to do? Wait until such time that I can play it? Type up my reactions to the anime? No! Neither one!* Instead, I'm going to do something far less sane: review (or, rather, analyze the shit out of) the packaging! That's something people want to read about, right?.....Let's get this shit started:
OK, so we have three sections to the front of the box: on the left, we have Kanji trying to phase his chin out of existence by looking toward the heavens, Rise looking off toward the spine, and Teddie trapped in a television. WHERE HE BELONGS. Next up is Yu, front and center, holding his glasses on his face because he doesn't know what the arms are supposed to do (I had to look that shit up). I can't tell if this is badass or just stupid, mainly because I'm too busy being completely scared of Izanagi wanting to get up in my shit. Now I can tell that that is badass. There's just no negotiating that. Finally, there's the right, featuring Yukiko defying the laws of reality by not appearing on the left in any form (look at how close she is), Yosuke trying to be sexy (just look at those full, sensuous lips), and Naoto looking in the opposite direction. I wonder why. Not much else to say, so I might as well divulge my actual opinion, for a change. I'd say it's pretty damn good. It's got a lot going on, but it's not like I'm gonna forget any one element. I mean, did you see how much I was able to write about those elements alone? Besides, it's hard not to like ax-crazy Izanagi. My only problem is how glossy the character models look. I don't know; it just looks strange and a tad overstylized. Maybe I've just been spoiled by the distinctive, flat art of the anime's intro theme song, but there's just something about these 3Dish models th-
HOLD ON, what the shit is this? The left and right sections look pretty similar, meaning all the non-Yu characters are probably in the exact same location. So what's going on? Did these high school kids bring a television to a nearby bus stop? Or did it happen to be there? And is Teddie trapped in the TV, or is he in the TV world? Is that how Shadow Teddie comes up later on? And now that it's supposed to be an actual event, how the fuck are Kanji and Naoto floating in mid-air? I can buy Rise standing, Chie sitting on the TV, and Yosuke leaning on the box itself, but how the shit are the other two defying gravity like that? And the strangest part is how everybody except Yu is driven off to the sides of the box. Does this mean that Yu has access to some alternate reality? I don't remember hearing anything about this. Is that false advertising, or does this exact scenario happen in the game? If I wasn't interested in the game before,
why did I bother buying it in the first place I certainly am now that I've thought way too much about the box art. But wait, what's this shit on the bottom? "Includes bonus disc"? But I bought it second-hand, and ruined mine by tearing off all those stickers. Surely, there can't be such a bonus disc in the packaging.
Open it up, and...
...there's totally a bonus disc. (But not as an image on the site, I guess.) To be specific, it's a soundtrack to the game that thinks it's a cassette tape (why else would somebody write "Side A" on a COMPACT DISC!?). But that's not my problem with it. In fact, I really don't have any problems with it, as you could probably tell when I chose to open this blog with a song from the game itself. My problem's more with...myself, I guess? I don't own a CD player, and even if I did, I'm not the type of guy who would listen to a video game soundtrack when I'm out and about. If I want to listen to music from a game, I'll just go to YouTube and check out all the cool channels that post video game music (here, have some). But still, gotta appreciate the thought. Ignoring the soundtrack (as I'm sure that's the only thing I'll do with it), we find the game directly underneath. Ignoring that (because doing otherwise would invalidate the premise), we find the...manual?
I got a manual with this thing? I bought it used, mind you. Can somebody remind me why we're supposed to hate used games? Wait, don't. I'm not in the mood. I'm too engaged in the manual as of writing this. Now can any of you remember a time when manuals were actually good? Of course you can't! It's 2012, and you'd be lucky if that game you bought in a Steam sale for $2 came with a manual. But remember, this game is from 2008, a time when manuals didn't suck, and boy, does it show. It has things like color and explanations of gameplay mechanics beyond "press this button to do this, you dumb shit". Of course, I'm not going to read any of that too much (I don't want to spoil too much of the game for myself), but there is something that caught my eye after scrolling through Tarot cards, monstrous spreadsheets and character portraits that are glossy as shit: explanations about Japanese culture and the like. You know, in case you (like me) don't know jack shit about Japanese culture. Hooray for attention to detail! Speaking of attention to detail, there is one thing I have yet to examine.
The first three words I see on the back of the box: Tune In, Turn On, Drop DEAD... OK, first off, that's not a TV reference, that's a reference to drugs. Doing LSD. I don't think that's even present in Persona 4 (although the next few episodes could take some strange turns). Second, really? Do you guys realize how obsc-wait, what's that behind the words "Drop DEAD"? Are those Yu's eyes?....I know that I said that I love Atlus' attention to detail, but I don't want that attention to detail to stuff me into a garbage bag piece by piece.
Moving on from that, I notice that the rest of the box is dedicated to showing me what the game is like. Granted, Teddie's fat ass is blocking half the pictures, and the giant drinking straw jutting out the left certainly isn't helping, but the pictures that are there do a good enough job of telling me what the game is like. I'd make some vague guesses as to what it's like, but that would be ignoring the text. So instead, I'll make vague guesses based on the text. For example, that social link thing. Originally, I assumed that these were pretty much support conversations from Fire Emblem, and while I'm still right, apparently, there's more to it than that. There's also some TWEWY shit, and apparently, Atlus is expecting me to hate Persona 3, since otherwise, the word "enhanced" would make no goddamn sense. Of course, that's assuming anything about the box has made sense so far. Maybe the next part will? The Team Control part?....Actually, yea, it makes perfect sense. Again, it's assuming a lot about me (why exactly should I make my team Kanji, Chie, and Yosuke!?), but at least it's easier to buy "this game's like Dragon Quest IV" than it is to buy "this game's like Fire Emblem, only better than Persona 3". Finally, a CD is included. You know, Atlus, I'd be rightfully pissed if, for whatever reason, there wasn't a d-wait, they mean the soundtrack. Man, I look like a dumbass, especially since they included that helpful picture alongside it. You know, because I clearly haven't opened the box yet or anything. Wait, this game was probably shrink-wrapped at some point, meaning it probably did serve that exact purpose at some point. Might as well change that criticism into a compliment.
Finally, all the warnings and logos and shit at the bottom. OK, to be fair, it's just standard logos and warnings about random epilepsy attacks (this game better be that goddamn intense), but something in particular caught my attention:
This game better feature Naoto showing me some titty.
So what do I think of it?
Overall, pretty damn good. It does everything good box art is supposed to do: inform me of what the game's gonna be like while looking memorable and all sorts of cool, even if it does some really friggin' weird things at the same time. If you're looking for a number to attach to this, I have no clue what to give it, as I'm not exactly experienced in the way of writing about box art for so damn long. (I think I did this for Phantom Brave once, but that's about it.) However, if you really are looking for some type of math in this blog, I give this game 6 Yosukes. Interpret that as you will.
*Although if you want my opinion on the anime so far, here it is: it's good. Not as good as Durarara, but don't give that comment much weight, since it's literally the only other anime I've ever seen.