After watching Alone in the Dark the movie.....

...so I decided to rent Alone in the Dark in at my local Blockbuster...
I know what you're asking, What the fuck is wrong with you?!
 
I made a list of excuses why I rented it:

  1. I was bored
  2. I am a Masochist.
  3. I have never seen an Uwe Boll movie
  4. I am a Masochist.
  5. I hadn't seen a video game movie in a long time.
  6. I am a Masochist.
I've heard about it being bad because of TANG and Nostalgia Critic's review of Alone in the Dark ( The Review). However there was the curiosity motive in me that really wanted to experience the movie itself. And so I traveled in to the edge of insanity that is of Uwe Boll.
 
After watching the 96 minutes of that movie...well...it was the worst movie I have ever seen in my life...PERIOD!!!!!!!!!!
I'm just shocked...shocked that I have decided to endure watching this piece of shit movie. I honestly thought that Transformers 2 was the worst movie I have seen in a long time but Alone in the Dark beats it by a landslide.
 
Its one thing to watch an episode of TANG about Alone in the Dark but watching the actual movie is a completely different animal.
 
Let me put it this way; My expectations for that movie was literally nonexistent. That movie completely annihilated my nonexistent expectations! This movie is going to haunt me for a very VERY long time...
13 Comments
14 Comments
Posted by Wildfire570

...so I decided to rent Alone in the Dark in at my local Blockbuster...
I know what you're asking, What the fuck is wrong with you?!
 
I made a list of excuses why I rented it:

  1. I was bored
  2. I am a Masochist.
  3. I have never seen an Uwe Boll movie
  4. I am a Masochist.
  5. I hadn't seen a video game movie in a long time.
  6. I am a Masochist.
I've heard about it being bad because of TANG and Nostalgia Critic's review of Alone in the Dark ( The Review). However there was the curiosity motive in me that really wanted to experience the movie itself. And so I traveled in to the edge of insanity that is of Uwe Boll.
 
After watching the 96 minutes of that movie...well...it was the worst movie I have ever seen in my life...PERIOD!!!!!!!!!!
I'm just shocked...shocked that I have decided to endure watching this piece of shit movie. I honestly thought that Transformers 2 was the worst movie I have seen in a long time but Alone in the Dark beats it by a landslide.
 
Its one thing to watch an episode of TANG about Alone in the Dark but watching the actual movie is a completely different animal.
 
Let me put it this way; My expectations for that movie was literally nonexistent. That movie completely annihilated my nonexistent expectations! This movie is going to haunt me for a very VERY long time...
Posted by AgentJ

I'm so sorry... Your life has been forever ruined. 

Posted by Wildfire570

I appreciate the sympathy but I think Ryan Davis deserves the most sympathy period. That man has balls of steel for watching so many of those dreadful movies.
 
I just enjoy inflicting mental pain on myself. I might do it again as well, but it may not be for awhile.

Posted by Hailinel

Alone in the Dark is easily one of the worst if not the absolute worst movies I have ever seen in my life.  The complete lack of anything resembling good film-making was enough to give me a headache.  Then I watched it again with the director's commentary turned on and was blown away by Boll's complete and utter disregard for reality.

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Posted by Smarter_Martyr
@Wildfire570: I think Vinny has the biggest balls of steel for having to edit all the TANG's. He ends up basically watching the movies in pieces over and over.
Posted by Wildfire570
@Smarter_Martyr said:
" @Wildfire570: I think Vinny has the biggest balls of steel for having to edit all the TANG's. He ends up basically watching the movies in pieces over and over. "
Oh crap, I never would've thought of that! I swear these guys are saints!
Edited by buzz_clik

Hell, I bought a copy for $5 and have watched it more than once. Some of my favourite bits:
 
*SPOILERS Y'ALL*
 
When one of the crew is dead on the ground, and after the obligatory lamenting they all move off. Just before the shot cuts, however, you can see the supposedly dead person start to lift their head off the ground! You have to be quick to see it, but it's definitely there.
 
During the firefight in the apartment, there's a bullet that apparently misses wildly but the creature still falls as if shot in the head.
 
Oh, and during the same fight (if I remember rightly) someone gets impaled, with whatever skewers them coming out the other side. The actor falls to the ground, but the front piece of the long, thin implement comes away from their body... although the back piece keeps sticking out. Sure, it can be argued that it snapped off inside them, but it just looks shabby.

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Posted by Smarter_Martyr
@Wildfire570: They talked about it on the Bombcast. Vinny essentially has to watch the movies in order to edit the good or ridiculous parts into what Ryan is saying. That means over and over.
Posted by jakob187

Maybe the movie would actually be good if Uwe Boll would get Ryan to do a commentary track for the movie.  I'd sit through that.

Posted by Yummylee

You must be cleansed, IMMEDIATLLY!! The power of Ebert compels you!
Posted by Wildfire570
@buzz_clik: Definitely the part that really got to me were definitely those right there. But the irony is that the way they have it set up was that in the scenes where the scary parts are supposed to be scary. 
 
I mean the movie sets were really well lit for it to be called Alone in the DARK!
 
The only thing I liked in that movie was Edwards revolver, I just thought it looked cool. So the only plus was a prop in the movie.
Posted by MrSnow

Because everyone is saying this movie is so bad i kind of want to watch it to see for myself...................

Posted by Creamypies

Although it is without a doubt one of the worst movies I have ever seen... I still don't think it deserves a score as low as 1% (as seen on RottenTomatoes).

Posted by Wildfire570
@MrSnow said:
" Because everyone is saying this movie is so bad i kind of want to watch it to see for myself................... "
It truly is one of those movies that you really have to see for yourself in order to understand why people hate it. 
You can't say "I haven't seen the movie and I already know it sucks." because that is just an understatement...