The Bombcast Wedding.

OK, so let me start this off by stating that I feel really weird being happy for Ryan with him getting married recently. I mean, I guess it's nice that the internet has the ability to make me wake up this morning and think "Holy shit, Ryan Davis is probably married and I am super happy for him." but at the same time, isn't it a little bit creepy? It's not like I'll ever meet the guy. But it should be stated that I have nothing but the best wishes for Ryan and his wife and the following piece of DUMB fan fiction only exists because of this thread here.

http://www.giantbomb.com/forums/off-topic-31/not-a-liar-1443074/#17

I ended up getting the idea for the fucked up sequel to that fucked up fan fiction (you know the one I'm talking about) which takes place at Ryans wedding. It's totally fucking dumb and shit and I didn't spend nearly enough time on it but who the fuck cares? It's not meant to be brilliant.

Enjoy (or not, probably not) and no offence is meant from the following piece of fiction. I love all the Giant Bomb guys and the content you produce. Hold on to your butts.

_______________________________________________________________

It was Ryans wedding day and it was glorious. The sun blessed this beautiful occasion as light coating everything it touched with a warming, healing light. The ceremony had gone off without a hitch, except for starting 20 minutes late and Ryan leaving after his segment was done, but none of that mattered because the copyright free music the band played was fun to listen to and Ryan was meant to leave after he had gotten hitched, that was the point.

Now everyone at the ceremony had moved to the gardens to have dinner under the splendid sun. The main table, that played host to the newly weds and one other looked out over the brides and grooms closest and dearest. However, one special man was not amongst the crowd, for he was sat next to the groom.

Jeff stood up in front of his colleagues gathered friends and family. Clearing his throat, he readied himself to deliver a best man speech that would go down in history. As eyes fell on Big Jeffery, silence settled over the crowd.

Ryan beamed up at his long time buddy, his big brown eyes glistening with happiness and sweat, thinking back on the many adventures they had shared together, traveling through time and preserving the greatest video games ever made.

Jeff looked over his gathered crowd, knowing he was about to drop a bomb on them all. The microphone didn't shake in his hand though, Jeff was a natural born entertainer and he was ready to deliver the ultimate quick look of Ryan Davis, video gamesman.

A single bead of sweat started to pour down Jeffs forehead. You might have thought this was a sign that Jeff was nervous, but in actuality it was just Jeffs body starting to reject the idea of wearing a red tracksuit under his suit, especially under the blistering California sun. Jeffs mouth creaked opened, the first word about to slide out between his teeth just when someone interrupted from the crowd. John. T Drake.

“When are you going to do another Endurance Run?” Drake yelled, right before chugging down two diet cokes at once. Everyone laughed, Jeff forced out a smile.

“What do you mean? I’ve gotten married!” Ryan joked; his blushing bride lent across and kissed him on the cheek. Something inside Jeff broke a little, and suddenly what he was about to do got a little easier.

John toasted to Ryans response as a bridesmaid walked past Drakes table. He quickly stopped her and asked if he could get some peanuts and another can of diet coke.

“Hey everyone, thanks for joining us,” Jeff said, his voice cool and collected, “well, I’ve been working with this asshole for a long time now and I have to be honest, I did not see this one coming.”

More laughs.

“I only have one thing to say really, and well. Ryan Davis is the only man who has ever been inside of me.”

The silence returns, only this time it’s unsettling. Jeff quickly double backed on himself.

“Oh jeez, look, no, no. Not like that, yuk. No. What I meant was, back in the old-old office, there was an incident. One day I was really hungry and…”

Ryans eyes widen as he knows where his friend is going with this, he quickly stands up and reaches across Jeffs microphone.

“Hey, err Jeff. Do you really need to tell this story? I mean, can’t you just talk about getting fired from GameSpot? You can talk about that now, you know.”

“No, no, it’s totally fine. It’ll be funny, trust me.” Jeffs smile reassured Ryan, Jeff had never let him down when it came to content. At least, that was what Ryan believed because he had blocked out the Game Room quick looks from his memory.

“Ok dude.” Ryan sat back down next to his wife, giving her a wink to let her know that everything was ok.

“So, back in the old offices, I once was really hungry and so Ryan stabbed himself and forced me to eat him. And I did. So, yeah.”

Still silence. No one got where Jeff was going with this. Even Ryan seemed lost.

“So it’s hard for me to let this big guy go, because I feel like, you know, I have never been so close to anyone else.”

The silence broke as everyone started cheering and clapping Jeff. Ryan stood up and gave Jeff a hug, his eyes now twinkling from tears (and sweat).

After Ryan sat back down next to his wife, Jeff held up his hand to signal that he was not finished.

“Yeah, it’s been hard. Too hard in fact. The only thing I really have left to say is this. Fuck Ryan Davis.”

Everyone erupts in laughter, but Jeff wasn't joking. He nodded towards Vinny, who was sitting at the back. Vinny responded by nodding back.

Time to turn the big nob up,’ Vinny thought as he quickly ducked out of the garden.

The laughter started to die down when suddenly a horse burst out from behind a bush. It galloped towards the main table with a fiery vengeance. Jeff jumped into the air and landed in the saddle. Ryan, confused, stood up to confront his friend, to ask why he would ruin the greatest day of his life. Before Ryan could utter a syllable, Jeff glared coldly at his former friend.

“Rider meet horse, horse meet rider.” Jeff said as Ryans eyes filled with horror. The horses rear legs kicked back, catching Ryan in the head and snapping his neck, killing him instantly.

Screams erupted as the picture perfect wedding descended into hell and madness. Rorie asked if everyone could be quiet because the chat couldn't hear what was going on, but was cut down by a hail of gunfire.

Vinny, now sporting his Alpha Protocol tactical vest, stormed back in duel wielding a pair of sub machine guns, firing into the crowd. Vinnys wonderful laugh could be heard of the hail of bullets.

Finally, the guns ran out of ammo and Vinny dropped the weapons. Vinny smiled at his work before shouting “SLEEPY DAWGS GAME OF THE YEAR!!!” Jeff simply shook his head as Vinny climbed onto the back of the horse.

“Where to now, Jeff?” Vinny asked, as they left behind the red wedding.

“The only place that will take us in, comrade.”

FADE TO BLACK

Epilogue

A young hot blonde women bursts into the oval office, holding a file. The President of the United States stands up from behind of his desk, quickly hiding the Animal Crossing 3DS XL in the presidents secret draw.

“What is the meaning of this?!” he yells at her.

“I’m sorry sir, but we finally have it!” she replies.

“Have what?” asks the President.

“Proof. Proof that video games cause violence!” The woman replies, her voice filled with glee.

“Good,” said the President as he puts on a pair of stars and stripes sunglasses, “release the helicopters.”

END.

______________________________________

Oh fucking god dammit, I might be a monster.

DELETED SCENES INCLUDE

-scene where they have to get Brad ready for the wedding after a 36 hour DOTA binge

-scene where Drew dances on a table during the wedding while Vinny guns everyone down because I don't know that sounds like something David Lynch would do.

DISCLAIMER: I want to say the terrible dialogue, strange pacing and plotting and rampant sexism (you'll notice in the main story no female character gets developed AT ALL) are all parodies of video game stories, so I am just going to stick with that excuse.

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The Long Road to making an ACTUAL video game

I wrote a blog post a while back called "How to build a Church: Part 1". That would imply there would be a sequel, however the content simply wasn't good enough and so a hard reboot is in order. The premise is the same, I'm going to make a video game, but if "How to build a Church: Part 1" was the silly, attempts of an amateur sciptwriter, then "The Long Road to making an ACTUAL video game" is the hard, dark, gritty reboot written by last years Academy Award winner for best adapted screenplay.

So here is our game. Well, the design. 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1tkt-4aUuut7njQYQYdfL6I-oVmZjgzEt534THIEODss/edit

I say "our" because I am no longer alone in my quest to make something that some awesome duder will play. I recently joined a game designing course and I was lucky enough to find myself a PIC, and our crime spree has been glorious, but the net feels like its closing in and the dream cops are only getting closer. A niggling doubt dangles from the end of my nose like my "OH GOD ITS OCTOBER AND NOW I HAVE A COLD" snot. No, no doubts about the content, about the gameplay or premise. I have 100% confidence in the design we have come up with (and between you and me, I get really, really "girl squeal" excited about one day getting to play this game for real). No, my doubts lie in finding more like-minded people who are totally cool with our design idea and myself.

Naturally, with self-esteem lower than "shawty" (I'm from England, I have no idea what that means by Flo Rida sure likes to go on about it), I see myself as a wet stain on the face of humanity and so why the fuck would anyone want to work with me? But Martin seems to be cool with me, or he is just really fucking patient. Either way, I got lucky once, can I get lucky another 4 times as we try to find Programmers and Artists?

Unfortunately, it wouldn't be a gripping drama without some kind of imposed time limit, and the Make Something Unreal Live 2013 submission deadline looms close and 6 months to make and present this awesome sounding game really is peanuts in the grand scheme of things.

But hand on heart, this game is far too awesome to not make and I know I would regret it for the rest of my life if I didn't travel down this road. For a lot of people, gaming is a hobby. For even more, it's a passion. For me, it's an art. I could have written stories, poetry or screenplays, and I did, and they were good, honest. But at the end of the day, this feels far too good to not be a good thing, and only being 20, it feels nice to finally be comfortable in saying what I want to do with the rest of my life without feeling embarrassed, like when I was writing my short film for a local film competition. Yeah the script is great. Will it get made? Not if I'm the one making it.

So yeah, that's just catching up on my first few steps towards make a real life video game. Something that people open up on Christmas morning with a wide grin across their face. I've woken up every morning for the past week smiling, so everyday is like Christmas for me. But the doubt still looms. Hey, is there anyone out there? Wanna make an awesome video game with us? We might make someones Christmas morning extra awesome. 

 Studio Name:
Currently Slipstreem Studios, but this can be changed with team imput
Studio Website:
slipstreem.net if we choose slipstreem as name
Project name:
Project 2300
Current team members: (forum names)
Designer 1: Martin (Wkdboi)
Designer 2: William (Willza92)
Programer 1: Open
Programer 2: Open
A&A 1: Open
A&A 2: Open
Genre:
Sci-Fi
Roguelike Action

Project Information:
The main USP of this product is the fact that its a extremely immersive Sci-Fi RPG game and no other has come close to this games play style and theme.
The Genetic Mutation Enhancements aspect of the game makes the game endlessly replayable as players continuously search for the perfect genome sequence.
Job Description:
We are looking for 2 programers and 2 artist/animators ideally the programers will have experinece of UDK Engine current version and A&A will be responsible for creating assests to use in the game.
Estimated Project Length:

Currently 6 months
How to apply:
Send a forum PM to both myself Wkdboi and William (Willza92) and we will come back to you.
Additional Information:
We are trying to get the team sorted as soon as possible as we are trying to get this in for Make Something Unreal Live deadline 1st November for pitch submissions
Current pitch document https://docs.google.com/document/d/1...4THIEODss/edit
Thanks for looking and have a great day


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How to build a Church: Part 1

Yes, I see the irony on posting this up on a Sunday.

So it turns out that I might enjoy making video games. Who knew!? Well, apparently the family has known this for quite some time and have been telling me so for a while now, but I have no recollection of this whatsoever. Anyway, moving on. I am making a Church! Just a little project that I have going on in Hammer in the SDK. Just more me getting to grips with the art of video game design and just kind of forcing myself to think with a designers head. Why this and that and such. It’s good fun. I’ve been keeping a picture diary via the tweeter and thought that I had come far enough (see. 2 weeks) to finally post my progress on something that other, regular human beings visit. Take a gander and tell me what you think. Below are some pictures showing the evolution of the design of the church.

I’ve also done some progress videos that are more aimed at friends than for complete strangers, so the quality is super low. However if you feel like listening to me while walking around a WIP map, feel free to give it a click and give me your thoughts. I really am looking for constant feedback to give me new directions to go in and you duders are pretty awesome. Of all the communities on the internet, I reckon Id trust you guys the most to push me in different and appropriate directions (and I've been all over the internet).

Urm, yeah. So stay tuned for next Sunday, hopefully I will have a sermon ready for you guys while showing off another weeks worth of progress. Thanks to everyone who posted in the "Church Levels in YOUR video games" thread and thanks to you if you read all this junk.

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PlayWrite: Act I, scene 1

Act I: An Xbox! An Xbox! My kingdom for an Xbox!

scene 1: R.R.O.D, Myself and Civ 5

I’ll admit the first thing that went through my mind was “fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck shit shit fuck shit” when my Xbox decided to die, and shortly after I had that annoying and yet all too natural yearning to play the games I had been putting off, like getting through the MK story again and doing the challenge tower. Finishing RAGE and L.A. Noire and tons of other stuff, but alas, I ignored them (why do we always want what we can’t have?). However I like to think I can turn this all too fiendish situation into a positive. With Steam open on my PC I look down my list of games and spy a few hours spent in Civ 5, recalling the fun I had with it last Christmas. 15 hours later I come out with one of the strangest and most compelling gaming experiences ever.

Have you ever put 15 hours into one game only come out and lose at the last hurdle? To be so close to victory, only to fall behind, trying everything to catch up and when you think you are about to pull into the lead; the race ends prematurely. Fucking UN vote. That’s what happened to me. Over the course of my 15 hour game, playing as Washington on the largest Earth sized map, I spawned in India and ended with a magnificent Army protecting my vast borders as I started to colonize Austrailia. I had survived a 70 year World War, where it was the rest of the civs against me. The only ally I had at the time was Persia, who turned on me quicker than a fat chick with the promise of cake behind her (and ended up winning the game at the end as well!). Note the irony that Persia had spawned in America.

Basically, the point is that this was most intense bitter sweet moment I have ever had in my life. Bitter because I had lost, which I hate, but sweet in that it had been one of the most brilliant and stress free experiences I have ever felt while playing a video game. As the declarations of war started to pile in during the 1940’s I felt so screwed but at the same time excited! In the end I managed to hold off my attackers from all sides and came into the 21st century with everyone backing away, offering peace treaties because the world had failed to beat me. Only Persia, my old ally, remained in locked battle with me, however two atomic bombs and 10 turns later; he too saw that peace was probably a good idea.

FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING FUCK!

Realising I could not win on points due to Persias empire stretching across all of America, I decided I had enough time to get a science victory and I pused all my resources into getting those spaceship parts, I was only 1 turn away from getting the last piece. All of it was for naught though as the United Nations was built and the vote went out. Persia, with its many City State allies, took the game.

Honestly, I stepped away after and felt like I had just completed one of the greatest single player experiences of my life, and I could totally do it again and it would be completely different. I think I might give another smaller game a go, since I have plenty of games to play on this road trip through the past few years but this was a fantastic starting point to end 2011 and lead into 2012. Now I just need to decide whether I follow into Dragon Age: Origins, The Witcher or Skyrim. Maybe a comment or two below will help me decide?

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PlayWrite: An introduction of sorts...

Hey, you guys remember 2010? That was a great year, with some great games. You wanna know what my resolution of 2011 was? Play those fucking games. Guess how that turned out.

So this year, I got a new resolution. Play those games for 2010 AND 2011 AND 2012 AND write about all of it. Write write write write write. Play and write. PlayWrite.

However, I may have hit a slight snag. You see, at the end of 2011 my Xbox decided to die el classico style.

Of course, in 7 seconds it took me to fully digest what had happened and go through the 5 stages of grief, I also realized that I had been kind of lucky. January sales, promises of new hardware in the distance and a reason to spend my £20 GAME card. It’s never been a better time to get an Xbox, right?

Well, that was 4 days ago and I still haven’t got one. Sure I have been jonesing for a fix of Saints Row, Batman, COD, LA Noire, Rage and some Mortal Kombat and it really wasn’t really helped with the bombcast GOTY discussions as they reminded me of all the fucking awesome games I should have spent more time with, but you know what? I would have just spent those four days either playing endlessly pointless Modern Warfare 3 matches or just staring at my Xbox, trying to figure out what I was in the mood to play.

This break has kind of forced me to play something different, which has opened me back up to video games and made them exciting again. I mean, I’m excited, aren’t you?

This record will just be my experiences with the games I play over the year and my personal thoughts and feelings on gaming related things. I obviously intend to entertain you with what I write but I need help getting there so please leave feedback! If it’s tl;dr; then say! If it was boring then leave a comment about how this is the most boring thing you have ever read! If you enjoyed it then you should probably go back to the ward that you strolled from!

help me to help you help me to help you help me to help you help me to help you help me to help you help me to help you help me to help you help me to help

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