Common Sense and Avoidance in Survival Horror

We tend to play scary games and watch horror movies with a sense of sheltered fear. Sure the images can be shocking and at times disturbing, but as soon as the screen goes blank we transport back to reality and the fear is gone.

But what happens when reality collides head on with the fictional landscapes we toil away at from a distance? Will you make it alive or even last the first 48 hours? More than likely not, unless you're a Navy SEAL. You're not? Well no worries,you can use your inherent abilities to avoid these situations all together and live another day while others get disembowled by the feverish hands of horrifying creatures.

1.Resident Evil

"Damn the sun is bright, I better put all my efforts into shading my eyes"

The economy is down and you're desperate for work. No worries, your friendly neighborhood pharmaceutical company is here to help you out! Competitive pay, extraordinary benefits, a security squad comprised of mercenaries and inmates, what more could you ask for! All they need for you to do is relocate to a quiet little mountain town in the midwest. Not ideal? How about an island get away or Antartica? You options are almost limitless.

What you should do? The Resident Evil scenario is one that is best avoided all together. Even elite commandos were torn to shreds when Umbrella's creations got loose, I'm doubtful you'll be able to take enough from this blog to make up for years of military training and experience. Sleepy towns that suddenly find themselves knee deep in cash flow are usually sure signs that something iffy is going down. Be on the look out for contruction projects being completed far away from prying eyes and job postings that prefer people without loved ones.

The biggest reason the folks of Raccoon City got blindsided is because they were too excited about all the cool new things coming to town as a result of Umbrella's intrest in the town and surrounding areas. They never asked themselves why the labortory was being built under the city or how the hell the police chief had such an extensive collection of art.

If you don't happen to have the luxury of uprooting everytime a sketchy company comes into town, keep your eyes peeled for strange occurences and missing peoples reports. If nothing happens within a year or so of the company's arrival, maybe they aren't so bad, but the second that guy down the street startings shedding skin and screams himself to sleep everynight, you might want to take a permenant vacation.

2. Doom

"Hindsight is definately 20/20 on this one"

Space...the final frontier. Most science types think we'll need to find alternate places to call home in the future. Why not head for Mars? Its close, theres evidence that at one time water existed, people already love Mars bars...its a given.

That is until the jackass  in charge of finding a cheap way to transport goods stumbles upon teleportation and opens the red planet up to the forces of Hell itself. Then Mars doesn't seem so ideal.

What should you do? Avoid space travel. I've yet to see a movie or play a game where people go into space and have a good time. They're either fighting aliens, fighting each other in ships or trying to detonate asteroids.

If asked "Hey friend, would you like to come to Mars?" you're welcome to respond by saying "Abso-fucking-lutely not".  Hold out until there is no possible way to live on Earth, then head for the Moon. Mars will be the fad planet, so all the guys with common sense will stick to the moon. Sure its dark and the cute girls will be on Mars, but so will the teloporatation guy and cute girls aren't so cute when trying to eat your face. 
3.Silent Hill

"Little girls with no mouths tend not to be very approachable" 

So you're driving along and suddenly a heavy blanket of fog overwhelms your car. Thinking it will pass, you speed up, only to come inches away from running head on into a little girl wandering the street. Your car stalls and your tires screech as you skim the guardrail and come to a stop right before plumetting off the cliffside.

You're shaken up and your pants are a darker shade of khaki around your crotch, but you survived intact. You wonder why that little girl is all alone in the middle of nowhere and decide to look around and try to help her. You can make out the outline of a cityscape off in the distance and a green sign reads "Silent Hill next exit".

What should you do? Learn to drive asshole, there's no reason to speed around in unknown places when its foggy. If its too late for that, get back in the car, call AAA and avoid the hellish alternate dimension that lays before you. If I've learned anything from life, its that little girls playing in the street at night don't usually have the best intentions.

Ever notice how evil towns like Silent Hill only capture desperate,stupid or pig headed people? That's because those people are usually blind to the reality of the situation. Drive during the day if you don't know where you're going and if it can't be avoided, learn to be patient when the shit hits the fan. Sleeping in the backseat until sunrise isn't looked down upon in certain situations, as long as its not outside a strip club or in your parent's driveway.

4.Eternal Darkness

"Grandpa didn't tell me about any weird green ghost lights"

Your { insert family member} died mysteriously ( in the sense that their head was gnawed off and is nowhere to be found, that kind of mysterious). You are awash with despair and sadness, wanting vengeance so badly that you'll do anything.

Your { insert family member} owned a large mansion filled with strange magic antiquities and you feel that perhaps you can investigate and find the answers that you want/need so badly.

What should you do? Are you a detective? If you are, do you think your feelings might cloud your judgement? If not, then does all the creepy shit your { insert family member} was into not make you the least bit nervous? If you answered Yes,No,No then do whatever you want. Its obvious you're going to make a stupid desicion despite what anyone tells you.

If not, then stay home and mourn in more appropriate ways. For good measure, demolish the mansion or sell it to some asshole that prefers occult studies over meaningful conversation and safety. If the planet depends on you taking action, then at least come prepared. Logical arguments can only get you so far with demonic beasts, bring a friend and a wagon of guns.

Sure you may look like a bit of a pansy and perhaps the world will end because you didn't take a stand or accidently stumble upon some encroaching evil, but maybe it won't and you'll make friends that respect solid forethought over machismo.