The Giant Bomb Xtreme Girl Advice Line

This is the official thread for the Giant Bomb Xtreme Girl Advice Line, hosted by users @wrighteous86 and @duskvamp! You've got relationship questions, we've got relationship answers.

Contact Us:

Write us or send an audio message to GiantBombXGAL@gmail.com or send either of us a PM on Giant Bomb with XGAL as the subject line.

Listen In:

You can get our RSS feed here, or subscribe to us on the iTunes Music Store (Giant Bomb Xtreme Girl Advice Line).

Thanks for listening!

Latest Episode:

July 2013

In this episode, John and Dawn delve into bachelor parties, strippers, Bioshock: Infinite, Tomb Raider, The Walking Dead, Donkey Kong Country Returns, and Guacamelee!

Then, they answer questions about how to approach women, dealing with an ex with mutual friends, and how to kiss. Click here to play in your browser.

Special thanks to @myketuna and A B for writing in.

146 Comments
152 Comments
Edited by Wrighteous86

@pop: Haha, thanks man. We get off the poo at some point, I promise. Just a weird coincidence this week.

Posted by myketuna

Recording a new podcast pretty soon. If you've got some questions, send 'em our way!

Is it cheating if I send in a bunch of questions (like 3-4)? Or would you rather I send one at a time every week so you two can milk me for all I'm worth?

My relationship ineptness knows no bounds.

Posted by Wrighteous86

@myketuna: Send 'em if you got 'em. We'll play it by ear and decide whether we should use them all or parse them out, based on how many questions we have and how in-depth your answers would be.

Edited by Video_Game_King
Edited by Do_The_Manta_Ray
Posted by Wrighteous86

Yeah, that term is a real banger in the mouth. Guy sounds like a true blowhard.

I'm afraid I prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run if you will, so I'm afraid I have something of a mess on my hands. Even if it means me taking a chubby, I will suck it up!

Edited by myketuna

@do_the_manta_ray said:

Yeah, that term is a real banger in the mouth. Guy sounds like a true blowhard.

I'm afraid I prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run if you will, so I'm afraid I have something of a mess on my hands. Even if it means me taking a chubby, I will suck it up!

I love you all.

Posted by Wrighteous86

It's been a long break, but we're back with a new installment tomorrow. Going forward we'll be sticking with a regular monthly schedule. In the meantime, listen to this classic Bombcast dating discussion:

Edited by Wrighteous86

Posted a new episode; description and links are in the first post! Thanks to @myketuna for his questions!

Posted by Darkstorn

Only pickup line you ever need:

"Hey, what's your name?" with a smile afterward and good eye contact throughout.

Posted by Wrighteous86
Posted by pyromagnestir

Only pickup line you ever need:

"Hey, what's your name?" with a smile afterward and good eye contact throughout.

Really? Because I've been workshopping this one:

"Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyuuuuuumm guuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrll, you so beautiful you make me wish I weren't a nerdy shut in with a crippling case of social anxiety!"

Of course I haven't tried it out, what with my crippling social anxiety and all. I've been sticking with my tried and true method of staring at said beautiful girl and hyperventilating.

Edited by Video_Game_King

You guys are doing it wrong. The best pick up line is, "I've played at least 100 hours of Tokimeki Memorial. Clearly, I am the superior mate."

Posted by pyromagnestir

@video_game_king:

Wasn't your marriage some sort of arranged marriage for political alliance reasons? What do you know of the ladies? Nothin, that's what!

Edited by Tireyo

Well, this thread explains it all to me very well about relationships. All humans are pigs, and the Lunarian king isn't any better. Sometimes, I envy the pigs... because they are the ones who find happiness in someone else, the ones know how to have fun, and the smarter ones. It sucks being an alien, because I'm really incapable of comprehending these types of relationships.

Edited by Video_Game_King
Posted by pyromagnestir

Given that I can become a wide variety of ladies at will, I know quite a bit about ladies.

Being a lady and wooing a lady are not the same. That's why if you ever ask a lady how to woo a lady they give shitty answers. I assume. I've never spoken to a lady about such things. Not counting you, because I don't know when you're a lady and when you aren't. I wish more ladies were like that...

Posted by Video_Game_King

Not counting you, because I don't know when you're a lady and when you aren't. I wish more ladies were like that...

You're saying that you wish more ladies were potential hermaphrodites?

Posted by pyromagnestir

@pyromagnestir said:

Not counting you, because I don't know when you're a lady and when you aren't. I wish more ladies were like that...

You're saying that you wish more ladies were potential hermaphrodites?

Well I'm not not saying that...

Edited by nail1080

cringe

Posted by myketuna

Finally got around to listening to this today. Just wanted to say thanks for all the advice you guys gave me. Very helpful. It seems like I think too much and I should just follow my gut a bit more. Duly noted.

Also, no rubbing wieners on women while dancing. Check.

Edited by Wrighteous86

Given that I can become a wide variety of ladies at will, I know quite a bit about ladies.

It's very progressive of the Lunarians to serve a king leading an "alternative" lifestyle. Good for them.

@myketuna said:

Finally got around to listening to this today. Just wanted to say thanks for all the advice you guys gave me. Very helpful. It seems like I think too much and I should just follow my gut a bit more. Duly noted.

Also, no rubbing wieners on women while dancing. Check.

Get a little experience under you're belt and you can progress to "kissing with your hand on the back of her head". Chicks dig it. We'll answer the rest of your questions next month!

Posted by Video_Game_King

Alternative to what? All the Senastian Kings have had the abilities I do.

Posted by GnaTSoL

Dat chick checking out Brad still gets me. lol

Posted by pyromagnestir

I don't know, maybe I'm putting too much thought into all this. What do you say Don Draper and Roger Sterling?

Posted by Wrighteous86

Alternative to what? All the Senastian Kings have had the abilities I do.

Oh, VGK, you're so se-nasty...

Posted by Video_Game_King

Oh, VGK, you're so se-nasty...

Not particularly. Doing anything sexual as the opposite sex is a short-lived thrill, and the possibility that the character you've transformed into might become aware of this while you're doing it adds an unneeded layer of risk.

Edited by jakob187

@darkstorn said:

Only pickup line you ever need:

"Hey, what's your name?" with a smile afterward and good eye contact throughout.

Bullshit.

That is A pickup line, but there are only two pickup lines that are guaranteed to work every single time:

"Excuse me. Does this smell like chloroform?"

"I've got a gun. Get in the car."

Posted by Wrighteous86

@jakob187 said:

@darkstorn said:

Only pickup line you ever need:

"Hey, what's your name?" with a smile afterward and good eye contact throughout.

Bullshit.

That is A pickup line, but there are only two pickup lines that are guaranteed to work every single time:

"Excuse me. Does this smell like chloroform?"

"I've got a gun. Get in the car."

I've always been partial to "Remember that time you wanted to fuck? Now's your chance."

Edited by Video_Game_King

I've always been partial to "Remember that time you wanted to fuck? Now's your chance."

Chump. The real way to woo a girl is to walk up to her, sweaty and shivering, and just muttering really fast, muttering at a faster and quieter pace every fifteen seconds or so.

Posted by ArtelinaRose

@jakob187 said:

@darkstorn said:

Only pickup line you ever need:

"Hey, what's your name?" with a smile afterward and good eye contact throughout.

Bullshit.

That is A pickup line, but there are only two pickup lines that are guaranteed to work every single time:

"Excuse me. Does this smell like chloroform?"

"I've got a gun. Get in the car."

I've always been partial to "Remember that time you wanted to fuck? Now's your chance."

I have so many awful ones I don't even want to start.

Posted by pyromagnestir

@wrighteous86 said:

I've always been partial to "Remember that time you wanted to fuck? Now's your chance."

Chump. The real way to woo a girl is to walk up to her, sweaty and shivering, and just muttering really fast, muttering at a faster and quieter pace every fifteen seconds or so.

I can verify this works.

You know what also works? Putting a padlock on the fire exit and refusing to open it when the building is on fire until you get her number. But you need to verify it is actually her number before you open the door. That's a classic rookie blunder.

Edited by Willza92

@video_game_king said:

@wrighteous86 said:

I've always been partial to "Remember that time you wanted to fuck? Now's your chance."

Chump. The real way to woo a girl is to walk up to her, sweaty and shivering, and just muttering really fast, muttering at a faster and quieter pace every fifteen seconds or so.

I can verify this works.

You know what also works? Putting a padlock on the fire exit and refusing to open it when the building is on fire until you get her number. But you need to verify it is actually her number before you open the door. That's a classic rookie blunder.

CONFIRMED. I'm gonna call her in 2-4 years.

Posted by pyromagnestir

@willza92:

When you do call her after those 2 - 4 years are up she'll know just how special you think she is. It will be magical. There's a chance you might even get to second base. Trust me, I speak from experience.

Posted by Fattony12000

Dat stripper story.

Posted by Wrighteous86

Dat stripper story.

I know, right? I was sincerely traumatized at the time. The only thing that kept me going was knowing that it would make a great story in the end.

Posted by jakob187

@video_game_king said:

@wrighteous86 said:

I've always been partial to "Remember that time you wanted to fuck? Now's your chance."

Chump. The real way to woo a girl is to walk up to her, sweaty and shivering, and just muttering really fast, muttering at a faster and quieter pace every fifteen seconds or so.

I can verify this works.

You know what also works? Putting a padlock on the fire exit and refusing to open it when the building is on fire until you get her number. But you need to verify it is actually her number before you open the door. That's a classic rookie blunder.

No. The classic rookie blunder is only getting one girl's number in this situation.

Posted by pyromagnestir

@jakob187:

Well if there are too many girls they can overpower you and take the keys. To prevent this you need to keep the key nearby but not directly on your person. Still, they could beat the location out of you.

Because of all this I find it's best to keep the number of girls down, you know, to make the situation more manageable. Also more romantic. Don't want to come across as a player.

Edited by Video_Game_King
Posted by pyromagnestir
Posted by Video_Game_King

@pyromagnestir:

It's the actual hat Mario wears in the games. So "like a Nazi officer hat with an M over where the swastika would be".

Edited by pyromagnestir

@video_game_king:

I'm told, from TV mostly, that chicks dig bad boys. Seeing as associating with the Nazi's is about as bad a boy can get a hat that even vaguely recalls the Nazi's sounds like a winner to me.

Posted by myketuna

@fattony12000 said:

Dat stripper story.

I know, right? I was sincerely traumatized at the time. The only thing that kept me going was knowing that it would make a great story in the end.

Be wary of falling down that rabbit hole. Gonna end up doing more and more crazy shit to raise the bar higher and higher thinking to yourself "It's OK. This is for the podcast."

Posted by Wrighteous86

@video_game_king:

I'm told, from TV mostly, that chicks dig bad boys. Seeing as associating with the Nazi's is about as bad a boy can get a hat that even vaguely recalls the Nazi's sounds like a winner to me.

Even Hitler had a girlfriend... just saying.

Edited by Video_Game_King

Even Hitler had a girlfriend... just saying.

Come on. The dude went to art school, and everybody knows that an art degree means mad pussy.

Edited by pyromagnestir

@pyromagnestir said:

@video_game_king:

I'm told, from TV mostly, that chicks dig bad boys. Seeing as associating with the Nazi's is about as bad a boy can get a hat that even vaguely recalls the Nazi's sounds like a winner to me.

Even Hitler had a girlfriend... just saying.

I don't know whether this should make me feel optimistic (Hey even Hitler could find someone!) or depressed (Hey, even Hitler could find someone...) as it could easily go either way.

Also I'm betting one reason Hitler got a girl was he knew how to properly pluralize words. Nazi's? The fuck was I thinking...

Edited by Wrighteous86

@pyromagnestir: Dude was a charismatic speaker and he had goals. Chicks dig that. Also, dat fashion sense... Leigh Alexander can sympathize.

I feel bad for making this joke.

Edited by Video_Game_King

Did Leigh Alexander's voice stop developing in high school?

Actually, does anybody know how old Leigh Alexander is? I want to know if that voice is appropriate to her age.

Posted by pyromagnestir

@pyromagnestir: Dude was a charismatic speaker and he had goals. Chicks dig that. Also, dat fashion sense... Leigh Alexander can sympathize.

I feel bad for making this joke.

And now I know what my Halloween costume will be this year. I'm certain I'll need to fight the ladies off with a schalgstock.

(I could make more jokes but oooooooooh boy, they're perhaps a bit dark and I seem to have located my sense of shame so I'll drop it here...)