You already know it's bad, but how bad?
This was a terrible game.
+'s
Sprinting past the stupid AI. So on with the good. The AI was so bad in this game or just scripted so awfully that you can run past almost everyone in most sections of this game while only taking a few shots. Once we figured this mechanic out, the game went by much faster and was hilarious to boot.
The game is mercifully short. The first three levels took about 2 hours, then the following 5 levels were completed in about another 2 hours. I feel like the game was somewhere along the lines of 3 to 4 hours long. That's a good thing when you're playing a game this bad.
Finally, killing something that's not zombies, nazis or terrorists. North Koreans! I got a slight thrill from hearing the baddies speaking Korean. Though, it got me to wondering if all the german voices in all those countless WWII shooters were also saying completely stupid shit like these Koreans were.
Running around full sprint killing everything with a knife. Slightly funner than sprinting just past enemies was sprinting at them then engaging in a knife kill animation. There's quite a few of them and once initiated, you become invincible to gunfire. So like, you'll be doing this fancy slow motion knife move to kill some guy, as another guy is standing next to you at point blank unloading a clip into your back. The animation ends, you spam the knife kill button, and you commence knife killing the dude that was just shooting at you. This game is such a "game" w/absolutely no realism to anything. Oh, and when you do these knife kills, the guy you're doing it on will teleport thru shit to get to the spot he needs to be in for the animation to take place. Oh man. . .
The breakdancing dead guy. I think this was the single funniest ragdoll fuckup I've ever seen. A guy I killed got wedged in between some guardrails and a silo of some sort, and commenced doing the craziest breakdance jigglefest move to get out of the tight spot I've ever seen. Legs and arms flailing around as his torso just wiggle waggled until it eventually got out. Good god, those 20 seconds were quite possibly the best 20 seconds I've ever spent being entertained by a video game ever.
='s
The voice acting is terrible, but not in a painful way. Mickey Rourke was the lead voice actor, and I swear he must have said fuck like. . . hundreds of times in the span of a few hours. Like, hundreds. Maybe even thousands. Just madness. He swears after everything and none of it is like, angry. It's just like he's muttering under his breath. And none of it is in context of anything. He'll shoot a guy from a long ass way away w/a sniper rifle and after the kill he'll be like "rock and roll motherfucker", or following a knife kill "April fool, motherfucker". It's just so out of place that it's awesome.
-'s
The graphics were terrible as were the animations. The visuals look like an uprezzed playstation 2 game and the animations match that quality. Whenever you knife someone, regardless of if they were running somewhere, shooting at you, or half way dying from already being shot prior to the knifing, when the animation starts, they'll be standing there like you just snuck up on them from behind. It's just insane.
The AI was abysmal. Your guy is wearing like jingle bells and when he runs around it's like christmas is following or some shit, and nobody hears a damn thing. In many occasions, I'll be sprinting at someone to knife them, crash into them, run past them, then back up, and they'll just be standing there. They don't notice anything short of gunfire. It's insane. Also, in a lot of cases, I think they're programmed to not do anything else until they finish a specific entrance animation which is why you can just run through entire levels w/out killing anyone. Wow.
Worst grenades ever. They don't go where you aim, they don't really bounce or they do or something. . . you can't see them for shit as soon as you toss them, and your guy throws them like some kind of pansy girl. It's like they mocapped tom cruise to do the throw animation.
The reloading system is just broken. If you do anything at all whilst reloading, the gun doesn't reload and you have to restart the entire thing. Reloading then back up against a wall. . . start over. Reloading then crouch. . . start over. Reloading then run, start over. Kevin also found that if you did something right after the reload animation ended, that the reload didn't count, even though the new clip is in and the gun is cocked. . . wow again.
The controls are janky. They're just crazy. And you have the most sensitive aiming while scoped I've ever seen in any fps game. I felt like I was playing w/a retarded controller most of the time.
The cover system is broken. Getting into and out of cover is a bit of a hassle, and then to top it off, when you aim while you're in cover, you don't get the iron sights properly. So like, your aim is busted if you're gonna be trying to shoot from cover. I ended up mostly using the strafe in and out of cover instead of the built in system.
The game is garbage, just terrible, but in the same way 50 Cent was good fun, this was also awesome. It's prolly only good to play w/someone else to share your pain and lols. Had I played it alone, I would have just turned it off, but playing through the thing in its entirety with Kevin was a blast. I give it a full half point more than 50 cent for being so short, and for the super breakdance.
2.5/5
Steve
