I had to leave work so I wouldn't get angry when someone didn't understand why I was upset. I only met Ryan a few times, but I feel like I've known him half my life. From reading the comments, tributes and general support for Ryan's friends and family, I know a lot of you feel the same. "Fucking devastated" doesn't quite cover it.
Reading through these responses, all these great memories being shared, I'm bouncing between laughter and openly sobbing. As a moderator you are often exposed to the extreme worst of what a site such as this has to offer, but today I don't have to worry about that, because this grief is unanimous. That's more reassuring than I can really articulate. It reminded me why I'm here, on this site, as part of this community.
I know there are a billion threads about this already but fuck it, today we're more than happy to turn a blind eye. I've loved reading about everyone's experiences of meeting, watching and listening to Ryan over the years and it helps, it definitely helps to hear about how loved Ryan was, and how much he will be missed. So I wanted to add my two cents:
I met Ryan at PAX last year. We were in our hotel the night before Rock Band night and Matt got a text from Snide saying he was drinking with Nicole and Ryan over in some bar at the other side of Boston and did we want to join. So Marino, Matt, Andrew, Wafflestomp, Sparklykiss, DVDhaus and PsEG (Were you there, Trace? I can't remember.) hopped on the subway and made our way over. Dave and I drank shots of tequila and Ryan laughed at me for asking if we were going to need a lime. That fucker.
I remember standing outside and smoking a cigarette with him. I didn't know he smoked, but we chatted the whole time, just stupid shit, and I couldn't stop laughing. It sounds dumb, but I had been listening to this guy for hours every week for almost 10 years. It was great to finally meet someone who I felt like I had known for a big chunk of my life.
I can't imagine how the staff are dealing with this. I'm a complete wreck and I only met the guy once. A forum post doesn't do it justice. I feel like I should fly out to the US just to fucking hug everyone.
But yeah. If you have any thoughts or memories of Ryan, please do post them, either here or in your own threads. They are great to read, and genuinely helpful to those trying to come to terms with his passing.
I'm going to finish this with a video I took on my phone of Ryan dancing while the panel band was warming up before PAX East last year. It never fails to make me laugh.
Thanks for all the memories, Ryan.