This Is Getting A Remake. Oooh-yeah!
I’m so fucking stoked about Outrun coming this month. It’s fucking Outrun, man. That game is like - oh em gee - one of my favourites. What’s more badass than driving a Ferrari through the US with Maria Sharapova giving you a subtle handjob as you work the handbrake? Doing it in a fucking video game with SEGA’s trademark “cock-rock” blaring in your ears of course!
It got me thinking, though. Outrun is coming to the PS3 and 360 as a download, why can’t we have more? Here’s what I’d like please, Mr. SEGA.
"Welcome To The Fantasy Zone. Get Ready."
Space Harrier fucking rocks. You’re this dude who can sort of fly with a giant laser-ball firing weapon and you have to shoot at giant stone faces. All with that wicked “doobeedoo-do-do-doobeedoo” tune blaring in your ears. Fuck yes. Give us a “Super II Turbo HD Remix X Alpha 7 T2″ remake please SEGA!
"Kitten Mania."
Chu Chu Rocket fucking rocks. First game I ever played online actually, back in the glory days of the Dreamcast and 28k modems. Chu Chu Rocket is a four player competitive online game where you - erm - guide mice into your rocket by dropping “directional tiles”. Of course the cats are out to ruin the day. It’s fucking mental. C’mon SEGA; this only needs upgrading into HD and programmed to work with PSN, XBOX Live Arcade, etc. Makes sense.
Punch, Punch, Police.
Streets Of Rage fucking rocks. Mainly I have - *counts* - five words to say: Streets Of Rage online co-op. I think the universal sound of my readership simultaneously wanking onto their computer screen confirmed my suspicions; this would be bloody amazing. Chuck in the Bionic Commando Rearmed spit and polish and well… mmm.
This Is How It Would Look By The Way.
Sonic The Hedgehog 2 fucking rocks. My favourite in the series. They have to do nothing to this game, just redraw it in high definition. The sales will do the rest. I know this is a pretty “weak” revival on the scale of Outrun, etc but I honestly don’t think they need to do anything else. It would be brilliant.
"Would You Turn That Radio Down?"
Jet Set Radio fucking rocks. I think this is probably more geared towards a full scale release but everyone wants it. Jet Set Radio was brilliant in almost every way; it’s graphics, it’s soundtrack, it’s core gameplay, it’s style. It made me feel cool. If this doesn’t get revived then I will cry myself to sleep forever. Even if they just stick the original on PS3 and XBOX Live. Should be enjoyed by ONLY those with a good sound system (read: fucking mega sub).
"RELOAD!"
Virtua Cop fucking rocks. This probably more geared towards a Wii release. I love the Wii zapper peripheral and oddly enough I only have one game to look forward that takes advantage of the add-on (House Of The Dead Overkill). So c’mon SEGA - put the original game on the Virtual Console with the Wii Zapper controls included. Or make a new episodic version for Wii Ware with high score tables and stuff. Amazing.
"Super Monkey Ball!"
Super Monkey Ball fucking rocks. Has Super Monkey Ball been on the 360 and PS3 yet? I know it’s been on the Wii and iPhone but those games (certainly the Wii version) controlled like shit. Utter shit. Super Monkey Ball kind of feels like the game that would no longer justify a £40 blu-ray release. But as for an XBOX Live or PS3 download, fuck yeah. £14.99 for 100 levels and all the classic Monkey Target games (perhaps with online play?). Fucking mentally awesome. Count me in. Would be excellent with the Wii Balance Board too by the way.
Birds And Birds And Stuff.
Flicky fucking rocks. So stupidly simple but so ridiculously awesome. Man, you have to like control this blue bird and collect yellow birds and escort them to the exit. Man would this make a good £3.50 revival. The original is probably already on Virtual Console so check it out. It’s brilliant.
And that’s my lot. No doubt I’ve missed something or other out but for now these are what I want to be downloading from the ol’ PSN, XBOX Live Arcade or WiiWare. Love you SEGA, really I do (well only when you’re not making shit games).
(Disclaimer: the reason Shenmue isn’t there is because I just fucking want a full version of Shenmue 3 on the PS3 or XBOX 360. I don’t want an episodic version or anything. Although I would take that over nothing).
Get to work then. And while you do that I’ll ask my dear readership a question: what SEGA game would you like to make a revival? Answers on a postcard please (read: answers in the comments section below).
Originally "penned" for get2sammyb.co.uk, etc.
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