What happens when I stare at box art for fifteen minutes.

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Posted by Video_Game_King (35986 posts) -
The suave, daring, unrivaled King of Video Games. He is on an EROTIC quest to see if lesbians indeed have the goods. BEWARE, the Moon.

I'm finally getting around to it. I'm finally gonna play Persona 3, you guys. But there's one thing I have to get through first: the box art review. Why the hell is that? Well, remember the previous game in the series? Persona 4? I did one for that, and I'm a man of tradition. With that out of the way, let's get this shit started!

The Front

(Yes, I'm going FES. Is there any other way?) Well, shit. Looks like I can't stretch this thing out by describing all the various facets of the box art. Just Aigis looking at her gun (presumably, she's used to that flayed mess of a left arm by now) and the Shin Megami Tensei logo. Kind of a weird choice, since none of the previous games bothered with this association. It's also a weird logo, since I don't think the Greek alphabet (that is Greek, right?) actually had the letter S, let alone the words "Shin Megami Tensei". Other than that, though, there isn't a lot I can say in regards to the box art.

But you know what? That actually makes the box art really strong. Stronger than its predecessor, even. Remember how crowded the box art for the last game (by which I mean "the next game") was (by which I mean "will be")? You don't get that problem here. You only get a few elements to focus on and fuck all else. Not only does it look super goddamn cool, but it also tells you everything you need to know about the game: it has robots, occult stuff that barely makes any sense, and it's all kinds of dark. (That's what Persona 3 is like, right? I'm just going to assume based on the box.) My only real complaint is the Persona 3 part of the box, strangely enough. First, that damned pixelated font. It just looks weird, and not in appealing way. Pixels don't bleed into each other like that! You look like a broken monitor, Persona 3 box art. Second, why does the game get an F upfront? Was somebody grading this?

Eh, I'd buy it. Anyway, enough about the front of the box. Let's open this fucker up.

The guts

Sadly, no music disc this time, mainly because that would have driven the cost up like crazy. Not much of a loss for me, anyway, since I listen to my video game music on YouTube (while it's still up, at least).

Moving right along, we have the manual just staring at me. I'd say it's welcoming, but it's more terrifying than anything else, really, like I just intruded upon a village of gnomes living inside my Japanese video games. The upper left corner is particularly bad about this. While everybody else has that look on their face like when a cat has a treat held in front of its face for way too long (try it, sometime, if you don't care about being a dick to cats), Bowl Cut and Monochrome seem to have something more sinister up their sleeve. I can't tell if it's violent or sexual. Or violently sexual. I'm gonna open up the manual before the people just slightly out of frame plot something far worse.

Wait, what am I gonna say about this manual that I didn't say about the last/next one? This one goes into detail about anything and everything. Basic plot synopsis (that I didn't read, lest spoilers), characters, gameplay mechanics, etc. Just about anything you could imagine about the basics is explained in this shit. Even the stuff I don't remember from the Persona 4 manual, like how time flows backwards in the world of Persona 3 and...hold on? Fusion spells? What sorcery is this!? And one of them is dedicated to knocking enemies down with the stand-up comedy of Pyro and Frosty Jack? This shit is going to be amazing. Although in terms of what a video game manual should do, this is nothing special, by which I mean "it's the best thing in the world of video game manuals". Terribly depressing that manuals have become so horrid that "nothing special" now qualifies as "fan-fucking-tastic". But anyway, that concludes the manu-WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THE BACK OF THIS THING!? (Same thing.) Did the artists feel like they forgot something when I said the box art was minimalist? You're making Aigis and Fuuka and possibly that insect thing in the middle-left sad!

The back

And we finally arrive at the back of the box, and what are we greeted with? Why, @Turambar telling me to "step back into the night", of course! I'm certain that this is racist. What do you have against Lunarians, Turambar? It only gets worse that the box art is calling me a terrible c...wait, that smaller text is referring to the Shadows, presumably. In that case, the first sentence does a good job of setting up some intrigue and atmosphere that is then shot to hell and back with the next sentence. How's the Dead Poet's Society gonna protect mankind from...either Aigis all decked out for the apocalypse, or that red-eyed thing in the top left? With Toy Story references?

And the strange word choice continues, with very visible asterisks and.....no, wait, that's pretty much it. The rest of the wording seems to make some sort of sense, although why I'd jump into a new chapter right off the bat is beyond me. No, if you want some crazy on this box, you're gonna have to look at the pictures, and I'm not just talking about stubby-thighed Gunbot on the right. Look very closely at the Persona list in the middle. You get a bunch of 20s, and then, out of nowhere, somebody in the 60s and 80s. Why the disparity? Did the game deem this player awesome enough to get two wildly overpower Personae, or is he simply busting through the game with shit Personae to prove a point to somebody? And what's going on in the bottom picture? Why are Minato and some....person (I can't tell) practicing karate in the Palace of Versailles (or "Massive Typo", as the game prefers to call it)? With weapons? "What's going on" indeed, Akihiko. Your pictures have redeemed you, back of the box! And just when I thought I'd have to dismiss you because of the wording.

So what's the game's final score? Box art doesn't get scores, or at least not conventional scores. With that in mind, the FES art gets 5 King Frosts of Comedy. Make of that what you will.

#1 Posted by Video_Game_King (35986 posts) -

I was going to post this to the Persona 3 FES board, but that function didn't seem to work, for whatever reason. Move it if you will, mods.

#2 Edited by believer258 (11629 posts) -

And one of them is dedicated to knocking enemies down with the stand-up comedy of Pyro and Frosty Jack?

Actually, it costs a ton of SP and only seems to knock all enemies down about half the time. Cadenza, another one of these that you probably need soon (with Orpheus and Apsaras), is a different story.

Yes, I'm going FES. Is there any other way?)

The PSP version. Sure, you don't get the crazy animations. Sometimes it's hard to figure out what's going on because no story scenes are animated except for the occasional in-game scene. But you get to control your whole party and get to hop back into Tartarus from the floor you left off on instead of having to rush to the next mini-boss floor, both of which serve to lessen frustration. I'm not knocking FES, I really like it, but there are some things from the PSP version that I sorely wish were in this one.

EDIT: Also, all I've seen of the box art is a tiny thumbnail on the list of games on my (brother's) PS3.

#3 Edited by Video_Game_King (35986 posts) -

Cadenza, another one of these that you probably need soon (with Orpheus and Apsaras), is a different story.

I do? I haven't even started playing the game (this blog was for that very purpose).

Yes, I'm going FES. Is there any other way?)

The PSP version.

But isn't that more like the visual no-oh, it seems you've already addressed that. Still, I don't own a PSP (I'd be Birthing by Sleep if I did), so this will have to do.

#4 Posted by Winternet (8005 posts) -

P4 box art looks prettier. Also, "Tune In, Turn On, Drop Dead"

#5 Edited by Video_Game_King (35986 posts) -

P4 box art looks prettier. Also, "Tune In, Turn On, Drop Dead"

Too crowded for my tastes. Also, I remember that line because I talked about it in my blog almost a year ago.

#6 Posted by Winternet (8005 posts) -

@video_game_king: The yellow-ness was pretty. This one is much more bland. Although I like the font used in the front cover.

#7 Edited by Video_Game_King (35986 posts) -

@winternet said:

This one is much more bland. Although I like the font used in the front cover.

This is the exact opposite of everything I have written here.

#8 Posted by Winternet (8005 posts) -

@winternet said:

This one is much more bland. Although I like the font used in the front cover.

This is the exact opposite of everything I have written ehre.

Hahaha. There you go, very different opinions. Your blog is a success.

#9 Posted by oldenglishC (922 posts) -

I feel like I should warn you about this asshole. I never got the magician s-link past level 4 because everything this guy said made me want to kick puppies.

Worst.Character.Ever.

Online
#13 Posted by oldenglishC (922 posts) -

@video_game_king:

I'll reserve judgement until I find out his opinions on space hookers.

Online
#14 Edited by Video_Game_King (35986 posts) -

I am already playing the game, and have decided to name my guy Yu Tunoku. You know, to fuck with the canon so utterly immensely that @hailinel starts crying for reasons he doesn't understand.

#15 Edited by AndrewB (7489 posts) -

I don't know if it's my Google personalized search results or not, but I'm trying to find a higher-res version of the back of the box real quick and all I'm seeing are images from this thread (and one from a site that's goooone).

It'd pretty weird looking at a still image from the point of view of someone who has no idea what the game is about when it really does look like the characters are fighting each other in a museum full of psychedelic lights. But then you look at "blood, language, suggestive themes, partial nudity, violence" and "vibration function" and what does all that really matter anyway?

Also, this is the greatest pre-order item ever.

#16 Posted by Ravenlight (8040 posts) -

Two blogs in one week? AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

Also, if I remember, i want to Photoshop Morooka's face onto every Persona character.

#17 Posted by Video_Game_King (35986 posts) -

I feel like there are better. I'd say The Last Story, if that book thing didn't fuck up my shelf. (Also, is that you in the pic? Gotta ask, for whatever reason.)

Also, if I remember, i want to Photoshop Morooka's face onto every Persona character.

I want to Photoshop every Persona character into their own rap album. Because I am insane, you see.

#18 Edited by AndrewB (7489 posts) -

@video_game_king: Pffft... art books. Freaking Junpei's hat. Even Master Chief cat helmets can't compete, considering an actual human being can wear this. Although I suppose it's no horrifically offensive disembodied torso. And yes, way back in the far-flung past of 2010.

#19 Edited by Video_Game_King (35986 posts) -

Well, I've put in a few hours today, and I'm already about 60 screenshots deep. I believe I can sum them all up with just one:

#20 Posted by believer258 (11629 posts) -

Well, I've put in a few hours today, and I'm already about 60 screenshots deep. I believe I can sum them all up with just one:

This screenshot is made even funnier by the fact that I had my wisdom teeth pulled earlier this week and spent most of the week on painkillers and playing Persona 3.

#21 Edited by believer258 (11629 posts) -

@oldenglishc: I finished the Magician link, I was really curious to see if... well, to see if the game would "go there" or not.

#22 Posted by Video_Game_King (35986 posts) -

@believer258:

If you're playing on a console, I imagine your experiences are similar to mine, where everything is slowed down enough that everybody sounds fucking high as balls. It's This the Game.

#23 Edited by AndrewB (7489 posts) -

Well it *is* 4/20. Makes sense that Mitsuru is out of her mind.

I totally don't remember that line. In response, here's Akihiko Senpai.

Also, I'd recommend playing on the actual console if it's that unplayable. The ability to take screenshots is not worth it.

#24 Posted by Video_Game_King (35986 posts) -

@andrewb:

It's not unplayable. It's just kinda slow in battles. Perfectly playable, but probably not what the developers intended.

#25 Posted by believer258 (11629 posts) -

@believer258:

If you're playing on a console, I imagine your experiences are similar to mine, where everything is slowed down enough that everybody sounds fucking high as balls. It's This the Game.

I'm playing on a PS3, remember? Rock-solid framerate and nobody sounds funny.

#26 Posted by Video_Game_King (35986 posts) -
#27 Posted by Bocam (3670 posts) -

I played the Japanese version on an emulator and it ran fine, but I do remember having to fuck with the config files a bit.

#28 Posted by Video_Game_King (35986 posts) -

@bocam:

Was it because it was actually unplayable, or was it just the same problems I'm having (the occasional 40 FPS)?

#29 Edited by Bocam (3670 posts) -
#30 Posted by Hailinel (23870 posts) -

I am already playing the game, and have decided to name my guy Yu Tunoku. You know, to fuck with the canon so utterly immensely that @hailinel starts crying for reasons he doesn't understand.

Technically, the P3 protagonist doesn't have a canon name in the games, so I can't say I'm crying too much.

Online
#31 Posted by Video_Game_King (35986 posts) -
#32 Edited by Hailinel (23870 posts) -

@video_game_king: That's assuming that he appears in any game after this point.

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#33 Edited by Video_Game_King (35986 posts) -

@hailinel said:

@video_game_king: That's assuming that he appears in any game after this point.

I assume this is in reference to the canon name thing, not the screenshot thing. Anyway, is Atlus involved in the movie? Because if so, I imagine that would amount to a statement on the canon....icity?....of Brooklyn Rage's name.

#34 Edited by Hailinel (23870 posts) -

@hailinel said:

@video_game_king: That's assuming that he appears in any game after this point.

I assume this is in reference to the canon name thing, not the screenshot thing. Anyway, is Atlus involved in the movie? Because if so, I imagine that would amount to a statement on the canon....icity?....of Brooklyn Rage's name.

I believe they are, but even so, it doesn't mean anything until they use his movie name in an actual game. Otherwise it'll just be a fight between his movie and manga names for some sort of weird nomenclature supremacy.

Online
#35 Posted by RetroVirus (1457 posts) -

Highly relevant, since I just beat P3 FES last weekend. Interesting read!

Online
#36 Posted by Video_Game_King (35986 posts) -

@retrovirus:

And I just started playing it this weekend. COULD IT BE FATE!?

No.

#37 Edited by Cloudenvy (5891 posts) -

Man, am I glad my box doesn't look like that.

For life!

#38 Posted by FancySoapsMan (5806 posts) -

I envy you, playing P3 for the first time is one of my favorite gaming memories.

Anyway, good read.

#39 Posted by FourWude (2261 posts) -

120 hours in, mid december. Main party level 70. Just beat the reaper...

It's been emotional.

No whiteys.

#40 Posted by MetalGearSunny (6986 posts) -

I completely disagree. I don't like the Aigis box art and I prefer the art that's on the back of the manual. And Persona 4's box art is a lot better.

#41 Posted by Turambar (6675 posts) -

Wait, what did I do? Oh right. Well, everyone knows Lunarians are racist, duh.

#42 Posted by Video_Game_King (35986 posts) -

@turambar said:

Wait, what did I do? Oh right. Well, everyone knows Lunarians are racist, duh.

Says the person who told me to step back into the night.

#43 Posted by NoCookiesForYou (756 posts) -

I played through this amazing game recently as well.

Persona 3 had me emotionally attached to it and at the end tears were shed and i love games that can do that.

#45 Posted by tyler1285 (172 posts) -

Well, I think it looks bad. So yeah, think about that.

#46 Posted by Video_Game_King (35986 posts) -

Well, I think it looks bad. So yeah, think about that.

I kinda did, didn't I? I put thought into this blog, and that required dismissing the thought that it looks bad, so I therefore thought about it already.

#47 Posted by tyler1285 (172 posts) -
#48 Edited by DonutFever (3549 posts) -

Never change, man.

P3 is one of my favourite games of all time. Just went through The Answer a month or so back, it was hard to go back to not having control over party members at first, but I got used to it.

#49 Posted by MormonWarrior (2541 posts) -

@video_game_king

Be careful. I played thirty hours into that game recently and then my save data got corrupted and I had to start over. Apparently it's a fairly common problem. Back up your saves to another device frequently or it'll break your heart.

And I just got Yukari to start dating me...goshdangit.

#50 Edited by Video_Game_King (35986 posts) -

@mormonwarrior:

Well, I'm emulating the game, so I could probably just keep a rotation of my five most recent saves on Dropbox or whatever.

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