Namco Bandai Sees Your Rage Over Ivy's Breasts, Raises You One Spiky, Misshapen Voldo Crotch [UPDATED: Or Not]

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Posted by Alex (2124 posts) -

UPDATE: Joystiq claims this is fake, as the Voldo image is taken from a SoulCalibur IV promotional shot. Perhaps it is. Perhaps it isn't. If it is, then I officially rescind my "touche" to Namco Bandai and remain annoyed at their blatant boob usage. That said, whoever cooked this up should be hired by Namco Bandai to do all their Japanese advertising from here on out.

--

Perhaps you're already aware of recent grousing among those sensitive toward the use of women's ludicrously over-sized breasts to promote various video game entertainments in regards to a recent SoulCalibur V advertisement which featured an almost comically brazen close-up of series regular Ivy's gigantic boobs. For those unaware of the just-mentioned advertisement and subsequent outrage, here is the ad in question.

Assuming you are now appropriately outraged because of boobs, I now direct your attention to the other ad publisher Namco Bandai recently posted (then quickly removed) from the game's Facebook page. Perhaps as a direct follow-up to the outcry from those who saw the objectification of the female form as crass and lazy, the publisher then posted the below nightmare fueling image of other series regular Voldo, AKA the weird S&M bendy guy with the knives and the hypnotically transfixing codpiece.

Apparently the translation of the text across Voldo's discolored, fetid-looking stomach reads "curious?" How's that for a Monday morning boner groaner?

In direct response to Namco Bandai's Voldo ad, I simply say "touche." While I do think the blatant Ivy boob-leering in the original ad wasn't in particularly great taste, I can certainly appreciate a company that can look a controversy directly in the eye and thrust out its spiky, disquieting man-crotch as a response.

In direct response to the sure-to-happen influx of comments complaining that this is "not news," I'd like to point out that it's early January and nothing of value is really happening right now. Also, having just returned from vacation, I was just so anxious to get back to writing for you guys that I just up and grabbed for the first heaving man-crotch that crossed my desk. Yes, I know how that sounds, and no, I don't plan to correct it.

Seriously, I missed you guys.

(Thanks to PlayStation: The Official Magazine's Anne Lewis for sending this my way. May your trauma be swiftly forgotten.)

Staff
#1 Posted by Alex (2124 posts) -

UPDATE: Joystiq claims this is fake, as the Voldo image is taken from a SoulCalibur IV promotional shot. Perhaps it is. Perhaps it isn't. If it is, then I officially rescind my "touche" to Namco Bandai and remain annoyed at their blatant boob usage. That said, whoever cooked this up should be hired by Namco Bandai to do all their Japanese advertising from here on out.

--

Perhaps you're already aware of recent grousing among those sensitive toward the use of women's ludicrously over-sized breasts to promote various video game entertainments in regards to a recent SoulCalibur V advertisement which featured an almost comically brazen close-up of series regular Ivy's gigantic boobs. For those unaware of the just-mentioned advertisement and subsequent outrage, here is the ad in question.

Assuming you are now appropriately outraged because of boobs, I now direct your attention to the other ad publisher Namco Bandai recently posted (then quickly removed) from the game's Facebook page. Perhaps as a direct follow-up to the outcry from those who saw the objectification of the female form as crass and lazy, the publisher then posted the below nightmare fueling image of other series regular Voldo, AKA the weird S&M bendy guy with the knives and the hypnotically transfixing codpiece.

Apparently the translation of the text across Voldo's discolored, fetid-looking stomach reads "curious?" How's that for a Monday morning boner groaner?

In direct response to Namco Bandai's Voldo ad, I simply say "touche." While I do think the blatant Ivy boob-leering in the original ad wasn't in particularly great taste, I can certainly appreciate a company that can look a controversy directly in the eye and thrust out its spiky, disquieting man-crotch as a response.

In direct response to the sure-to-happen influx of comments complaining that this is "not news," I'd like to point out that it's early January and nothing of value is really happening right now. Also, having just returned from vacation, I was just so anxious to get back to writing for you guys that I just up and grabbed for the first heaving man-crotch that crossed my desk. Yes, I know how that sounds, and no, I don't plan to correct it.

Seriously, I missed you guys.

(Thanks to PlayStation: The Official Magazine's Anne Lewis for sending this my way. May your trauma be swiftly forgotten.)

Staff
#2 Posted by Napalm (9020 posts) -

Ha!

#3 Posted by Morningstar (2157 posts) -

Woop woop!

#4 Posted by DaBuddaDa (290 posts) -

This is friggin' hilarious.

#5 Posted by 2HeadedNinja (1617 posts) -

Thats not news.

#6 Posted by Rhombus_Of_Terror (2100 posts) -

Voldo Cricket 2012 coming soon.

#7 Posted by Arker101 (1474 posts) -

"That seems lie a weird thing for Patrick to say?"

*Written by Alex Navarro*

Oh, ok then, continue.

#8 Posted by Dauragon (554 posts) -

Aw YEEEEEYUH

#10 Posted by Beomoose (682 posts) -
I just up and grabbed for the first heaving man-crotch that crossed my desk.

You may have been hanging with Rorie a bit too much, mate.

Kidding!

#11 Posted by ZOnikJJ (258 posts) -

That's awesome!

#12 Posted by Ravenlight (8040 posts) -

I'd like to see more news like this.

#13 Posted by Winsord (1225 posts) -

What better way to start off the new year in gaming?

#14 Posted by Renahzor (991 posts) -

What's Monday without an inappropriate amount of heaving man-crotch crossing your desk?

#15 Posted by JTHomeslice (239 posts) -

I love you Alex.

#16 Posted by TehFlan (1944 posts) -

Well played.

#17 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

Wait, that was Ivy in the other ad? Looking at it now, she looks like a particularly slutty Cat Woman. (Or maybe I've played too much Arkham City.)

#18 Posted by N7 (3588 posts) -

You can invade my nightmares any day, Voldo.

#19 Posted by JasonR86 (9695 posts) -

Ow.

#20 Posted by Oginam (447 posts) -

Alex knows how to put the man-crotch in Monday!

#21 Posted by ArbitraryWater (11720 posts) -

This may not be news, but I am so glad that it exists.

#22 Posted by dr_mantas (1873 posts) -

Oh, Japan :)

Good story Alex, welcome back.

#23 Posted by jakob187 (21670 posts) -

Patrick, write about whatever you want...AND DROPKICK NUT PUNCH THE LOSERS THAT COMPLAIN IN THE FACE!

#24 Posted by MayorFeedback (674 posts) -

@jakob187: Alex wrote this.

But he's right, PATRICK, YOU WRITE ABOUT WHATEVER YOU WANT.

#25 Posted by Bwast (1342 posts) -

I would rather nothing than this.

#26 Posted by beard_of_zeus (1684 posts) -

Haha, thanks Alex, I needed a good laugh. Welcome back!
 
2012 in games, ya'll.

#27 Posted by Tackchevy (264 posts) -

This calls for the animated .GIF of Joffrey clapping.

#28 Posted by MisterMouse (3553 posts) -

Can always count on Alex for the longest news titles on Giant Bomb

#29 Posted by Dark_Lord_Spam (3295 posts) -

Well, this is... huh.
 
In SC2 I would play Voldo just to see the sheer terror and confusion on my friends' faces when they lost to a chalky, homicidal gimp assassin.

#30 Posted by Lockeyness (187 posts) -

Thank you, Patrick. And I mean that from the very depths of my soul.

#31 Posted by MisterMouse (3553 posts) -

@Lockeyness: Alex... wrote the article...

#32 Edited by Ghostiet (5264 posts) -

You know what?

If they're willing to go this crazy, I'm in. Just fucking go nuts with the boobs. If this brings us ad campaigns with a dude's BDSM-clad, spiky crotch, I'd say the tits aren't as big as they should be.

#33 Posted by countinhallways (632 posts) -

I approve of this response.

#34 Posted by PillClinton (3291 posts) -

Geez, Alex, first your unapologetically vitriolic box office article on Screened, and now this? And on a Monday morning in early January no less! Pace yourself, sport, or you'll run out of fuel before the equally, if not more groan-inducing return of E3!

#35 Posted by Sayishere (1840 posts) -

Erm, nice package?

#36 Posted by mewstu (83 posts) -

Hey Guys! Aren't these JAPANESE ads!?!

#37 Posted by WatanabeKazuma (989 posts) -

Everything's coming up Voldo!

I thought they were reigning in the character designs with this one? Guess not.

#38 Posted by scottygrayskull (444 posts) -

Meh, Soul Calibur isn't very good so I don't really care either way. Clearly they realize that too if this is the kind of ad they're putting out.

#39 Posted by MariachiMacabre (7096 posts) -

"It's January, you guys. This is what the news looks like." Goddammit, I laughed far harder than I should have.

#40 Posted by Lazyaza (2180 posts) -

Dem women's be getting objectified in game advertizing again! How dare companies use full-proof time proven strategies to sell their products, the fiends! Seriously though it was a pretty sleazy poster, but now that everyone has bitched and moaned about it more people are now aware of SC5, which was kinda the whole point from the start so... yeah.

#41 Posted by Demoskinos (14822 posts) -

Spiky man crotch is why I LOVE MONDAYS!

#42 Posted by jozzy (2042 posts) -

Alex, never change.

#43 Posted by heatDrive88 (2333 posts) -
look a controversy directly in the eye and thrust out its spiky, disquieting man-crotch

From the man who brought you Turgid Minotaur Cock, Alex Navarro everybody.

#44 Posted by Hobosunday (41 posts) -

I am curious about Voldo's codpiece. How does it stay on? Wouldn't it still hurt if he got kicked in the nuts? How does a blind man find such a weird wradrobe piece?

#45 Posted by MadLaughter (201 posts) -

Touche indeed.

#46 Posted by Vorbis (2750 posts) -

Well played Namco.

#47 Posted by DarthOrange (3860 posts) -

I am offended by spikey man crotches.

#48 Posted by nick_verissimo (1385 posts) -

Haha boner groaner. Good one.

#49 Posted by WMWA (1162 posts) -

I like to see that the Japanese do have a good sense of humor sometimes. Bravo

#50 Posted by Lockeyness (187 posts) -

@MisterMouse: Whoops... That's what I get for not paying attention. I guess it just sounded like a Patrick article. That sounds like a slight, but I swear it isn't!

Sorry, Alex. Thank you even MORE!

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