I know this has been done, but I too have beta codes for Super Monday Night Combat. First two that can tell a joke to make me laugh, gets them.

I uhh why did the uhh... chicken...

Fuck it, I don't even want the code.

Two goldfish were in a tank, one says to the other "you man the guns, and I'll drive".

Yup, that happened.

Best I can find right now :/

I was doing some work on my car this afternoon. I had the carb out and was cleaning it with a little bit of gasoline. Stupid me, I had the gasoline in a bowl, and I set it down on the ground and forgot all about it.

About an hour later, I see my dog lapping out of the bowl. I quickly yell at him, and he takes off running around the yard because I scared him. I took off after him. I wanted to get to him to make sure he would be okay.

He ran around with me chasing him for about 1 minute and then just stopped and fell over.............

............I guess he just ran out of gas.

http://maximumfun.org/shows/my-brother-my-brother-and-me <-- Anything found in there.

I'll take my beta in small, unmarked kilobytes, please. :P

Heres is something that is totally understandable

"Tried some of those new refrigerated laxatives today. Pretty cool shit."

Credit to Peter Serafinowicz on twitter. I'm also in the beta and don't want a key.

@FluxWaveZ said:

This is good. This guy should get one.

A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem.

The doctor said "When you feel you are ready to ejaculate try startling yourself."

That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion he ran home to his wife. At home he found his wife in bed naked and waiting. As the two began they found themselves in the 69 position. The man moments later felt the sudden urge to ejaculate and fired off the starter pistol. The next day the man went back to the doctor.

The doctor asked "How did it go?"

The man answered "Not that well. When i fired the pistol my wife shit in my face, bit my penis, and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air."

Pussywillow.

Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was plain, and one was brutally murdered.

This is hard considering I know nothing of your humor!

It's almost 2 o'clock in the morning here in Spain and I'm studying for my Medieval English Literature exam of tomorrow. I'm listening to Sumer Is Icumen In right now and, quite frankly, enjoying it. I woke up at 4 AM yesterday to revise for my Old English Literature exam that I had yesterday, and I'm probably not gonna sleep today. And after today's exam, I have to go out with my friends late at night and watch the Barça-Madrid soccer match, a sport I don't like at all. How will I survive?

OK, that's not funny, but at least it makes you feel better about yourself, right?

Also, cats. All of them.

@MariachiMacabre said:

@FluxWaveZ said:

This is good. This guy should get one.

How is this funny?

Haha, the cat is terrified...

@SuperSambo said:

@MariachiMacabre said:

@FluxWaveZ said:

This is good. This guy should get one.

How is this funny?

Haha, the cat is terrified...

Yeah you can really see the terror in his eyes. Like he knows he's about to fall a full 6 feet and then go on acting like a cat.

@MariachiMacabre said:

@SuperSambo said:

@MariachiMacabre said:

@FluxWaveZ said:

This is good. This guy should get one.

How is this funny?

Haha, the cat is terrified...

Yeah you can really see the terror in his eyes. Like he knows he's about to fall a full 6 feet and then go on acting like a cat.

Would you claw at something like that if you weren't scared? It didn't know there was a 6 foot drop anyway.

Yeah, "its just a cat", but that doesn't mean something like this is funny.

@theodacourt said:

"Tried some of those new refrigerated laxatives today. Pretty cool shit."

Credit to Peter Serafinowicz on twitter. I'm also in the beta and don't want a key.

Never take a laxative and a sleeping pill in the same night.

One day in the forest, 3 guys were just hiking along a trail when all of a sudden, a huge pack of indians attaked them and knocked them out.

When they woke up, they were at the leader of the tribe's throne.

The chief then said "All of your lives may be spared if you can find ten of one fruit and bring them back to me."

So after a while the first man returned with 10 apples. The cheif then ordered him to stick all ten of them up his butt without making any expression at all on his face. He had a little bit of trouble with the first one and started crying while trying to put the next one in. He was soon killed.

Later, the next guy came in with 10 grapes. The cheif soon ordered him to do the same as the first guy. After to the 9th grape, the man started laughing so hard for no apperant reason, and was killed.

The first two guys soon met in heaven and the first guy ask the second, "Why did you start laughing? You only needed one more grape and you'd have gotten away!"

The second guy answered while still laughing, "I couldn't help it. I saw the third guy walking in with pineapples."

Penis.

All credit to Woody Allen:
 
"I shot a moose, once. I was hunting up-state New York, and I shot a moose, and I strap him on to the fender of my car, and I'm driving home along the west side highway, but what I didn't realize was, that the bullet did not penetrate the moose. It just creased the scalp, knocking him unconscious. And I'm driving through the Holland tunnel - the moose woke up. So I'm driving with a live moose on my fender. The moose is signaling for a turn, y'know. There's a law in New York state against driving with a conscious moose on your fender, tuesday, thursday and saturday. And I'm very panicky, and then it hits me: some friends of mine is having a costume party. I'll go, I'll take the moose, I'll ditch him at the party. It wouldn't be my responsibillity.

So I drive up to the party and I knock on the door. The moose is next to me. My host comes to the door. I say "Hello. You know the Solomons". We enter. The moose mingles. Did very well. Scored. Two guys were trying to sell him insurance for an hour and a half. Twelve o'clock comes - they give out prices for the best costume of the night. First price goes to the Burcowiches, a maried couple dressed as a moose. The moose comes in second. The moose is furious. He and the Burcowiches lock antlers in the living room. They knock each other unconscious. Now, I figured, is my chance. I grab the moose, strap him onto my fender, and shoot back to the roads, but - I got the Burcowiches. So I'm driving along with two jewish people on my fender, and there's a law in New York State ... tuesdays, thursdays and especially saturday.

The following morning the Burcowiches wake up in the woods, in a moose suit. Mr. Burcowich is shot, stuffed and mounted - at the New York Athletic Club, and the joke is on them, because it's restricted."

I win

Props to professor Ess and the OP.

@SuperSambo said:

@MariachiMacabre said:

@SuperSambo said:

@MariachiMacabre said:

@FluxWaveZ said:

This is good. This guy should get one.

How is this funny?

Haha, the cat is terrified...

Yeah you can really see the terror in his eyes. Like he knows he's about to fall a full 6 feet and then go on acting like a cat.

Would you claw at something like that if you weren't scared? It didn't know there was a 6 foot drop anyway.

Yeah, "its just a cat", but that doesn't mean something like this is funny.

Are you shitting me? What the hell is wrong with you?

Everyone knows cats land on their feet ffs!

@Enigma777 said:

@SuperSambo said:

@MariachiMacabre said:

@SuperSambo said:

@MariachiMacabre said:

@FluxWaveZ said:

This is good. This guy should get one.

How is this funny?

Haha, the cat is terrified...

Yeah you can really see the terror in his eyes. Like he knows he's about to fall a full 6 feet and then go on acting like a cat.

Would you claw at something like that if you weren't scared? It didn't know there was a 6 foot drop anyway.

Yeah, "its just a cat", but that doesn't mean something like this is funny.

Are you shitting me? What the hell is wrong with you?

Everyone knows cats land on their feet ffs!

@MariachiMacabre said:

@Enigma777 said:

@SuperSambo said:

@MariachiMacabre said:

@SuperSambo said:

@MariachiMacabre said:

@FluxWaveZ said:

This is good. This guy should get one.

How is this funny?

Haha, the cat is terrified...

Yeah you can really see the terror in his eyes. Like he knows he's about to fall a full 6 feet and then go on acting like a cat.

Would you claw at something like that if you weren't scared? It didn't know there was a 6 foot drop anyway.

Yeah, "its just a cat", but that doesn't mean something like this is funny.

Are you shitting me? What the hell is wrong with you?

Everyone knows cats land on their feet ffs!

This is the last thing I'll say on the matter as I can see it escalating for no reason.

I don't think that fear is funny in anyway.

Say what you want around that, for me the point still stands.

I can't believe... that a simple picture could do this.

A piece of string goes into a bar and tries to order a beer. The bartender says "Dude you're a piece of string I can't give you beer". So the string goes to another bar and tries to order another beer, this bartender says "What would a piece of string do with a beer"? The string decides to try something different, it ties itself into a knot and tries one last bar. The bartender says "I can't serve you, what are you a piece of string"? The string replies "I'm afraid not".

@SuperSambo said:

@MariachiMacabre said:

@SuperSambo said:

@MariachiMacabre said:

@FluxWaveZ said:

This is good. This guy should get one.

How is this funny?

Haha, the cat is terrified...

Yeah you can really see the terror in his eyes. Like he knows he's about to fall a full 6 feet and then go on acting like a cat.

Would you claw at something like that if you weren't scared? It didn't know there was a 6 foot drop anyway.

Yeah, "its just a cat", but that doesn't mean something like this is funny.

>.> It's a cat falling a very small distance. There's a 0% chance it got even the slightest injured. It's a cat. My old dog fell the same height before and only injured her leg slightly. If my dog/cat is terrified and there's no chance of him actually being injured, it's hilarious.

A good joke: women's rights.

@Example1013 said:

A good joke: women's rights.

Best joke in this thread by far.

A baby seal walks into a club.

In this thread: Someone actually gets offended by cat falling.

My entry into this little thing:

Or for those who are less Pony friendly:

alright fluxwave gets one, and while i can't explain it, the picture of mark henry with kessler glasses made me snort. just message me your steam names and ill send the codes

@ShaggE said:

http://maximumfun.org/shows/my-brother-my-brother-and-me <-- Anything found in there.

MBMBaM for the win

http://www.theboredninja.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/food_pronunciation.jpg

You must read these aloud.

why are so many of these things shit i saw on reddit today

A blind man walks into a department store. Seeing eye dog and everything. He walks into the middle of the store and picks up his dog and starts FURIOUSLY spinning his dog around by the tail!!! A store clerk rushes up to him, concerned for the dogs health and asks him "Sir what are you doing? Please put the dog down!" He turns in her general direction and responds... "It's okay. I'm just looking around."

@Fascism said:

why are so many of these things shit i saw on reddit today

I can't imagine why anyone would copy/paste shit off reddit. None of it is funny.

So if a biker runs over a woman whose fault is it?

The biker's, of course. Why the fuck would you be riding a bike in the kitchen!?

@austinmiller said:

alright fluxwave gets one, and while i can't explain it, the picture of mark henry with kessler glasses made me snort. just message me your steam names and ill send the codes

Sweet! Thanks dude will message you soon.

alright fluxwave gets one, and while i can't explain it, the picture of mark henry with kessler glasses made me snort. just message me your steam names and ill send the codes

@FluxWaveZ said:

@austinmiller said:

alright fluxwave gets one, and while i can't explain it, the picture of mark henry with kessler glasses made me snort. just message me your steam names and ill send the codes

YES! I won. I'm totally awesome like that. I never wanted the beta code, though, I just wanted to win something for once in my life.

But you already won all of our hearts.

Knock knock,

Who's there?

The KGB.

The KG...

WE WILL ASK THE QUESTIONS!

@Fascism said:

why are so many of these things shit i saw on reddit today

why are so many of these things shit i saw on 4chan years ago