More Rock'em, Sock'em Racism
Super Punch-out(!!) stars MAC, whom might be, or be related to, Little Mac from the previous game. One can’t be so completely sure, what with this MAC having a muscular frame and a goofy haircut that would have done the New Kids on the Block proud. He also lacks esteemed manager Doc Louis in his corner, due to either a dispute over MAC’s use of growth hormone or Mac’s refusal to join the Nintendo Fun Club. I can also theorize that this more facially effeminate MAC could have since founded a makeup company named after himself.
In any event, the WVBA has elected to continue their booking policy of creating the most disgusting, weight division-mocking matches in Super Punch-out (I give up on the damned explanation marks.) There are four circuits, each with four opponents of varying sizes, styles and discriminatory features. Only three juice monkeys from the previous Punch-out (the cheating Bald Bull, the gassed Super Macho Man and the Ali/Cosby lovechild Mr Sandman) return, and the new characters are a mixed bag of oddities. There’s some memorable characters, like the Jamaican stoner (not) cleverly named “Bob Charlie” and the karate practitioner and presumed Lyoto Machida fan, Dragon Chan, but the character concepts seem to be hit or miss. Shockingly, fighting an evil clown that throws juggling balls at you or a Japanese transvestite with a hair-whipping attack doesn’t pack the zaniness that one would expect.
Though part of that statement may be subliminal, due to the music sucking. The campy tunes of the first game are replaced by the “ track recreating a synthesizer” songs that way too many bad SNES games had back in the day. So the nostalgic value of Super Punch-out lacks the heartwarming…errr…punch, of the NES version.
But the core gameplay of Super Punch-out is stronger at least. A translucent MAC fights at the bottom of the screen, bobbing and weaving out of the path of enemy attacks and picking his spots to counter with punching combinations of righteousness into the evil nostrils of the enemy. Stringing enough hits together will fill a super meter that allows the use of uppercuts (for you see, MAC cannot execute an uppercut unless he builds up the courage to do so), which is a fine system in of itself. But I yearn for the original game’s idea of earning each uppercut through a precisely-timed shot on your enemy’s gut.
Like the not-quite-super-Punch-out on the NES, quick reflexes and pattern recognition is key to victory. You must battle each rival a couple times and get killed a couple of time to figure out their visual cues…for you see, these boxers love to telegraph their strikes and would stand no match in a 12 round bore fest against Floyd Mayweather. But this is the WVBA, so most battles don’t last the first round, each of which will often contain up to 5 knockdowns in of itself. I will say that these boxers are at least more elaborate in their fighting styles, now demanding that MAC pays attention to which direction he dodges, which hand he counter-punches with, and what hard-to-read text instructions the manager is shouting to your oversized adversary.
My biggest issue with the original Punch-out and its trial-and-error approach was that game limited the number of lives Little Mac could afford to lose before giving up on his dreams. MAC is a bit more of a man in that regard; he starts each circuit with 3 lives and the chance to earn more through impressive scoring. On top of each circuit consisting of just four fights, each attempt at a play-through is eased by how your performance against previous opponents improves over time and thus MAC can enter the later, harder fights with more lives and chances of survival. But the strain of a lives system still wears on thee, and I would rather just be given infinite rematches to thwart an adversary rather than run out of lives and start from the beginning of a circuit, for I feel like I have nothing left to prove against Bob Charlie or the Irish guy. Also, to unlock the fourth and final circuit, the player must first complete the previous three circuits without a single loss. Upon watching Youtube videos and realizing that the last four challengers look pretty lame, I opted not to. The final boss looks like a tough fight…but what a boring look. Is he meant to reflect the reality of fighters with unmarketable looks and personality being detrimental to the promotion’s profit margins?
Super Punch-out is, in its own ways, better and worse than Original Punch-out. If you’re a fan of the first game and are feeling the itch for more pugilistic play time, then you’ll get your approximate $10 worth here. But I didn’t walk away from the game with the same sense of frustrated fondness as I did for Mike Ty….Mr. Dream’s boxing game.
3 ½ stars
