Someone Felt the Rich, Textured Fiction of Tekken Was Worthy of a Major Motion Picture

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#51 Posted by buzz_clik (6975 posts) -

I suspect this is even worse than the mighty Future Cops, but not in a good way.

Moderator
#52 Posted by Khormouz (21 posts) -
@freshym said:
" The ONLY and I mean ONLY redeeming features of this movie are that the characters actually look like they do in the game and Christie's ass cleavage. "
How in the name of everything that is holy could I forget about the ass cleavage!? Christ, that and that hint at a threesome with Anna and Nina were the only memorable things now that I think back on it.
#53 Posted by RedEyesBlueBunny (1011 posts) -
@Abyssfull: lmao i didn't even notice that on the poster until you said that
#54 Posted by rentfn (1280 posts) -

A friend of mine worked on the lights for this movie. He was sending me updates about how bad it looked. Excited to see how it turned out.

#55 Edited by LimpingFish (80 posts) -
@buzz_clik: Hell, it makes The Avenging Fist look like a work of cinematic genius! And at least that had Sammo Hung!
#56 Posted by paulunga (2019 posts) -
@LimpingFish said:
" @ryanwho:  He seems to be playing Heihachi during his pipe-and-slippers, pyjama's-in-the-daytime phase. In so much as he does absolutely squat during much of the movie. Except yell a bit.

@MoleyUK: Nope. Paul Phoenix is mentioned, though. In passing. As a loser. "
Didn't Paul win the first or second Tekken canonically?
#57 Posted by buzz_clik (6975 posts) -
@LimpingFish: I have never seen that film but I think I should because HOLY SHIT IT HAS SAMMO HUNG WEARING A STEEL FEDORA AND PLAYING A DUDE CALLED INSPECTOR DARK.
Moderator
#58 Posted by Slurpelve (611 posts) -

TANG IT!!!!

#59 Edited by iizcallum (606 posts) -

This is actually out in the UK on DVD right now! I saw it in Tesco yesterday. Still wondering if that's a good thing, though.

#60 Posted by BD (253 posts) -

Is their a man with a leopard skin mask?

#61 Edited by Meowshi (2911 posts) -

Action movies are no more a "story-focused medium" than video games.  Alex, you done goofed.  

#62 Posted by Teenage_Fansub (1 posts) -

I saw this on the same day I saw the King of Fighters feature, so I only recall it being pretty okay in comparison.

#63 Posted by Springfart (325 posts) -

saw this when it came out, just as horrible as every other video game movie ever made.

#64 Posted by AURON570 (1674 posts) -

"Survival is no game" OHHHHHH SNAP mind=blown...

#65 Posted by wolf_blitzer85 (5256 posts) -

I was wondering what Shang Tsung was doing in that thumbnail.

#66 Posted by KinjiroSSD (694 posts) -

The lack of Kuma and Roger is disappointing. If you are going to make a bad movie, at least make it stupid dumb.

#67 Posted by AjayRaz (12428 posts) -

hahaha. no one is safe from the VIDEO GAME MOVIE 

#68 Posted by the_9th_wonder (55 posts) -

What the hell?!  This is either a complete debauchary or the best thing ever.
#69 Posted by NekuCTR (1663 posts) -

Damn Alex, your pumping out GB content like a mother. I thought you guys were actually pretty shorthanded around Screened nowadays. Or are you letting those freelancers totally take over?

...or are you just in a news grabbing frenzy?

#70 Posted by Toxeia (729 posts) -

Back when I sold plasma, they played this every day. I was told that it helped keep people awake during the blood draw because it made them angry.

#71 Posted by sparkster82 (12 posts) -

I saw it .
Guess what?
It's not as bad as you think (well i saw King of fighter with Ray Park just before ,so maybe I'm Crazy...

#72 Posted by Baraka528 (28 posts) -

T.A.N.G. WITH RYAN DAVIS

#73 Posted by TurboMan (7546 posts) -

It didn't look like the worst thing ever.

#74 Posted by Enigma777 (6073 posts) -

Oh man, I remember watching a trailer for this years ago.

#75 Posted by LimpingFish (80 posts) -
@buzz_clik: And he fights a dude dressed like M.Bison, who seems to have powers like Magneto!

As do Jin and Hwoarang, from Tekken 3...
#76 Posted by natetodamax (19207 posts) -

God, Alex's news headlines are so awesome

#77 Edited by craigbo180 (1739 posts) -

I don't know why, but I will probably watch this movie.

#78 Posted by Dimsey (954 posts) -

It's out here already. I've seen it. I thought the fight scenes were okay. And the chick playing Christie was hot. But yeah. That's about it.

#79 Posted by tankren (16 posts) -

I love the title.  The biggest reason I love it is because I don't have to read the rest of the article.  The title tells me everything I need to know.

#80 Posted by The_Boots (86 posts) -

Please tell me that this signals the imminent return of TANG!

#81 Posted by Landon (4143 posts) -

I forgot this came out.

#82 Posted by YukoAsho (2052 posts) -

TANG!

#83 Posted by KuribosShoe (640 posts) -

I am so fucking excited to see this.

#84 Posted by tourgen (4501 posts) -

I don't know what it is but I LOVE movies like this.  Straight to DVD.  Bad plot.  Bad acting.  Incomprehensible source material.  I'm actually looking forward to this.

#85 Posted by TheHakku (360 posts) -

 For the love of god, tell me Shang Tsung doesn't morph into Heihachi. I hate this movie already.

#86 Posted by Deusx (1905 posts) -
@Grissefar said:
" Let's fighting love. "
Nice.
#87 Posted by bybeach (4831 posts) -


4 more of these, including one directed by Uwe Boll, and Ryan gets back to work.

 

No excuses!

#88 Posted by Skooky (476 posts) -

There certainly are a lot of guys from things in this movie.

#89 Posted by Solh0und (1775 posts) -

This movie has been out on the internet for MONTHS and you're telling me that NOW they want to release it on DVD/Blu-ray? 

#90 Posted by Erebus (52 posts) -

Absolutely rubbish movie that throws the entire Tekken lore out the window and uses a Dark Angel-esque setting of a crappy future run by corporations and each fighter represents a corp.

Would have made more sense to actually just use the established lore which makes more sense.

#91 Posted by translucentfish (127 posts) -

I actually knew the guy who cut the trailer.


He wanted to know if I thought it was as awesome as he thought it was.

I never responded. I didn't want to hurt his feelings.
#92 Posted by Rayfield (2097 posts) -

WHY THE FUCK DOES HEIHACHI LOOK LIKE SLOTH FROM THE GOONIES
#93 Posted by insane_shadowblade85 (1456 posts) -
@Grissefar said:
"Let's fighting love. "

Protect my balls!
#94 Posted by Stange88 (70 posts) -

I saw the movie last year, it totally sucks by the way. If u are a tekken fan u will not enjoy it and if just like movies as well dont watch this crap.

#95 Posted by probablytuna (3666 posts) -

I can't believe people actually thought it was a good idea to make this into a movie. I saw the trailer months before and weeks ago I saw a Blu-Ray copy on a local electronics store shelf. Also saw a King of Fighters live action movie that I didn't even know existed.

#96 Posted by gosukiller (2324 posts) -

TEKKEN DESTROYS LIVES!

#97 Posted by GetEveryone (4455 posts) -

When you say major motion picture, it's a bit of a misnomer.


More like a mammary motion picture, right?

...guys?
#98 Posted by Delusibeta (68 posts) -

In the UK, it's already on shop shelves. Not sure if that's a good thing.

#99 Posted by Olivaw (1215 posts) -

Hey, you leave the guy who played Shang Tsung alone! He was fucking great in that flick!

#100 Posted by AncientMecha (103 posts) -

WU TANG CLAN AIN'T NUTHIN' TO FUCK WITH~

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